My in-laws.......grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[kwickimom]

Heres why I want to strangle them today:

 

They give us a 5 minute warning that they are combining the wheat. They are the only people around combining today of course.

 

Its SUPER windy on this MEMORIAL DAY which is one of the FEW days my dh gets off work and we planned to grill out and swim in the pool today. Well, we cant even walk outside because of the dust from the combining. :mad:

 

Friday they told us it would be another week....we wake up at 10 am to a text saying they are combining NOW. They do this to us all the time...all we ask is for a 24 hour warning. They knew yesterday they were doing it today and yet they just wont give us a warning. We would have made other plans if we knew about this.

 

Yes, I know we live in the middle of the cornfield and the crops need done when they need done, but this is just about them not having the courtesy to warn us as soon as they know they are working the fields and now they ruined our Memorial Day and they could care less.

 

In conclusion, I cannot stand my in-laws who are the most in considerate, mean, heartless people I know.

Edited May 28, 2012 by kwickimom
typo

[zookeeper]

 

 

 

In conclusion, I cannot stand my in-laws who are the most in considerate, mean, heartless people I know.

 

Do we have the same in-laws? Sorry your day was ruined! :glare:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Can you pack up the grill and the supplies and go to a park? Perhaps one with a lake?

[kwickimom]

Can you pack up the grill and the supplies and go to a park? Perhaps one with a lake?

 

Not where there is swimming and its 96 here today :glare:

[Remudamom]

We're combining today too. Sorry about your day.

 

If they had told you yesterday what would you be doing instead? So go do it. We combine when we can combine and often don't know until it happens. Do you really think this is deliberate?

Edited May 28, 2012 by Remudamom

[kwickimom]

We're combining today too. Sorry about your day.

 

If they had told you yesterday what would you be doing instead? So go do it. We combine when we can combine and often don't know until it happens. Do you really think this is deliberate?

 

Absolutely as they have done this every time they have combined for the past 8 years. We almost always hear them complain that they combined too early and lost money because everything was too wet. They have to get 3 people over to get the job done and we ALWAYS find out that they had it planned a day or two in advance to make sure everyone could get off work (they all have full time jobs too.) They ALWAYS tell us when they "know" it will be at least another week and then proceed to do it within the next few days. They "forget" to tell us. We raise deer who are terrified of the combine and they know that my dh has to go stay with them until the combining is over or they injure themselves and yet they always "forget" to tell us the day before. Its intentional as they care of no one but themselves.

 

We would have went to visit other family for the weekend or stayed somewhere out of town where we could swim. We decided to just hang out as a family and we worked the past week and a half to get the pool ready for today because they weather was going to be nice and hot.

[WishboneDawn]

We're combining today too. Sorry about your day.

 

If they had told you yesterday what would you be doing instead? So go do it. We combine when we can combine and often don't know until it happens. Do you really think this is deliberate?

 

:iagree:

 

At some point, if you know this is how they are then this is how they are. It's likely how they've always been. So you just have to be aware of it and make alternate plans and account for the fact that they may give you late notice.

 

My parents are forever telling us stuff at the last minute. They are not going to change their ways and since I love them I just roll with it.

[kwickimom]

:iagree:

 

At some point, if you know this is how they are then this is how they are. It's likely how they've always been. So you just have to be aware of it and make alternate plans and account for the fact that they may give you late notice.

 

My parents are forever telling us stuff at the last minute. They are not going to change their ways and since I love them I just roll with it.

 

Yeah, its just tough because we would have to expect it everyday for a week or two. They swore up and down in wouldn't be til the end of the week.

[WishboneDawn]

Yeah, its just tough because we would have to expect it everyday for a week or two. They swore up and down be til the end of the week.

 

:grouphug:

 

I read your post about the deer. That's a different level of inconsiderateness. Maybe next year have your DH call them every single day for the few weeks surrounding the combining to see when they're going to do it. Hopefully they'll decide proper notice is better then never-ending nagging. :001_smile:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Are you friends with any of the people they call in to help? Could you by-pass the ILs and ask one of the helpers to let you know?

[*********]

Are you friends with any of the people they call in to help? Could you by-pass the ILs and ask one of the helpers to let you know?

 

Now *this* is thinkin'. :D Great idea, Jean.

