What do you do about rude kids?

[PeacefulChaos]

...when they don't belong to you?

One is a friend of Link's from church - though I'm not sure how much of a friend he is. Link doesn't usually choose to spend time with him outside of church if it's something he has a say in (wasnt one of the boys he wantd to take with us for laser tag, etc) but this kid asks to come over to our house nearly every Sunday afternoon. I usually say no, because it just isn't convenient and honestly he is kind of rude. Never mind the fact that he is always asking Link if he can come over - I've asked Link if he wants him to and he says sure, but he also isn't the one doing the asking. :glare: and he usually isn't the one who asks me - the kid comes up and does it. Then when he does come to our house, he has said things to DH and I like, 'are you going to bring us some Popsicles or something?' when they are in playing a game. I'm like :confused: because I'm thinking, really?!

The other thing is our neighbor kids. I've mentioned them before - they knock on the door all hours of the day when they are out of school, etc (including when I'm not even up yet), they knock repeatedly (and this is after I've answered and said the boys can play later - they knock about 30 min later. If I say after lunch, they are at the door knocking at 12. I told the boys to tell them no more knocking. It's just obnoxious!) they play with my kids toys when they aren't outside and sometimes when we aren't home.... It just drives. Me. Nuts. We buy stuff for our kids, and I understand that kids share toys but some of our stuff has been broken because of these kids riding the bikes, etc. there have been times that the boys won't let Astro ride HIS own bike because they want to ride it (their bikes are in disrepair and their parents won't fix them). They have also asked DH to take them down the road to the parking lot where he takes our boys to ride their bikes so that they can ride them. :001_huh:

All summer when the boys went outside with a popsicle, they would get one for the neighbor boys. I don't mind that at all. I buy plenty for them to share. Now they are back in school and my boys had a Popsicle earlier in the day, before they got home. So then they get home today and Astro comes in and says 'x wants a Popsicle'. I'm like well he needs to go home and get one then - I'm not the ice cream store. :tongue_smilie: so Astro says, 'but if I go back out without one, they will be like, hey aren't you supposed to be inside getting me a Popsicle?'. ......:001_huh: I said well tell them I said no popsicles today.

I'm just at a loss. I know it isn't the kids fault, necessarily - but I am just so sick of the rude behavior! And it isn't like these are kids we can really get away from, either.

So what do you do when kids are rude?

[Cera]

Honestly, assuming they are about the same as your older kids I would put them in their place. Everyone may not agree but I have done so in the past with good results (the kids either go away or become much more pleasant). I wouldn't make your kid the middle man though. Go outside and tell them, firmly, that they are not to come in your yard or play with your toys if your kids aren't out. Tell them they are welcome to have a popsicle if your kids are having one but you are not going to provide them otherwise and tell them that they are not to ring the door bell except at certain times (and be very specific...after lunch won't cut it, you need to say 1:00 or whatever the time will be).

 

For the doorbell issue I would consider a red light/green light type sign for the door that lets them know when it is okay to knock.

[justLisa]

We have a girl like this. She goes into the back yard and just starts playing. We keep the gate open sometimes when out. She is 10 and has ZERO manners. I figure if kids want to come play and they are not parented, they can be parented here to some degree. Funny thing is most of them would rather LIVE here. I set the rules. You must knock. You must speak politely, and if not I remind you.

 

I once had to make her go around and ring the door bell and properly ask to play. It's hard because there is a pretty big group of kids and they all play well, but it's hard to be handing out the food all the time!

 

ETA: There is a family of 18 a few doors down. They rent. It was like the talk of the neighborhood before they moved in and everyone was ranting about all the craziness and too many cars blah blah. I was thinking :confused:. Who knows them yet?

 

They are THE quietest house on the block. Turns out they are from Ukraine and with the close quarters over there of course one big house isn't a crazy idea to them. The girls are lovely. I was out one evening checking on the sprinkler and the 11 year old and her little niece were dancing in the sprinkler. I asked if it would be ok with their mother and they said yes. We had a nice little chat.

 

I really like to be friendly with the kids or at least try to establish some sort of respect amongst us.

Edited August 14, 2012 by 425lisamarie

[Kertie]

Well...I just tell them. :lol: Depending on age, tweak the phrasing, of course, but variations of these get the point across: "You need to ask politely." "The adults in this home are not waitstaff for the children." "We aren't having popsicles today." "We don't treat people that way here." "If you can't follow the rules of our house, you need to go home." Yeah, I'm the mean mom on the block:D. But the day the kids and I woke up from a nap 3 years ago to find our front yard FILLED with kids playing--toddler-high school age AND their parents (!!!!)--was the day I realized that there are a LOT of people who just don't get boundaries or politeness. If a kid can get someone to bring him a popsicle just by saying "hey", he'll keep doing that until someone tells him not to. I say use it as an opportunity:D.

[happi duck]

:iagree:

When you are the adult in the situation you can teach them your house/yard rules.

You don't need to be mean just honest.

[Haiku]

Be more specific with the kids, for starters. Don't say your kids can play "later," say they can play at 4:00. Tell the child who rudely asks for food, "The correct question is, 'May I have a popsicle, please?'" Directly tell the children they can't play in your yard/with your kids' toys if you are not home.

 

If you don't TELL them how to behave appropriately at your home, they'll continue to be rude.

 

Tara

[mrs.m]

Can you put the kids toys away when they are not outside playing or even home? I'm just wondering how they have access to bikes and toys so easily and putting them away might be a solution. If not, it might be time to get to know the parents and let them know that you would rather the children not be in your yard.

 

I always tell neighbor kids that my kids will come out to play later and they will find them. They don't need to come back and ask later.

