Homeschooling Through a Crisis ...

[Cassy]

... We've had a difficult few weeks for various reasons, one being the illness of my uncle who lives a two hour drive away (I was his only surviving relative). He died in the early hours of yesterday. We've done so much driving to and fro. I feel so very, very sad. I'm tired, hormonal. I'm struggling to sort through his paperwork while arranging a funeral. In between I'm trying to homeschool. This morning reading in between phone calls was strangely calming and comforting. This afternoon we need to tackle a little math, but I feel so tired, so overwhelmed. DS8 and DS5 are singing Christmas songs, which bring back so many memories of happy childhood Christmases when my grandmother, parents, aunt, uncles and cousin were here - they've now all gone; I just want to sit and cry and cry. I've had to cancel school, or school lite, so many times recently that I'm beginning to feel like a complete failure.

 

I love homeschooling, but sometimes it just feels like the last straw.

 

Thanks for listening

[BugsMama]

It's practically December- can you take the month to create holiday memories with the kids? Make cookies, sing songs, cut out snowflakes, watch movies.... Just be together and enjoy the season. Taking the holidays off can be healing- the kids can use the computer (xtra math, star fall, spelling city) this month too :)

 

Hugs to you.

[JudoMom]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Be kind to yourself. What would you say to your friend if she was in your situation? Say those same things to yourself.

 

I'm so sorry.

[JudoMom]

Double post.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

... We've had a difficult few weeks for various reasons, one being the illness of my uncle who lives a two hour drive away (I was his only surviving relative). He died in the early hours of yesterday. We've done so much driving to and fro. I feel so very, very sad. I'm tired, hormonal. I'm struggling to sort through his paperwork while arranging a funeral. In between I'm trying to homeschool. This morning reading in between phone calls was strangely calming and comforting. This afternoon we need to tackle a little math, but I feel so tired, so overwhelmed. DS8 and DS5 are singing Christmas songs, which bring back so many memories of happy childhood Christmases when my grandmother, parents, aunt, uncles and cousin were here - they've now all gone; I just want to sit and cry and cry. I've had to cancel school, or school lite, so many times recently that I'm beginning to feel like a complete failure.

 

I love homeschooling, but sometimes it just feels like the last straw.

 

Thanks for listening

 

What about setting everyone up on either Khan Academy or Alcumus for math. The lessons are self paced and the problems are based on student responses.

 

Can you tie some of the Christmas songs to the historical period you're studying? Many of the great older songs are from the early modern period, for example.

 

There are lots of books at all levels that relate to Christmas. A Christmas Carol is a great choice for rich language, imagery and symbolism. If you have photos of your family members, you could pull some of them together and work on writing down family stories and recipes.

 

Not sure what your faith is, but reviving or starting Christmas traditions that dwell on the Bible story might help you grieve and heal. There are some simple coloring pages for Jesse Trees (advent countdowns).

 

So sorry for your loss.

[Alicia64]

:grouphug: We've just come through some crisis so I feel like this is a topic I can discuss with a bit of confidence. Sadly.

 

At those ages, I'd take December off. I'd do tons and tons of read alouds. If you love to read. It's so comforting for you and the kids. If you feel up to it: I'd bake, put on Xmas music, watch Xmas shows, build a fire at night, go to the library and hang out etc.

 

Also -- and I don't know if this helps -- our dear dog died in Oct. and I honestly thought my 9-year-olds would be grief stricken. But they weren't. What I noticed is that when I welled up and had tears they loved coming over and comforting me. Don't get me wrong: it wasn't inappropriate. They weren't the parent and I wasn't the child. But it seemed like they were happy that somebody was handling grieving for our dog -- so they could get back to Legos. They had their moments of sadness, but they didn't fall apart.

 

I think as hard as it is that this is a good time to model what grief is. And how to handle a crazy time in life so that when the kids are adults they'll be good to themselves and their children when the going gets tough.

