Is this enough socialization?

[...................]

Ds11-12

Sunday School

Youth Group (includes 1 monthly service or outreach plus meeting every Wednesday)

Friend over every other Monday

Park Day once per month

 

 

 

Dd 9-10

Sunday School

AwANA

Play date every Monday

Park Day once per month

Children's church once per month

 

We also do board games with grandparents, and they play with/watch little kids often at growth group.

 

This is my plan for next year and I'm just thinking maybe I should look around for more. ...

[AnnaM]

That would be enough for most children. Remember that it doesn't have to be set up to be socialization. They will talk to others when you go to the grocery store, library, dentist and so on. Most of their socialization skills should be learned from grown ups anyways :)

[Alte Veste Academy]

As my kids are getting older, I strongly feel that it is about friendship, not "socialization." In other words, the paramount consideration isn't necessarily how often they are getting together with other random children. It is whether or not they have (at least) one good friend with whom they are able to get together reasonably frequently (2-3x a week for us). If your kids do not have that (and they want it), I would look for ways to help them connect and form a friendship. Connection gets important.

[Mommy22alyns]

That looks perfectly fine to me. My girls have gymnastics 4x/week (Rebecca), dance 1x/week (Sylvia), choir once a week (a few other homeschoolers in each group), and AHG twice a month.

[Lilaclady]

I agree with Alte Veste, it is more about the close friendships. One or more really close friends can make a difference in how a child perceives their social life.

[...................]

That's an interesting point. Getting together with their friends 3 times a week would be impossible. Even twice a week would be hard. My dd's closest friend lives in our neighborhood so that is a huge blessing, and she sees her at AWANA. My son's friend lives rather far away- about 30 minutes so even just every other week is a real

Chore. Plus I share a car w/ hubby so that complicates driving even more. But this viewpoint is definitely helpful. I'll give that more thought.

[2squared]

As my kids are getting older, I strongly feel that it is about friendship, not "socialization." In other words, the paramount consideration isn't necessarily how often they are getting together with other random children. It is whether or not they have (at least) one good friend with whom they are able to get together reasonably frequently (2-3x a week for us). If your kids do not have that (and they want it), I would look for ways to help them connect and form a friendship. Connection gets important.

 

I agree with this. My oldest is an almost-11yo 5th grader, and she is definitely needing friendships. Scheduled extracurriculars are not the same as friend time, so we have to make time for both in our schedule. Friendships seem to be based on time together and shared experiences. My dd gets some of that through texting on her iPod. We also try to make time for 1-2 friend activities each week, and rarely are the activities at anyone's house anymore. They want to go do - ice skating, movies, sporting events, etc. Fortunately we can usually combine my 8yo and 10yo in our outings, and the outings aren't for long periods. They can be pleased as punch about skating or sledding for an hour or two. KWIM? Or a couple hours playing on the Wii. Things like that aren't a big deal.

 

ETA: My dh & I trade off on the weekend/evening friend duties, and most of the kid activities are low or no cost. We also try to combine extracurriculars with friend time. If a friend is participating in an extracurricular, we often will have the friend over before or after the activity.

[Chrysalis Academy]

I'm with Kristina, I prioritize making sure dd10 gets together with her close friends - she has 3 especially close friends, one older, one younger, one the same age - and make sure she gets together with at least one of them every weekend. They are all in ps, so it's not really possible to hook up with them during the week. She also does horseback riding with a group of girls once a week, and she does an intensive, 4-6 week long theater thing 3 times a year (along with 2 of her best friends) where she's with kids every night. After that, we're all ready for a little bit of a break!

 

Other than that, our family socializes and she hangs out with mixed-aged people via that. But I do try to make sure she has enough time with her close friends to maintain those friendships.

[Hunter]

Other children are like candy to our children. Too much of a good thing will rot them.

 

We raise our children to become adults not children. They need to spend lots of time with healthy ADULT role models. I've watched some unusual homeschooling families since the mid 80s, and had a chance to see a lot of children and teens grow up. Less is more when it comes to socialization.

