mama2cntrykids Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 When I went to school we were bf and gf just at school, no dates, groups or otherwise. So, during lunch and such we would hang out, pda, etc. Called each other on the phone at home and passed notes back and forth. Yep, this what it was to us back then too... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted June 28, 2012 Share Posted June 28, 2012 Kids having sex isn't new. Definitely so. Romeo and Juliet, and Ariel and Will Durant spring to mind. I don't think that anywhere near a majority of those under 15 year olds are sexually active. http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/series/sr_23/sr23_031.pdf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted June 29, 2012 Author Share Posted June 29, 2012 Interesting responses. Thanks everyone. When I as that age, it meant holding hands at school, kisses between classes, going to movies together, and an occasional phone call (my mom let me go out with boys but not have many phone calls, go figure). If I'm understanding how it works with the kids I know now (mainly church kids), it's pretty much just exchanging numbers and hanging out in public places at family gatherings (like church) with some "stolen kisses." I do know some kids go on "group dates." I'm sure it means more with some kids, and I know a small percentage of the kids that age are having sex. I'm a nurse on a postpartum unit so I'm not ignorant about what can happen, lol. But I'm pretty sure that comes later for the majority of kids. I was wondering what it means to other people and if most parents let their middle school age kids have boyfriends/girlfriends.Thanks again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tarahillmom Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 I have some very close friends that tell stories from public/private schools that will make your head spin. They will tell you sex amongst middle schoolers is not uncommon. It also happens in the elementary schools. Kids are having sex in the bathrooms at school. Just because you have a rule of no dating, doesn't mean your child doesn't have means and opportunity. Make sure your child is educated on sex. If you ask a lot of tween/teens things like oral sex and other such acts are OK because you can't get pregnant, and they aren't really sex. I am just saying this because there are a lot of parents who end up grandparents even when dating hasn't entered the picture. Don't lull yourself into false security because you can't always monitor everything your child does. Boyfriend/girlfriend means a lot of different things to kids, but it is a great time to start a discussion and communicate to your child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 What does this mean? Ever been to Montana? There's big wide open spaces without another living soul for 500 miles in any direction. Amazing what some space away from other people can fix. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted June 29, 2012 Share Posted June 29, 2012 Depends on who you ask as to what it might mean. I am not the person to ask since our family is not of the mind that any type of romantic relationship is of any value until both persons are developmentally ready. Since our daughter is a highly accelerated learner there is no purpose to be served by her being around boys until they are men since it would be like entertaining a toddler for her and conversely persons who share her interests are generally much older and legally and morally inappropriate for her to socialize with. Reviving Ophelia is a very enlightening book that influenced this uber progressive and liberal to the bone mom against anything resembling dating until my daughter is of the age where she knows herself, knows what she wants and is not afraid to really stand her ground on matters of emotional , physical and spiritual intimacy. It is soul crushing for both developing young men and young women to date in junior high as they are so vulnerable, so tender hearted and truly so naive about other people. Why bother?? Group activites and friendships are a wonderful outlet to begin to articulate what is desirable in another person, what is a kind and selfless person who can enter into a relationship with another and do so successfully and other less important issues. I just think junior high is too young and the perils emotionally are too great . That having been said if a wonderful young man came into my daughter's life at the age she is now and they wished to date based on shared interests and a good personality match well that would be fine as long as the time was spent at our home or his parents and with chaperone until there is evidence of good driving, fair and reasoned judgment and some degree of discernment. I have seen too many young women ruined emotionally and harmed physically by early and very intense relationships. Working at Planned Parenthood has made me one surly and tough old broad when it comes to dating. I have seen some **** fool mothers for sure and many, many broken hearted lovely young women who cannot understand how they became ill when they have been loyal and monogamous. Parenting is a tough gig indeed but the failure to parent and be your kid's friend is what I see all too often. Heartwrenching and unneeded. If you "date" in 7/8 grade what is there left to do in high school?! Why the rush? Gosh I modeled in those ages and dated a really nice young man who was and still is a dear friend but dating meant hanging out at his grandmother's house, cooking with her and playing gin rummy. :lol: She was precious and weird and wonderful . That is my point. I had a relationship with his family and he with mine so we were far kinder and good to one another due to the emotional ties between our families. That seems to be where my head is at and I never thought about it until now. Nadia always gets me thinking. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 :zombie: :zombiechase: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 When I was young boyfriend/girlfriend meant some degree of physical intimacy - usually at the higher end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 This is a serious question, lol. I honestly want to know what it means when a 7th or 8th grader has a boyfriend/girlfriend. Does it really mean full blown dating as in going to the movies? Texting? Phone calls? Just hanging out at church/co-op/wherever they go? Is this type of thing allowed in your family? It would not mean dating in my house. If I even allowed my dds to define a young man of their acquaintance as a "boy friend," it would mean that he spent time at our house, in common areas, or that he was going out with us as a family. Children that age are far too young to be in any sort of exclusive relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lispy Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 None of my kids have been interested in having romantic relationships yet, but in our circle of friends, of those that have (in middle school), it mostly means texting, hanging out (in groups) and possibly moving going with parents. When I was in middle school, it meant "dating" (of course no one could drive, but we were picked up by a parent and dropped off at movies or mall and picked up by another parent). There was most definitely a physical aspect of the relationship which varied from hand holding to intercourse. Many of my friends participated in certain sexual acts in the movie theaters. This was in the early 80's. I've been to sleepovers in 7th/8th grade where boys were over and multiple couples were having sex in the same room at the same time (parents home, but didn't know what was actually happening). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted December 26, 2014 Share Posted December 26, 2014 This is a serious question, lol. I honestly want to know what it means when a 7th or 8th grader has a boyfriend/girlfriend. Does it really mean full blown dating as in going to the movies? Texting? Phone calls? Just hanging out at church/co-op/wherever they go? Is this type of thing allowed in your family? Depends on the family. To ME, it means my kid likes a boy or girl at school, and texts that person. On rare occasions, they get to go to a movie in a large group, or go to a parent-supervised outing. Sometimes, they hang out with the family. No hot and heavy, everyday stuff though. So, I had one who "had a girlfriend". This never lasted long because they weren't able to see each other a lot so it naturally tapered off. I keep access to all media and regularly check. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted December 27, 2014 Share Posted December 27, 2014 Not allowed here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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