Nan in Mass Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 What can we suggest to our sons and daughters going off to college to help them have fun and find friends? Join clubs. Invite people to do things or go eat with you. Introduce yourself. Volunteer to help people. Smile. What else? Nan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Don't sit alone (on the outskirts) or you might seem unapproachable. Ask if you can join others who may be discussing a homework problem or course Set up study sessions Definitely get classmates' cell phone numbers for texting and e-mail addys Join intramural sports If you see someone sitting alone in the dining hall and you recognize said person from class and he/she seems nice, ask if you can join him/her. Hang out in the library Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 ...Do NOT drink any unidentified substances... Do something off campus and not school related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in OR Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 If you're in the dorms, attend events they hold on your floor or dorm-wide. Go to different types of stuff—different sporting events, public lectures. Join in on what's going on—at my university sledding down one of the big hills on cafeteria trays was a big winter thing. Enroll in a ballroom dance class (I did this a couple semesters and loved it). Intramural sports or just pick-up games. The best thing for me was joining a professional fraternity (co-ed) related to my major. I ended up living in the women's house—tons of fun and great friendships. Erica in OR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2bee Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 If you see someone sitting alone...ask if you can join him/her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 ...Do NOT drink any unidentified substances... Do something off campus and not school related. I think this is important as well. My son started attending a local church and has made a lot of his friends there. This church caters to the college students by providing a homemade noon meal for them. They also organized a semester break ski trip which he went on, and they are organizing some volunteer opportunities for the students. He has become much more connected since attending this church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Nan, I feel rather idiotic for asking this, but is it that difficult for kids to make friends on campus? If you are a freshman, you live in a dorm. You meet your dorm mate and hopefully make friends. Then you run into all the people on your floor in the bathroom and in the lounge and you chat. Everybody is in the same boat. You eat together, no? When you go to class, you ask the cute guy or girl next to you a question and possibly talk. Sooner or later, you see the same people a few times and talk some more. I know I am old with a failing memory, but is it really that difficult to strike up friendship unless you are naturally a hermit. But at college, there are usually fellow hermits? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myra Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I encouraged my son to ask the name and phone number of two students that seem "approachable" and "sensible" in each of his classes - someone he could call if had to miss a class or had a question about an assignment. It was a way for my son to break the ice, a bit, in each class. Try to eat at the same times each day - maybe you'd see someone you know. Smile and, at least, nod your head when you recognize a person on campus even if you don't know their name - If you see someone familar at an out of class event, go and sit next to them. Join intramural teams - like vollelyball.... Join in class discussions every day.... These things might seem obvious to many - but not to my son!!!!! Myra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Attend the help sessions for your courses. Even if you could solve the homework on your own. This way, you get to know students in your class and can form study groups. This will help both your academic success AND your social life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caroline Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 These are awesome! My suggestion is to stay at school. Don't go home every weekend. Stay at school and meet some people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 Nan, I feel rather idiotic for asking this, but is it that difficult for kids to make friends on campus? If you are a freshman, you live in a dorm. You meet your dorm mate and hopefully make friends. Then you run into all the people on your floor in the bathroom and in the lounge and you chat. Everybody is in the same boat. You eat together, no? When you go to class, you ask the cute guy or girl next to you a question and possibly talk. Sooner or later, you see the same people a few times and talk some more. I know I am old with a failing memory, but is it really that difficult to strike up friendship unless you are naturally a hermit. But at college, there are usually fellow hermits? I found it easy to make aquaintances and hard to make friends? Maybe? It was ridiculously easy to make friends as a freshman at my first college. Everybody was trying to make friends. Even as a hermit, I didn't have much trouble. At my second college, I transfered in second semester. I never did really make friends. I think it was arriving mid-year and the fact that I'd missed freshman year when people were forming friendships. I also think it had something to do with the college. I guess my experience at the second college makes me worry for my children. And the fact that they are homeschooled makes me worry for my children. They have friends. They have always had friends. They've been