 

I've seen the best results from families where the mom and little ones stayed home, and the teens worked with adults. Yes, some of the tweens can temporarily seem awkward my modern standards, but they sure make up for it by their late teens.

[Ellie]

YES, YES, YES!!!

[Alte Veste Academy]

Other children are like candy to our children. Too much of a good thing will rot them.

 

We raise our children to become adults not children. They need to spend lots of time with healthy ADULT role models. I've watched some unusual homeschooling families since the mid 80s, and had a chance to see a lot of children and teens grow up. Less is more when it comes to socialization.

 

I've seen the best results from families where the mom and little ones stayed home, and the teens worked with adults. Yes, some of the tweens can temporarily seem awkward my modern standards, but they sure make up for it by their late teens.

 

I definitely have a Hold On to Your Kids mindset. It's one reason why my kids have always been homeschooled, to spend the vast majority of time with me instead of peers. But needing to spend the majority of time around/raised by adults does not negate a child's desire and need for friendship. I do not see anything negative in that. That said, I am VERY picky about the kids I encourage my kids to spend time with.

[...................]

This has been a great thread. By and large, I too have seen the negatives of teens who spent more and more time with peers instead of loving adults in a family setting. Not good!!!

 

My big decision right now is whether to drop swimming or not. If they continue on the path they are on, my kids will make it onto the Y swim team in about a year, when my son will be 12. The Y requires 4 practices per week plus meets, about 7 per year. The practices are 4:30-6:30 pm, we would get home at 7pm. I think this would be very sad for our evening Family Time. My children adore their daddy and he spends quality time with them every night. So my dh says maybe we should just drop swimming now and save our time and energy. It's also a 20 minute drive.

 

However, I just am not sure that my kids will be getting enough exercise and socialization if he only goes somewhere on Wednesday and Sunday most weeks. We also do a lot of local field trips and my in laws just purchased yearly admittance to a wonderful local park/garden/museum which they plan to use once every other week.

 

 

My dh committed to taking a walk with us 3 times per week to boost the exercise ratio. That helps a lot because they are tired of me! If I say lets go for a walk, they go. But if my husband says that, they jump and holler for joy.

 

Anyway these are more ramblings.

[Hunter]

For most people here, one-on-one and small group interactions with friends are considered to be something different than "socialization"?

 

Not at this forum, but with some families I have known, siblings and cousins almost exclusively filled in for "friends". Others also only had limited church and neighborhood interaction added to that. I've seen a few children who had very little interaction with children at all.

 

In my experience, the less "socialization" the more awkward the tween years looked by modern standards, but I didn't see the adult awkwardness that people are conditioned to expect to see from children that spent very little time with other children and were not "socialized" at all. In fact what I saw was often the opposite, especially if these children had been in the work force as teens, or spent a lot of time volunteering.

[duckens]

Alta Vesta Academy says:

It is whether or not they have (at least) one good friend with whom they are able to get together reasonably frequently (2-3x a week for us). If your kids do not have that (and they want it), I would look for ways to help them connect and form a friendship. Connection gets important.

 

Please also consider whether each child is an extrovert or an introvert. That makes a difference.

 

You are not the only parent that struggles with this.

[Hunter]

This has been a great thread. By and large, I too have seen the negatives of teens who spent more and more time with peers instead of loving adults in a family setting. Not good!!!

 

My big decision right now is whether to drop swimming or not. If they continue on the path they are on, my kids will make it onto the Y swim team in about a year, when my son will be 12. The Y requires 4 practices per week plus meets, about 7 per year. The practices are 4:30-6:30 pm, we would get home at 7pm. I think this would be very sad for our evening Family Time. My children adore their daddy and he spends quality time with them every night. So my dh says maybe we should just drop swimming now and save our time and energy. It's also a 20 minute drive.

 

However, I just am not sure that my kids will be getting enough exercise and socialization if he only goes somewhere on Wednesday and Sunday most weeks. We also do a lot of local field trips and my in laws just purchased yearly admittance to a wonderful local park/garden/museum which they plan to use once every other week.

