Help me "convince" dd12 that homeschooling next year is a good idea and she'll be ok

[Chris in VA]

Dd has been in ps for 2 years in a row, 5th and 6th. This year, in particular, has been really, really good. She loves her teacher--so do I--as she is innovative, funny, warm and personable, knowledgeable--a great teacher. She loves being with the other kids in class, and loves learning with them. She likes collaborating on videos, science projects, "book club" activities...In short, she just likes school. And she doesn't really want to homeschool.

 

So, what can I say, what advantages can I point out? I know the usual, but do you have anything particularly... hopeful, inspiring, convincing, etc. to say to her?

 

I struggle with the thought of her being disappointed at not going on to the middle school.

[Parrothead]

The big draw for my dd the same age as yours is that she gets to sleep in.

[Slipper]

I have a 10 (going on 11) yr old who was set to go to middle school next year as well. We had various reasons for pulling her next year and it's hard at time. I know she enjoys visiting with her friend during the daytime.

 

For us, we took a long look at what she liked about school and it basically boiled down to lots of teacher praise and spending time with friends.

 

To offset, we are signing her up for a year-round recreational soccer club where she will get constant feedback from her coach and time with friends. She also takes karate, cheer (which may have to go depending on schedules) and children's theatre. We let her sign up on facebook (which we monitor heavily).

 

We also knew that she was slightly jealous of our younger daughter's time during homeschool and played up the fun things she can do next year (spend the day with grandparents, go to the zoo, etc).

 

She's a mixture of sad and excited, which is normal I think. Good luck :)

[Starr]

All those collaborative projects take a turn, often not for the better. As the grading gets tougher and kids don't want to study, the student that cares the most does most of the work. Friendships start to change. :( I guess it's hard to explain 7th and 8th grade to someone who hasn't been there yet. Are there some interesting group things she can do at a museum?

[AimeeM]

Why are you pulling her out?

 

I'll be honest (and I know my opinion isn't popular here), I am never sure why or how parents expect their child not to be upset when they pull them from brick and mortar school WHEN things are going so well. When the child is excelling in and enjoying school, is there really a valid reason to pull them other than that it's the PARENT'S dream to homeschool?

 

I'm sincerely not trying to stir the pot, just something that crosses my mind often.

 

ETA: I just read that next year she would be beginning middle school (here, middle is 6-8, not 7 and 8). Perhaps your middle school doesn't have a good rep (that is a huge issue in our area).

Edited April 29, 2012 by AimeeM

[Stacy in NJ]

Why are you pulling her out?

 

I'll be honest (and I know my opinion isn't popular here), I am never sure why or how parents expect their child not to be upset when they pull them from brick and mortar school WHEN things are going so well. When the child is excelling in and enjoying school, is there really a valid reason to pull them other than that it's the PARENT'S dream to homeschool?

I'm sincerely not trying to stir the pot, just something that crosses my mind often.

 

ETA: I just read that next year she would be beginning middle school (here, middle is 6-8, not 7 and 8). Perhaps your middle school doesn't have a good rep (that is a huge issue in our area).

 

Reasons why a parent might choose to homeschool a child who enjoys and is doing well in school:

 

1. Academics - the school's academic standards are subpar
   
2. Social - the social environment of the school is unhealthy
   
3. Religious/values - the school promotes values that are unacceptable to the parents
   
4. Family cohesion - a desire to have a closer family life
   
5. Health - the child has a health or learnning issue the school isn't able to meet
   

 

Just because "things are going well" doesn't mean the school is the best option for the child.

[Stacy in NJ]

To the OP: why do you want to homeschool? Why is it a better choice for your family?

 

Answer those questions for your dd and she may agree with you.

[AimeeM]

Reasons why a parent might choose to homeschool a child who enjoys and is doing well in school:

 

1. Academics - the school's academic standards are subpar
   
2. Social - the social environment of the school is unhealthy
   
3. Religious/values - the school promotes values that are unacceptable to the parents
   
4. Family cohesion - a desire to have a closer family life
   
5. Health - the child has a health or learnning issue the school isn't able to meet
   

 

Just because "things are going well" doesn't mean the school is the best option for the child.

These, in my opinion, are reasons to homeschool from the beginning. The OP gave no indication that the school wasn't a good school (in fact raved about it) or that the child has a health reason. I should clarify that I am only speaking about those who pull their child just because the parent wants to homeschool, not because there is an obvious issue not met within the school.

I guess I compare it to pulling your child out of a beloved sport, but for obvious reasons (financial inability to continue or health reasons), or forcing a much older child to leave the faith they've grown to love and convert because a parent decides it's best.

