I will pay you

[Peaceful Isle]

What I did:

 

Put sleeping bag on floor next to my bed.

 

Told dd she was welcome to come in and sleep in sleeping bag as long as she didn't wake me up.

 

Rule: you are 8 years old....if you wake me up, I put you back to bed. If you are quiet and don't wake me up you can stay.

 

She did this until she was 10.....but at least she didn't wake me up anymore.

If you she woke me...out she went!!

 

Faithe

 

:iagree: I did this for each kid till they grew out of it by 5 :D

[Lovedtodeath]

I like the suggestions about a sleeping bag on your floor, etc. Is there a sibling he could share a room with?

 

At this point, he is accustomed to waking up fully during the periods of the sleep cycle when people naturally come close to waking up. That's not easy to fix.

The Baby Whisperer has a technique for this. You set your alarm and startle them (think loud noise to make him flinch but not fully wake) 5-10 minutes before they normally wake themselves. This resets the sleep cycle and eventually (I think it is 5 days) they get so used to this that they sleep through. That actually worked on DS.

[blondeviolin]

Some switch flipped for my older two kids and they stopped needing me to fall asleep and/or sleep through the night around 3. I'm hoping the same is true for my 2yo...otherwise, I'll make it so! Lol

 

Anyway, my older two both have a book box and a little flashlight. So, count us in the camp of "I can't make you sleep, but I CAN make you stay in bed."

[mykdsmomy]

First of all, :grouphug: to the op because I can completely empathize with you! My ds8 is asleep next to me right now as I'm typing. Poor dh is out on the couch (but in all fairness, dh usually falls asleep out there anyway).

 

This is such a tough topic. My ds8 has some pretty severe challenges so "making" him stay in his bed was never even possible. We have tried everything since before he was 2 to get him into his own bed and nothing has worked. He is currently being treated by a sleep specialist (dev. ped) and will be getting his tonsils/adenoids out soon but I honestly don't think it will make that much of a difference.

 

I think there are some kiddos, for whatever reason, need that extra reassurance/attachment. I don't think letting your child sleep in your room til they are 8 or 10 will cause them to not be able to self soothe or develop good sleeping habits later in life (co sleeping is the norm in many parts of the world til children are much older ...sometimes due to space issues but still...)

 

The "they need to learn to put themselves to sleep now or else......" argument seems to be similar to "they need to be in school to learn how to socialize"....I mean, aren't there other opportunities for children to learn confidence and self soothing strategies other than bedtime?

 

I do have to say though, that all of the input on this thread has really made me think about other areas in my children's lives where I may be "overindulging". I appreciate all of the opinions here :)

[KidsHappen]

Ok, this is not gospel, strictly my personal experience and POV. I have lots of kids. Some are good sleepers and some are not. I don't think you can make a good sleeper out of a bad one (baring some actual reason for why they are not sleeping, apnea or something of the sort). Sometimes they can learn to sleep on their own or do something that changes things so that they can sleep but sometimes they can't. Several stories to follow.

 

First, story. My youngest brother always had a hard time sleeping well into adulthood. Nothing he did made any difference. He was required to stay in bed at night so he just tossed and turned for hours and then got up early to go to work and school. He got plenty of physical labor and didn't have any health issues. Eventually as an adult he taught himself to just say over and over to himself - "Don't think about anything. Don't think about anything." - Until he eventually bored himself to sleep I think. Anyhow, over time it got easier for him to sleep. I think he just had a hard time winding down and relaxing (stopping his mind from racing or worrying) but no real sleep problem.

 

Second story, one of my girls continued coming into my room and sleeping on the floor until she was 11. It wasn't every night. It decreased in frequency over time until eventually she didn't come anymore. As a teen she had a period of horrible insomnia when she wasn't sleeping at all and eventually we got her medical help and she took medication to go to sleep. It was at that time that she informed me that she had NEVER been sleeping more than a few hours at night. She just quit coming to my room. (Do I even need to mention how incredibly horrible I felt at that point?) She had basically spent her entire life until that point sleeping little to none each night. She was very active and got up quite early and never slept during the day. After a couple years she quit taking the meds and she sleeps better now but she still has many nights of rough or restless sleep.

 

Next story, another of my dd's didn't move out until she was maybe five. She didn't have any problem sleeping. She just couldn't fall asleep without me. First, I transferred her to a bed on the floor, then I moved the bed to her floor and I laid in there til she fell asleep and eventually she reached a point where she could fall asleep on her own. I think this was a normal case of a child with no sleeping problem who just needed to learn to go to sleep on her own.

 

Next story, my youngest didn't move out of my room permanently until she was 8 or 9 years old, as in she had a bed in my room until then. Even in my room, she would take hours to fall asleep. The only way I got her to move out was to get a tv for her room and let her watch Disney movies (cartoons) at night. She has seen the same movies a million times so I know that they aren't keeping her awake. They are boring at this point but they are basically back ground light and moise that allow her to go to sleep. I go in an turn off her tv at night once she has fallen asleep. She sleeps fine once she is asleep but she has a hard time falling asleep. She also has a very hard time waking up even though she has to get up early for school. She is very active and as I said is awake early. I think her problem is simply a delayed sleep cycle that we can't adjust. I let her watch tv because I don't want her to have to suffer with the hours of tossing and turning that my brother and older dd had to do. I do this because I have learned empathy on this particular issue.

 

My story, I have always been a night owl. I think I had a delayed sleep cycle as well. I couldn't fall asleep until late at night but then I had a hard time waking up. This has been for my entire life for as long as I can remember. I managed by just staying up late and suffering in the morning. But I always slept like the dead. Honestly, once I was asleep WW III could have started and I wouldn't have known. If left to sleep, I could sleep for 12 hours at a time. I could go to sleep in the middle of the day. I had no problem sleeping. I never worried about waking up with the kids in the middle of the night or nursing them on demand all night because I always though I can sleep when they are grown.

 

Then about six or seven years ago now it started getting later and later before I could fall asleep and then I started waking up at night as well. Pretty soon I couldn't sleep at all - ever. Sometimes days without sleep. Sometimes 6 hours in a week. Hours and hours of tossing and turning causing ever worsing back pain (already suffered from chronic back problems). I started taking sleeping pills which worked for awhile then they stopped working. I had to try different ones and then higher doses and then additional meds. I have just recently saw some improvement but it has come at a cost.

 

I have learned that some people can sleep and some people can not that is just the way it is. I don't think that someone else can change a person's ability to sleep or their sleep cycle and I am not even convinced that a person can do it themselves if they have real sleep problems. I think some people have kids that sleep easily, and some have kids that just need to learn to go to sleep on their own (I have experienced both) but these people don't understand kids who can't sleep because they haven't experienced it either in themselves or their children. I can almost guarantee someone who has severe insomnia has much more empathy for a child who truly can not go to sleep or stay asleep.

 

Final story, my oldest dd is where you are OP. My grandson is almost 4. He goes to sleep on his own in his own bed in his own room but he wakes up in the middle of the night and goes in his mom's room every night. Right now we are trying to get him to sleep through the night in his own room. He understands the concept and says everyday that tonight he will do it but it hasn't happened yet. I am confident that it will happen soon. He appears to be a good sleeper and if he is downstairs when everyone is awake and he falls asleep and then wakes up he can go back to sleep easily so I think it is just a matter of time.

