Bullying in the schools

[summer]

http://www.foxnews.com/wires/2008Jun23/0,4670,LittleBullies,00.html

 

We saw a lot of this before my DD left after 2nd grade. It is disgusting.

[starlashine]

:iagree:

[Jennifer in MI]

I see some of this when we're just hanging out at the playground with our family. It's truly disgusting.

[TheLisa]

Yes, it is a huge problem here, too. My dd8 experienced it in dance class (it went on for the whole the first session, but stopped when I finally found out and spoke to the teacher). In the schools, dd was okay, but there was a lot of subtle exclusion, which was a factor in her being hs'ed now.

 

I hear from other parents in our district- 2nd graders being very cruel to their classmates. Why is this happenning? Has our society become that cruel and shallow?

[Rhondabee]

That is the main reason we started homeschooling.

 

=)

Rhonda

[Tracey in TX]

Bullying is certainly an issue, but we've gone WAY overboard with our definitions of bullying. The article referred to not inviting kid to birthday party is they don't share toys in preschool. Really, who cares? We must teach our children to be kind, but it's not possible to get along with everyone. If you choose to exclude how is that bullying? I thought it was common sense and fiscal boundaries.

 

That being said, I've seen moms encourage their K-2nd grade girls to exclude and mock peers. That way the group of 12 friends is exclusive and popular. Does that make it Bully By Proxy? (I vote yes.) Mom needs to feel superior, so she creates desired dynamic within her child's circle of influence. I think that's just bizarre.

 

Maybe we can redefine bullying to specifics and not demanding that we are all included in some ludicrous group. Being popular is fun, but it shouldn't define who a person is--and that they be expected to greet and include every person who is in their classes.

[Michelle in MO]

That is the main reason we started homeschooling.

 

=)

Rhonda

 

This is one of the main reasons we started homeschooling. I think the problem with bullying in schools is getting worse, but I think some schools are beginning to deal with the problem, albeit rather slowly.

 

I also believe that behaviors we used to see in older kids, like cliques and bullying in junior high/middle school, is now getting "shoved down" into lower and lower grades, until we have situations like this article: seven-year-olds bullying other kids, and being downright nasty about it, too.

 

Why is this? Why are these negative social behaviors happening at earlier ages? I sometimes wonder if it isn't the pressure to place kids in school at earlier and earlier ages, and possibly also the over-scheduled activities which are taking place at younger and younger ages. Now we have 4 year olds in preschool, and very structured activities for really young kids. I sometimes wonder if this doesn't force social situations on them that they're really not mature enough to handle?

 

Just musing aloud here, I guess. Does anyone else see this?

[Tracey in TX]

Now we have 4 year olds in preschool, and very structured activities for really young kids. I sometimes wonder if this doesn't force social situations on them that they're really not mature enough to handle?

 

Just musing aloud here, I guess. Does anyone else see this?

 

Interesting thoughts, as I've never considered this perspective. It certainly has merit for young children who haven't been placed in social situations in which to develop appropriate ability to handle peers. But why is age equivalent to social maturity? Shouldn't it be reinforced behavior and modeling from parents, sibs, teachers, etc rather than a specific age?

 

Each of my children was involved in sports and preschool by 4y/o. They are gregarious, energetic, and take no prisoners regarding bullying. I don't tolerate THEM being a bully; they don't tolerate BEING bullied, either.

 

I agree bullying is a problem in schools, but do we make it a bigger deal than it really is? Are we not teaching our children to be nice or to defend themselves from a potential issue? Both are necessary tools, IMO.

[Stacy in NJ]

I really agree with you here. I don't think choosing not to include someone is bullying. I think excluding and teasing is NORMAL for all humans. Of course, as adults we learn to be alot more subtle in how we go about doing it. Unsupervised (and sometimes supervised) children frequently behave like unruly mobs. People feel less responsible for their own actions when they behave as a group or mob. This is one aspect of why I homeschool. I want my children to accept responsibility for who and what they are, and expect the same of others. I've watched the nicest people purposefully not notice the unkindess or crudeness of others to preserve their place in the "pack". People become cowards when it comes to group dynamics, especially adults.

