have you ever felt excluded by other homeschoolers?

[Ritsumei]

Yes, for being of the "wrong" Christian denomination. What annoys me most is that the exclusive group claims that it is "non-denominational" but worded its Statement of Faith specifically to exclude certain denominations. It's their group and they can word their SoF however they choose, but I wish they would be honest in labeling it a Protestant group.

This. Exactly this. There are several in our area, but the ones that are close enough to possibly be useful all exclude my faith. It's *much* easier to find folks online who are willing to associate with me either because they share my faith or because they don't care. But I'd be lying if I said that it doesn't sting some that the IRL folks play like that.

[Garga]

I've always felt accepted, but maybe that's because we don't discuss details too much! They do their thing and I do mine and we don't talk about it.

 

We also don't discuss milk or vaccines or religion, etc. Everyone is much happier that way.

[Walking-Iris]

Yep. Best to just not discuss things. What bothers me however, is when a group expects you to not discuss anything that would be "against" them and essentially you're muzzled. It bothers me when you can't be "trusted" to teach a class in a group because you're the wrong sort of person.

 

My little town is really cliquey. I can't even really get involved publicly in a faith because it is so clique-ish here. I'm just "in between" here. Oh well.

[SwallowTail]

The homeschoolers have exclusion down to an art form where we live. I don't know why everyone is so insular and hostile here. There could be so many cool activitites if the homeschoolers banded together. But no one seems to desire a thriving homeschooling community. Rather they seem to seek small-scale utopias where they are all clones of eath other or something.

 

The Christians require referrals, approvals, and signed statements of faith. We don't fit with them (and wouldn't get a referral), b/c I have vastly differing thoughts onmany topics, including discipline, Harry Potter, music, roles of husbands and wives, and many theological points.

 

The super duper fundamental Christian groups have been known to scowl when you show up at a location they are at, and you or your dd is wearing pants, and you or she has cut hair, or if you have on make-up. They will literally move their children away and look away from you if you try to smile and make pleasant conversation.

 

The hippy unschooling ones shun you if you are not crunchy enough.

 

I have seen women get publicly reamed on yahoo groups or boards when they expressed a desire for change in a group, or criticized the wya something was handled (in a very appropriate manner, I thought), and I personally got a huge verbal dressing down for asking for directions.

 

There is another group who has activiely excluded people who are part of their community otherwise.

 

It's like a bunch of sororities.

 

I dislike it.

 

We need community and have tried for years to cobble together what we can.

[Esperella]

Oh, we are for sure. Everyone here is LDS and we are not, and we have tattoos. People are rude to me more often than not. I've found nice people in Salt Lake County but Utah County is very hard to break into when its obvious you're not one of them. It's to the point I'm not sure we will sign up for stuff anymore. My kids are lonely but when I'm shut down constantly while trying to speak to the other moms it's too much. I'm also scared my kids will start to think there is something wrong with them when it's really the closed mindedness of people here.

 

I also do not understand the mentality of Christian homeschoolers to keep themselves separate. I hate SoF. I don't understand how you can reconcile that with the teachings of Jesus at all. When you're so busy focusing on external things, and attempting to be someone else's Holy Spirit, you're really failing at seeing people's hearts, and its gross.

[Tracy]

Oh, we are for sure. Everyone here is LDS and we are not, and we have tattoos. People are rude to me more often than not. I've found nice people in Salt Lake County but Utah County is very hard to break into when its obvious you're not one of them. It's to the point I'm not sure we will sign up for stuff anymore. My kids are lonely but when I'm shut down constantly while trying to speak to the other moms it's too much. I'm also scared my kids will start to think there is something wrong with them when it's really the closed mindedness of people here.

 

I just want to say that I am LDS, and I am very sorry that you have been made to feel that way. I am so glad that we live in a diverse area, and my kids have made friends of many faiths and backgrounds. I couldn't care less about tatoos.

 

I also do not understand the mentality of Christian homeschoolers to keep themselves separate. I hate SoF. I don't understand how you can reconcile that with the teachings of Jesus at all. When you're so busy focusing on external things, and attempting to be someone else's Holy Spirit, you're really failing at seeing people's hearts, and its gross.

 

:iagree:

So well, said. Especially the part about trying to be someone else's Holy Spirit.

[swellmomma]

The homeschoolers have exclusion down to an art form where we live. I don't know why everyone is so insular and hostile here. There could be so many cool activitites if the homeschoolers banded together. But no one seems to desire a thriving homeschooling community. Rather they seem to seek small-scale utopias where they are all clones of eath other or something.

