Brilliant Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I'm frustrated by the number of people in our homeschool group who post responses like "We'll try to join you" or "Maybe I'll show up late" for events asking for an RSVP. I'm not talking about park days where people can come & go...these are events that somebody is planning, chaperoning, purchasing items for, etc. I have started treating these as a "no" and will reply something to the effect of "Oh, we'll miss you, hope you can join us next month." But somebody last night didn't get the memo and showed up for an event that was changed due to lack of responses. (I posted the change 24 hours in advance of the event, to the same website the original invite was on). Oops! On the one hand, since she had shown *some* interest in her non-committal reply, I should have sent her a quick email about the change. On the other hand...I did post the change timely and in the same manner as the original invite, and as far as I'm concerned her original reply = NO. I'm glad my youngest is a senior...I'm done planning these events. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 It's on her. You did everything right. I am a co-op leader and the one thing I do not do is chase people down. I put the info out there, if you don't bother to read it that's your problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Some people are seriously lacking in social graces. :glare: You did everything right. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Also, I think you should feel free to be more direct. If somebody says "we'll try," go ahead and respond with, "Ok. I'm putting you down as a NO until you have a more firm answer. Hope you can make it!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 No, neither of those responses is a valid RSVP. Those responses mean "I'll fit you in if nothing better comes along." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Well that'd annoy me, for sure. If I were organizing/posting an event to that group that I needed a hard head count for, I'd put in the original post something like "I will need a hard head count number for this by XX date, so please only respond with either a 'yes' or 'no', Responses of 'maybe', 'we'll try to make it', etc will not be counted in the final head count." Hunh. I'm not sure if that's clear enough, actually. I can't think of a better way to word it. Maybe someone else can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 Also, I think you should feel free to be more direct. If somebody says "we'll try," go ahead and respond with, "Ok. I'm putting you down as a NO until you have a more firm answer. Hope you can make it! Oh, that's much better. I've felt that my canned response was a little passive aggressive but wasn't sure how else to say it. Thank you! No, neither of those responses is a valid RSVP. Those responses mean "I'll fit you in if nothing better comes along." Yes, the response is frequently accompanied by the long list of things that the respondent has to do that are more important than our event. Just say no already then! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 Well that'd annoy me, for sure. If I were organizing/posting an event to that group that I needed a hard head count for, I'd put in the original post something like "I will need a hard head count number for this by XX date, so please only respond with either a 'yes' or 'no', Responses of 'maybe', 'we'll try to make it', etc will not be counted in the final head count." Hunh. I'm not sure if that's clear enough, actually. I can't think of a better way to word it. Maybe someone else can. That's good, too. My dh suggested using a poll or other invite system that only allows yes or no answers, no "maybe"! But this all might be a moot point as I think I'm done. :( 2nd question: Are homeschoolers flakier than the general public, or is everyone like this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 2nd question: Are homeschoolers flakier than the general public, or is everyone like this? It's not homeschoolers, it's everyone. Oldest is in ps middle school. She sent out invitations for her birthday party two weeks in advance with an RSVP. Only one person RSVP and that was the night before the party. Everyone else just showed up. Fortunately, I planned on every single person showing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 For home school activities I've started attaching a small materials fee, paid in advance. Payment counts as the RSVP and families are more likely to show up if they paid for it already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 That's good, too. My dh suggested using a poll or other invite system that only allows yes or no answers, no "maybe"! But this all might be a moot point as I think I'm done. :( 2nd question: Are homeschoolers flakier than the general public, or is everyone like this? My non-homeschooling coworkers vent about this frequently. Especially the birthday parties where a few hundred dollars are spent and zero kids show up :( :( :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 With just yes and no options, I'd be concerned that people would start saying yes just to leave the option open. For things where supplies are being bought, perhaps a small payment of some sort would help motivate people to make a firm decision, but I know that's a whole bunch of cans of worms! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 No, it's not a valid RSVP. I can relate to your frustration. I ran a homeschool support group for a few years, and was amazed at the lack of basic RSVP etiquette that I encountered. People were either very non-committal, or would commit and then no-show, leaving the person who was hosting the event in a bind. A few times, I ended up paying extra out of pocket when someone didn't show for a fee-based event and we had a "minimum headcount/fee" to meet. I learned the hard way that I needed to: limit RSVP's to "yes" and "no" (other than for casual events like park days) - "maybe" RSVP's just cause too many problems, and 90% of the time "maybe" means "no" anyway have a strict no-show policy (basically, two no-shows and you will be removed from the group) require non-refundable prepayments well in advance for fee-based events (I would refund them up to about 2 weeks before the event, but not after that) Sorry this happened to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 It's not homeschoolers, it's everyone. Oldest is in ps middle school. She sent out invitations for her birthday party two weeks in advance with an RSVP. Only one person RSVP and that was the night before the party. Everyone else just showed up. Fortunately, I planned on every single person showing. Yep. 2 of 7 families responded to DS's birthday invitation. I outright asked the other 5 because I heard some of them making plans for presents for DS's birthday but hadn't heard directly from them! MOMS Club group has this issue too. It's really frustrating when extra people show up at a craft party that required prep! At least there we are talking about moms of really little ones so schedules are a bit more chaotic due to random toddler crankiness, missed naps, digestive issues, sudden colds, etc. For MOMS Club, I will sometimes RSVP that "Yes, I will come, but I WILL be late"--not that I might come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Ugh, that drives me nuts. I no longer plan anything after being burnt a few times. I have a small group of friends that we do stuff with. Even planning amongst ourselves can be a bit like herding cats between everyones schedules. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 Also, I think you should feel free to be more direct. If somebody says "we'll try," go ahead and respond with, "Ok. I'm putting you down as a NO until you have a more firm answer. Hope you can make it! Oh, H*** yes. This is why I charge for events, and people have to pay by a deadline, and I don't give refunds unless the event is cancelled. I'm just mean like that. Also, I've been burned a couple of times, and I won't be burned again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 No, it's not a valid RSVP. I can relate to your frustration. I ran a homeschool support group for a few years, and was amazed at the lack of basic RSVP etiquette that I encountered. People were either very non-committal, or would commit and then no-show, leaving the person who was hosting the event in a bind. A few times, I ended up paying extra out of pocket when someone didn't show for a fee-based event and we had a "minimum headcount/fee" to meet. I learned the hard way that I needed to: limit RSVP's to "yes" and "no" (other than for casual events like park days) - "maybe" RSVP's just cause too many problems, and 90% of the time "maybe" means "no" anyway have a strict no-show policy (basically, two no-shows and you will be removed from the group) require non-refundable prepayments well in advance for fee-based events (I would refund them up to about 2 weeks before the event, but not after that) Sorry this happened to you! ITA, except I charge for *everything* except things like park day--any time I've had to make arrangements with someone such that I'm going to require people to commit. Even $1 per person will usually compel people to actually show up. I don't want an RSVP; I want your money. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I strongly believe in money, up front! Even for events that are "free." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I strongly believe in money, up front! Even for events that are "free." ITA. I don't care about who shows up for park day or Moms' Night Out. I don't care who shows up for the self-guided tour of Golden Gate Park (although I'm starting at the time I said I'd start, and if you aren't there, well, we'll see you at the next park day) where we didn't have to tell anyone that we're coming. But if I've had to make any sort of arrangements with a third party, who will be expecting a group of people to show up, then yeah, there's going to be the exchange of money going on far enough in advance that I can call the third party to cancel. A friend once mentioned a wildlife tour at a moms' night out; all the women there thought it sounded like a great idea and they all said they wanted to go. So my friend called the wildlife place, and two or three docents were scheduled for the 60+ people who had said they were coming...and it turned out to be only my friend, her ds, and four other people. :glare: She told me that she used to think my policies were draconian...until this happened to her. No more Mr. Nice Guy. My very first field trip was to the "Aardvarks to Zebras" behind-the-scenes tour at the San Diego Zoo. A fellow homeschooler organized it. There must be 14 people in the group, and she had more than that "confirmed." On the day of, however, most of the others didn't actually show up, and my friend learned that you pay for 14 people whether you have 14 people or not, so we all had to cough up the difference, and it was at least $10 per person, so ourselves plus the people who didn't show up. Ouch. Never again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbmamaz Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 i've told several local people that they need to collect money before the event and not count in people until they've paid, for things like classes. Its just horrible. i've also heard that some local venues stop wanting to work with homeschoolers because of the terrible attendance. of course, a lot of people home school BECAUSE they dont want to be limited by other peoples schedules .. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 A friend once mentioned a wildlife tour at a moms' night out; all the women there thought it sounded like a great idea and they all said they wanted to go. So my friend called the wildlife place, and two or three docents were scheduled for the 60+ people who had said they were coming...and it turned out to be only my friend, her ds, and four other people. :glare: She told me that she used to think my policies were draconian...until this happened to her. No more Mr. Nice Guy. My very first field trip was to the "Aardvarks to Zebras" behind-the-scenes tour at the San Diego Zoo. A fellow homeschooler organized it. There must be 14 people in the group, and she had more than that "confirmed." On the day of, however, most of the others didn't actually show up, and my friend learned that you pay for 14 people whether you have 14 people or not, so we all had to cough up the difference, and it was at least $10 per person, so ourselves plus the people who didn't show up. Ouch. Never again. Yep. Unfortunately these types of situations are not uncommon at all. I have too many examples to list. Your friend's experience with the wildlife place reminds me of an event I scheduled at a National Park in our area. Based on RSVP's, I told them we had around 30-40 people coming - so they scheduled a few extra park rangers to help with the guided tour and various activities we had planned. My kids and I were the only ones who showed up - except one other family that came 45 minutes after the scheduled start time. It was incredibly embarrassing. It didn't cost us anything, but it was a waste of employee time and money for the park. One of the most costly "lessons learned" I ever had was with a women's social group that I organized for awhile (not homeschooling related). We decided to attend an afternoon tea and tour at a local castle. The cost was $17 per person and it had to be prepaid for the entire party at once - no refunds. I hadn't learned my tough lessons yet about how flaky people are, so I used my credit card to prepay for the 10 people who said they were coming. $170. Several people ended up canceling at the last minute or no-showing, and never paid. Even though I clearly told everyone that we would not be able to get refunds, and that I had to prepay. So they knew they were sticking me with the bill. This was a very large group (over 200 members) and I hadn't yet met the women who no-showed. I contacted them via email to try to recoup my losses, but they didn't respond. Since I would never do this to someone, it was unfathomable to me that other people would. But many people seem to have no qualms about this type of thing at all. :thumbdown: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 sounds like a "no" to me - unless something better doesn't show up. it's good that you respond to their "non" committments that you'll miss them. it's her tough luck she can't give an answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted February 28, 2013 Author Share Posted February 28, 2013 ITA, except I charge for *everything* except things like park day--any time I've had to make arrangements with someone such that I'm going to require people to commit. Even $1 per person will usually compel people to actually show up. I don't want an RSVP; I want your money. :glare: Sometimes you just can't, though. For example, a Mom's Night Out at a restaurant - nobody will prepay to sign up for that! But because we end up with so many "maybes", we don't know how big a table to get. If you get a table for 6, then of course that will be the night all the maybes show up and you'll have to squeeze 9 ladies in. If you get a table for 10 (expecting the same 9) then of course that will be the night NONE of the maybes show up, and 6 of you will be sitting there feeling ridiculous at a table for 10. (or the restaurant won't seat you until everybody's there) Last night was a teen event - burgers and a movie. My friends and I were happy to chaperone it. But when nobody RSVP'd, we decided that our 17 year-olds could take themselves to dinner, and our time would be better spent having our own dinner at a nicer restaurant. :) So we sent the kids to the burger place on their own. Then the "we'll try to join you" mom joined them because she hadn't seen my update that our teens were going on their own. If even 1 other teen had given a firm yes, we never would have changed the event - we'd have kept our commitment to chaperone. I just don't think people realize that their flakiness creates problems for the organizers. Or they don't care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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