 

OP, could it be that your il's are unhappy that you/your dh do not offer to help with the work, so they passive-aggresively respond this way? (Feel free to ignore this city girl if that's silly; I only sorta know what your talking about them doing in the first place. :tongue_smilie:)

[Sharon H in IL]

IMO this is much more than inconsideration. When it's deliberate, calculated, and planned, it's an expression of anger and/or control.

 

Why are they angry at you guys? What are they trying to control? I assume you've talked to them about it and they denied they are doing this?

 

And I agree with WishboneDawn's idea to call them constantly as a way of protecting yourself. There's no way to be sure they'll ever tell him the truth. But it will make the room to weasel out of the truth a little smaller.

[mommaduck]

I think after so many years, you might want to take, "oh it'll be another week" to mean, "we'll be combining in the next few days."

[pageta]

I am going to say that farming is not something like a 9-5 job where you know ahead of time what you are going to do. Weather may interfere. You may WANT to combine the day after Memorial day, but if you have to choose between doing it on Memorial Day or having an unexpected storm that destroys the crop before you could get it combined the day AFTER Memorial Day, if you have any sense you will do it when you can even if you had other things you wanted to do.

 

For farmers, planting and harvest are two critical times of year that last only a few weeks (or days) but can determine an entire year's worth of income.

 

The people that came over to help them have probably been "on call" for this time period, knowing that they will decide to harvest the crop and most likely give them less than 12 hours notice.

 

Farming is not an 8-5 job that waits if you want to go sit by the grill. Personally, we don't make plans with family during the 6-8 weeks in the spring and again in the fall when they're planting or harvesting. We simply know they are unavailable during that time and we spend time with them during other times of the year. If this is the time of year that wheat harvest is done in your area, make plans with someone else on Memorial Day (someone who hasn't planted wheat) and enjoy your day.

[kwickimom]

I am going to say that farming is not something like a 9-5 job where you know ahead of time what you are going to do. Weather may interfere. You may WANT to combine the day after Memorial day, but if you have to choose between doing it on Memorial Day or having an unexpected storm that destroys the crop before you could get it combined the day AFTER Memorial Day, if you have any sense you will do it when you can even if you had other things you wanted to do.

 

For farmers, planting and harvest are two critical times of year that last only a few weeks (or days) but can determine an entire year's worth of income.

 

The people that came over to help them have probably been "on call" for this time period, knowing that they will decide to harvest the crop and most likely give them less than 12 hours notice.

 

Farming is not an 8-5 job that waits if you want to go sit by the grill. Personally, we don't make plans with family during the 6-8 weeks in the spring and again in the fall when they're planting or harvesting. We simply know they are unavailable during that time and we spend time with them during other times of the year. If this is the time of year that wheat harvest is done in your area, make plans with someone else on Memorial Day (someone who hasn't planted wheat) and enjoy your day.

 

I get this....they have always farmed. But THEY KNOW ahead of time when they are going to do it as they need to get all the equipment ready, gas tanks full, people to help etc. They know well in advance that they are going to combine. They need to take off work and give a 24 hour notice.

 

We have many issues with them...they have wanted to call DCFS and the police on us at various times etc etc. They are just selfish mean people that will do NOTHING to help anyone out.

 

They always promise they will give us a day or two notice. They specifically said this past Friday (because we asked) that it would be a solid week before they combined. Then they give us a 5 minute heads up. They do this on purpose. Last year we didnt even get a call. Its not like they are strangers...they are family and its just a simple courtesy heads up phone call and they refuse to do it and they ruin our plans.

 

We do know that we cant trust what they say, but we cant not ever make plans here because they may farm. All I ask is for a day or so heads up. Not a bug deal and they are just too mean to do it.

[AK_Mom4]

:grouphug: sounds rough. I would recommend planning to go away for holidays. Plan events that they can't ruin and make sure not to tell them your plans (in case they think of a way to mess it up).

[maddykate]

After dealing with my own challenges with my inlaws, my new favorite saying is, "who needs enemies, when you have family?". Sad, but true in some cases.

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I absolutely understand why you're upset, and I'm sure your dh is livid about it, too. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such mean, inconsiderate people, and I feel especially badly for your dh, because it's his own parents that are treating you so poorly. :(

[endurancerider]

It sounds to me like you could use a little distance. Have you considered moving?

[5kidsforME]

I get this....they have always farmed. But THEY KNOW ahead of time when they are going to do it as they need to get all the equipment ready, gas tanks full, people to help etc. They know well in advance that they are going to combine. They need to take off work and give a 24 hour notice.