 

 

My dh committed to taking a walk with us 3 times per week to boost the exercise ratio. That helps a lot because they are tired of me! If I say lets go for a walk, they go. But if my husband says that, they jump and holler for joy.

 

Anyway these are more ramblings.

 

My boys were involved in competitive martial arts, before I got sick again, and had to pull them out. Being forced to drop out of the martial arts was the best thing that ever happened for them. It broke my heart and scared me at the time. It was their world, and set the schedule of our home. I couldn't imagine what would fill that vacuum. Well, family time filled that vacuum. Most of the time not their dad, but me and the boys sat at the table and ate balanced homecooked meals on real plates.

 

Soon after that, the younger and then the older were also pulled out of school. At first I panicked again, and wondered how this was all possibly going to work out. Illness and poverty and domestic abuse were shrinking my options though and all I could do was attempt to adapt the best I could and hope for the best.

 

My older son was working almost full time at 14. Within months, no one ever asked me about socialization again :lol: compared to his peers, he was just...I don't even know what to call it. :lol: It really was funny to watch the dropping jaws of people who listened to him talk. And as for the younger one, well...that's a whole other 2E story that doesn't apply here.

 

But dropping the 4 classes a week--it was good for both of them. I don't think I would have had the guts to drop them on my own. I can only be glad I was forced to.

[boscopup]

Your original list is more than I do, though I'm in agreement with Hunter. :) My kids have Bible class Sunday/Wednesday, and my oldest has hockey a couple times a week and cub scouts a couple times a month. He really doesn't fit in well with the kids in cub scouts. I think he'll do fabulously when he's a teen and working around adults. That is the best socialization I've seen for homeschooled teenagers.

 

My middle child loves being around other kids, but as Hunter says, it is like candy for him. He does better hanging with his brothers, NOT with other kids. And what I've seen of a lot of the kids out there - like my friend's 8 year old girl that hasn't played with dolls since she started K at age 5... I don't think I want my kids having them as influences. I want them to be KIDS, rather than being little teens at 8 years old. :tongue_smilie: Maybe if they were hanging with other likeminded homeschooled KIDS, I'd be ok with it more. But really, friends aren't high on my radar at this point in time. Family bonding is more important to me right now.

[elizabeth rose]

It depends on the kid imo, what worked for me, in my mind, was not enough for my now teen when she was 11 and 12. She let me know though, it wasn't enough. So if you r kids are satisfied, then I would not give it a second thought. however if your child is clamoring for more, then I would look into more opportunities.

[...................]

Ok, well this has been a great thread. Honestly, I thought that the once a week with friends was great. We have lots of nice kids at church from solid homes but my son just isn't really super drawn to them because they are not techies. My dd has one new church friend with whom we are pursuing. That would mean two close friends for each of them.

 

I feel that we have a great family life, and what a blessing that is! Thank you for helping me to see that.

 

If we do continue with swimming it'll just be because they enjoy the lessons, not because they will join the team. So I'll have to think about whether that's worth 145.00 per month for ONE lesson per week.... When we have our own beautiful community pool anyway. ...

 

Also it's amazing what The Lord provides. Just when I feel confused or down about something not working the way I thought, He brings something better. (Or reminds me we already had something better!)

[Alte Veste Academy]

Please also consider whether each child is an extrovert or an introvert. That makes a difference.

 

You are not the only parent that struggles with this.

 

Yes, the introvert/extrovert consideration was part of the reason I said if they want that. If they are happy, there are no issues.

 

For most people here, one-on-one and small group interactions with friends are considered to be something different than "socialization"?

 

I don't know about most people. I am not fond of the term socialization at all, but I do think of it very differently from how I think of friendship. I think of socialization as a child learning to interact out in the world, around people in general, in all kinds of different environments, circumstances, etc. I think of friendship as...well, friendship.

 

Not at this forum, but with some families I have known, siblings and cousins almost exclusively filled in for "friends". Others also only had limited church and neighborhood interaction added to that. I've seen a few children who had very little interaction with children at all.

