I am burnt out....help me! WWYD

[Tap]

DD13 wanted to change private schools this year. She was in a very small private school for 6-7th, but this year, enrollment dropped even lower (only 7 incl her in 7th/8th combined) so she did not want to return to the smaller school for 8th grade. We spent months looking at schools, me visiting schools, research, interviews, her doing day long visits, discussing, applying and all that fun stuff. (She was homeschooled k-5)

 

She chose a school a month ago. We really felt that it would be an amazing fit for her. She was very excited to go, hardly sleeping for the weeks ahead of starting classes. It goes through highschool, has sports each season, a good academic record and is close to the house so we don't have to carpool.

 

Class started yesterday. She had classes and then soccer practice (a new sport for her). She came home in tears saying she hated it. We talked for a long time last night, she went to school today.

 

Today she came home in a better mood, saying it was a bit better, but I let her skip soccer practice when she asked without much resistance (tired from PE endurance testing, up until midnight talking, over 90* outside).

 

Over the evening, she has started tearing up again. Saying she doesn't want to go there and it makes her sad when she thinks about it. She says she is sad at school. She isn't a crier normally. This is pretty unusual for her.

 

I don't know what to do. I know her old school would welcome her back. I don't think it is the right place for her though. She would get a good education but not a good social situation. She would be one of 5 neurotypical kids in her class, 1 with Aspergers, 1 with ODD.

 

 

I haven't paid tuition at the new school yet. I will pay it on Monday. If she is going to leave, now is the time to do it. When I talked to her old school last week, the head of school told me they still have her scholarship open. It is the only way she can go back to the old school, as we can't afford tuition there if she isn't on scholarship. If we wait to move her, the scholarship will be gone.

 

 

 

My instinct says that she just needs time to adjust to the new school. But she is breaking my heart by crying to go back to her old school.

 

Her new school is $3000 more than the old school, so if she went back to the old school, we would have more money to play with for extracurriculars.

 

Homeschooling is an option, but not a good one for her. She really, really loves the social part of school.

 

 

I am so burnt out on school shopping. We had school changes for her, ds a university change at the last minute, and a special needs program for dd5. I have looked at and talked to people at well over 20 schools in the past 3 months for all of them, each needing different things. I was happy to finally have things settled. UGGGGHHHH!

Edited September 7, 2012 by Tap, tap, tap

[Garga]

Yowza! I'd be burnt out, too! :grouphug: You poor dear.

[Rebecca VA]

I'm not clear on why she hates the new school. Has anyone been mean to her? Are the teachers nice? Does she tend to resist change in general?

[brendag]

Oh my! I don't have any advice, but I can understand why you would be burned out!!

 

:grouphug:

[MomatHWTK]

I can't remember, did your DD want to switch schools when you initially started the process? Was she willing to be in the smaller class at the old school or did she want to move?

 

Could her feelings this week be hormonal?

[Tap]

I'm not clear on why she hates the new school. Has anyone been mean to her? Are the teachers nice? Does she tend to resist change in general?

 

 

 

No one has been mean to her.

 

She has met a couple other people and ate lunch with another new girl 2 days in a row. She sat with 4 girls at lunch and said they were all nice.

 

She has 7 teachers, 1 coach. She likes them all but one.

 

She usually likes change and variety. She really wanted to go a large public school. She gets along with others pretty easily.

 

 

I think it is just that it is all new to her. At her old school, any new person was treated like royalty for the first few weeks. LOL New meat in a very small school! LOL This school has more typical kids who don't go to the new people to meet them. There are about 70 kids per grade k-12. So it is large enough to not know everyone, but small enough that you feel like you do. The old school was under 100 for k-8 total.

[Tap]

I can't remember, did your DD want to switch schools when you initially started the process? Was she willing to be in the smaller class at the old school or did she want to move?

 

Could her feelings this week be hormonal?

 

Yep, that change was prompted by her. She really wanted to go to bigger school.

[Stacy in NJ]

Yep, that change was prompted by her. She really wanted to go to bigger school.

 

And stick with the new school. Change is hard and emotional even when the situation is good. She probably felt like a big fish in a small pond at her old school. Now she's a smaller fish in a bigger pond. That can discombobulate many people. Give her a bit more time to adjust.

 

I'd give her a full semester. If she's miserable then, and if it's financially possible, make the change. In the meantime just listen to her and comfort her. Tell her it will get better.

[MomatHWTK]

I would tend more toward encouraging her to stick it out since she was the one who prompted the change. There was a reason she wanted the change, she should try to remember what that was and ask herself if she really doesn't agree with that reason anymore. If it wasn't her idea to begin with, then I might be more flexible. KWIM?

[Anne in CA]

Change is hard for anyone, I am totally sympathetic. It is one thing to think you want to change, it is another to do it. If I get a vote, I vote having her stay for the whole year, because I bet she will be glad she did. I changed schools in the middle of high school and never regretted it. My old school was super unhealthy though. Whenever things were hard at the new school all I had to do was remember how much I didn't want to go back to the old one. Your dd doesn't have that push to help her adjust.

[kalanamak]

I'm not clear on why she hates the new school. Has anyone been mean to her? Are the teachers nice? Does she tend to resist change in general?

 

:iagree:

[RoughCollie]

When I was a kid, I went to 10 different schools (Air Force brat). For me, the adjustment period was 3 weeks. I tell my kids that it will take them 3 weeks to get used to going to a new school. That way, they know there is a time limit to how long they will feel like a stranger in a strange land.

[Night Elf]

That is hard because she can't go back to her old school without the scholarship. However, I do think it's going to take longer than a few days to adjust to a new situation. I just think you need a backup plan just in case the situation gets worse and she doesn't want to attend anymore. Of course you'll need to ascertain the reason. Maybe she thought she'd like to have more kids but she is finding she doesn't like being one of the main kids. It's hard to be a superstar in a largish pack.

[Mama Geek]

I remember your other post, let her stick it out. It will give her a chance to grow and lots of times growing can be difficult. She will likely learn a lot of things that will benefit her in the long run. It sounds like there is nothing wrong with the school.

[Tap]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate the advice. After her first day of school, I told her that if she absolutely hated it in a few weeks, I would bring her home to homeschool instead. I figure that if it is bad enough that she is willing to homeschool again, then she really is miserable.:lol: LOL

 

I told her that she can't go back to her old school because we already enrolled and promised the tuition money to the new school. True, but I left off the fact that the school will refund unused tuition. I am trying to get her to focus on her new school and not dwell on her old one.....we will see if I can pull it off.

 

I agree that it takes several weeks to get used to a new environment, and I do think she will like it once she meets some more people and acclimates a bit. I just had seeing my otherwise happy girl, in tears over it. :( I had to change schools a lot growing up (10 schools/12 years) and there was one school in 9th grade, that I hated with a passion. Her crying makes me think of that school, and I think, in my heart, I am being a bit over empathetic because of it. My head says she should stick it out a month or so.....I appreciate you all telling me the same thing, it was what I needed to hear. :D

 

There is a another new girl Jessica who she has made friends with. Maybe I will see if she and Jessica want to get together a bit this weekend. Having a buddy in school makes a big difference!