LDS Moms - Visiting Teaching

[MinivanMom]

How do you make VT work with homeschooling?

 

I live in a ward where the expectation is that all VT must happen on weekday mornings. I'm just wondering how others have handled this issue and made it work. Thanks.

[Amira]

That is an unrealistic expectation.

 

Homeschooling is my job during the day and even though I am not busy with it every single second, it is not something I can just drop. I make it clear that I am unavailable to visit or be visited at certain hours. Usually there is a way to make that known when I move into a ward, but if I am given an assignment that doesn't work for me, then I ask to have things changed. There has never been a problem with that, although if there were, I wouldn't back down on being unavailable. I wouldn't expect a person with a traditional job to take time off work to go visiting teaching.

 

I also think it's a good idea to be creative with VT. There's no reason why it has to be a formal visit every month. Even if your RS president says it should be.

[meggie]

Oh my gosh, I was going to post something similar! Only mine was going to say something about, "I hate visiting teaching!" :glare:

 

I've tried the during the day thing; the children are nightmares, have to wake them up from their naps, interrupts school, etc. Can't really do it at night though because DH is now working the night shift and won't be there to watch them (and like I said, they are nightmares when I take them). Can't do the weekends anymore because DH works Sat and Sun. That leaves one of his two days off, one of which is needed for errands because we only have one car.

 

Yeah, hate visiting teaching.

[Amira]

I'm on a personal crusade to make Skype more popular for visiting teaching. Or to have some sort of online discussion each month. I know many sisters wouldn't be interested in that, or need it, but just like there are sisters who need to be visited at certain times, or just want to get a letter or a phone call, there could be sisters who do online visits.

 

My crusade has gone nowhere, but at least I'm trying. :)

[Veritaserum]

I'm on a personal crusade to make Skype more popular for visiting teaching. Or to have some sort of online discussion each month. I know many sisters wouldn't be interested in that, or need it, but just like there are sisters who need to be visited at certain times, or just want to get a letter or a phone call, there could be sisters who do online visits.

 

My crusade has gone nowhere, but at least I'm trying. :)

 

I like that idea! When I was in a singles ward at BYU, we participated in a pilot program where 3-4 sisters get together once a month all at the same time. One gives the thought, but it was more of a way to encourage friendships.

 

WRT homeschooling, I make it clear that I am unavailable until mid to late afternoon on weekdays or evenings and weekends at other times.

[LittleIzumi]

I bring my kids. No one cares so far. One of my ladies has little kids herself so they just all run off to the playroom together until we leave. My partner has little kids as well so our ladies are just used to a swarm of kids coming over with us. :lol: I used to visit on Sundays but that doesn't work well with this group. It's only once a month so it's not a big deal here. Mine are little though, so we have some playgroups in the morning as well and just school a little later when we get back.

Edited October 16, 2012 by LittleIzumi

[Bearcat]

I have also been pondering and struggling with this one. I tell myself it only has to happen once a month (twice if you count when my VT comes) and I can make it work but I still struggle.

Every one in my ward seems to have the expectation that since I am a SAHM I can visit in the mornings during the week. I have told people that I am not just a SAHM but also actively homeschooling my children during the morning and afternoon hours. It all seems to fall on deaf ears.

I, honestly, hate having to haul my kids around to go VT. It makes things so much more complicated. (Especially since their friends are in school or the woman I am visiting does not have young kids i.e. no toys in the house to occupy them. So they get bored and restless.)

I have been assigned the only other homeschooler in the ward as my companion. However, she has a husband who is home during the day and shares the job of teaching so she can go VT without interrupting the flow of their day as much. It should be better than my last companion who insisted that we fit it in after her baby's nap but before her kindergartener got off the school bus with no care whatsoever if that narrow window of time worked for me.

 

Rant over....