 

It doesn't feel like it right now, but you will feel good again. You will laugh again, smile again, enjoy a good dinner and be up for homeschooling again. I had moments where I thought, "I'm never going to be myself and be happy again." It sounds nutty as I type it, but it's honestly how I felt. Who said tie a knot onto your rope and hold on -- because you're in the worst of it. You'll feel good again. But help yourself by shelving homeschooling for now. Or having them do one thing a day like math or spelling. And then just read, read, read. (If you need good titles pm me and I'll send you a list of our favorites from the last two years.)

 

But you need a break.

 

Let's us know how you're doing,

 

Alley

[Lolly]

Your kids are little. Do you know what they would be doing in ps right now? An incredible amount of holiday stuff. Take the rest of the month off. They will be absolutely fine academically. I know a lot of families who have littles who take off from Thanksgiving until after Christmas during the elementary years. It truly is okay to do this. The only reason NOT to do it is if being back into the regular swing of things will make YOU feel better. So, break out the cookie dough or ornaments and decorate. Or, just snuggle up and read. Listen to the kids singing. Join them if you can.

[EmmaNZ]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

We're just around the corner if there's anything we can do.

[milovany]

Agreeing with the others! Take a break. The crisis IS the lesson; it is what you can focus on and learn from at this time. How to handle crises and take care of what's really important is something your kids need to learn, too.

[speedmom4]

I totally understand! :grouphug: My step-father passed away after a massive brain bleed in April. I was with him in the hospital (with my mother and step-brother) for four days. Then I stayed with my mother, who lives 4 hours away, for almost two weeks just to help. I came home so emotional. I just kept crying and I just couldn't get my groove back. We basically stopped most school until late summer. I was just grieving too much. Most of my family is gone as well. I just kept thinking about all those I have loved and are now gone. It is very sad. I didn't want to spend time with my husband's family, who live in the same town as we do, it just kept reminding me of how I only have my mother left now.

 

My advice is to give yourself time. It may be reassuring to have some schedule just to keep your mind engaged or it may be better just to hug your little ones a little tighter right now. I am still sad but as the months have passed it does get easier.

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[Jane in NC]

At times like this, all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. Echoing others--be kind to yourself.

 

Lots of hugs,

Jane

[Catwoman]

I've been there and done that, and right around the holidays, as well -- twice. And I agree with everyone who has suggested that the world won't end if you take December off, and January, too, if you need the time to grieve and get yourself in the right place to be able to function properly again. Your kids are little, and I know that I used to think that I had to cover everything and check off every little box, or else my ds would end up a complete illiterate moron. And that simply wasn't the case. You have years and years to teach them the things they'll need to know for college or for life, or whatever. If you feel that doing a bit of school will add some normalcy to your life, by all means, go for it, but otherwise, pack it in and call it a Christmas Break. (And a lot of the stuff you do with kids around the holidays is educational, anyway. Playing cards or board games can reinforce math skills, and baking is great for both math and reading. You can take turns reading Christmas stories. You can make Christmas ornaments from instructions you can find online, which will help the kids' dexterity and their ability to read and follow instructions. Think outside the box! :))

 

I'm so sorry about your uncle. Losing a close relative is always rough, but everything seems magnified at this time of the year, because you keep thinking you should be acting happy and festive, and then when you go to the mall and everyone is laughing and having a great time, it can be very lonely and sad. But it truly will get better, and ultimately you may feel better sooner because you'll be so busy trying to make things fun for your kids.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Corbster98]

Cassy,

 

Hugs.... I am sorry to hear about your Uncle. I agree with the others. Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time. On the days that you feel better than others, do more. On days you just don't have an ounce of emotional energy, do the bare necessities and give yourself time. Grief is so hard and can feel so suffocating and like a dark cloud is just lingering. It is ok to grieve and good for the children to see you working through the process of grief.

