A wtm "angel tree"?

[AimeeM]

I saw a post that mentioned the angel tree. It would be so neat if there were something like that here on the boards! We adopt a couple children every year for Christmas, but we would really like to do it specifically for another homeschooling family instead of so randomly; I guess that a homeschool family is struggling really hits home for a lot of *us* - we know what a sacrifice it can be to home educate our children. We stopped doing angel tree years ago because of some rather "sketchy" happenings surrounding some of the "requests", so we just started relying on word of mouth locally.

 

I know it probably isn't possible and would, on some level, be an invasion of privacy (regular "angel trees" are rather anonymous, aren't they?), but it's something I think many of us would enjoy doing.

 

Just a sleep deprived thought.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I saw a post that mentioned the angel tree. It would be so neat if there were something like that here on the boards! We adopt a couple children every year for Christmas, but we would really like to do it specifically for another homeschooling family instead of so randomly; I guess that a homeschool family is struggling really hits home for a lot of *us* - we know what a sacrifice it can be to home educate our children. We stopped doing angel tree years ago because of some rather "sketchy" happenings surrounding some of the "requests", so we just started relying on word of mouth locally.

 

I know it probably isn't possible and would, on some level, be an invasion of privacy (regular "angel trees" are rather anonymous, aren't they?), but it's something I think many of us would enjoy doing.

 

Just a sleep deprived thought.

 

I would really love that. I can't imagine how we'd work it, but I'd participate.

[OrganicAnn]

You might be able to go through Salvation Army or another organization and find a family to help. But I'm not sure they would know whether a family homeschools or not.

[swellmomma]

I think the idea is lovely but here is my concern. This is a board with umpteen thousand members that do not post and sketchy ones that do. There is far too much risk of a scammer with a public site like this and an angel tree type situation.

 

What I suggest is if you really want to help a family from on here, keep an eye out for those families that are posting about struggles they are having and pm them to ask permission to send them something. I can think of many families on here that could use the extra help due to dh's off work, or illness, or single parenthood, or other challenges that have come up.

 

I do not think that doing an angel tree of sorts on this group is a good idea because anyone can say they need the help and really it is just because they want the free hand outs.

 

Or check out local homeschool support groups etc and see if they know who has a need.

Keep your eyes open, think about the posters you connect with or that you feel for and if you feel moved to help contact them directly.

[AimeeM]

You might be able to go through Salvation Army or another organization and find a family to help. But I'm not sure they would know whether a family homeschools or not.

Oh we are able to find families (if nothing else, we can ask our parish, I'm sure). Unfortunately the economy has made that rather easy.

[AimeeM]

I know you're right :glare:. It would be nice if it was all in one place though, so there is no risk of offending someone by asking (I'm queen of misinterpreting posts).

I think the idea is lovely but here is my concern. This is a board with umpteen thousand members that do not post and sketchy ones that do. There is far too much risk of a scammer with a public site like this and an angel tree type situation.

 

What I suggest is if you really want to help a family from on here, keep an eye out for those families that are posting about struggles they are having and pm them to ask permission to send them something. I can think of many families on here that could use the extra help due to dh's off work, or illness, or single parenthood, or other challenges that have come up.

 

I do not think that doing an angel tree of sorts on this group is a good idea because anyone can say they need the help and really it is just because they want the free hand outs.

 

Or check out local homeschool support groups etc and see if they know who has a need.

Keep your eyes open, think about the posters you connect with or that you feel for and if you feel moved to help contact them directly.

[Catwoman]

I think it's a lovely sentiment, but a slippery slope.

 

I was on another forum a few years ago, and we did something like that -- a secret santa kind of thing for people in need.

 

It turned out that several of the recipients were actually the same woman, who listed all of the stuff she got on Craigslist (for sale.) We only found out about it because one of the women in the group happened to live about 20 minutes away from the woman, and saw the Craigslist listing that included all of the stuff from the woman's extensive Secret Santa Wish List.