[Veritaserum]

I hate bringing my kids and I hate undisciplined children brought to my house. We have enough messes already. :tongue_smilie:

[DianeW88]

I hate bringing my kids and I hate undisciplined children brought to my house. We have enough messes already. :tongue_smilie:

 

I agree. I meet with my VT ladies once a month at Menchie's or Zupa's. No kids. Just fun, food, laughter and lots of great conversation. And, no...I do not generally do the lesson from the Ensign. LOL

[Xuzi]

Wow, that expectation would so NOT work in my town! It's a mill town where many husbands (and sometimes the wives too) work shift-work, so it's not unusual for some of my VT sisters to straight-out BAN morning visits because they're busy sleeping while they're kids are at school! :lol:

 

According to the guidelines phone calls and letters also count as "contact", so perhaps you could do that? Maybe exchange e-mail addresses, or "friend" each other on Facebook? Facebook especially has been a helpful VT'ing tool, because I'm able to see when they're having a hard time that they might not be as willing to admit to in a face-to-face visit. I can see when they're complaining about a busy schedule, and I can offer to babysit to get their kids out of their hair so they can get the work done quicker, or I can see them posting about being sick, and I can then call them up and offer to bring over a meal. I've found this more informal VT'ing has been much more effective than the typical face-to-face "let me share a message with you, and do you need any help with anything?" VT'ing, especially with all of the varying schedules the women in my ward have to deal with.

[Miselainia]

The ward I'm in now has relaxed over the last year or so making it okay for FB or a txt to "count."

 

In the past, I've explained my situation and invited my visiting "teachees" to my house. In other wards, we've exchanged babysitting while other moms go.

 

It does throw a loop in the whole homeschooling thing, but I've tried to take the attitude that I want my kids to see that it's so important that we would interrupt school to do it.

[MamaSheep]

That would so very not work in my ward either. Usually when we have VT interviews they ask us what times of day we're generally available and try to match up people with compatible work schedules. I try to treat homeschooling somewhat like any other "job" when it comes to scheduling outside appointments. I'm just not available during working hours. Sorry. Does that make it harder? Sure, but no harder than any of the other working women in the ward. Sometimes dh will get supper going for me while I go in the evening, or will help dd with her homework so I can go after supper. Sometimes my companion just goes without me if we can't find a mutually compatible time for everyone, or we'll just make do with a phone call, though we do try not to do that too often.

 

But yeah...expecting all VT to be done during weekday mornings is just an unreasonable expectation. Have you talked to your RS pres about it?

[Sara in AZ]

We do school 3-4 works on with one week off. I try to schedule VT on the week off. Doesn't always work, though. Sonetimes I leave my older two home alone for an hour or two while go. I am not a fan generally.

[melbotoast]

I like that idea! When I was in a singles ward at BYU, we participated in a pilot program where 3-4 sisters get together once a month all at the same time. One gives the thought, but it was more of a way to encourage friendships.

 

My mom's ward in Texas is doing something like this. Three sisters in q group, all responsible for each other. I think it is great for friendships and also much easier for scheduling!

[Forget-Me-Not]

I don't have an assignment currently. For a lot of reasons, homeschooling among them, I just wasn't getting it done. When the RSP asked me about it and I expressed that I was feeling overwhelmed, she said not to worry about it for a while and took me off.

[Lab1]

That would not work in my area. So many women have careers here. One of my sisters works from home some days of the week and we all troop over to her house at like 4. There is never a time I can go kidless besides Sunday and they have family obligations then. They have kids, so we settle on the floor with the little ones and my girls act like mother hens.

 

I'm a visiting teaching supervisor right now. They have changed how we report. I assume this is church wide. It's contact or no contact. Nothing complicated! I tell my sisters to try for "most contact" but if things are crazy to text and make some sort of contact! Email, call them, drop something off, it all counts for me. We had good numbers before, but have nearly 100% of sisters reached under the new guidelines. Everyone has been so relieved and excited. We have a lot of working mothers in our ward and have the need for flexibility.

[ashfern]

I leave my kids at home. My oldest can handle watching the others for the small amount of time I'm not home. My previous teachers came to visit me at night as they both worked. A couple of times I've met with my ladies before Sacrament Meeting. It doesn't have to be a long meeting. I think the main purpose is to keep in touch and make sure that any needs are being met. :D

[MamaSheep]

Maybe you could ask YOUR visiting teachers to watch your kids while you go visit the sisters you're assigned to?

