Graduation party thank you better off not sent?

[SpecialClassical]

This is on my new iPad , so there may be a few mistakes.

 

Ok, today we received a "thank you" note for a party we attended in June. Pretty Late, but not a big deal. Howevèr, the note was simply a messy, "Thanks for the gift of money". (No period) Also, he didn't address us as the recipient or include a closing. His name is there. Would this be good enough at your house?

Because it leaves me wanting to save it as an example of something that is totally unacceptable. I won't do it because I don't want to make him look bad to my children.

 

Don't worry, I'm trying to be gracious and think of all the legitimate reasons for it, but the above is my first reaction. Well, almost ;). My first was more like :ohmy::ohmy:

[Cassy]

I don't know about unacceptable, but as a recipient I'd be left wondering why he'd bothered at all, and feel probably more put out than if he hadn't bothered. It's a bit insulting.

[eternalknot]

I'd have been glad to receive the thank you, but sure - it would have given me pause.

 

If I were going to use it as an example to my kids I think I'd do it very all about me kind of like - "Wow, I spent time selecting a card, attending the party, and I didn't do it for any kind of recognition, but my feelings are a bit hurt to receive such a generic thank you. I suppose it's better than nothing, but I'd have felt good to have my name or a personal touch mentioned."

[eternalknot]

but as a recipient I'd be left wondering why he'd bothered at all

 

Mom made him LOL.

 

When she realized it's been months and he still hadn't, she lectured him and took away some privilege until the thank yous had been mailed.

 

If she catches wind of this, the next time she'll ask to see them before he seals them, though :tongue_smilie:.

[xixstar]

I would be happy it arrived at all.

[Belacqua]

I don't know about unacceptable, but as a recipient I'd be left wondering why he'd bothered at all, and feel probably more put out than if he hadn't bothered. It's a bit insulting.

 

Exactly. Unless this was a kindergarten graduation and the note was written in crayon (and even then, it's pretty sketchy), that's feeble.

[Cassy]

Mom made him LOL.

 

When she realized it's been months and he still hadn't, she lectured him and took away some privilege until the thank yous had been mailed.

 

If she catches wind of this, the next time she'll ask to see them before he seals them, though :tongue_smilie:.

 

Of course! You're good you know, very good, that would never have occurred to me. I think you should start a second career as a writer of psychological thrillers :D.

[eternalknot]

Of course! You're good you know, very good, that would never have occurred to me. I think you should start a second career as a writer of psychological thrillers :D.

 

:lol: I was that kid, and now I'm raising that kid.

 

Curse the apple that doesn't fall far from the tree!

[craftymama]

IMO, it is terrible. Without addressing or signing he was simply checking a block to say it was done. There is no sincere appreciation for your time, thoughts, or gift.

[justasque]

There is no sincere appreciation for your time, thoughts, or gift.

 

I don't think I'd go that far. For some folks, writing these things comes very easily. For others, it's a huge struggle. Being bad at writing thank-yous does not equal not appreciating the effort of the giver. In the same way, some folks are great at volunteering, and others just aren't. Some are good at feeding people, some aren't. Some are good at cheerfully rearranging their whole day to help in a pinch with a crisis, and some aren't. Some can fix anything that's broken, but aren't much good at making conversation or expressing their feelings. Some are great writers, and some just aren't good at it.

 

Yes, he should have made more of an effort. Yes, I'm guessing his mom would be mortified if she had seen it before it was sent. And it might be that he didn't care about the gift. But it might also be that he is just horrible at expressing himself in writing and getting it in the mail in a timely fashion.

[HappyCrazyMama]

Do you know us?:confused: My son just sent his thank you's (I won't go into the reasons for the delay) but he didn't have a party, he does have terrible handwriting but he tries and I thought they should be handwritten.

 

It sounds like he used "Thank you for the gift of" as the leading line for every thank you note and then filled in the appropriate item. I would be mortified if I was his mother and as a recipient I would save it as a bad example.

 

I must ask what do you put on thank you notes if not, "Thank you for the gift of..."?