 

The Christians require referrals, approvals, and signed statements of faith. We don't fit with them (and wouldn't get a referral), b/c I have vastly differing thoughts onmany topics, including discipline, Harry Potter, music, roles of husbands and wives, and many theological points.

 

The super duper fundamental Christian groups have been known to scowl when you show up at a location they are at, and you or your dd is wearing pants, and you or she has cut hair, or if you have on make-up. They will literally move their children away and look away from you if you try to smile and make pleasant conversation.

 

.

 

 

The bold made me lol for real. Today I had dd13 run an errand for me on main street (1 street over from us), There is no school today for ps kids for teacher's convention so normally in the middle of the day she is the only teen out, today there was parents and kids everywhere. She comes home laughing and says mom I need to put on my dance gear now, I'll be right back and out the door she went in her leotard and tan tights and a jacket that made her look like she was nekkid.

 

Apparently while out in her jammy pants (since she didn't want to put real ones on 30 minutes before getting ready for tap class), her green hair, combat boots and cadet jacket an ultra conservative family saw her(she is thinking they were hutterite based on headcovering and dresses but doesn't know for sure). They took one look at her, and the mother in a loud "stage" whisper said to her daughter's "That's exactly what I was talking about, girls like that will never get married, they are nothing but trouble. Look at her, I bet she even wears other pants out too" and then she prompted took her two girls and crossed the street to avoid them getting too close to dd. She watched for a minute and saw them go into the library, ran home changed and went back. She walked into the library, librarian A was checking out this family, librarian B saw dd and asked where her pants were, dd didn't miss a beat looked right at that mom and said "I try my best not to wear pants in public, I want to find a husband" and then turned on her heel, walked out and came back home nearly piddling herself with laughter. Yeah that's my girl. I don't think we would fit in with the ultraconservative crowd. ROFL.

[OnTheBrink]

Yes. Try being a Christian who's divorced. Add to that your ex is gay AND you have a full-time job outside the home. Most of the other moms at the co-op dd attends can't even begin to relate to me and they don't even try. I've given up trying to fit in. "Alone Again, Naturally" is my theme song.

 

OH well. My cats love me.

[Greenmama2]

Swell mama, your DD is me as a teenager! I'm a bit more chilled now lol.

Have I felt excluded? Yes, have I done some excluding? Probably but not intentionally. C'est la vie.

[*Michelle*]

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." - Groucho Marx

 

:cheers2:

[MistyMountain]

I'm an afterschooler right now but I was considering homeschooling. I was in some crunchy mom groups and schooling style tended to be more dividing than religion. People accepted people's religious beliefs but they mostly followed very different educational methods. I guess maybe since I am not in the bible belt religion didn't seem to divide but they were very opinionated about style.

 

The majority of people seemed to be relaxed homeschoolers or unschoolers. It was accepted if you were a religious homeschooler but if you mentioned a more structured method with academic rigor or taught a kid to read on the earlier side crickets were chirping and what you said was ignored while everyone else liked comments related unschooling or relaxed schooling. I was hoping for conversations discussing how different styles work for different parents and kids and discussions on how certain things were taught but that wasn't happening.

 

Now that my oldest is in school it is similar. I am fine with the child led schools or waldorf schools we have here and a lot of people I know are very happy with them but it just wouldn't work for my oldest. She is going to a more structured school with high expectations on behavior and academics and a very academic and rigorous curriculum. I am pretty sure I am very different politically and with my crunchiness than most parents at that school. I still know a lot of crunchy types and I can tell they do not like the type of school dd goes to but I just tell my reasons why it works for us and they are usually Ok about it. It isn't just schooling but it seems like so many issues are divisive lately. I wish there was a way to have more open dialogue about topics related to parenting without people acting like their parenting or eating choices are better. I hope as we get to know more families at dd's school they accept us for who we are.

[beachrose]

We've felt excluded and included. I'm a Christian and to this day I will never know what I or the other mother/teacher said that so upset a mother that she had her older children "spy" on us during Christian homeschool co-op. That group ended up splitting because that same mom forcibly took over our very large group and then decided most of us weren't "Christian" enough. Which was kind of ironic since she stole years and years of donated curriculum/supplies when she was trying to make the group more "Christian". The side of the group that wasn't "Christian" (Which was a very lopsided very much the majority group.) decided that the kindest thing was to just her and our supplies go. That was one of the weirdest experiences I've ever been a part of. Sadly the group never really recovered.