 

(Depending on distances I know that might not be practical.)

[Heidi]

My dh works at night, so if I go I have to go during the daytime when dh can babysit. I just work homeschooling around it. It is very inconvenient. I would rather go on Sunday afternoons, but my companion, a retired, non-working woman, refuses. :glare:

[Melinda in VT]

My mom's ward in Texas is doing something like this. Three sisters in q group, all responsible for each other. I think it is great for friendships and also much easier for scheduling!

 

I think this is awesome. When I left the LDS church 11 or so years ago, we were introduced to small groups at our UU church and I told my husband that Mormons should replace VT and HT with small groups. I'm glad to see some wards are giving it a try.

 

(For me, I liked the actual visits, I just hated, hated, hated the scheduling each month. I would have vastly preferred a set time each month.)

[thebacabunch]

Face to face visits are recommended quarterly. SOme type of interaction is recommended monthly. Gospel according to the ward is a no go for me. I do vt according to the schedule of those people involved. I am a good vt and visit 4 my ladies formally only 4 times a year. Other than that we facebook, text, go to movies, have a book club, etc. My ladies (or even their husbands) know to call in an emergency and are comfortable doing so.

 

My mom was inactive for 25 years. Her vt paved the way for her return. Bless them. We can only do what we can do. kwim? And, yeah, I have had to learn to say no like it is going out of style. "sorry, I can't decorate the entire gym for your scouting gala last minute for tomorrow night on a budget of 2.00" lol. I still have to remind people that I am home and WORKING! I don't have time for fluff between teaching and intensive therapy for my autistic child:D.

 

I also NEVER share the message. I already read it and I assume my ladies have too.

[blondeviolin]

The ladies I visit usually have young kids. I try to schedule park-ish times, but the last few times I've been stood up. :glare:

[Jen+4dc]

That is an unrealistic expectation.

 

Homeschooling is my job during the day and even though I am not busy with it every single second, it is not something I can just drop. I make it clear that I am unavailable to visit or be visited at certain hours. Usually there is a way to make that known when I move into a ward, but if I am given an assignment that doesn't work for me, then I ask to have things changed. There has never been a problem with that, although if there were, I wouldn't back down on being unavailable. I wouldn't expect a person with a traditional job to take time off work to go visiting teaching.

 

I also think it's a good idea to be creative with VT. There's no reason why it has to be a formal visit every month. Even if your RS president says it should be.

:iagree:

 

 

That would so very not work in my ward either. Usually when we have VT interviews they ask us what times of day we're generally available and try to match up people with compatible work schedules. I try to treat homeschooling somewhat like any other "job" when it comes to scheduling outside appointments. I'm just not available during working hours. Sorry. Does that make it harder? Sure, but no harder than any of the other working women in the ward. Sometimes dh will get supper going for me while I go in the evening, or will help dd with her homework so I can go after supper. Sometimes my companion just goes without me if we can't find a mutually compatible time for everyone, or we'll just make do with a phone call, though we do try not to do that too often.

 

But yeah...expecting all VT to be done during weekday mornings is just an unreasonable expectation. Have you talked to your RS pres about it?

:iagree:

 

My vters come in the evening because they both work full-time. I schedule my visits after we finish the majority of our schooling, I try to schedule it for one of our "light" academic days.

[MinivanMom]

Thanks. I think I just needed to know that I'm not being unreasonable to want to vt sometime other than weekday mornings. This ward is pretty affluent, so we have virtually no women working outside the home and there are no "night routes". When we moved in 3 years ago, I only had 3 children and dd8 had just started homeschooling kindergarten so it wasn't a big deal. Now I am interrupting a full morning of work several times a month and dragging 5 kids along as well. I love my sisters I visit teach, but they are older ladies whose homes are not child friendly. I love my companion, but she wants to do a long morning visit with each of our three sisters every.single.month. I've tried setting up for evenings or weekends, but these sisters aren't willing to budge about morning visits. Unfortunately I set a precedent by being willing to visit teach in the morning when I was first assigned this route. I know I just need to suck it up and talk to the RS president about the issue, but I'm having a hard time with the idea of refusing to visit teach during the day at all.

[Veritaserum]

Just say your circumstances have changed and that you either need a route that fits your schedule or you need to be released. :grouphug:

[PollyOR]

I eventually quit. I got tired of the guilt.

 

I do have a visiting teacher who is diligent and tries hard to be flexible. She would like to visit every month, but I prefer cards, e-mail, and phone calls with occasional visits.

[MamaSheep]

Just say your circumstances have changed and that you either need a route that fits your schedule or you need to be released. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[Heidi]

Face to face visits are recommended quarterly. SOme type of interaction is recommended monthly.

 

 

HOLD EVERYTHING! Is this church-wide???

[Xuzi]

HOLD EVERYTHING! Is this church-wide???

 

I think it's been policy for quiet some time. I know it was the policy when DH was growing up. He grew up in an area with very few members, and a quarterly face-to-face visit was about as good as it got, since it was often an hour+ drive to the homes of the other members (that's how sparse and spread-out they were). It was what the Branch President told the congregation to aim for.

[Jen+4dc]

Just say your circumstances have changed and that you either need a route that fits your schedule or you need to be released. :grouphug:

:iagree:

 

HOLD EVERYTHING! Is this church-wide???

 

It's been the policy in the last 3 places I have lived: CA, ME, and VA. (We're military and move a lot).

[Lab1]

HOLD EVERYTHING! Is this church-wide???

 

It used to be. The rules changed 2-3 months ago to meet the needs of the sisters. As a VTing supervisor we had to record what type of visit each woman received. We needed to encourage an in home formal visit quarterly at least. The rules and how we record changed very recently and its simply contact/no contact. My RS president said that means anything goes and to prayerfully meet the needs of our sisters. I felt like they were giving us more leeway and authority to work in less conventional ways to make sure all sisters were reached. It has been embraced in our ward and I think the sisters are serving better as a result.

 

I assume a change like this is church wide, but I don't know for positive. I doubt our stake is testing a new program, but I guess that could be possible. Ask your supervisor when you report at the end of the month! It's made recording and reporting so much easier for me. No codes to remember and details to keep!

[Forget-Me-Not]

quarterly face-to-face has been the policy in my area for quite a while too. I live outside UT and our ward boundaries are quite spread out, so I don't know if that makes a difference or not. I'm guessing it's probably 90 minutes from our north boundary to our south, and we have people who probably drive 30-45 minutes to church every Sunday.

[garddwr]

I like that idea! When I was in a singles ward at BYU, we participated in a pilot program where 3-4 sisters get together once a month all at the same time. One gives the thought, but it was more of a way to encourage friendships.

 

WRT homeschooling, I make it clear that I am unavailable until mid to late afternoon on weekdays or evenings and weekends at other times.

 

My sister was RS president in a very diverse singles ward--people in lots of different circumstances. She used to say that visiting teaching was really about being a friend, not about having formal visits or meeting some specific program requirement. I liked her take on it.

 

OP, I would treat homeschooling as any other job--when you're working you're working.

[Miss Cornelia Snook]

I was released as a visiting teacher (even though I'd been able to get it done every month) a year or two ago. My relief society president is my visiting teacher, and has been for years. She knows me really well. She saw that I was HSing, working for DH's business, etc. and simply had no spare time. So she released me and I haven't begged to be assigned to visit-teach again...maybe when my baby is a bit older.

 

I'm not very organized, I'm not one of those high-energy people who manage to get everything done and still have time to work out and do crafts they find on pinterest. I struggle daily with this, just keeping everyone fed and clothed. I'm guessing my RSP was prompted to release me?

 

Anyway, OP--I vote for rocking the boat. You've gotten good advice here.

[stansclan89]

I had to put my foot down about a year ago. Before I worked it in one day a month. With this companion, she would make it into 3 separate times each month it was her turn to schedule. I finally told her that I could not go before 3pm ever, and she needed to check with me for the specific day since I might have other plans. She proceeded to make appointments after 3pm from that point without checking with me :confused:. I missed many appointments.