I understand that parents have to make hard decisions for their children all the time - I guess I'm just torn when the circumstances seem to fit into the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" category.

 

Again, I realize this may be an inappropriate place to voice my opinion and I apologize if it ruffles feathers.

[Stacy in NJ]

These, in my opinion, are reasons to homeschool from the beginning. The OP gave no indication that the school wasn't a good school (in fact raved about it) or that the child has a health reason. I should clarify that I am only speaking about those who pull their child just because the parent wants to homeschool, not because there is an obvious issue not met within the school.

I guess I compare it to pulling your child out of a beloved sport, but for obvious reasons (financial inability to continue or health reasons), or forcing a much older child to leave the faith they've grown to love and convert because a parent decides it's best.

I understand that parents have to make hard decisions for their children all the time - I guess I'm just torn when the circumstances seem to fit into the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" category.

 

Again, I realize this may be an inappropriate place to voice my opinion and I apologize if it ruffles feathers.

 

I answered in like style. You didn't ruffle my feathers. I was simply responding to your question.

 

Also, a parent might not realize the extent that those points are important to them or are effecting their child until they send them to an institutional school. So, homeschooling "from the beginnning" may not have occured to them.

[Chris in VA]

Aimee and Wendy, I really appreciate your feedback.

No ruffled feathers here--excellent points, and I need to closely examine my motives.

 

I definitely do have a desire to homeschool dd, more than she has a desire to be homeschooled. So that is really something to consider--Are my "needs/wants" overriding hers, and what is the healthy thing to do?

 

She is in 6th this year, and would be going to another school next year. I have mixed feelings about the school itself, about middle school (7th and 8th grades) in general, and about school in general.

 

First, the school itself--This is a secondary school, 7th-12th. The school is academically ok. It's the peers and the adults who have access to the school that worry me. We had problems with ds at this school, with adult drug dealers and the like. It left a really bad taste in my mouth. But, dd is not ds--so I think she would choose to associate with different kids and certainly not with the drug dealers.

 

About middle school--I have to be careful that my horrible bullying experience in Jr. High does not overcolor my perspective, but in general, I find middle school to be a place where kids, particularly girls, can get really mean. I think it was Starr who said 7th an 8th is a different animal--I agree.

 

About school in general--We have had pretty good experiences in school, with the exception of things that don't belong in school, but homeschooling gives us better bonding, more curricular input, and I have to say, more time to expose our dd to our values, which are not going to be taught as explicitly in bm school. I have seen the difference in the amt of time and influence we have as parents, between kids in school and kids at home, and I am very aware of the time slipping away.

 

If she could stay at the same school with the same peers as she has now, I'd be more inclined to keep her there. But she can't.

 

I do see her changing what is important to her--part of her is really influenced by her peers, and it is hard to justify to her why we choose differently in some areas. For example, she doesn't have a cell, and is not getting one any time soon. She isn't allowed to wear some of thethings her friends wear. She can't listen to some of the music that is available (tho we don't ban much at all). We are pretty lax on a lot, but these things are not reinforced anywhere--not even by the kids at church.

 

Also, we may be taking our sabbatical after all--so it would be better to not have to worry about pulling her midyear or starting her later.

 

IDK--I do worry tho, that it is not the right thing.

Thanks for helping me think it thru.

Edited April 29, 2012 by Chris in VA

[chiguirre]

Of all the reasons that you listed, the one that stands out as a definite deal maker for hsing is going on sabbatical. If the logistics necessitate hsing, I'd explain that and go ahead with your plans even if she's disappointed. I'm sure she'll appreciate the chance to travel and do interesting things even if she misses her friends at first.

 

I'd also tell her about your experiences in Junior High and, perhaps, have her talk to other adults about those years. I agree with a lot of posters that those were the worst years of my life (and I have 2 kids with autism, so that's saying something). I'd let her know that if she wants to try jh, she is welcome to come home at any time if it gets too depressing.

 

I hope you can come to an agreement that you both feel comfortable with.

[Mary in VA]

Chris,

I tried to pm you but your box is full. I wrote you last year about some things. I live just a few miles from you and have some info that might help. If you make some space in your box I'll send you a pm :001_smile:

Blessings,

Mary

[ktgrok]

She will have more time to spend with friends after school. more time to talk on the phone, hang out, etc.

[Chris in VA]

She will have more time to spend with friends after school. more time to talk on the phone, hang out, etc.

 

These are good, but everyone is so busy after school that they can't talk or hang out. We rarely see any of her friends, except at church. Her ps friends, with one exception, can't ever meet. A couple of them are not allowed to visit other homes (I know...:confused:), either.

