If you do volunteer work at church or in the community

[my2boysteacher]

Do you expect your older children to participate? We volunteer a lot at church, and are teaching our boys to do such jobs as running sound board, or power point presentation. They can hook up microphones, and get all the equipment and computer turned on. When DH ushers, one of them will usually sit back by him to help. When there are building projects, DH will take the boys along to help carry wood, hold nails, etc. Many other members think it is very odd that we do that. No one has made any negative comments, but we do get a lot of disapproving looks. No one else expects their middle school aged kids to help. I can't imagine why you wouldn't want your children learning how to 'give back' whenever they are capable. Is it really that rare to expect kids to work along side adults? They are always closely supervised. I don't think we expect too much of them, they love working alongside their dad. :confused:

[jelbe5]

Yes. I am in charge of co-ordinating Wednesday night meals 2x per month during the academic year. Kids help with prep, set up and clean up. It is fun and pleasant since we do it as a family and with church friends. Plus they are learning valuable skills.

[Alenee]

I don't think you're expecting too much of them to bring them along. I don't do it, however. I'm more of the "model it" rather than "make them" type. In one area I volunteer, children under 12yo are not allowed, for safety reasons. When I do this, dh is not home so I have to leave the kids with my teen, rather than bringing her along to help. Imo, there's no need to require kids to help because requiring doesn't change the heart. I'm sure it can, eventually, but it's just not my way.

[Soror]

We haven't done a ton as it seems with the age of our kids it is hard to find such things for us to do together. However, when we do it is with the kids. My kids like to help usher at church as well, much more fun then sitting in the pew for 20 min waiting for church! We try to do activities at home with everyone together so we try to do the same as much as we can when out.

[cdrumm4448]

We have a rule here: when I'm working they're working. Whether it's cleaning house, setting up for a garage sale, helping at church, helping a CC tutor, whatever. We all pitch in to make a job easier.

[tkdkidsmom]

I volunteer in our children's ministry. My almost 10 ds has asked when he will be old enough to start as a jr helper :)

 

FWIW, several families in our church with older kids participate in ministry work together. It is not required, just what they do as a family. It works nicely for them.

[Soror]

Imo, there's no need to require kids to help because requiring doesn't change the heart. I'm sure it can, eventually, but it's just not my way.

 

For us it isn't about changing the heart but about the fact that we prefer to do things as a family as much as possible. I think are culture artificially divides children from adults way too much and kids often miss out on lots of experiences because of this.

[Susan in TN]

I thinks it's great - keep up the good work!

[my2boysteacher]

For us it isn't about changing the heart but about the fact that we prefer to do things as a family as much as possible. I think are culture artificially divides children from adults way too much and kids often miss out on lots of experiences because of this.

 

:iagree: I think our society does not expect enough out of kids. How can we expect them to take over as the next generation of leaders if we don't model it for them today?

[Parker Martin]

I would ignore the looks. Sounds like you're modeling good parenting.

[Alenee]

For us it isn't about changing the heart but about the fact that we prefer to do things as a family as much as possible. I think are culture artificially divides children from adults way too much and kids often miss out on lots of experiences because of this.

 

Totally agree with the bolded statement. I just hate watching people force their kids thinking it's going to prove something about them as a family. I see this too often. "Modelling" is great but requiring volunteerism really isn't *volunteering*. My kids may not want to do chores, but they do them. And when it comes to helping others within their ability, they're all-in. This is all from my example of modelling, rather than requiring. I'm not out to gain visibility as some families seem to need for themselves...I'm thinking about some homeschooling books I've read that incorporate this topic. It just doesn't set well with me.

[MiniBlondes]

I teach the preschool class at church and once a month my daughters 'help' me in my classroom. They begged for this, so I let them. Once a month our family cleans the church. They like getting in there vacuuming the sanctuary, so again, I let them.

 

This school year I'm thinking that we may volunteer at the local family homeless shelter. We'll see how they feel about that.

[AnneBlessedx4]

We do pretty much everything as a family. Nursing home, library, etc. My kids *like* this kind of thing, so it's not a problem. I would have them help. When we've done something my kids haven't liked, I listen to them, evaluate why and decide whether or not to continue.