 

In my experience, the less "socialization" the more awkward the tween years looked by modern standards, but I didn't see the adult awkwardness that people are conditioned to expect to see from children that spent very little time with other children and were not "socialized" at all. In fact what I saw was often the opposite, especially if these children had been in the work force as teens, or spent a lot of time volunteering.

 

My kids are great friends to each other, for sure. They are their own best friends. They also have no cousins who live nearby. And I will say that the cousins they do have are significantly less impressive friend material than the non-relative friends they have found. ;) ETA: With the notable exception of my sister's boys, who are wonderful but almost exactly 10 years older than my kids. :D

 

I am a little confused by you bringing up the "awkward" tween years again, as if some of us are encouraging/allowing friendship out of fear of our kids being/appearing awkward? Speaking only for myself, obviously, I couldn't care less if they are a bit awkward. It's not something I fear or work purposefully to prevent. However, I am concerned about my kids' emotional needs, and having friends is certainly an emotional need here (for one child more than the other two; there are degrees). Again, as Duckens says, you have to consider whether your child is an introvert or extrovert...whether they even care or not. But primarily, you should listen to them.

 

I am not shoving my kids out into the world, pushing them into friendships because of some fear of tween awkwardness, for heavens sake. I am honoring my kids' needs and personalities, encouraging them to put their toes in the water of friendship. My DD is a girly-girly extrovert with no sister. She needs friends. Making her suffer in solitude until she is a teen and can get a job (???) would be cruel to her. Cruel and isolating. She wouldn't be awkward; she would be angry, and for darn good reason, IMO. It reminds me of the "if you love something, set it free" POV. If I kept my daughter from friendship as a girl/tween/teen, she would flee as soon as she was able. I would lose her. I don't doubt that one bit. And, frankly, after years of ignoring her expressed emotional needs, I think I would deserve to lose her.

[Alte Veste Academy]

This has been a great thread. By and large, I too have seen the negatives of teens who spent more and more time with peers instead of loving adults in a family setting. Not good!!!

 

My big decision right now is whether to drop swimming or not. If they continue on the path they are on, my kids will make it onto the Y swim team in about a year, when my son will be 12. The Y requires 4 practices per week plus meets, about 7 per year. The practices are 4:30-6:30 pm, we would get home at 7pm. I think this would be very sad for our evening Family Time. My children adore their daddy and he spends quality time with them every night. So my dh says maybe we should just drop swimming now and save our time and energy. It's also a 20 minute drive.

 

However, I just am not sure that my kids will be getting enough exercise and socialization if he only goes somewhere on Wednesday and Sunday most weeks. We also do a lot of local field trips and my in laws just purchased yearly admittance to a wonderful local park/garden/museum which they plan to use once every other week.

 

My dh committed to taking a walk with us 3 times per week to boost the exercise ratio. That helps a lot because they are tired of me! If I say lets go for a walk, they go. But if my husband says that, they jump and holler for joy.

 

Anyway these are more ramblings.

 

Wow! That is a lot of practice at a terrible time. My kids are on the Y team here and practice only 2x a week, and we're able to be home by 6:00 even on those days. Meets are more frequent though, usually with one a month in the off season and more in the summer. Is there another team, more low-key, to switch to? I wouldn't want that kind of commitment until/unless my kids were competing at a high level and showed lots of promise.

[Alte Veste Academy]

And what I've seen of a lot of the kids out there - like my friend's 8 year old girl that hasn't played with dolls since she started K at age 5... I don't think I want my kids having them as influences. I want them to be KIDS, rather than being little teens at 8 years old. :tongue_smilie: Maybe if they were hanging with other likeminded homeschooled KIDS, I'd be ok with it more. But really, friends aren't high on my radar at this point in time. Family bonding is more important to me right now.