 

I think the solution is to have homeschooled friends....:D But they are busy, too, alas.

 

oH, and Mary, I saw you tried to pm me. Try again. :001_smile:

[bettyandbob]

Chris,

 

I believe I live in the same county as you, but not the same school. My dd is going into high school next year. Like your dd she had been homeschooled and then enter elementary in 6th grade. My oldest did not enter public school until high school. My dd has done well and has a good circle of friends. My dd does not seem to be influenced on wanting material things. Perhaps because I buy only essentials she has to buy extras. She has a fashion sense that seems to be more conservative than mine. dd is also good about standing up for people, perhaps because his little brother has disabilities. My main concern with her peer group and she seems to question her own talents based on things they say. Mostly middle school has been a good experience. But I think there dd is exceptional in her ability to "not care" what others think, to not have a lot of material wants, to have some confidence to stand up for what's wrong.

 

My oldest would have done poorly in public middle school. He had a terrible understanding of how to deal with social situations at that age. In general he was a natural target for bullying. I had a terrible time in middle school myself. I was bullied a lot in upper elementary and in middle school.

 

I know a lot of kids have trouble in middle school. However, not everyone and likely not a majority have significant trouble. My dd's personality is different than mine and my older ds'. I'm not going to say there are no drugs or gang activity at her school. I'm sure there are. I'm sure you can find drugs and gang activity at every middle school in this county. There's a prostitution ring based at middle schools just across the river and it has spread to a county neighboring ours (I know because I work at a private alternative secondary setting and one of our new students was affected by this) Such things are only an issue if a child is drawn to that type of activity for acceptance or some other reason.

 

I guess you need to consider your dd's personality closely. How strong are her ethics. How much is she influenced by others. Who are her friends and what direction to you see those kids going. Then, I'd give serious consideration to the school. Is the administration the same or different since your ds graduated.

 

I'm not sure how much I'd put on the sabbatical. If it was a sure thing, then maybe I'd use that to say we were homeschooling and clearly plan the year around the sabbatical. If I didn't know for sure and I didn't feel ps was wrong for dd then I'd let her go and I'd just withdraw midyear. I'd let dd know upfront that we might have to withdraw midyear and give her the choice of withdrawing before school started.

[Cassy]

If it were me, I might be tempted to allow her to start middle school, but make it very clear what the rules/expectations were. I would then monitor the situation very closely, and if things began to go awry, pull her out immediately (she may even decide that she'd prefer to homeschool if it proved a bad experience). I wouldn't insist on homeschooling if she wasn't happy about it, that does not sound a good recipe for a cooperative, respectful relationship. I would also consult her about her feelings with regards to the sabbatical, assuming that this is something that could be done at a later date if need be. While I imagine she'd love the opportunity to travel, I still think a 12 yo is at an age where their opinion on such matters might be taken into account.

 

Cassy

[sparrow]

I agree with previous posters that I'd be inclined to allow her to go to middle school, particularly after the productive year she's had, to keep the momentum going. It doesn't mean that you can't revisit the decision if you see her academically fall off or enter into concerning social attachments.

 

Other than sleeping in, I think it may be difficult to find a way to convince her homeschool is better while she's having a good time academically and socially. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but she may not agree that home is best until/unless things are going badly.

 

Obviously, I fall into the camp of "we homeschool, but take it year by year". I would encourage my son to wait until high school. My daughter would probably be OK in middle school, but I also have my own bad memories and it colors that decision :tongue_smilie:.

 

:grouphug: I hope you are able to reach a decision together.

[Rebecca VA]

The drug dealing and other unsavory situations could be good teaching tools for you to reinforce your values. You could talk her through these things.

 

I personally feel that my own daughter has learned many, many life lessons this year at school that she would never have learned at home. Just recently she did a joint project with another girl -- she did 95% of the work and the other girl did about 5%. My husband and I (as well as some of her classmates) had tried to warn her about partnering up with this particular girl, but she was stubborn. Making the documentary (which won several prizes) by herself caused her a great deal of stress, but she learned some serious lessons about partnering up with slackers.

 

I loved homeschooling, but I feel now that I was wrong to insist on continuing when my daughter was begging to go to school. If your daughter's school is good, and she's able to take challenging classes, I think you should strongly consider keeping her in.

[5 Hikers]

The big draw for my dd the same age as yours is that she gets to sleep in.

 

Mine too. My ds, soon to be 12, loves that he gets to sleep in. He also likes that if he does his work he has the afternoon free. He is into video game programming and makes his own stuff. I know nothing about computers so it's all greek to me. :001_smile: