JaneP Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) I am having been thinking of my sweet dd (10.5) and her experiences at our church. She only has a few girls in her class and most of them won't play with her after church (sadly, they are not really nice girls). There is one very shy girl and I have been trying to coach my dd how to talk to her and we have had two play dates at our house (not been invitied to their house yet) but this hasn't really translated into this girl becoming a "church buddy". In fact, I don't really see them interacting at all. Anyway, this has led me to wondering if my dc get much pastoral care at our church at all. We don't have a children's or family's minister. But I think the biggest factor is that the Sunday school teachers are scheduled in blocks and only teach 7 - 9 weeks at a time. So each year my dc each get four different teachers + four different assistants. I teach too but I am "full time", as is the Sunday school coordinator. We still have trouble getting teachers to staff the Sunday school. I have been thinking that we should consider changing churches to one which has a larger children and youth ministry so my older dd has more opportunities to find friends and to feel connected. I would also like to think that somehow someone is looking out for them besides just my dh and me. But I don't know what to look for - how can a church care for its children and youth? Edited to ask: Would you consider changing churches for this reason? Edited March 12, 2012 by JaneP additional question Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 We go to a small church that is disproportionally elderly. There are 11 kids that regularly attend and 5 of them our ours.:D We do have a part time children's director and I think she does a good job "pastoring" the kids. They each get a birthday card and a personal phone call from her on their birthday. She does such a good job getting to know the kids. Granted there are only a few, but she talks to them and tries to know them personally. She's a wonderful caring lady and the kids do feel loved by her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneP Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 That sounds wonderful Kristen! Your children's director sounds lovely. Is she on the staff of the church? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) yes, i love our church and how it handles the discipleship of children! my kids absolutely love our church too, and they are learning so much. my kids have the same teacher every.single.week (unless they went to another service, but we always attend the 2nd service so their teachers are the same). it is awesome to see how their small group leaders pour into their lives. they gave my kids christmas presents, write encouraging notes, and my son's small group leader even attended his upward basketball game (which was through a totally different church in a totally different town). a lot of the adults that serve in our kids area are devoted, truly devoted. they know my kids personally and really connect with them. i'm sorry you're at a crossroad. :grouphug: that would be hard for me too. Edited March 12, 2012 by mytwomonkeys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 (edited) I AM changing churches for that very reason. I haven't found the right one yet. Our current church has a very poor children's program and a nonexistant middleschool program. I have volunteered to teach and been told no, since then, the middleschool program has disbanded (apparently I am worse than nothing). I think that children are very important and they should have a program that teaches them the Bible, Biblical principals and helps to oversee that those principals are used when together. For instance a good children's program would teach the principals of serving God and others as Christ did, then give examples of how to do this to others and start a program of doing this to each other/community. Also it would make sure that the children are friendly to each other and have an atmosphere where children could make friends with each other (like movie nights) but watch them to see that they are acting towards each other in a Christ-like manner. Well, that would be the program I would run if I were allowed to do so. Lara Edited March 12, 2012 by Lara in Colo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 That sounds wonderful Kristen! Your children's director sounds lovely. Is she on the staff of the church? Yes, she is. She works about 15 hours a week. We just hired her in December. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Our children -- all ages -- are very well cared for pastorally at our church. We are thrilled. We do our best as parents, of course, but it's SO nice to know our pastor has our "back" and will pursue our kids -- in an appropriate way -- even if we walked away from church or some such thing. Not only does our pastor connect with each child when we're at church by giving them a Christian blessing and showing a sincere interest in them, the kids also meet with him one on one for confession about once a month and so they receive his spiritual counsel for their personal situations as well. (We are Eastern orthodox.) I'm so thankful. It's made a huge difference in our -- and their -- spiritual lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momofeat Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I am having been thinking of my sweet dd (10.5) and her experiences at our church. She only has a few girls in her class and most of them won't play with her after church (sadly, they are not really nice girls). There is one very shy girl and I have been trying to coach my dd how to talk to her and we have had two play dates at our house (not been invitied to their house yet) but this hasn't really translated into this girl becoming a "church buddy". In fact, I don't really see them interacting at all. Anyway, this has led me to wondering if my dc get much pastoral care at our church at all. We don't have a children's or family's minister. But I think