The second time we felt excluded ,was in our teeny tiny church. All of the homeschool families in the church but ours was invited to take part in weekly homeschool co-op. I still do not know to this day why we were excluded that was rather ouchy. The only thing I could come up with we have a LOT of kids. It really hurt my kids feelings and mine.

We felt very included in the original homeschool group we were a part of. Well except for the one incident which I still to this day have no idea what was offensive.Sadly though after the split it never recovered.

We started one of our own recently with people outside our church and it's been great. The thing I love is we all approach homeschooling differently and it's nice to learn from each other. Next fall the current families and some more new families are hoping to do something bigger with more people teaching. Our group now is a handwork group where I prepare and teach all the classes. It will be super nice to take turns :)

There is another group locally that seems really great but sadly most of their activities are costly ,beyond our budget. It seems like most of them are only schooling one or two children so cost isn't as big an issue. So I guess you could say we are excluded from that group as well just by virtue of the group's choices.

[Lady Florida.]

Have any of you ever felt excluded, left out, shunned or any other unpleasant situation (no matter how slight) IN REAL LIFE by other homeschoolers?

 

Yes, but it was a very long time ago. When we first started homeschooling, the only group I knew of was Christian. I thought that didn't matter because we were Christian at the time. When I found out about the SOF I chose not to sign it and we just kept our heads down and our mouths shut. Kids will talk though, and one day ds was excitedly talking about seeing the latest Harry Potter movie. An ADULT told my SIX YEAR OLD that he would go to hell because of it. We left that group and I had sad visions of my only child, having no friends (there were no kids in our neighborhood at the time) and working all alone at the kitchen table.

 

Have you ever felt excluded based on a difference in religion, politics, worldview, lifestyle etc?

 

See above.

 

Have you had a hard time connecting with homeschoolers in your area because of this?

 

About 6 months after the incident I described above, I found out about an inclusive group. We had to drive a bit farther, but I didn't care. We have made some wonderful friends through that group, some of whom are still in our lives 13 years later.

 

Do you tend to feel that homeschoolers in your experience are a open, accepting group? Or have you felt like they were a closed group? Closed even to other homeschoolers who did not share a particular opinion or lifestyle etc?

 

We have a variety of homeschool groups in my area. Some are closed to anyone who holds different beliefs. I belong to an inclusive group. We stay together because we don't allow (on our yahoogroup or facebook page) discussion about religion or politics. Of course people are welcome to have private discussions - we just keep it out of anything official. We have people of all different faiths as well as atheists and agnostics. The only people who don't join (or don't stay long) are Conservative Christians. It's not because they're not welcome. They usually leave because they're not comfortable with our diversity.

 

Do you feel that there are divisions within the homeschooling community (movement) at large? Or do you tend to think of homeschoolers as being a connected, unified community?

 

I feel that certain national groups are trying to divide and conquer. However, since I don't fit in with those groups I don't really hear about it except here on the forums. I don't think it has any effect on mainstream homeschooling.

[Tardis Girl]

I've definitely been told (in word and deed) that I am the "wrong kind of Christian." I'm used to it, but it does still bother me... particularly because those who have this attitude seem to be very un-Christ-like about how they do it. lol

 

I recently moved to a new area, and this is ALWAYS in the back of my mind as I meet people, unfortunately. My past experiences with those who consider themselves the "right kind of Christian" has me always anticipating fallout from new people I meet. We have SO much in common in terms of education, family structure, values, and more, yet apparently that isn't enough for some.

 

I think I'm more self-aware on being accepting of religious and political differences because I am so used to being in the minority.

 

But to be fair, I know there have been times I have excluded others -- not intentionally, but maybe I wasn't very welcoming to someone new just because I already had a group of friends and... well.. it takes effort and I was tired. Pathetic? Yes, I am.

[AnnaM]

Nope. Plenty of times on this board but never in real life. I run our local group and we are all inclusive and so far have had very few issues (and those were political and between very two dramatic people). Sometimes the group splinters a bit and those with similar religious views choose to do activities together and I am fine with that.

[Tardis Girl]

Plenty of times on this board but never in real life.

 

 

What does that mean? I'm not terribly active on the boards, but while some of my posts might not get comments as much as I like at times I just chalk it up to the high volume of posts on here. Just curious what you've experienced.

[Walking-Iris]

I try really hard not to take anything on this forum or elsewhere on the internet too personally. Tone of voice and intention etc just does not come across very well at all.