 

I guess this turned into an incoherant rant. :-(

[mooooom]

My kids have always had them at their parties, all their friends are super polite, nobody rushes in, they wait till the kid who blew it up gets his blindfold off and has his treat bag ready. Then they all mosey in, making sure the little kids have plenty of time. Then they all set up "shop" and trade with each other to get what they want. One year we had 2 public school kids in attendance. They were shocked at the trading, clutched their bags to their chests and then put them in their car. Too funny.

[homeschoolmom]

This is nothing new. I lived through this.

 

I remember first grade (yes FIRST grade). Here is the scene - girls come over at lunch time to my table (my friend was still buying her milk) and say 'Why are you friends with HER? You could be friends with US. Come sit with us.' No lie. I'll never forget it.

 

I didn't. I chose to stay with my friend. I'm loyal like that.

 

Grammar school after that was hell on earth. Teachers will clueless or worse and this was at a 'good' rural school.

 

Saw my DD live through the Lord of the Flies that is PS. Teachers with large classes, no control, dubious performance. I tried, I really did. Tried the next year - things were worse. That was it. Pulled her out and I'm so happy she isn't being 'socialized'. She does participate in activities at the Y and has for years. So far there has been no issue there, and the counselors/instructors are very aware and structured, so we continue to sign her up.

[mcconnellboys]

I saw the first ad today in what must be a new national campaign by the government, I guess. It's a girl who looks to be about 9 or 10, to me, standing up in front of her class to give a report. She says it's on one of the other girls in class, who initially smiles. Then she starts saying really nasty things about her, very matter of factly. You can see the other girl getting more and more upset. At the end there's a couple of lines something to the effect of, "If you wouldn't say it out loud, don't say it online." We have to spend money on a national ad campaign to teach our children not to be nasty to each other? Do parents have any responsibility whatsoever anymore? Do teachers?

[homeschoolmom]

I saw the first ad today in what must be a new national campaign by the government, I guess. It's a girl who looks to be about 9 or 10, to me, standing up in front of her class to give a report. She says it's on one of the other girls in class, who initially smiles. Then she starts saying really nasty things about her, very matter of factly. You can see the other girl getting more and more upset. At the end there's a couple of lines something to the effect of, "If you wouldn't say it out loud, don't say it online." We have to spend money on a national ad campaign to teach our children not to be nasty to each other? Do parents have any responsibility whatsoever anymore? Do teachers?

 

IMO and overgeneralizing it's a hot potato issue. Parents expect the teachers to control and teachers expect the parents to control via teaching proper values. In reality? Well......

 

Thank goodness the meek are blessed as, as Monty Python so astutely pointed out 'they have a heck of a time of it'.

 

It does tough you up....but a cost.

 

Sad that the gvt feels they need to get involved. I'd much prefer my tax dollars being spent on a real energy program. At least that might net results.

[Michelle in MO]

Interesting thoughts, as I've never considered this perspective. It certainly has merit for young children who haven't been placed in social situations in which to develop appropriate ability to handle peers. But why is age equivalent to social maturity? Shouldn't it be reinforced behavior and modeling from parents, sibs, teachers, etc rather than a specific age?

 

Each of my children was involved in sports and preschool by 4y/o. They are gregarious, energetic, and take no prisoners regarding bullying. I don't tolerate THEM being a bully; they don't tolerate BEING bullied, either.

 

I agree bullying is a problem in schools, but do we make it a bigger deal than it really is? Are we not teaching our children to be nice or to defend themselves from a potential issue? Both are necessary tools, IMO.

 

and I had no problems with it at all. I'm just speculating aloud. I guess I would say that I'm against government-mandated preschools, i.e., forcing kids who are 4 to start attending preschool. I think that decision should be left up to the parent.

 

My previous point may not have much validity, but was a result more of inner speculations I've had. I think you've raised your kids in such a manner that bullying was not permitted at all, so perhaps the fundamental issue here is good parenting vs. poor parenting.