 

Sadly, I don't think our experience was particularly uncommon, because when I told a friend what had happened, she said something similar happened in a different online group, where a woman had said that one of her children had just died and her other kids were so heartbroken about it, and how she'd spend all of their money on doctors so she couldn't buy gifts for the kids. She even posted pictures of the supposedly-dead child that she said had been in the local newspapers in articles about her son's rare condition. But somehow, one of the group members got suspicious (the story was just too incredibly tragic) and checked out the woman's story, using the home address she'd provided so people could send gifts to her. It was a total lie.

 

I hate it when a few people ruin things for others, but it happens, and so many of the people who donate gifts to other families can barely afford to buy gifts for their own kids, so it's difficult to set up this sort of Angel Tree stuff without actually "knowing" the people who are asking for help.

 

It makes me so angry when people take advantage of others, but I think there's a special place in H*ll for people who pretend to have a sick or deceased child, just to get free stuff in the mail. :angry:

[Catwoman]

I think the idea is lovely but here is my concern. This is a board with umpteen thousand members that do not post and sketchy ones that do. There is far too much risk of a scammer with a public site like this and an angel tree type situation.

 

What I suggest is if you really want to help a family from on here, keep an eye out for those families that are posting about struggles they are having and pm them to ask permission to send them something. I can think of many families on here that could use the extra help due to dh's off work, or illness, or single parenthood, or other challenges that have come up.

 

I do not think that doing an angel tree of sorts on this group is a good idea because anyone can say they need the help and really it is just because they want the free hand outs.

 

Or check out local homeschool support groups etc and see if they know who has a need.

Keep your eyes open, think about the posters you connect with or that you feel for and if you feel moved to help contact them directly.

 

:iagree:

 

I was typing while you were posting! :001_smile:

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Yeah, those are the sorts of problems I envision too. Poo on scam artists :(

[Catwoman]

I know you're right :glare:. It would be nice if it was all in one place though, so there is no risk of offending someone by asking (I'm queen of misinterpreting posts).

 

I know what you mean, and it feels awkward to approach someone about something like this, because you don't want to offend them -- and some people get really upset if anyone thinks they need any kind of charity.

[AimeeM]

I know what you mean, and it feels awkward to approach someone about something like this, because you don't want to offend them -- and some people get really upset if anyone thinks they need any kind of charity.

Bingo. And what if I misinterpret a "super tight budget; dh was laid off" thread as meaning they have no extra, when possibly they have family to help and then they get offended by an unsolicited offer to help? (had that happen before, though not on this board - yikes!)

[Catwoman]

Bingo. And what if I misinterpret a "super tight budget; dh was laid off" thread as meaning they have no extra, when possibly they have family to help and then they get offended by an unsolicited offer to help? (had that happen before, though not on this board - yikes!)

 

I know what you mean. It's hard to know who really needs help and even when you do, you still don't know if they'll be receptive.

 

And there's also the issue of what to send. If there are no posted lists, my idea of a great gift for a kid might be the parents' idea of something horrible and evil... like Pokemon cards or a Care Bear... (see the "evil" thread for multiple examples!) I guess you could always send gift cards, but then it might really feel like charity to someone, because it's like you're sending them cash in the mail.

[aggieamy]

I know what you mean, and it feels awkward to approach someone about something like this, because you don't want to offend them -- and some people get really upset if anyone thinks they need any kind of charity.

 

Don't let it feel awkward. I've done this a few times in the past and you'll know when there seems to be a family that's struggling. Just send a PM and say you'd like to help if they'll let you. One lady nicely told me that she had been shopping for a few little things all year and she had it under control. Another gal told me that she'd love some help and DD and I had so much fun picking out things for her kids. We ordered a few things through amazon.com and then figured out a what type of grocery stores they had locally so we could send a gift card.