with their peers almost every day their whole growing up, just like their public school peers. But an awful lot of their peers seem utterly stupid to them. Needless to say, that doesn't exactly endear them to those peers. And I haven't exactly done anything to discourage that reserve because I have to admit, they seem pretty stupid to me, too. None of this is going to help them to make friends. I just thought some concrete suggestions for how to appear non-stand-off-ish and how to find people with whom one really has something in common would be nice. College is usually where you find those people for the first time, in my experience, provided you go about it the right way. I just think it can be hard if you are reserved or shy or have had a bad experience in high school. Just about everybody in my high school except the guy I married had nothing in common with me. Making friends was hard. College was a big improvement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nan in Mass Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 College is a good place to try new things that you think might be fun. The outing club offers lots of trips. We tried spelunking. It was NOT the fun new hobby my husband thought it might be. It was horrible. But it was cheap to try it in college. A friend tried skydiving. And hang gliding. Nan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara H Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Nan, I feel rather idiotic for asking this, but is it that difficult for kids to make friends on campus? If you are a freshman, you live in a dorm. You meet your dorm mate and hopefully make friends. Then you run into all the people on your floor in the bathroom and in the lounge and you chat. Everybody is in the same boat. You eat together, no? It really depends a lot on the school and the culture of the school. What you are describing is very much like my experience at a small school but at some big state universities the culture can be very different. Just due to the size of campus you can meet people and never run into them again. At some schools the culture is kind of reserved or unfriendly and students may not speak that much to people they don't already know. Or it may be the case that people tend to clear out on the weekends. Also, I really notice how the culture of cellphones/ipods has really changed the way a lot of people interact. It is common to see students waiting in the hall for classes and many have earphones in or are texting to people who aren't there rather than making connections with the people who are there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Tag along (if possible) with your roommate when she/he goes to an event of interest; it might turn out you'll find a new interest, too. Attend any information event that the college hosts in which various clubs present themselves to students. You might find a club of interest that you didn't even know existed. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Volunteer to help out at any activities. Even if you're not a part of the club putting on an event, they would likely welcome any help. If you're busy setting up or serving or whatever, then you're less likely to feel awkward or self-conscious and you're a part of the group working there. Another idea is to have at least some classes which aren't just lecture based. Discussion based classes or labs make it easier to get to know other students. Join study groups. Order a few pizzas. Look for others who seem like they haven't found their group yet. If you've got an interest or hobby and there's no club for it yet, then start one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 <snip> I guess my experience at the second college makes me worry for my children. And the fact that they are homeschooled makes me worry for my children. They have friends. They have always had friends. They've been with their peers almost every day their whole growing up, just like their public school peers. But an awful lot of their peers seem utterly stupid to them. Needless to say, that doesn't exactly endear them to those peers. And I haven't exactly done anything to discourage that reserve because I have to admit, they seem pretty stupid to me, too. None of this is going to help them to make friends. I just thought some concrete suggestions for how to appear non-stand-off-ish and how to find people with whom one really has something in common would be nice. College is usually where you find those people for the first time, in my experience, provided you go about it the right way. I just think it can be hard if you are reserved or shy or have had a bad experience in high school. Just about everybody in my high school except the guy I married had nothing in common with me. Making friends was hard. College was a big improvement. Nan, this makes total sense. My youngest operates on the same wave length. He would love to have a group of friends like those he has at the sailing club, but I have noticed with a few exceptions that those kids seem to be a bit more mature than many of their age group. I am not sure why. Maybe younger siblings have different social expectations too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 One other thought ~ bake a batch of brownies and take it around your hall offering everyone a piece. Who can go wrong with chocolate? Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Nan, this makes total sense. My youngest operates on the same wave length. He would love to have a group of friends like those he has at the sailing club, but I have noticed with a few exceptions that those kids seem to be a bit more mature than many of their age group. I am not sure why. Maybe younger siblings have different social expectations too? My youngest is usually hanging out with kids his older bothers' ages. Being dual enrolled has continued that trend. He works and studies with 18 and 19 year olds. Some times I'm not happy about that but it is where he finds himself these days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Be willing to give people second chances. It is easy to make a bad first impression. It takes some thoughtfulness to keep an open mind about someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Do not sit in the desk closest to the door. When you walk into a class for the first time, cross the room, enter the middle region, no lurking about the edges. The shy kids lurk; the outgoing kids plunge right in, and they are the ones who are most likely to strike up conversations before and after class. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted February 25, 2013 Share Posted February 25, 2013 Nan, I feel rather idiotic for asking this, but is it that difficult for kids to make friends on campus? If you are a freshman, you live in a dorm. You meet your dorm mate and hopefully make friends. Then you run into all the people on your floor in the bathroom and in the lounge and you chat. Everybody is in the same boat. You eat together, no? When you go to class, you ask the cute guy or girl next to you a question and possibly talk. Sooner or later, you see the same people a few times and talk some more. I know I am old with a failing memory, but is it really that difficult to strike up friendship unless you are naturally a hermit. But at college, there are usually fellow hermits? For some it's hard. My teen gets involved at her public school now that she's there, but has trouble saying hi to people first, even when she knows them. I'm saving all of these suggestions for her. She's not the type of person that is going to have a lot of friends at once (too much for her), but she can use help finding the few she's going to want to have. I went to a tri-semester university in Canada and while I made a lot of acquaintances, only a few close friends and I'm very outgoing. I did go home most weekends, though, as we didn't have the dorm life so common in the States, and i had friends there. There was some kind of apartment thing that I figured would be too noisy for me to sleep in, but most people didn't live on campus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 I guess my experience at the second college makes me worry for my children. And the fact that they are homeschooled makes me worry for my children. They have friends. They have always had friends. They've been with their peers almost every day their whole growing up, just like their public school peers. But an awful lot of their peers seem utterly stupid to them. Needless to say, that doesn't exactly endear them to those peers. And I haven't exactly done anything to discourage that reserve because I have to admit, they seem pretty stupid to me, too. None of this is going to help them to make friends. I just thought some concrete suggestions for how to appear non-stand-off-ish and how to find people with whom one really has something in common would be nice. This. This. A thousand times this. My kids seem - unable? - to just have fun, or at least the kind of fun their peers want to have. No, my dd20 does NOT want to hang out and play Just Dance for hours. That kind of thing. She enjoys game nights - she's hosted and started quite a few Settlers of Catan games :) - and that has been helpful. But- honestly? It breaks my heart that no one really calls her and says, "Hey, you wanna go do xyz?" She's always the one starting things. Which is good, but it gets old for her. I don't know if it's b/c she lives off campus, or she's more naturally reserved, or she's a "good girl", or. . . what. But it's hard to watch. Plus she's always so BUSY doing things, she hasn't a lot of time for just hanging out and building relationships. Your advice is great, as always, Nan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted February 27, 2013 Share Posted February 27, 2013 Nan, I feel rather idiotic for asking this, but is it that difficult for kids to make friends on campus? If you are a freshman, you live in a dorm. You meet your dorm mate and hopefully make friends. Then you run into all the people on your floor in the bathroom and in the lounge and you chat. Everybody is in the same boat. You eat together, no? When you go to class, you ask the cute guy or girl next to you a question and possibly talk. Sooner or later, you see the same people a few times and talk some more. I know I am old with a failing memory, but is it really that difficult to strike up friendship unless you are naturally a hermit. But at college, there are usually fellow hermits? This doesn't come naturally to many students. The College Confidential website generally has a couple of active posts of new college students discussing how isolated/lonely they feel. I know my kids could use specific examples of ways to make connections with others. Many of these seemingly simple acts just do not occur to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted February 28, 2013 Share Posted February 28, 2013 I've always encouraged my kids to create circles of friends, groups of kids from different activities or who have different interests. It's worked very well for them. They have all kinds of friends, but it is a never-ending work in progress. To make friends I would suggest that kids not isolate themselves, even if they are on the quiet side. Just hang out with others. It's perfectly fine to be on the quiet side. Compliment others sincerely. Be kind. The most popular kids at my son's high school are kind kids who think of others, even if it's just by paying a small compliment. Be careful not to view yourself as being so different you can't possibly be friends with others. This