 

This goes back to what I said in an earlier post. I am very picky about who my kids are friends with. Where we lived before, the neighborhood girls and tween girls were as you describe. They did not play as children should (IMO). They played at being catty teens, with all the drama implied by that. But through art class, piano lessons, etc., in chatting with other moms and seeing their kids interact with mine, it wasn't too hard to figure out who was like-minded and cultivate friendship. Here, we have been extraordinarily lucky and my kids have met the most incredible kids at our wonderful park. DD has two BFFs in a pair of sisters she met here. They are WONDERFUL, and so are their parents. And they don't even homeschool. Gasp! :tongue_smilie: They play at pretending to be cats, Lego friends, build fairy houses, play in the mud, pretend to be superheroes, put on puppet shows, write and illustrate books... Good grief, last week they even had a lemonade stand with the girls' mom. (They made $18! :lol:) My boys have made friends with a couple of brothers their age. They meet at the park a couple of times a week, play baseball, football, climb trees, do archaeological digs in the sand or beat the ground with sticks (whatever that is about...DH says it's normal LOL). And sometimes the girls and boys are all there, with other "strange" children and they all play a big game of tag or baseball.

 

Anyway, the fact that I allow my kids to have friends doesn't mean I'm throwing them to the wolves. :tongue_smilie: Also, your kids are younger than the OP's kids (as are mine, of course). In the past couple of years my DD's social needs have become more significant. Things change. Kids' needs change and, as a parent, I feel that I need to be flexible and open to those changes.

 

I also think that the friends vs family bonding is a false dichotomy, especially for homeschool families who spend the vast majority of time together. My kids can have friends and still have plenty of time leftover for family, yet another wonderful benefit of homeschooling. I refuse to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

[...................]

 

 

Wow! That is a lot of practice at a terrible time. My kids are on the Y team here and practice only 2x a week, and we're able to be home by 6:00 even on those days. Meets are more frequent though, usually with one a month in the off season and more in the summer. Is there another team, more low-key, to switch to? I wouldn't want that kind of commitment until/unless my kids were competing at a high level and showed lots of promise.

 

I agree! Not only is the 4 practices over much IMO for Pre high school kiddos, but all of the activities here are geared to working families! So, there is no such thing as an after school activity. I looked into the rec department swim club and it was WORSE...I kid you not: their practices START at 7:30 and end at NINE pm for 12 year olds!!!! It just shows where priorities are...

 

So yeah, the timing of this program just stinks.

[...................]

Yeah, it doesn't have to be either/or. I'm just seeking a healthy balance.

 

There's also the idea of just enjoying the lessons for their own sake even if the team is out of the question. But for 145.00 per month that's a big pill to swallow!

[Alte Veste Academy]

Yeah, it doesn't have to be either/or. I'm just seeking a healthy balance.

 

There's also the idea of just enjoying the lessons for their own sake even if the team is out of the question. But for 145.00 per month that's a big pill to swallow!

 

Well, when I spoke of friends vs family as a false dichotomy, I was speaking in generalities. I think 4 nights of late swim team practice makes it a real dichotomy in your case. It's a shame that there isn't something lower key. Makes me worry about what will happen after our next move...

[...................]

I understood. ..

 

Yes in this case that is a true dichotomy!

 

Out area is very crowded and built up. Therefore the Y is jam packed, and I mean packed, after 5 pm and weekends you can't even get a parking spot!! So that factors into the time our Y has available space in the pool!

 

Also, our area in general is very much full of busy families where two parents work but have financial means- meaning that the after 6pm programs are in very high demand. And that there are no children in the neighborhoods. No one around here believes in kids just playing outside.

[Peaceful Isle]

We have one family that we hang with lot. We both homeschool, and their kids are best friends with our kids. It is awesome. I find that my kiddos don't need a wide range of socialization to be happy, confident children. Just one or two very close friends are all my kids have ever needed or even wanted. Now, when they are in a setting with many children ( birthday part, kids club etc..) they do great as well. Building a childs confidence is more important , to me, than the number of activities or friends they have , ykwim?

[Hunter]

I mentioned the awkward tween fears not for anyone posting in this thread, but as a general fear. There are always SO many people reading threads that are not posting in them. I often talk in GENERAL, not just to the other posters.

 

I have just seen too many homeschool parents panic when this stage hits, and misunderstand it. It's especially difficult if outsiders are judging a family that has recently hit this stage, and the parents were unprepared for it.

 

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. It's just that I remember one little girl that grew up in the woods and was still peeing her pants at 10 years old. My son was one of the few children that could have cared less that she did that, and she remembered him when she turned into a 15 year old goddess that came back to the area to visit and asked him to a significant social event, leaving all the other boys very jealous. They were a picture :lol: Her tall and in a "sparkly gown" as she called it, with long red hair and slightly asian looking eyes. Him with long dark hair and all dressed in the black clothes she had picked out for him at the mall, after she dragged him there and talked some men into picking out an appropriate outfit for him, while he had stood there pretending to be oblivious to her stunning beauty. I guess they had the mall's entire attention as she dragged the little computer geek around it, asking for help, all the while talking about her "sparkly gown", and him wearing an old pair of sweats with holes in them asking what was wrong with what he had on.

 

When I talk about awkward tweens, I'm just traveling down memory lane. I have seen some things! Truth is stranger--and infinitely more interesting--that fiction, and I was there to see it. Again, sorry if I offended anyone!

[Coffeemama]

This has been a great thread. By and large, I too have seen the negatives of teens who spent more and more time with peers instead of loving adults in a family setting. Not good!!!

 

My big decision right now is whether to drop swimming or not. If they continue on the path they are on, my kids will make it onto the Y swim team in about a year, when my son will be 12. The Y requires 4 practices per week plus meets, about 7 per year. The practices are 4:30-6:30 pm, we would get home at 7pm. I think this would be very sad for our evening Family Time. My children adore their daddy and he spends quality time with them every night. So my dh says maybe we should just drop swimming now and save our time and energy. It's also a 20 minute drive.

 

However, I just am not sure that my kids will be getting enough exercise and socialization if he only goes somewhere on Wednesday and Sunday most weeks. We also do a lot of local field trips and my in laws just purchased yearly admittance to a wonderful local park/garden/museum which they plan to use once every other week.

 

 

My dh committed to taking a walk with us 3 times per week to boost the exercise ratio. That helps a lot because they are tired of me! If I say lets go for a walk, they go. But if my husband says that, they jump and holler for joy.

 

Anyway these are more ramblings.

[Coffeemama]

One thing that might work for your family, that has worked for us at different times of the year, is to adjust dinner/family time to be later. I try to prepare dinner ahead of time (like in the crockpot) or have sometihing my DH can pop into the oven to get started while we're on our drive home. It is a sacrifice. We prefer to eat earlier, but we feel as a family that it is worth it.

[2squared]

One thing that might work for your family, that has worked for us at different times of the year, is to adjust dinner/family time to be later. I try to prepare dinner ahead of time (like in the crockpot) or have sometihing my DH can pop into the oven to get started while we're on our drive home. It is a sacrifice. We prefer to eat earlier, but we feel as a family that it is worth it.

 

 

This is another good point. Family time now probably doesn't look the same as family time in a few years. Kids grow and needs change, and family time will probably evolve and shit over the years. We love eating meals together and spending quiet evenings at home, but we also love other types of family time.

 

Winter sports bring a lot of running around for our group, and we adjust our family time to accommodate practices and tournaments. Some days family time happens at breakfast. Some days family time happens at sports practices. Friday night we spent a few hours sitting mat side cheering our older boys in a wrestling tournament. Then we ate pizza and went home to finish a documentary series. Even though we weren't at home and we didn't eat around our table, we had a lot of family time. I don't want every day to look like Friday night, but I also think enjoying endeavors together has a lot of value.

[2squared]

I also think that the friends vs family bonding is a false dichotomy, especially for homeschool families who spend the vast majority of time together. My kids can have friends and still have plenty of time leftover for family, yet another wonderful benefit of homeschooling. I refuse to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

 

 

This exactly. My kids are home together all day, every day. Spending a few evenings or a few hours every week with (approved) friends isn't going to drive them away from us. If my kids were away all day and then our evenings were filled out of the home going in different directions, well, that would be a completely different discussion.

[...................]

It's just the evenings which I have to protect because that's my kids' time with their daddy. During the day, I think we can be free to take whatever social opportunities arise.