Denisemomof4 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 "Don't be sad for me when I am gone. I am just so tired of everything and it will be nice to be at peace." This is someone who says she would never do anything to harm herself because she loves her kids too much to do that to them. She has so many hardships, and has for a very long time, and will likely have to face many more. She is burnt out and weary. What could one say or do to help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I would take that as very serious. I know she says she wouldn't hurt herself, but what she said screams of someone who is just broken and hopeless. Is she married? Does she have a support network? Can the people in her life bind together to help her through this? She needs help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamajag Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) I remember growing up my granny with many health issues told me that whenever Jesus was ready to bring her home, she'd be happy to go with him. It isn't suicidal to realize how hard things are and to look forward to some peace. She was very independent and I think sometimes feeling like a burden was the worst thing of all. She told me she didn't want me to be sad for her when the day came. We had many conversations about it, and when her day finally came, I wasn't sad for her. I was sad because of the many, many things I would miss by her not being around, but she was finally at peace and had made her peace with her life so in a way I was happy for her. ETA: This was the matriarch of a large extended family who pretty much raised a dozen kids on her own. She was trying to prep us all for her no longer being here because she was very much the foundation of the family. After she died the family did pretty much fall apart and divide into different factions. She was ready, of that I have no doubt, but it was a spiritual readiness not the sort of thing that leads to harming oneself. Edited April 23, 2012 by mamajag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 when was the last time you talked to her? I would call immediately on my way over and make sure someone was with her 24/7. that is not normal, that is a goodbye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Share Posted April 23, 2012 I would take that as very serious. I know she says she wouldn't hurt herself, but what she said screams of someone who is just broken and hopeless. Is she married? Does she have a support network? Can the people in her life bind together to help her through this? She needs help. It would seem like this is the situation.... I remember growing up my granny with many health issues told me that whenever Jesus was ready to bring her home, she'd be happy to go with him. It isn't suicidal to realize how hard things are and to look forward to some peace. She was very independent and I think sometimes feeling like a burden was the worst thing of all. She told me she didn't want me to be sad for her when the day came. We had many conversations about it, and when her day finally came, I wasn't sad for her. I was sad because of the many, many things I would miss by her not being around, but she was finally at peace and had made her peace with her life so in a way I was happy for her. But this is more of her situation. She just has to face many hardships that simply won't be going away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) I have felt like this for months at a time. I think it comes from deep long term stress. It's not likely you can change the circumstances of the stress. It's probably from a major life issue (you can't change some one else's finances, you can't cure her child's incurable disease or lifelong handicap). Actually, it's probably a combination of several major life issues (that's how it is for me). Simple things help. A greeting card that says "thinking of you" and not much else, some cut flowers from your yard. An invitation to go for a walk or drink tea at a time you know she can do it (which might be 10 pm when her dh is home and kids are in bed). I used to have a late night walk routine with a neighbor, until she moved, it was extremely therapeutic to walk and chat. Edited April 23, 2012 by betty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 "Okay, I won't be sad for you, but I will be sad for myself. I would miss you terribly if you were no longer here." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova147 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 :iagree: Those little things to brighten her day would be great! When things get tough, we all look ahead to easier times. If you can see an end in a few years, that's what you dream about. Not constantly, but in those tough moments. If she sees no end in this life, then she is just doing the same thing, but looking after death for those better times. I would be concerned if she said this frequently, or with recently increased frequency. Or if it is paired with other suicidal behaviors. Just something to watch for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 "Don't be sad for me when I am gone. I am just so tired of everything and it will be nice to be at peace." This is someone who says she would never do anything to harm herself because she loves her kids too much to do that to them. She has so many hardships, and has for a very long time, and will likely have to face many more. She is burnt out and weary. What could one say or do to help? Well, it depends. My Mom and my sister wrote poems with subjects like this. One of the most beautiful poems my Mom ever wrote was called, "When I am Gone". It was 1963 and she had a baby, a toddler and a couple teens. She lived for over 40 more years. It wasn't a goodbye. Just an expression of thoughts that had occurred to her. So, I wouldn't immediately assume suicidal thoughts. I've said similar things myself on a bad day. It's called venting. But if it is highly out of character for the person and you have some evidence or just a really strong gut feeling that something isn't right, then follow through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I would mention it to her closest family member or caretaker so they could get her some help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I would pull a face and say "I'll try not to. Why? Are you in a hurry?" And I'd make it my business to sent perky emails and flowers once in a while. I might even invite myself over to eat chocolate and have a whinge so she'd have hospitality as an excuse to sit down and eat chocolate too. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I'd tell her she can know peace right now if she turns to Jesus. And I'd send a card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I would mention it to her closest family member or caretaker so they could get her some help. :iagree: While this is something I believe many people think, it is not something that is spoken without a deeper pain. I would take it as a warning sign. What I did about it would be dependent upon who said it and in what context, but I would make sure someone who had authority over this person took it seriously as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-2-7 Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 "Don't be sad for me when I am gone. I am just so tired of everything and it will be nice to be at peace." This is someone who says she would never do anything to harm herself because she loves her kids too much to do that to them. She has so many hardships, and has for a very long time, and will likely have to face many more. She is burnt out and weary. What could one say or do to help? I don't really see this as a suicidal warning sign. She sounds like me. Just tired; physically and emotionally. My circumstances aren't going to change anytime soon. I long to have some real rest. An extended period of time free from the burdens. But you should still be vigilant just in case. I do think it's a sign that your friend needs to find some release for the stress. It needs to be something regular that the person can do as sort of an escape. Mine is photography. A few other things that could be helpful: A shoulder to cry on or vent on is be good. I would love it if someone would come take my kids on an outing and let me have a quiet house for a while. Have someone swoop in and clean my floors for me. It would be one less thing to have on my list. Bring a crockpot full of food for dinner Most importantly, provide lots of assurance to let the person know that they are loved and needed. St. John's Wort has helped some too. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 I don't really see this as a suicidal warning sign. She sounds like me. Just tired; physically and emotionally. My circumstances aren't going to change anytime soon. I long to have some real rest. An extended period of time free from the burdens. But you should still be vigilant just in case. I do think it's a sign that your friend needs to find some release for the stress. It needs to be something regular that the person can do as sort of an escape. Mine is photography. A few other things that could be helpful: A shoulder to cry on or vent on is be good. I would love it if someone would come take my kids on an outing and let me have a quiet house for a while. Have someone swoop in and clean my floors for me. It would be one less thing to have on my list. Bring a crockpot full of food for dinner Most importantly, provide lots of assurance to let the person know that they are loved and needed. St. John's Wort has helped some too. :) :iagree: I am not in the least bit suicidal, but I have said similar things. She sounds tired and weary. Sometimes when a person carries a burden either physical or mental - it just wears you down. My son has been gone for almost 2 years and I know I have specifically said things similar to this in the past. I would never, ever leave my family, but there are days when the burden of missing him is so great - that I long to be done with this life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 "Okay, I won't be sad for you, but I will be sad for myself. I would miss you terribly if you were no longer here." :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 23, 2012 Share Posted April 23, 2012 "Okay, I won't be sad for you, but I will be sad for myself. I would miss you terribly if you were no longer here." :iagree: this is exactly what I would say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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