 

But I still wonder---are we seeing behaviors displayed at younger and younger ages that a generation ago were not seen until kids were older? If so, why is that? It's almost like the barriers that prevented negative social behaviors are being eroded.

[woolybear]

"How will the kids learn to deal with all kinds of different people if they are kept isolated at home??"

 

I said to her,"They are not isolated. And I don't think being in a difficult situation with difficult people teaches you to deal with them. Wisdom and maturity do.

 

Nuff said.

[Tracey in TX]

"How will the kids learn to deal with all kinds of different people if they are kept isolated at home??"

 

I said to her,"They are not isolated. And I don't think being in a difficult situation with difficult people teaches you to deal with them. Wisdom and maturity do.

 

Nuff said.

 

How does one gain wisdom and maturity without exposure?

Please note that this isn't meant to argue, but wondering if I'm not thinking through well enough and missing the obvious answer. (Tough day and not enough sleep, so not entirely lucid.)

[woolybear]

Please don't argue with me because my son has been doing that all day! So perhaps I am not entirely lucid either. But what about exposure to positive things? Being around mature people--grandparents, friends, good neighbors, chuch groups. Can't one become more mature and strong by developing their own internal strengths and then being able to better deal with the world? Just my tired thoughts..... Anyone else?

[homeschoolmom]

Please don't argue with me because my son has been doing that all day! So perhaps I am not entirely lucid either. But what about exposure to positive things? Being around mature people--grandparents, friends, good neighbors, chuch groups. Can't one become more mature and strong by developing their own internal strengths and then being able to better deal with the world? Just my tired thoughts..... Anyone else?

 

I agree. :)

 

IMO, Positive exposure is just as important as negative. I don't believe you have to be set on fire in order to learn how to react if, someday, you are presented with the situation that you are, in fact, on fire.

 

About the only thing it will most assuredly get you is PTSD. Oh yeah, you may toughen up too. Thanks, I think I'll try teaching my child how to survive without throwing her in the wolf pack.

[summer]

Thing is here, the teachers will NOT supervise or intervene with children. They have those children over 7 hrs a day, and will not supervise or anything. They also tell the parents it is none of our business what is going on and parents are not allowed in the building or really on property. You are allowed to park in the parking lot and come in the front door, but no further. There is security glass up and locks to prevent you any access to your children at all. You are not allowed to even observe in your child's class. This is not an innercity school. This is an affluent school district that ranks amongst the top in the state.

 

So..if the teachers have the children that much, and they want to keep the parents out, they need to start taking responsbility. The situation in the schools is nasty. Only reason I have seen as much as I have is because 1) I am a board member on the PTA 2)I taught in this district for a year and 3)my sister is currently a teacher here so I visit her in her classroom. But when my children had been enrolled (my oldest still is which is why I am a board member) parents are not allowed access, period, the end. Teachers and staff are huge control freaks who make sure parents know that they need to stay out, stay away, they will not even allow parents to know what is being taught...nothing. The message that parents are bad and stupid and cannot handle raising their own children is loud and clear. Yet..the public schools have proven over and over and over again that they cannot handle raising our children, so why do they keep insisting on pretending they are?

[summer]

"How will the kids learn to deal with all kinds of different people if they are kept isolated at home??"

 

I said to her,"They are not isolated. And I don't think being in a difficult situation with difficult people teaches you to deal with them. Wisdom and maturity do.

 

Nuff said.

 

Fact is also, in the real world, in the work place, you just do not really deal with this sort of thing.

[Perry]

It is horrible, but I don't think bullying is new at all. Kids acted like this when I was in elementary school in the early 1960's. The boys had fist fights nearly everyday after school, and I never see or hear about those any more. The current bullying seems to be more along the lines of teasing and harassment rather than physical fights, at least in my neck of the woods. The school district my kids attended have recently started a very involved anti-bullying campaign. I'm glad to see more awareness, but in reality it doesn't seem to have changed anything.

[Rhondabee]

I agree bullying is a problem in schools, but do we make it a bigger deal than it really is? Are we not teaching our children to be nice or to defend themselves from a potential issue? Both are necessary tools, IMO.