[sewingmama]

I just quit going :blush:

 

We have a small branch of mostly elderly people or working people - the elderly people are not fond of small children and I can't do night visits because DH works too late and can't watch the kids.

 

No one really visits me either -which I'm happy about because they tend to stay for hours and it wastes our day.

 

I can't stand the VT program - although I know other people benefit from it - I never have.

[gaillardia]

Wow! What a variety! I don't like not having the message, but I haven't had an actual visit in my home with the message in YEARS. I don't think most sisters read it. I think it has been church wide as a policy to have quarterly face to face visits, preferably in the home, for years. Go ahead and ask me how I know.

I have had dh on evening shift, no shift (unemployed) and myself working at afternoons into evening and doing home ed during the day.

Please don't feel obligated to have them over if it is not convenient for you. It is not supposed to be on the schedules of your vt'ers, it is for you.

There was a time where I had the RS pres and her counselors coming over to vt me at 9 a.m. so they could visit one another. I didn't let that go on for long!:lol::001_huh:

It was supposed to be recorded what type of visit was happening for years, as far as I know. And I would know.

They want us to be concerned, to minister to those we are called to visit teach. To reach out in every way...some of you have mentioned ways you do it...babysitting...drop off a meal, even for no reason. Just because. Call more than once a month. Be a friend. Become a friend. Get to know her. Heed promptings.

[Heidi]

Well, I guess I missed the memo about the quarterly visits.

 

I personally think VT is a valuable program. It is very inconvenient for the teachers, but if done in the spirit of serving others, it is a blessing to all involved. I've learned that relationships take time and love grows through diligent service. Half-hearted effort, which I'm guilty of MOST of the time, won't generate much of anything.

 

I had a companion once who said, "Like.. I'm just glad that, like, we get to visit cool sisters, so its more, like, we're just hanging out, and like, its fun." :glare: I wanted to say back, "Like... it's not about you, Dimwit." But I didn't, because I'm holy like that.

[Xuzi]

Well, I guess I missed the memo about the quarterly visits.

 

I personally think VT is a valuable program. It is very inconvenient for the teachers, but if done in the spirit of serving others, it is a blessing to all involved. I've learned that relationships take time and love grows through diligent service. Half-hearted effort, which I'm guilty of MOST of the time, won't generate much of anything.

 

I had a companion once who said, "Like.. I'm just glad that, like, we get to visit cool sisters, so its more, like, we're just hanging out, and like, its fun." :glare: I wanted to say back, "Like... it's not about you, Dimwit." But I didn't, because I'm holy like that.

 

:lol: :lol:

 

The first friend I ever made here in WA (where I have NO family, and had no previous ties) was my Visiting Teacher. 10 years later and several hundreds miles now between us, and she *still* will call me out of the blue sometimes. We're also FB friends. She even drove her family down here from their new home when my last baby was born so that her husband could participate in my son's Baby Blessing, just as he had for my first two babies. She and her whole family are very dear friends of ours.

[Heidi]

Just wanted to share a VT sucess today.

 

I made a couple of pumpkin pies today (no school today) and delivered them, unannounced, to the inactive sisters that I visit.

 

The first sister was home, I gave her the pie, and she said she wants to come back to church but she has to work on Sundays. I said, "Oh, I'm not visiting you to get you to come to church. I visit you to make sure you are doing OK and that your needs are met; whether or not you go to church." I thought she was feeling guilty I guess. My companion had invited her to come to church one time and there was a cold, awkward silence from her... We had no intention of offering that invitation again ;)

 

She said, "No, I want to come to church. I'm ready. I just have to figure out how to not work on Sundays." :D:D:D Woo Hooo!!!

 

And then I thought I would try another sister that I haven't met in person yet. She makes appointments and then doesn't answer her door:001_huh:. So I dropped by unannounced, with a pie, and she opens the door!!! I finally got to meet her. She is a delightful woman. I emphasized that I would REALLY like to visit her sometime, with my companion and without my kids (who were waiting in the car). I think it was the pie. Now I know I need to come armed with treats to get in her door.:tongue_smilie: I'm excited finally get to know her better.