 

I always ask what type of things the kids are generally interested in and usually that will give you a good idea of what to send. I love when moms tell me they've got a daughter that likes craft stuff because there are so many fun craft kits out there. Teens love iTunes gift cards and younger kids are always easy to buy for.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Don't let it feel awkward. I've done this a few times in the past and you'll know when there seems to be a family that's struggling. Just send a PM and say you'd like to help if they'll let you. One lady nicely told me that she had been shopping for a few little things all year and she had it under control. Another gal told me that she'd love some help and DD and I had so much fun picking out things for her kids. We ordered a few things through amazon.com and then figured out a what type of grocery stores they had locally so we could send a gift card.

 

I always ask what type of things the kids are generally interested in and usually that will give you a good idea of what to send. I love when moms tell me they've got a daughter that likes craft stuff because there are so many fun craft kits out there. Teens love iTunes gift cards and younger kids are always easy to buy for.

 

:iagree: I have done similar things, and I just make sure I say in my PM that if they're not comfortable accepting or have everything under control, I completely understand, but that if help was needed, I'd be very honored to offer it. I've had people tell me they couldn't/wouldn't accept or didn't truly need help and others tell me they were grateful to have it, and I am always blessed by giving it. No one has ever been offended (that I know of, anyway).

[swellmomma]

I know you're right :glare:. It would be nice if it was all in one place though, so there is no risk of offending someone by asking (I'm queen of misinterpreting posts).

 

I agree, and it is unfortunate that scam artists have ruined it for others.

 

I will say though it is rare that someone will be offended if you contact them if you are sincere. For example. I posted the other day just a random comment in a thread about the colder weather that I needed a new winter coat but had to wait another month or so before I had the funds to buy one.

 

A wonderful board member pm'd me offering me an old one she no longer needed. It was a wonderful gesture and no offense taken at all (and I took her up on the offer because I really do need a coat, the zipper on my old one broke last winter).

 

Had I known that without a doubt i could have bought a new one in a few weeks I would have declined and still not been offended, because the fact is it was so sweet of her to notice that random comment and want to help.

 

If she had contacted me and said hey, I see you're a single mom and that means you're poor so God says I have to help you. I would be offended and refuse it. But people can tell when you are sincerely wanting to help and when you are feeling like it is an obligation.

 

It never hurts to ask them if you can help. just my 2 cents.

[TranquilMind]

I saw a post that mentioned the angel tree. It would be so neat if there were something like that here on the boards! We adopt a couple children every year for Christmas, but we would really like to do it specifically for another homeschooling family instead of so randomly; I guess that a homeschool family is struggling really hits home for a lot of *us* - we know what a sacrifice it can be to home educate our children. We stopped doing angel tree years ago because of some rather "sketchy" happenings surrounding some of the "requests", so we just started relying on word of mouth locally.

 

I know it probably isn't possible and would, on some level, be an invasion of privacy (regular "angel trees" are rather anonymous, aren't they?), but it's something I think many of us would enjoy doing.

 

Just a sleep deprived thought.

 

That's a good idea. It would depend upon the honesty of strangers, but the people with whom I have interacted here have been honest.

[Jennifer3141]

I agree, and it is unfortunate that scam artists have ruined it for others.

 

I will say though it is rare that someone will be offended if you contact them if you are sincere. For example. I posted the other day just a random comment in a thread about the colder weather that I needed a new winter coat but had to wait another month or so before I had the funds to buy one.

 

A wonderful board member pm'd me offering me an old one she no longer needed. It was a wonderful gesture and no offense taken at all (and I took her up on the offer because I really do need a coat, the zipper on my old one broke last winter).

 

Had I known that without a doubt i could have bought a new one in a few weeks I would have declined and still not been offended, because the fact is it was so sweet of her to notice that random comment and want to help.

 

If she had contacted me and said hey, I see you're a single mom and that means you're poor so God says I have to help you. I would be offended and refuse it. But people can tell when you are sincerely wanting to help and when you are feeling like it is an obligation.

 

It never hurts to ask them if you can help. just my 2 cents.

 

This is just an all around awesome post. :)

[justLisa]

This is just an all around awesome post. :)

 

I agree!

 

I am grateful and I love to help people. I do it often and it makes me happy.

[TranquilMind]

Bingo. And what if I misinterpret a "super tight budget; dh was laid off" thread as meaning they have no extra, when possibly they have family to help and then they get offended by an unsolicited offer to help? (had that happen before, though not on this board - yikes!)

 

 

Really? Who gets offended when someone offers to help? I think I'd say, "That is SO SWEET of you! We do have grandparents who are helping, but I really appreciate the offer."

 

Unless it was obnoxiously worded or something.

[AimeeM]

I agree with everyone about scammers and I need to keep in mind that I wouldn't just be offering up *our* resources; my daughter always adopts a child with her allowance and I would certainly feel responsible if that went sour.

Wish there were a way to do it though... wishful thinking... it would be nice to do something with parameters (like the for sale board requiring a certain number of posts or something). Ah well.

[swellmomma]

I agree with everyone about scammers and I need to keep in mind that I wouldn't just be offering up *our* resources; my daughter always adopts a child with her allowance and I would certainly feel responsible if that went sour.

Wish there were a way to do it though... wishful thinking... it would be nice to do something with parameters (like the for sale board requiring a certain number of posts or something). Ah well.

 

If you really want to make this happen without being the one going to the family first. Here is what I would do. Make a post that you want to do this. You will chose a family based on referral of established members. I suggest that because many established members talk offline to each other and can verify the person is a real person with a real need. From there you can contact the referred person to see if they are okay with receiving help.

 

You could do the same to help connect other families, by having people who are wanting to help pm you as well.

 

With everything being done via pm and including referrals from established posters (I am thinking ones with over 500 posts at least) you face less chance of being scammed and are more likely to reach a deserving family like you want.

[Rosie_0801]

Most people read an offer of help as "I see things are a bit tight your end, and I'd like to send you something coz I like you." Most people don't find being liked offensive. ;)

 

Rosie

[swellmomma]

Most people read an offer of help as "I see things are a bit tight your end, and I'd like to send you something coz I like you." Most people don't find being liked offensive. ;)

 

Rosie

 

:iagree:exactly. Seriously Rosie here sent me stamps for my kids collections recently. Just having her offer to send them had me grinning, and then when they arrived we were so elated. To have someone like you enough to take time out of their day to message you an offer, gather up whatever they were sending and hitting the post office. WOW it warms your heart so much. That is not offensive to anyone I know. Just the message alone was enough to lift my spirits immensely.

[Renee in NC]

Some ladies on the board here did this for our family the first year we were in bad shape. It was a wonderful blessing. People were so generous I was able to forward some on to another family I knew that needed help, too.

 

I say just contact someone who you have seen is in rough shape. If they are offended, it is their problem not yours.

[happypamama]

One year, we were having a really hard time, and a friend of my DH's coordinated a gift for us from other friends. Some sent cash; some sent gift cards; others sent gifts. Many sent encouraging notes. It was truly amazing. But I think it worked best because one person coordinated it. I think you'd need someone to take nominations as well as interested givers, and then that person could match up givers and receivers.

 

Perhaps there's also a possibility of a "I could use X" thread, where people could mention stuff they need, like the PP who mentioned needing a coat. Then someone who felt they could meet that need could answer it.

[Jennifer3141]

I agree with everyone about scammers and I need to keep in mind that I wouldn't just be offering up *our* resources; my daughter always adopts a child with her allowance and I would certainly feel responsible if that went sour.

Wish there were a way to do it though... wishful thinking... it would be nice to do something with parameters (like the for sale board requiring a certain number of posts or something). Ah well.

 

 

Here's the way I feel about online scammers:

 

In 2004, an old CD board on AOL got hit by this whacko named "April" big time. She had the most horrid tale of woe. Looking back, she had MONTHS of sad tales that of course weren't true but when she capped it off with the dead baby, I almost just gave her my Paypal password. We had auctions for her, there were straight donations, etc. etc. I know a couple of people who just endorsed their entire week's paycheck over to her.

 

As it turned out, she took the money for her "dead baby's funeral" and went on a Disney cruise. :glare:

 

It drove some of the board members INSANE.

 

But it didn't drive me insane and here's why: I gave that money understanding that it could all be a lie. I don't care. Once it leaves my possession and my intention was that it go to someone "good" and/or in need, my job is done. Do I hope it isn't part of a scam? Sure! But is the scam MY problem? Nope. I let it go. It's up to the universe/karma/god/bad juju or whatever to handle the scammer.

 

And if someone here is resorting to scams on a homeschooling board to steal money from others, well then as far as I am concerned; that person has already fallen from whatever grace he or she may have had because that's pretty pathetic.

 

So if someone wants to set something up for one or more of our familys in need, count me in!

[Joanne]

I've seen an "Angel Tree" event work on another online community. It was much smaller, but still had the scam risk. One year, my family benefited. One year, I was one of the people who "ran" the program. I was blessed by both roles.

 

My family has benefited - indeed, we've been blessed and saved by the generosity of members of this board. For *me*, it would be worth the risk to consider an organized holiday help event here.

 

The chances of a scam are present, but the cnances of helping a family in need are also.

 

Whatever you decide, :grouphug: for the function of joy, celebration, and support that has happened here over the years.

 

If you do decide to go forward with some kind of program, I can't contribute much, but would offer something.

[sunnylady303]

I think that finding people to help on these boards wouldn't be hard. It is tough right now. Scamming is a real problem on boards like these and I hate that because it spoils it for everyone. But what can you do? It's the internet.

 

 

And I agree, look for people you have felt a connection to. And offer. If they are offended, it reflects poorly on them. It encourages me to see so many people thinking about giving.

Edited October 8, 2012 by sunnylady303
too much sharing

[AimeeM]

So, if we decided to, how would we go about organizing something like a previous poster suggested - an "I need..." post that could be organized by a couple members and could be coordinated to match up potential donations with those in need of donations?

I would love to act as an organizer, but would need help on some level - I'm not the most organized soul :tongue_smilie:. What I am is diligent; not so organized, lol.

[Joanne]

So, if we decided to, how would we go about organizing something like a previous poster suggested - an "I need..." post that could be organized by a couple members and could be coordinated to match up potential donations with those in need of donations?

I would love to act as an organizer, but would need help on some level - I'm not the most organized soul :tongue_smilie:. What I am is diligent; not so organized, lol.

 

I kept a spreadsheet and used a paypal to which 3 known, vetted members had access. I shared the spreadsheet with the other team members. We did a "need/want" list.

 

There were only a few "dicey" or "suspicious" concerns. We talked them through and, IIRC, offered at least something to each family.

 

Some donors wanted anonymity, some wanted to help specific situations - we facilitated it all according to the stated needs of the families and stated wishes of the donors.

[AimeeM]

I kept a spreadsheet and used a paypal to which 3 known, vetted members had access. I shared the spreadsheet with the other team members. We did a "need/want" list.

 

There were only a few "dicey" or "suspicious" concerns. We talked them through and, IIRC, offered at least something to each family.

 

Some donors wanted anonymity, some wanted to help specific situations - we facilitated it all according to the stated needs of the families and stated wishes of the donors.

Do I hear a volunteer to co-organize? :lol::D;)

You sound awfully... organized.

[Joanne]

Do I hear a volunteer to co-organize? :lol::D;)

You sound awfully... organized.

 

No. I am organized, but I am not in a position to honor this role for this year. I'm struggling in many ways. :)

[aggieamy]

No. I am organized, but I am not in a position to honor this role for this year. I'm struggling in many ways. :)

 

Wow. I have to remember that line because it's is the nicest way of saying "no" I've ever heard.

[MomtoCandJ]

Or we can do an exchange type thing? I have lots of workbooks that were sent to me by a lovely lady on here that I won't be able to use and would like them to be sent to someone who can use them. They are first grade and above brighter vision workbooks. We could use craft supplies for dd :)

[mommymilkies]

I really don't have any money to donate-my family is having a really hard year, financially. But I do have things like books to pass on. :)