 

 

I was hit by a motorcycle one week before 3rd grade. When I showed up 6 weeks later to school, I was bald (on one side - and it still had bandages. The other side was a crew-cut) with braces, a retainer, and glasses and hand-me-down clothes which were obviously belonged to a boy before we were given them. I was so picked on at school, I cried myself to sleep every night for two years, and *if* I had known how to kill myself, I would have.

 

When my ds started being picked on (usually these things happen when the teacher isn't around), I tried to teach him to be assertive, but to let the teacher handle it. If I could go back and tell him to give the first bully a bloody lip, trust me I would.

 

After two years, my dh and I would sneak in to ds's lunch (5th grade). He sat by himself day after day. I could see the light dimming in his eyes. Then he got one friend. The kid whose older brother was obviously doing drugs. I remembered the day I prayed and told God I would rather have *any* friend - even one who did drugs, but who was at least "nice" to me - rather than no friend at all. I knew where my ds was headed.

 

After we started homeschooling, story after story after story came out. The "best" 5th grade teacher (personally picked by the principal after I wrote her explaining what all had happened in 4th grade) allowed another child to call my ds "gay" in front of the whole class in an obviously derogatory way. Her response? "OK, now stop." As the whole class laughed and pointed fingers and whispered.

 

Maybe you and yours can stand up to that day after day and not suffer. I *still* suffer anxiety jitters in crowds of people - even at church. I could not just idly sit back and tell my ds to handle it - that it's just life, get over it.

 

Nor has anyone even been able to teach me (or my child) how to change who we fundamentally are. There is always an underlying message that we *are* flawed, otherwise we would be accepted.

 

I certainly don't have the answers - wish I did.

 

Rhonda

[Gretchen in NJ]

That is the main reason we started homeschooling.

 

=)

Rhonda

 

:iagree: Us too! It was the biggest reason. Let not forget, when we went to the school for help, the school called my daughter a 'liar' and me 'mean' for suggesting the the children might be whispering. Go figure.

 

Gretchen

[homeschoolmom]

I was hit by a motorcycle one week before 3rd grade. When I showed up 6 weeks later to school, I was bald (on one side - and it still had bandages. The other side was a crew-cut) with braces, a retainer, and glasses and hand-me-down clothes which were obviously belonged to a boy before we were given them. I was so picked on at school, I cried myself to sleep every night for two years, and *if* I had known how to kill myself, I would have.

 

When my ds started being picked on (usually these things happen when the teacher isn't around), I tried to teach him to be assertive, but to let the teacher handle it. If I could go back and tell him to give the first bully a bloody lip, trust me I would.

 

After two years, my dh and I would sneak in to ds's lunch (5th grade). He sat by himself day after day. I could see the light dimming in his eyes. Then he got one friend. The kid whose older brother was obviously doing drugs. I remembered the day I prayed and told God I would rather have *any* friend - even one who did drugs, but who was at least "nice" to me - rather than no friend at all. I knew where my ds was headed.

 

After we started homeschooling, story after story after story came out. The "best" 5th grade teacher (personally picked by the principal after I wrote her explaining what all had happened in 4th grade) allowed another child to call my ds "gay" in front of the whole class in an obviously derogatory way. Her response? "OK, now stop." As the whole class laughed and pointed fingers and whispered.

 

Maybe you and yours can stand up to that day after day and not suffer. I *still* suffer anxiety jitters in crowds of people - even at church. I could not just idly sit back and tell my ds to handle it - that it's just life, get over it.

 

Nor has anyone even been able to teach me (or my child) how to change who we fundamentally are. There is always an underlying message that we *are* flawed, otherwise we would be accepted.

 

I certainly don't have the answers - wish I did.

 

Rhonda

 

 

So sorry you went through this. Small comfort but I do know exactly how you felt and how it continues to impact you today. :grouphug:

[CLHCO]

I do think things are worse. I also think lack of parenting is the start of all of this so I'm not placing blame on media but I do think the media has a role here too. This is just one more piece of the puzzle.

 

I remember girls when my daughters were in preschool getting kids into Spice Girls and acting too mature. It was one girl in particular but it infected the lot as too many other parents just shrugged and went with the pop culture for tots too so their daughter was "in". Pretty soon the little wars of who is cool and who is not was starting to come in. Thankfully my daughter were not in the class where things got out of hand. It obviously doesn't occur the same in every class or school. There are peer dynamics that can prop up anywhere.

 

Another area is the style of TV shows. My youngest daughter gets older My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake shows from the library, most from the 80s or so. They're stupid and the music is horrible but she loves them. The cute little horses usually get together and bond to beat some silly bad person or save their friends from something. Now and then you get a grumpy pony but it's not a main point to the plot week after week.

 

I tried letting her get a "Horseland" once and returned it. The girls (and horses) were so nasty to one another. In show after show you get of 20 minutes of nasty, 3 minutes of relenting and learning to be friends again. They think they're helping kids learn to "get along" but I swear it feeds it. They don't grow as characters. No one learns anything and sticks with it. You are nasty, you get nice for a moment, then you're just nasty the next week for a new plot.

 

Arthur is the same way. I can't stand Arthur.

 

I've never seen Hannah Montana but I can't help to wonder if it's either of the two scenarios I saw above. Either they are just "cool and hip", which puts up some expectations unnecessary for such young girls, or they have those awful shows of excessive peer conflicts week after week. They're learning to play the game very young anymore and they aren't mature enough to know limits or how to handle it.

 

You think it's all clean and silly but sometimes you have to look below the surface to see what a young child may be picking up. Little girls are very sensitive to the emotional issues and manipulation techniques shown in these shows.

 

Needless to say, we have checked out of both, pop culture icons, and most TV shows. Okay, public school is one too. It's the best thing that ever happened to me and I find myself in awe of how anyone can have 14 year old daughters that are such a joy and have very little baggage weighing them down.

[Tracey in TX]

I was hit by a motorcycle one week before 3rd grade. When I showed up 6 weeks later to school, I was bald (on one side - and it still had bandages. The other side was a crew-cut) with braces, a retainer, and glasses and hand-me-down clothes which were obviously belonged to a boy before we were given them. I was so picked on at school, I cried myself to sleep every night for two years, and *if* I had known how to kill myself, I would have.

 

When my ds started being picked on (usually these things happen when the teacher isn't around), I tried to teach him to be assertive, but to let the teacher handle it. If I could go back and tell him to give the first bully a bloody lip, trust me I would.

 

After two years, my dh and I would sneak in to ds's lunch (5th grade). He sat by himself day after day. I could see the light dimming in his eyes. Then he got one friend. The kid whose older brother was obviously doing drugs. I remembered the day I prayed and told God I would rather have *any* friend - even one who did drugs, but who was at least "nice" to me - rather than no friend at all. I knew where my ds was headed.

 

After we started homeschooling, story after story after story came out. The "best" 5th grade teacher (personally picked by the principal after I wrote her explaining what all had happened in 4th grade) allowed another child to call my ds "gay" in front of the whole class in an obviously derogatory way. Her response? "OK, now stop." As the whole class laughed and pointed fingers and whispered.

 

Maybe you and yours can stand up to that day after day and not suffer. I *still* suffer anxiety jitters in crowds of people - even at church. I could not just idly sit back and tell my ds to handle it - that it's just life, get over it.

 

Nor has anyone even been able to teach me (or my child) how to change who we fundamentally are. There is always an underlying message that we *are* flawed, otherwise we would be accepted.

 

I certainly don't have the answers - wish I did.

 

Rhonda

 

Rhonda,

 

I'm sorry that you had such an awful experience, and that it continues to impact your life. DS is blessed to have you understand his pain and that you were proactive in eliminating his negative environment.

 

All I meant in previous post is that a lot of energy is placed on 'No Bullying" mantra and most of the time it really does warrant a 'get over it'. Clearly, it's not always the case. I chose to teach my kids to be competitive and tough from the beginning in order to eliminate this from the get-go. That's probably flawed, too. No matter what flaws we each exhibit, it shouldn't be relevant. Either get along with each other, or walk away. Maybe that's what I've been trying to say.