 

Just a good VT day. Thought I'd share.

 

ETA: my current companion is not the dimwit i was speaking of in the previous post.

[LittleIzumi]

Today was visiting teaching scheduled AT a park (other mom has littles). That was a cool idea.

[PIE!]

Today was visiting teaching scheduled AT a park (other mom has littles). That was a cool idea.

 

I did that for the first time last month - and am now planning on doing it as much as weather permits. We got to visit more and the kids had a much better time.

[PIE!]

Just wanted to share a VT sucess today.

 

I made a couple of pumpkin pies today (no school today) and delivered them, unannounced, to the inactive sisters that I visit.

 

The first sister was home, I gave her the pie, and she said she wants to come back to church but she has to work on Sundays. I said, "Oh, I'm not visiting you to get you to come to church. I visit you to make sure you are doing OK and that your needs are met; whether or not you go to church." I thought she was feeling guilty I guess. My companion had invited her to come to church one time and there was a cold, awkward silence from her... We had no intention of offering that invitation again ;)

 

She said, "No, I want to come to church. I'm ready. I just have to figure out how to not work on Sundays." :D:D:D Woo Hooo!!!

 

And then I thought I would try another sister that I haven't met in person yet. She makes appointments and then doesn't answer her door:001_huh:. So I dropped by unannounced, with a pie, and she opens the door!!! I finally got to meet her. She is a delightful woman. I emphasized that I would REALLY like to visit her sometime, with my companion and without my kids (who were waiting in the car). I think it was the pie. Now I know I need to come armed with treats to get in her door.:tongue_smilie: I'm excited finally get to know her better.

 

Just a good VT day. Thought I'd share.

 

ETA: my current companion is not the dimwit i was speaking of in the previous post.

 

:hurray:

[MinivanMom]

Well, I guess I missed the memo about the quarterly visits.

 

I personally think VT is a valuable program. It is very inconvenient for the teachers, but if done in the spirit of serving others, it is a blessing to all involved. I've learned that relationships take time and love grows through diligent service. Half-hearted effort, which I'm guilty of MOST of the time, won't generate much of anything.

 

I had a companion once who said, "Like.. I'm just glad that, like, we get to visit cool sisters, so its more, like, we're just hanging out, and like, its fun." :glare: I wanted to say back, "Like... it's not about you, Dimwit." But I didn't, because I'm holy like that.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

That is hilarious.

 

I'm going to go ahead and request a night route. If it doesn't exist, then they will just have to engineer a route for me. I think that's what I've been wanting all along, but I just needed permission to rock the boat.

Thanks.

[garddwr]

I've been very, very grateful for visiting teachers at various times in my life--particularly as we have moved so often, always far from family. I have needed the support network the church provides, and knowing there were women I could call when I needed to (and I have needed to), has made a big difference. It takes time (as many of you know) to build up an individual network of friends in a new area. Having visiting teachers who come regularly and make me feel like they really do care and are interested in my life has been significant--even when those relationships don't develop into close personal friendships, although sometimes they have. It actually struck me this past summer when our original plans for childcare when I went into labor fell through the week before my due date. Suddenly I was scrambling to find someone who could watch my kids if I had to go into the hospital in the middle of the night. We're fairly new here, and there aren't a lot of people I can call on. I realized that when I was in that position in the past I had twice relied on a visiting teacher--only this time I didn't know who my visiting teachers were! I ended up calling the Relief Society president, who was very helpful and made up a whole calendar for me of sisters in the ward who offered to be on call. Really appreciated, but still stressful as I didn't really know a lot of those sisters. Fortunately I went into labor during the day and was able to leave my children with a homeschooling friend they all knew. But I realized how much I had taken the support network provided by visiting teachers for granted in the past.

[LittleIzumi]

I wasn't a huge fan of visiting teachers before but we haven't seen home teachers in almost a year, and rarely before that for the year previous, while my visiting teachers come every month without fail generally. I appreciate them a lot more now.