 

I think my son's said, "Dear So and So, Thank you for the gift of ________. I (enjoy it, find it useful, handy, etc.). Sincerely, _______

 

He's a man of few words. I know they were quite late but do you think some think we shouldn't have bothered?:(

 

FWIW, my mother never had me write thank you notes, the first I remember writing were for my baby shower. I think I thanked them for the gift.:tongue_smilie:

[HappyCrazyMama]

I don't think I'd go that far. For some folks, writing these things comes very easily. For others, it's a huge struggle. Being bad at writing thank-yous does not equal not appreciating the effort of the giver. In the same way, some folks are great at volunteering, and others just aren't. Some are good at feeding people, some aren't. Some are good at cheerfully rearranging their whole day to help in a pinch with a crisis, and some aren't. Some can fix anything that's broken, but aren't much good at making conversation or expressing their feelings. Some are great writers, and some just aren't good at it.

 

Yes, he should have made more of an effort. Yes, I'm guessing his mom would be mortified if she had seen it before it was sent. And it might be that he didn't care about the gift. But it might also be that he is just horrible at expressing himself in writing and getting it in the mail in a timely fashion.

 

Thank you!

[8circles]

I never want to start agreeing with the OP in these kind of threads because even if I do, inevitably something like this:

 

Exactly. Unless this was a kindergarten graduation and the note was written in crayon (and even then, it's pretty sketchy), that's feeble.

 

gets posted & I think I really don't agree with this at all but I feel like the tone of the whole thread starts sounding like this. Really? this would be 'sketchy' for kindergarten?

 

I don't think I'd go that far. For some folks, writing these things comes very easily. For others, it's a huge struggle. Being bad at writing thank-yous does not equal not appreciating the effort of the giver. In the same way, some folks are great at volunteering, and others just aren't. Some are good at feeding people, some aren't. Some are good at cheerfully rearranging their whole day to help in a pinch with a crisis, and some aren't. Some can fix anything that's broken, but aren't much good at making conversation or expressing their feelings. Some are great writers, and some just aren't good at it.

 

Yes, he should have made more of an effort. Yes, I'm guessing his mom would be mortified if she had seen it before it was sent. And it might be that he didn't care about the gift. But it might also be that he is just horrible at expressing himself in writing and getting it in the mail in a timely fashion.

 

I totally and absolutely agree with this. The Thank-You note writer didn't do a good job of said thank-you note. Don't take it personally.

[DarlaS]

I would be happy it arrived at all.

 

:iagree:

 

I don't know too many teen boys who would willingly sit down and write a thank you note at all, let alone elaborate about the gift or his appreciation of it.

[fraidycat]

Wow. In this day and age, I'd be happy that I received a Thank You note at all.

 

It amazes me that people really can be judgmental about the smallest, stupidest things. :confused: Really. If I received a Thank you card, I'd think "oh cool". It would not even cross my mind to start judging the person on what was written on the card. Ever. :glare:

[DarlaS]

I don't think I'd go that far. For some folks, writing these things comes very easily. For others, it's a huge struggle. Being bad at writing thank-yous does not equal not appreciating the effort of the giver. In the same way, some folks are great at volunteering, and others just aren't. Some are good at feeding people, some aren't. Some are good at cheerfully rearranging their whole day to help in a pinch with a crisis, and some aren't. Some can fix anything that's broken, but aren't much good at making conversation or expressing their feelings. Some are great writers, and some just aren't good at it.

 

Yes, he should have made more of an effort. Yes, I'm guessing his mom would be mortified if she had seen it before it was sent. And it might be that he didn't care about the gift. But it might also be that he is just horrible at expressing himself in writing and getting it in the mail in a timely fashion.

 

:iagree:

 

There's not much expression of his appreciation. That does not mean he did not appreciate it.

[Belacqua]

I never want to start agreeing with the OP in these kind of threads because even if I do, inevitably something like this:

 

 

 

gets posted & I think I really don't agree with this at all but I feel like the tone of the whole thread starts sounding like this. Really? this would be 'sketchy' for kindergarten?

 

I'm not suggesting that I'd sneer at a less-than elegantly composed note (particularly from a little kid), or that I'd reject a thank-you because of bad handwriting. Some of the most charming notes I've seen have been barely decipherable and scribbled in purple crayon. And I agree that not everybody finds it easy to write eloquent, thoughtful notes.

 

Still, the OP's example is worse than perfunctory. I wouldn't have allowed my kid to send a note without addressing the gift-giver by name or including a signature (even if it were just a scribble). I grant that I'm probably unusually strict about such things; in our house, the gift didn't get used until a proper thank you note was sent. I'm not expecting Shakespeare, but I do demand (from my kid, I mean) a genuine effort.

[eternalknot]

Wow. In this day and age, I'd be happy that I received a Thank You note at all.