[myfunnybunch]

Yes, we do expect them to help. We've also noticed that most parents of middle schoolers don't ask their kids to help out. I believe that encouraging 9and sometimes requiring) their participation helps them make the transition between childhood and young adulthood.

 

Cat

[marbel]

Our kids do things as they are able. We don't require it so much as encourage it. There are some things they ask to do ("when will I be old enough to work in the nursery?") and things we just expect them to go along with, such as the church work day.

 

Our kids are full members of the church, so they should be doing things to help. Other people may not feel the same way. <Shrug> Unless someone has a specific complaint, I'd ignore looks which can easily be misinterpreted anyway.

 

(Hmm, speaking of misinterpreting... is it possible the people giving disapproving looks think your kids appear to be unhappy or sullen or whatever while they are working? Just a wild thought.)

[higginszoo]

Yes. We run into a lot of people around here who also parent by keeping their dc completely helpless, doing everything for them, expecting nothing. I'm curious to see what happens to those dc when they hit chronological adulthood.

 

A typical church service will have my oldest working the sound board (or as an usher or acolyte, depending on the need that week), dh and our second ushering, the third child loves to serve as an acolyte, I will be helping with communion distribution ... only the little one is limited by age restrictions, though sometimes she'll help her daddy usher.

 

For VBS, the teens had staff positions, my tween put in some service hours during setup, in addition to what the middle schoolers did for service projects.

 

My 13 year old is now in charge of cleaning the fish tank in the Sunday School/preschool office. The 14 year old helps set up sound equipment for the Saturday evening service.

 

All of the dc help with food preparation for our ministry to feed the homeless. 14 year old helps on the food truck when the teens do distribution runs.

 

They do other things through scouts, Civil Air Patrol, and occasionally martial arts. they are somewhat limited by places who don't want them volunteering until they're 14 for liability purposes, but my 13 year old just landed a volunteer job at a local riding stable helping with a homeschool riding class for younger children. She'll just have to have the same liability waiver as the riders, which is IMO a reasonable request.

 

I see it as a two way street -- yes, they're providing the church with something that the church needs, but they're also gaining life skills and work experience.

Edited August 12, 2012 by higginszoo

[Liz CA]

When my ds was 13, we started volunteering together. As he got older, he was allowed to choose where and what. It was according to the pattern of parenting toward independence and decision making that I tried to follow.

[hillfarm]

If the other parents don't model it or don't give their own children the chance to participate, how exactly do they expect their children to ever learn to get involved in these things?

 

My dd started volunteering as a reader at the local Sr. citizens' home when she was 7yo and a rather new reader herself. Since then she has helped with their community garden and several other projects. (She is now 13)

 

She participates with me and also by herself at various church functions. We have always fostered the attitude that if work needs done there, many hands make the burden lighter. So if chairs need moved, tables set up, etc. she knew I expected her to lift a hand to the task. She recently, of her own volition, volunteered to clean the youth room while I was in a women's meeting. We both volunteer every year to help decorate for VBS and as part of the VBS staff.

 

I am very committed to community and church service. Yesterday I taught a group of ladies how to can tomatoes using a Victorio Strainer at our local community center. Dd came early with me and helped carry the produce in and started washing it, then dh came and took her with him in to town to visit his mother.

 

Helping to make our community and church strong is one of the highlights of my life. I am pleased to see the same attitude developing in dd. I can't imagine life any other way.

[PeacefulChaos]

I think you're doing the right thing!

I don't have kids that age yet, but I see us having them volunteer with things. There are some things that are non-negotiables (our big outreaches for the church, for example), and honestly there are things that the boys will probably end up doing because they've grown up seeing us do them. We've been doing what we're doing for years, and it's a part of their life - it just seems natural for them to transition to helping out in their ways when they are old enough. :)

I've heard that there are some who don't like this book, but we read 'Do Hard Things' with our youth small groups at church a couple of years ago. I thought it was really good at targeting teenagers to do more. I will probably make it required reading for the kids when they are teenagers. :)