 

Have you asked your son probing questions trying to figure out if he knows of a reason why he can't fall back asleep? Is there anything that you do that helps? Have you tried any non-traditional approachs (tv, audio books, music)? If you have done all of the above and don't see improvement by nine then I may consider a dr. appointment to rule out any problems. In the mean time, you have my empathy. I understand tired. :grouphug:

[chepyl]

LOL! Well, last night kiddos slept over at grandmas. Of course DH played poker with buddies and came in at 4am :glare:

 

I am curious about how he sleeps at grandma's. I would ask. Of he sleeps fine there, I think you need to look at thos differently. My dd wakes up in the middle of the night of she has not gone to the bathroom right before bed or of she had a drink too close to bedtime. She does not go to the bathroom, she gets in bed with us. It is the need to go to the bathroom that wakes her, but it is not bad enough to go, just to wake her. Now that we know, we can easily solve it. It does not always work, but we have had more success in the last few weeks.

 

If he is sleeping fine at grandma's house, I think you need to reevaluate the reason you get in bed with him when I'd wakes up. Is it really for him, or for you.

[Annie Laurie]

I don't have any help for the super long termers on no sleep. But I wanted to tell you that we had one like yours. We actually started sleeping through the night at 19 mos. I was a zombie before then. She was still nursing on demand at night by then, but only at nap and bedtime during the day. I decided one night at 12:30 am that I was done nursing 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night. So I filled a cup with milk, gave it to dh and sent him in with no warning. It only took 2 or 3 nights before she stopped crying out for me at night, and we all got better sleep after that. Have hope.

 

Thank you! This is good to hear. I keep waiting for his last 2 teeth to finish coming in (until his 2 yr molars anyway) and then we will try night weaning w dh comforting him.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think there are some kiddos, for whatever reason, need that extra reassurance/attachment. I don't think letting your child sleep in your room til they are 8 or 10 will cause them to not be able to self soothe or develop good sleeping habits later in life (co sleeping is the norm in many parts of the world til children are much older ...sometimes due to space issues but still...)

 

The "they need to learn to put themselves to sleep now or else......" argument seems to be similar to "they need to be in school to learn how to socialize"....I mean, aren't there other opportunities for children to learn confidence and self soothing strategies other than bedtime?

 

When moms post begging for help, this forum sometimes offers tough solutions. They might include putting kids in school or weaning or whatever, even when we really believe in homeschooling or breastfeeding. Because mom suffering isn't doing anyone any favors in the long-term. The OP heavily implied suffering. That is why she got the responses that she did, not because we don't believe kids will ever learn to sleep on their own unless you start early.

[Joyofsixreboot]

My non-sleeper (who I mentally accused of lots of things) became a sleeper when his tonsils and adenoids came out. The kid couldn't breathe.

[LaxMom]

Uncomfortable is the point!

 

And I never did crying it out with my kids. We co-slept until they weaned between 2 and 3. I had no trouble getting them out of my bed by being firm, not mean. I like my husband, I like sleeping with him, I like having time alone with him. Once the kids are 8, they are old enough to understand that. If he's sitting on the bed "whimpering," then *I* think that is manipulative. I don't think every kid with a problem is manipulative, but this sounds like he is taking advantage of you. You asked for help or we wouldn't be discussing it.

 

I agree with all of the above. By the time the boys night weaned (2 1/2) and transitioned to their own bed (3 1/2), I was a woman on the edge from the sleep deprivation, and I was not physically getting out of my bed at night!

 

8 is plenty old enough to be able to self-entertain when one wakes in the night. If he can come to your room and fetch you to keep him company, he can jolly well choose to turn on the light and read a book instead.

[Amy in NH]

I would get him a night light and transition him to staying in his own bed all night.

 

:iagree:

[Pamela H in Texas]

My son was 9. We finally said he couldn't be in our room at all. We said he needed to START in his room (we even bought him a captain's bed and made a big deal about it). We said we didn't care what he did but he could not come in our room, wake us up, etc. Many times, he would be found in the hallway by our door. That was fine. Other times he asked his sister if he could sleep on her floor. That was fine. He slept on the couch for years. That was fine. But really, an 8 or 9 yo can learn (and should, imo) to self-soothe well enough to not have to wake his parents. Problem solving on what he can and cannot do when he wakes up would be reasonable, imo.