 

We have many issues with them...they have wanted to call DCFS and the police on us at various times etc etc. They are just selfish mean people that will do NOTHING to help anyone out.

 

They always promise they will give us a day or two notice. They specifically said this past Friday (because we asked) that it would be a solid week before they combined. Then they give us a 5 minute heads up. They do this on purpose. Last year we didnt even get a call. Its not like they are strangers...they are family and its just a simple courtesy heads up phone call and they refuse to do it and they ruin our plans.

 

We do know that we cant trust what they say, but we cant not ever make plans here because they may farm. All I ask is for a day or so heads up. Not a bug deal and they are just too mean to do it.

 

 

Time to move. :001_smile:

[5kidsforME]

It sounds to me like you could use a little distance. Have you considered moving?

 

 

:iagree: Should have kept reading.

[arghmatey]

It sounds to me like you could use a little distance. Have you considered moving?

 

Best solution so far!

[kwickimom]

I would move in a heartbeat. We are not in a financial position to do so. :glare: As soon as we are I am OUTTA here!!!!!

[Abbeygurl4]

Heres why I want to strangle them today:

 

They give us a 5 minute warning that they are combining the wheat. They are the only people around combining today of course.

 

Its SUPER windy on this MEMORIAL DAY which is one of the FEW days my dh gets off work and we planned to grill out and swim in the pool today. Well, we cant even walk outside because of the dust from the combining. :mad:

 

Friday they told us it would be another week....we wake up at 10 am to a text saying they are combining NOW. They do this to us all the time...all we ask is for a 24 hour warning. They knew yesterday they were doing it today and yet they just wont give us a warning. We would have made other plans if we knew about this.

 

Yes, I know we live in the middle of the cornfield and the crops need done when they need done, but this is just about them not having the courtesy to warn us as soon as they know they are working the fields and now they ruined our Memorial Day and they could care less.

 

In conclusion, I cannot stand my in-laws who are the most in considerate, mean, heartless people I know.

 

Would it make you feel better or worse to know you aren't alone? :001_smile:

 

We rented my inlaws house from them (paid their mortgage payment). We started getting advertisements from lawyers about saving our house from foreclosure. I told dh to call his parents and find out what was going on. They filed bankruptcy and didn't bother to tell us, we would have come home to a notice of foreclosure tacked to the front door! My dh and I got a lawyer and were able to buy the house thank goodness!

 

Five years later we sold the house back to them because we were moving to a nicer house. Our new house deal fell through and we needed time to find another house before inlaws moved in. They said no problem, stay as long as we needed to, they just wanted to move a "few things" in. The very next day they moved in ALL their stuff and decided to just stay there since all their stuff was moved in!!! We had to cram into my parents house.

 

That is just a sample of the crap they've done. I no longer have anything to do with them.

 

Honestly, I don't know how these people live with themselves or why dh still visits them. :banghead:

[Remudamom]

You said you would have made other plans if you had known they were going to combine, then you said you have to stay with the deer when they do.... so sounds like you have to be home anyway.

 

I wouldn't let it bother me. More important problems out there.

[kwickimom]

Would it make you feel better or worse to know you aren't alone? :001_smile:

 

We rented my inlaws house from them (paid their mortgage payment). We started getting advertisements from lawyers about saving our house from foreclosure. I told dh to call his parents and find out what was going on. They filed bankruptcy and didn't bother to tell us, we would have come home to a notice of foreclosure tacked to the front door! My dh and I got a lawyer and were able to buy the house thank goodness!

 

Five years later we sold the house back to them because we were moving to a nicer house. Our new house deal fell through and we needed time to find another house before inlaws moved in. They said no problem, stay as long as we needed to, they just wanted to move a "few things" in. The very next day they moved in ALL their stuff and decided to just stay there since all their stuff was moved in!!! We had to cram into my parents house.

 

That is just a sample of the crap they've done. I no longer have anything to do with them.

 

Honestly, I don't know how these people live with themselves or why dh still visits them. :banghead:

 

 

UGH! We are in the exact same boat!!!!!!!!!!!

[kwickimom]

You said you would have made other plans if you had known they were going to combine, then you said you have to stay with the deer when they do.... so sounds like you have to be home anyway.

 

I wouldn't let it bother me. More important problems out there.

 

DH has to be home with the deer when they combine, not me and the kids :)

 

We had decided to stay home and swim and bbq with him because we could. If I had been aware of the combining we (me and kids) would have made other plans and I wouldnt have promised them something that didnt happen.