is a form of detachment. Other people have worthwhile qualities, too. Remember that everyone suffers and needs friends from time to time to help buffer the tough times and enjoy the good ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joan in GE Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 There are good ideas here already. Here there is almost no dorm living - I guess like a CC in the US? So uni experience can be quite different. At the same time, it's not good to force friendships and acquaintances just to be doing something with someone. I look back at some friendships and say - that was a 'waste of time' - I didn't add anything to that person's life (besides perhaps 'distraction') - and I don't think they added anything to mine - at the deeper level - and then there were a few that were actually harmful....so in our effort to help in some way, we have to be careful not to be making them feel insecure about their own decisions... This is a little complicated to talk about and not sure I'm doing a good job... Joan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
memphispeg Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Join the admitted students facebook page to start with. Some of them are quite chatty and have loads of ideas about "places to go, things to do and people to meet" once you get on campus. Keep up with the xtra-Cs you did in high school....particularly if you enjoyed the social aspects. And definitely join the outing club and try adventurous things. Always eat your meals with others, in a relaxed, family-style way if possible. Joining the person eating alone might be a good way to start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 One idea that I haven't seen suggested yet that was a hit here: attend the school's early move-in\adventure program. Many colleges have a small, sometimes minimally-publicized outdoorsy program for incoming students, run by upper class students. Ds did this at his school, after I encouraged him as he is pretty shy, especially in large groups. He went rock climbing\overnight camping for a 4 day weekend with 5 other incoming students, 4 upper class students, and a professional guide. It was a great time, and he is still friends with the kids he met on this trip. Definitely worth the extra $$ for an introvert who is looking to meet other students who are into something besides "getting s@#$faced on the weekends" in his words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicole M Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 This makes me smile. My one suggestion? Choir! Gosh, those kids are friendly. My son goes to a tiny college on the prairie, truly in the middle of nowhere. Not only did he have instant friends in choir, but he also toured Colorado and Barcelona, during his first two years, and next week: New York City — Carnegie Hall, baby! Spring break never looked so good. Also, on a more serious note, my son told me something very interesting when he was home last December. He had just returned from a semester abroad in Thailand, where he really grew and opened up, became more himself, gained confidence. We were on a walk, and he said he was actually glad that he didn't go to his first choice college. (He had been accepted to his first choice, but they did a mean, nasty thing with their scholarships that year.) My son said that he went in feeling that because it wasn't his first choice, he was going to have to work hard to make the awesome happen, was going to have to go in and get every last bit of opportunity available to him. (And he did — he's served on the student senate, choir board, and the presidential sustainability committee, which by the way, was excellent in that he was on the selection subcommittee for hiring their first coordinator, an absolutely invaluable experience. He also went to every evening lecture and guest concert that came though campus.) He wondered if he'd gone to the other school if he'd just have expected the awesome to happen to him. I found that fascinating. I pretty much was a hermit and expected the awesome to happen. And was disappointed when it didn't, just, you know, magically happen. My son is quiet and polite and unassuming. He does not at all come across to me as a go-getter. But he's definitely not an introvert, which, frankly, came as a surprise to me. He has such a better attitude than I did, too. On the one hand, he absolutely feels privileged to be at college, and on the other, never imagined any other route. He owns his experience. I don't know how he was able to be so ready, because I sure did a lotta things, well, not wrong, but not-well. He makes me almost wish I could have a do-over. Almost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kareni Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Nicole, How great to hear about your son's experiences. I'm happy to hear that he's been making college work so well for himself. Regards, Kareni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted April 6, 2013 Share Posted April 6, 2013 DD just received her dorm assignment yesterday and already her suite-mates are emailing her and introducing themselves. I think that is a wonderful way for the kids to get to know each other even before they move in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Bay Posted April 22, 2013 Share Posted April 22, 2013 DD just received her dorm assignment yesterday and already her suite-mates are emailing her and introducing themselves. I think that is a wonderful way for the kids to get to know each other even before they move in. That's great. Dd doesn't get her housing preference form until May, so we'll see what happens. She's guaranteed a spot in a dorm where she'll have only one roommate; no suites for freshman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.