 

Again, I'm sorry you endured bullying and I hope my perspective wasn't hurtful in any way.:grouphug::grouphug:

[mommaduck]

So sorry you went through this. Small comfort but I do know exactly how you felt and how it continues to impact you today. :grouphug:

 

Ditto :( It was the first reason I started considering private school for my children when the first was an infant. By the time he was three I had many other reasons that led me to homeschool.

 

In my case, the teachers were also the bullies. Every Thursday was "current events" day for filmstrips and news, etc. Remember the ads for smokers and homeless...yeah, a teacher that would tell the rest of the class that that was going to be me...the taunting would continue till I broke down and cried...EVERY WEEK! Then the teacher would say they hoped I broke my leg and never came back to school (how immature is that?!). This teacher latter won a state award for being an "awesome teacher" :glare: Go figure.

[Rhondabee]

All I meant in previous post is that a lot of energy is placed on 'No Bullying" mantra and most of the time it really does warrant a 'get over it'. Clearly, it's not always the case. I chose to teach my kids to be competitive and tough from the beginning in order to eliminate this from the get-go. That's probably flawed, too. No matter what flaws we each exhibit, it shouldn't be relevant. Either get along with each other, or walk away. Maybe that's what I've been trying to say.

 

Again, I'm sorry you endured bullying and I hope my perspective wasn't hurtful in any way.:grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

I'm sorry - I didn't want to erupt online- one reason my original post was so very short :).

 

However, we *have* to discuss these things. How else are people who are wired so fundamentally differently supposed to understand each other?

 

My big beef is not with your post at all, but with an educational system whose greatest threat is to take away recess. They can't assign sentences - that wouldn't be fair to those who struggle to write. They can't do In-School-Suspension - that would be robbing students of instructional time (which is just oh, so very precious!). They can't do After-School Detention - that would discriminate against mothers who work, and disrupt their day. All that is left is to say, "Please, stop." because there are only so many days of recess - and there are parents who call to complain when *that* is done, because it is the only break their dc receives during the day.

 

I honestly don't think it would have mattered if someone had tried to "toughen me up" - Oh, I did have to go to the school counselor for "assertiveness training" - ha! I remember sitting there giving her the answers I knew she wanted while knowing it would never work in real life.

 

It's hard to walk away from someone who has your school books up over his head, out of reach. Or, when you *really* have to go to the bathroom, and that's where the bully knows he can get to you, but the teacher can't. Or, when the teacher won't protect you even when there is blatant bullying going on in her presence.

 

But, we did basically walk away by homeschooling, I guess - which is sometimes all you can do in real life: recognize - hey, this is toxic situation, and I do not have to stay in it. And then leave completely. I'm sure that's what you meant. Just from my POV, school is not the best atmosphere for learning that.

 

Taking a :chillpill:, and wishing you a blessed day!

Rhonda

[Rhondabee]

Please don't argue with me because my son has been doing that all day! So perhaps I am not entirely lucid either. But what about exposure to positive things? Being around mature people--grandparents, friends, good neighbors, chuch groups. Can't one become more mature and strong by developing their own internal strengths and then being able to better deal with the world? Just my tired thoughts..... Anyone else?

 

The easiest way to tell how someone *really* feels about you is to observe how their children treat you! These kids aren't bullies by accident - kids relate to other people the way they have been related to, and the way they see their parents interacting with other adults.

 

I'll take my "still living in a Barney world" kids over tough and worldly-wise anyday!

 

Hope your day improves!

 

:001_smile:

 

Rhonda

[homeschoolmom]

I honestly don't think it would have mattered if someone had tried to "toughen me up" - Oh, I did have to go to the school counselor for "assertiveness training" - ha! I remember sitting there giving her the answers I knew she wanted while knowing it would never work in real life.