 

It amazes me that people really can be judgmental about the smallest, stupidest things. :confused: Really. If I received a Thank you card, I'd think "oh cool". It would not even cross my mind to start judging the person on what was written on the card. Ever. :glare:

 

I think we can be disappointed in something, without it necessarily being a straight judgment about someone else. I know some people go over the top with the etiquette thing, but I didn't see that expressed up-thread.

 

I know I can :D. Thankfully my family can, too, because they're often disappointed in my efforts but aren't at all judgemental about my shortcomings.

 

It's always nice to receive a thank you note, whatever did (or didn't) go into it. I like the poster before me who said that some people ... it's just not their thing, this written communication or expressing thanks. I get that. I think most people do.

 

And at the same time, I don't think it's at all judgmental to feel slighted by a perceived lack of sincerity. I don't think one needs to push that feeling aside out of gratefulness for having received anything at all :confused:. Now, calling up this kid's mom or gossiping to the rest of the family is one thing, but ... to express disappointment seems reasonable for people who might be hurt by such a generic acknowledgment.

[J-rap]

Better than nothing, I guess. Not at all the way we do them here.

 

We received one that was done very professionally, printed on a postcard size note card, with a photo of the graduate and a professionally printed note with his professionally printed name. It was a generic thank you note thanking anyone and everyone for the gift and telling of his plans. The address on the envelope was a label printed on the computer.

 

I know for a fact that the young man was gone all summer working at a camp, but the postmark was from our town. I'm quite sure the mother did the entire thing.

[tex-mex]

I would be happy it arrived at all.

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[justasque]

I must ask what do you put on thank you notes if not, "Thank you for the gift of..."?

 

If I'm playing the mom role, for a teen boy, I have them aim for:

 

Dear so-and-so;

At least one sentence about something that doesn't relate to the gift - glad you came to my party, loved playing Scrabble with you, etc.

Then the obligatory Thank you for the ____, ideally phrased a bit better than that.

It will come in handy for ____, or some other follow-up sentence expressing how gift will be used.

Sentence about something that doesn't relate to the gift - looking forward to seeing you at X, hope you have a good time with Y, whatever.

Love (or sincerely, or your friend, or whatever)

Sender.

[Kathryn]

This is on my new iPad , so there may be a few mistakes.

 

Ok, today we received a "thank you" note for a party we attended in June. Pretty Late, but not a big deal. Howevèr, the note was simply a messy, "Thanks for the gift of money". (No period) Also, he didn't address us as the recipient or include a closing. His name is there. Would this be good enough at your house?

Because it leaves me wanting to save it as an example of something that is totally unacceptable. I won't do it because I don't want to make him look bad to my children.

 

Don't worry, I'm trying to be gracious and think of all the legitimate reasons for it, but the above is my first reaction. Well, almost ;). My first was more like :ohmy::ohmy:

 

What kind of graduation? Kindergarten? High school? College? I sit down and write rough drafts of what DS will say for his thank you notes now. Once he's finished high school, I'm hoping his thank you notes are none of my business.

[SpecialClassical]

First, I meant the conversation to be geared more towards what expectations are in our homes. I wasn't clear in expressing that it was less about this note than what people would expect from their children.

 

I have to say I am surprised that people assumed I was being judgmental when I emphasized the fact that it was my initial reaction and that I was trying it think of legitimate reasons the young man might have sent it that way. In addition, I think he is a sweet boy, but that doesn't change the fact that the thank you seemed poorly done.

 

Anyway, I am reasonably sure he was forced to do it because a mutual family member said something to his parents about the notes. I never said a word and would not do so. To me it is a matter of good manners and appreciation for others' gifts to you. However, I have failed to send a note or two during very stressful times and am happy to extend grace to others. It is not good manners to bring up the lack of said notes either.

 

This was a high school graduation.

[SpecialClassical]

Do you know us?:confused: My son just sent his thank you's (I won't go into the reasons for the delay) but he didn't have a party, he does have terrible handwriting but he tries and I thought they should be handwritten.

 

 

 

I must ask what do you put on thank you notes if not, "Thank you for the gift of..."?

 

I think my son's said, "Dear So and So, Thank you for the gift of ________. I (enjoy it, find it useful, handy, etc.). Sincerely, _______

 

He's a man of few words. I know they were quite late but do you think some think we shouldn't have bothered?:(

 

FWIW, my mother never had me write thank you notes, the first I remember writing were for my baby shower. I think I thanked them for the gift.:tongue_smilie:

Actually, I think your example is a very good way to handle the task with a young person who struggles and like I said, the timing of it isn't a big deal. There was no Dear anything or any kind of closing as in your example and your son's second sentence in the body shows that he really put effort into it.