 

And I keep those cheap-o popsicles in the plastic sleeves on hand just 'cause I don't mind being the popsicle shop. And I would tell church boy to help himself (to those only) and make sure he cleans up the packages too!

[redsquirrel]

I don't really have an answer for the playing in the yard, other than just telling them that your kids don't feel like playing now but if they change their minds they will come over and get the child to play. If said child didn't leave I would tell them to go home in a pleasant but clear manner. Something like, "I know I just told you that my kids don't feel like playing. That means that you go home now." Some people (kids included) will just not hear it when you try to finesse the situation.

 

As for asking for things rudely, again I am always pretty up front. My kids can get excited and sometimes blurt things out like that. My youngest doesn't mean anything by it, he just opens his mouth before he thinks. My eldest went through a phase around 8 years old where he got a big big for his britches and my youngest is showing signs of the same phase. When that happens my automatic response is "Please rephrase that as a polite request." I say that so often that I said it, without thinking, to an adult man at church :lol: He totally deserved it, BTW.

[PeacefulChaos]

Thanks!

I wasnt sure the best response - we don't know the adults in the home very well, so I am not sure how they would respond - but the fact is, something has to change! :lol:

We don't have anywhere to put our stuff when we aren't home, unfortunately. We have a carport, not a garage, so all the toys are under there. There is really no other storage for anything, though we would definitely work something out if we were to go out of town for any length of time - we had a bike stolen once that way. :(

[happi duck]

Thanks!

I wasnt sure the best response - we don't know the adults in the home very well, so I am not sure how they would respond - but the fact is, something has to change! :lol:

We don't have anywhere to put our stuff when we aren't home, unfortunately. We have a carport, not a garage, so all the toys are under there. There is really no other storage for anything, though we would definitely work something out if we were to go out of town for any length of time - we had a bike stolen once that way. :(

 

I hear ya...

We loved the carport for playing in bad weather but for storage...arg! Dh had his bike stolen too...it had the child seat on it...humph.

 

When out of town maybe stuff can go in the kitchen!

 

I might also consider a chain with a lock thru any toy possible. Sort of like how restaurants with patios lock up their tables and chairs.

[NatashainDFW]

If it is becoming a big deal you might get one of the rubermaid storage closets that you can lock and then just use a bike chain to lock up the bikes. All the toys and what not in the closet and locked when your kids are done playing that way you don't have to worry about it.

[jhschool]

lock your bikes!

Those cable-like ones will lock

several bikes together and /or

to a pole.

Then your bikes won't get played with or stolen.

I don't know what to do with the rude

kids though.

Also, let them know they are not to play on your

property when you are not home,

because you may be liable

if something happens to them using your bikes and the parents *think*

or *assume* you allowed it.

No kids in your yard unless you allow it, and no kids in your yard when you are not home!

[MomatHWTK]

My home, my rules. If parents allow their children to fall under my jurisdiction, then I teach them as I would my own. If they are rude or do something I don't like, I either correct them or (depending on my mood) send them home.

 

If a child spoke rudely to my DH, he'd probably use his serious face and say "Excuse me, what did you just say to me?" Poor kid would either ask to go home right away or learn manners quick. :lol:

[BugsMama]

Agreed, my house, my rules.

 

Heck, even when we are at a group function, if someone is rude to me, or my children, I tell them it isn't acceptable. The conversation pretty much goes like this:

 

Kid- "rude/mean something"

Me- "That isn't acceptable. You need to XYZ (say sorry, help him up, say please)"

Kid- "Oh. XYZ"

Me- Thank you! (with a smile)

 

Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

For food, I'll bring my kids in to have a snack, or if the kids come up after the snack if offered and I can't/don't want to share, I'll say "Sorry, You can go home to get something to eat- Joe will be here to play when you get back!"

 

The kids who are frequent offenders now respond as soon as I say "That isn't acceptable here" with the solution instead of needing to be coached. They don't mess around much in my home, or around me.

 

Sometimes, you just need to be firm, and make it clear what won't fly in your home/presence.

 

And- Lock up your toys/bikes. Do you have a garage/shed or something? Can you keep them in a bin to be brought out only when your kids are out?

[NotSoObvious]

My home, my rules. If parents allow their children to fall under my jurisdiction, then I teach them as I would my own. If they are rude or do something I don't like, I either correct them or (depending on my mood) send them home.

 

If a child spoke rudely to my DH, he'd probably use his serious face and say "Excuse me, what did you just say to me?" Poor kid would either ask to go home right away or learn manners quick. :lol:

 

My husband scared one of my dd's friends, but she was being really mean to my other dd and totally deserved it. He basically told her we don't do that in this house, but she was obviously not used to being corrected. She didn't come back over for a long time and that was just fine with me!

 

I would hope other parents would correct my child if they were being rude or mean!

[Cricket]

My husband scared one of my dd's friends, but she was being really mean to my other dd and totally deserved it. He basically told her we don't do that in this house, but she was obviously not used to being corrected. She didn't come back over for a long time and that was just fine with me!

 

I would hope other parents would correct my child if they were being rude or mean!

 

I was going to say that it helps to have an intimidating dh. :lol: It took a few times but the neighbor kids learned that they are not to knock on our door until 3 p.m. If they ask for anything, dh just gives them a look and tells them to run home to get it. I sometimes get the cheap popsicles (otter pops) and hand those out.

 

It is easier to have set rules. One rules for us is no playing with friends on Sunday after church. That is the one time dh and I get to take a nap! I agree with a pp. It isn't mean or out of line to gently point out when the child is being rude and gently remind them to use their manners. Hopefully there are some in the dark recesses of their minds. :)

[Rebecca VA]

They just need to learn the rules and have them reinforced constantly.

 

I will limit contact with other children if they're influencing my child to be deceitful. That's where I draw the line. It isn't (usually) their fault if they're just poorly trained.