 

I doubt it would have made a difference except, (as this is how I felt) to make you feel that you were truly on your own, that no one understood and no one 'had your back.' I got the 'suck it up' lecture from many adults, including my loving (seriously, no sarcasm intended) parents, many times. It added to the me against the world feeling. Not good.

 

I vowed my child would NEVER feel like this. In fact I have no doubt that someimes she wishes I was more hands-off. But she's a happy, outgoing, resilient kid so I must have achieved my goal.

 

I don't think telling a child to dismiss their feelings and suck it up is good - ever. Talking through them, sure. Dismissing them as trivial? No.

 

The solution here? Who knows. I'm just grateful we are able to home school and happy it 'works' acadmically, spiritually and emotionally.

[mommaduck]

My parents always said that I "must've done something to deserve it". Uhm, no.

 

 

I survived only because of my personal faith (my family didn't share it), I buried myself in books (and not schoolbooks, yeah, I refused to do the work...why? why do something for someone that didn't care about you. I learned alot more than they taught in school anyhow...I had access to public and a private college library), and by the hope that one day I'd be out of school and away from that horrid little town.

[Magnolia]

So sorry you went through this. Small comfort but I do know exactly how you felt and how it continues to impact you today. :grouphug:

 

I too, was bullied for 13 years since kindergarten way back in the late 60's and 70's. Not a day went by that I did not go home without crying. My only solace was our family dog who met me each day at the bus stop. Teachers did nothing. I actually had the gym teacher take me aside in 6th grade and tell me that I will never be accepted in society. So I should just get used to the bullying. :001_huh: And back then, you didn't tell your parents anything. The only way I knew how to protect myself was to build a shell around me by becoming silent and withdrawn. If I could be invisible, I might escape being bullied. So I agree bullying has lasting effects. I still have a hard time getting close to people and always feel like the outsider. My experiences had a strong impact on why we homeschool. I don't wish bullying on anyone.

[Rhondabee]

You know, I never told my parents, either - and I don't really understand why. I always assumed they knew - I mean, how could they not? But, just before we started homeschooling, I confronted them about what did they do when I was the one being bullied, and I told them how utterly depressed I had been. My dad just sat in stunned silence - he truly didn't know.

 

It still blows me away that he could have lived in the same house and not known. But, I see people whose kids seem to be depressed and really down on school - one I know in particular *is* being bullied according to his mother, but the parents never question that public school is best.

[Lori C- Texas]

Bullying happens everywhere. We are even having to deal with bullying with homeschool kids. We meet a group of friends at the park once a week. This park day is open to all homeschool families. We got a new family that joined and one of my dd's friends did not like that my dd became friends with this new girl. She started telling this new girl that my dd was holding hands with a boy that goes to the park with us(this was not the first time for the lies). Well, everyone found out about the lying and we confronted the girl that told the lie and her mom. We told them both that this is what happens with kids but we will not stand for teasing and lying. That our kids love to play together and this is just a life lesson that they get to work through. Well, the mom decided to get back at all of us by telling her dd about my private conversations with her about my dd's school issues. Her dd then told my dd's whole dance class what levels of school my dd is doing. My dd11 is behind in math and spelling. Luckily, no one cared. Which was wonderful and my daughter could careless. It just shocked me how petty and shallow moms can be.

 

I am just glad that my kids will get to deal with these life issues but in a little bit more controlled environment. That they aren't just thrown to the wolves.

[RegularMom]

The easiest way to tell how someone *really* feels about you is to observe how their children treat you! These kids aren't bullies by accident - kids relate to other people the way they have been related to, and the way they see their parents interacting with other adults.

 

I agree. I've seen this more often than not. The bully is either bullied by his/her parents or older siblings (or teachers), or is raised to believe that bullying is the only way to get through life. Or something.

 

I've seen bullies in the school system, and bullies in the homeschooling community as well. In fact, my dh had problems with a workplace bully for a while about a year ago.

 

It's a deeply rooted, complex problem.

 

We, as adults, need to always be mindful of the influence we have over kids. They watch our every move, hear every statement. And sadly, we as adults, are by and large, products of the very same educational system we pulled our own kids out of, and we often bring the emotional baggage we gathered during our school years along for the ride. (I'm using the term "we" collectively here.)