 

I know all too well how grief feels. We are a military family and recently moved back near home to provide support and the physical caretaking responsibilites of my parents- both are terminal :( My Dad needs constant care as he is unable to take care of his needs anymore due to the nature of the disease. I help my Mom by staying a day every week for her to have some time. I also just started adding in an overnight every week as well... which is exhausting as you have to be up every 2 hours to help with Dad's needs and medications/etc.

 

I will be thinking of you and saying prayer for your situation. Hug your kids :) that always helps....

[Cassy]

Thank you all so much for your hugs and advice, you've definitely helped me see things a bit more in perspective. I usually thrive on activity and keeping busy, but everything feels like such an effort just now.

 

Hugs to all those who understand only too well what we're going through; it's very reassuring to hear that things do get back to normal eventually.

[Cassy]

Triple post.

[Cassy]

..

[Harriet Vane]

Just get through December. Do tons of read-alouds, feel free to use Netflix documentaries, and let them do art. It's also a great time to let them do silly math games (cards, dominoes, multiplication games online, etc.) as a basic facts review. The two that are homeschooling are young enough that this really will be okay. Doing the read-alouds and other things will be just enough "school" to take the edge off your guilt and get you through. However, please clearly understand that you are NOT failing--it's a hard season, and such seasons happen to everyone. It will even out over time, and your kids will be fine.

 

Regroup in January. You'll feel much better for the rest.

[Catwoman]

I know all too well how grief feels. We are a military family and recently moved back near home to provide support and the physical caretaking responsibilites of my parents- both are terminal :( My Dad needs constant care as he is unable to take care of his needs anymore due to the nature of the disease. I help my Mom by staying a day every week for her to have some time. I also just started adding in an overnight every week as well... which is exhausting as you have to be up every 2 hours to help with Dad's needs and medications/etc.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your parents, corbster98. :(

 

Welcome to the forums, and if you need to talk, we'll be here for you. :grouphug:

[Lizzie in Ma]

Let it go, they are young. Some things are more important. Read with them, watch Christmas movies, make memories.

I am sorry for your loss.

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[besroma]

Cassy,

 

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

I hope that you can find some comfort in spending extra time with your precious children over the holidays. You could take it as an opportunity to build some amazing memories for them similar to the ones you have that you cherish so.

 

Take the pressure off of yourself regarding homeschooling. They *will* be fine.

 

{{Hugs}}

[Catwoman]

Be aware that after you get through December and all those wonderful times of carols and cookies, your grief will come back to smack you later. And it will happen again. And a few years down the line, you'll be reading a post such as yours and it will hit you again. That is normal and natural--give yourself grace. :grouphug:

 

 

:iagree:

 

That is so true.

[marbel]

Agreeing with others to give yourself a break. Spend time with your kids - they are so young! - give yourself downtime to grieve.

 

We have had different sorts of crises off and on during our homeschool years. It is hard to feel as though you're falling behind, need to be productive, etc. But life just doesn't work that way.

 

I'm sorry for your loss and sadness right now. :grouphug:

[Cassy]

Thank you for all your kind words, and thank you Margaret in Co for checking up on me, it means a lot :001_smile: .

 

Today we've mostly done lots of reading. They both did their reading practice first thing, something DS5 particularly enjoys, often spending 45 mins or more snuggled up reading to me and talking about his book. Then I read aloud to them for hours, although with frequent interruptions from phone calls and visitors.

 

I've made good progress with the funeral arrangements, the funeral will be on Thursday 6th, the day after what would have been Uncle Pete's 81st birthday. I've also managed to speak to most of the few friends he had.

 

I no longer feel on the verge of tears all the time, but more raw inside, which strangely is making me want to talk to people all the time; my neighbour popped in briefly earlier to ask about something and I dragged her in for a cup of tea and kept her for an hour, she's very funny and always makes me laugh which was very therapeutic.

 

And yes, I'm hugging my kids lots and consider myself very, very lucky to have them. They're busy trying to convince me yet again that this will be the best Christmas ever. I just love their enthusiasm and optimism :001_rolleyes:.