[HappyCrazyMama]

If I'm playing the mom role, for a teen boy, I have them aim for:

 

Dear so-and-so;

At least one sentence about something that doesn't relate to the gift - glad you came to my party, loved playing Scrabble with you, etc.

Then the obligatory Thank you for the ____, ideally phrased a bit better than that.

It will come in handy for ____, or some other follow-up sentence expressing how gift will be used.

Sentence about something that doesn't relate to the gift - looking forward to seeing you at X, hope you have a good time with Y, whatever.

Love (or sincerely, or your friend, or whatever)

Sender.

 

Thank you, this is helpful for me. I'm going to print this, I want to be better at these things.:)

[HappyCrazyMama]

Actually, I think your example is a very good way to handle the task with a young person who struggles and like I said, the timing of it isn't a big deal. There was no Dear anything or any kind of closing as in your example and your son's second sentence in the body shows that he really put effort into it.

Okay, I wasn't sure by other peoples posts if a note like that was okay or not. :)

 

I think the feeling of judgement came from the idea that perhaps it would have been better off not sent.:)

[SpecialClassical]

Okay, I wasn't sure by other peoples posts if a note like that was okay or not. :)

 

I think the feeling of judgement came from the idea that perhaps it would have been better off not sent.:)

 

I think you are right. That was not the best way to lead into the topic.

[fraidycat]

Okay, I wasn't sure by other peoples posts if a note like that was okay or not. :)

 

I think the feeling of judgement came from the idea that perhaps it would have been better off not sent.:)

 

Yes that, and the fact that she said it was "simple and messy" and pointed out the lack of punctuation. That screamed judgment, to me. Probably because it is something that I wouldn't even notice in a handwritten card that I wasn't expecting. Admittedly, I did get a little too bent out of shape about it, so I apologize for that. My wording was a little, um.... strong. :blushing:

 

I don't give gifts to receive thanks. I give a gift because I want to give a gift, so I don't ever expect a Thank You note. I know some people do, so I sent out Thank yous after our wedding, individually acknowledged with a short little note about how the gift would be put to use or whatever.

 

I'm more of a verbal person. If my kids receive a gift or card with $$ I make them CALL and personally thank the person. Save a tree or something like that. ;)

[SKL]

I was very delinquent on mine! I felt so badly,but I talked to my mom and sais "I guess it would be worse to send thim this late than not send them at all, right?" Mom did not agree. When I finally sent them out it was getting close to a year later. But I felt like a huge weight was lifted.

 

What I wrote was thanks for being part of my graduation day and here's what I used all my graduation gift money for (a used piano).

 

I figured I'd get a lot of dirty looks after that, but nobody seemed to mind.

[In the Rain]

This is on my new iPad , so there may be a few mistakes.

 

Ok, today we received a "thank you" note for a party we attended in June. Pretty Late, but not a big deal. Howevèr, the note was simply a messy, "Thanks for the gift of money". (No period) Also, he didn't address us as the recipient or include a closing. His name is there. Would this be good enough at your house?

Because it leaves me wanting to save it as an example of something that is totally unacceptable. I won't do it because I don't want to make him look bad to my children.

 

Don't worry, I'm trying to be gracious and think of all the legitimate reasons for it, but the above is my first reaction. Well, almost ;). My first was more like :ohmy::ohmy:

 

Well, at least you got a thank you. It is more than many people, myself included, often manage. :001_huh: :tongue_smilie: Maybe it was his best effort, maybe not. My husband works with kids trying to get into college and is routinely surprised by their best efforts. :confused:

[milovany]

Mom made him LOL.

 

 

I just made our son write his last thank you note today after I saw the title of this thread. :glare: All the others were done in a timely fashion, but the one to one of our priests? :svengo:

[courtney.byrum]

Having to pin my kids down to make them write thank yous I can see that being attempted as teens. That said I would require them to address the thank you to the person it is being sent to and put a signature. Right now they pick one thing they were given by that person and thank them for that item - and usually follow it with some form of appreciation about it.

 

I also make it a point to email each person who sends the kids something to let them know it arrived safely - then the kids send thank yous after they open it. We're typically a tad late sending them out though - 3-5 weeks from when they receive it seems to be about average for us.