 

The teachers of today are, quite simply, our old schoolmates. Some of them are kind and wonderful, and some of them aren't. And they bring their own baggage with them to the classroom, every day.

 

And with each generation of kids graduating from the system, it will probably only become progressively worse. Not very optimistic of me, I know.

 

But the bright side of this is that homeschooling is becoming more and more mainstream with each passing school year. There's hope for us yet. :)

[laughing lioness]

We had bullying in our homeshcool co-op last year. It was always instigated by kids who had previously been public schooled. The moms of the kids who were the bullys made excuses- the other child was too sensitive, they weren't really going to hurt him (like a 7 yo would know if someone who is threatening him would really hurt him or not?!)

The parents attitudes were almost more shocking than the kids- they really went to bat for thier little bullies instead of discipling them.

[Tracey in TX]

We had bullying in our homeshcool co-op last year. It was always instigated by kids who had previously been public schooled. The moms of the kids who were the bullys made excuses- the other child was too sensitive, they weren't really going to hurt him (like a 7 yo would know if someone who is threatening him would really hurt him or not?!)

The parents attitudes were almost more shocking than the kids- they really went to bat for thier little bullies instead of discipling them.

 

DS was strangled by a never-ps'ed school at a homeschool event at our gym. I chewed the kid out while mom sat across chatting. Coaches reprimanded repeatedly, but mom made excuses for her 'has issues' child. Told my boys if it ever happened again to punch him. When nice, respectable methods don't work, time to go back to fair play. (I did this twice as a child and was never bullied by bigger kids again. Sometimes it takes showing an idiot you really will defend yourself.)

[Magnolia]

You know, I never told my parents, either - and I don't really understand why. I always assumed they knew - I mean, how could they not? But, just before we started homeschooling, I confronted them about what did they do when I was the one being bullied, and I told them how utterly depressed I had been. My dad just sat in stunned silence - he truly didn't know.

 

It still blows me away that he could have lived in the same house and not known. But, I see people whose kids seem to be depressed and really down on school - one I know in particular *is* being bullied according to his mother, but the parents never question that public school is best.

 

It blows my mind too how clueless my parents were. I was just too embarrassed to talk to my parents about the bullying. Like I deserved it because of the way I was born. I really believed that it was a deep dark secret that I had to keep. I'd wear my hair shoulder length and let it hang in my face I always council other parents with children like me not to ignore the situation but talk with your child. Let them know that the way they look does not make them any less human than anybody else. Council them how to handle how others are going to treat/react to them. They do not have to accept the abuse.

 

My main reason for homeschooling is because childhood is too short and I want to spend every moment with my dd, not send her away for 7-8 hours a day. But, she will tell you she never wants to go to public school because "there are bullies there". She knows my story.

[laughing lioness]

One of the kids did hit back when he was being held down by one kid and threatened with getting hit by another. THEN the other moms intervened. There pov was that the mom of the kid being bullied was teaching him to "hit" instead of just realizing that "kids will be kids"- unbelieveable.

[homeschoolmom]

One of the kids did hit back when he was being held down by one kid and threatened with getting hit by another. THEN the other moms intervened. There pov was that the mom of the kid being bullied was teaching him to "hit" instead of just realizing that "kids will be kids"- unbelieveable.

 

How about this one:

 

Child is about to kick another child but is preempted by an observant parent (offending child's uncle) who says "Michael! We don't do that!) Child's father then says his child 'does nothing unprovoked.' The child about to be kicked was sliding down the slide at the time.

 

Oh, right. So I can choke you then - as you are stupid and annoying me and therefore 'provoking' me? ;)

 

This father's attitude actually killed a LONG friendship of mine. My friend blindly supports bully hubby and they are raiising two bully boys. When the oldest boy started to pick on DD (friends since infancy) and the DH tried picking a fight with my DH (we were also neighbors). Well that was it. Sad. I often wonder if he hits the DW (my x- friend). Hope not. He's just a horrible awful human being and the boys are turning out just like him.