the biggest factor is that the Sunday school teachers are scheduled in blocks and only teach 7 - 9 weeks at a time. So each year my dc each get four different teachers + four different assistants. I teach too but I am "full time", as is the Sunday school coordinator. We still have trouble getting teachers to staff the Sunday school. I have been thinking that we should consider changing churches to one which has a larger children and youth ministry so my older dd has more opportunities to find friends and to feel connected. I would also like to think that somehow someone is looking out for them besides just my dh and me. But I don't know what to look for - how can a church care for its children and youth? Edited to ask: Would you consider changing churches for this reason? When our children were 9, 7 & 4, we did change churches for this reason. We went from a small church to a large church that is 45 minutes away. Sometimes the drive gets to me, but we have never looked back. Now our oldest dd is 12 and in the youth. Just yesterday, the youth minister recounted various ways that the youth is serving the Lord & told about kids who are coming to him with ideas that the Lord has pressed upon their hearts--big visions like raising $13,000 to feed hungry orphans in Uganda--ideas that humble the youth minister. I listened with tears in my eyes. I'm so glad we made the change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneP Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Lara, I feel so sorry for your situation and pray that you find your spiritual home soon :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Yes, I would change churches. That same issue is one of the reasons we came to the church we now attend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneP Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Thanks for all your thoughtful replies. Dh and I have a lot to pray about.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 yes, our priest is a very caring pastor for all his flock, young and old. I feel your pain though. We were in a church once where one of my daughters had a terrible time making friends. She had dyslexia and apparently the girls were VERY cliquish and would tease her. She had terrible self-esteem issues and they certainly didn't help - at all. If felt so awful. As it was I was heading Eastern Orthodox anyway, so she would often come with me to visit churches. Being that EO is very visual with icons, frescoes, candles, beautiful vestments, etc. she just gravitated right to it. Agreeing with others... I would change churches too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAS in LA Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 A program that pairs children with adults (esp. senior adults) can be a blessing to everyone involved. The children have a grandparent figure who is also interested in their spiritual welfare. Like godparents, I guess (we're not Catholic, so I don't know much about godparents). The adults are able to connect with the younger generation in the church. I would consider moving churches for this reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneP Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 yes, our priest is a very caring pastor for all his flock, young and old. I feel your pain though. We were in a church once where one of my daughters had a terrible time making friends. She had dyslexia and apparently the girls were VERY cliquish and would tease her. She had terrible self-esteem issues and they certainly didn't help - at all. If felt so awful. As it was I was heading Eastern Orthodox anyway, so she would often come with me to visit churches. Being that EO is very visual with icons, frescoes, candles, beautiful vestments, etc. she just gravitated right to it. Agreeing with others... I would change churches too. :grouphug: That's really hard. Dd is struggling with self esteem issues too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 :grouphug: That's really hard. Dd is struggling with self esteem issues too. It's sad...it's almost like they know the weakest one and gang up on them. I'm so sorry your dd has had to deal with it. On a positive note that dd is now a beautiful, loving 20yr old. She's a very empathetic person too, which I think has a lot to do with her experiences dealing with LD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Yes, the last 3 parishes we attended each had priests who are great with kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 My kids have always had various pastors, elders and church leaders to look after them. It was part of being PK's. That said, since converting to EO I have been in utter amazement at how well my kids are loved and cared for. In many ways it is like having this great big extended family wrapped around you. They each have relationship and opportunity to share their hearts with our Parish priest, and get guidance from him...even our youngest 6 enjoys going to confession and comes out beaming! Their church school teachers are phenomenal and every coffee hour I can count on at least two other adults approaching them asking about their week, giving them a good natured tease, or even a small gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneP Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 I would absolutely change churches if the children weren't cared for properly (emotionally and in theological training). My son has never had a teacher-change mid-year and most teachers stay on for several years at a time. His last teacher (3-4yr old class) was the most amazing teacher ever. He truly had a teacher's heart, but he also knew how to handle boys (being one himself, obviously :) He still greets DS whenever he sees us. All of the teachers - from nursery on up (I am a nursery supervisor) - have gone through background checks, been approved by their sunday school pastor and are Biblically qualified to be deacons/deaconesses. So there are no different teachings based on the teacher; everything matches up with every other class on campus. Starting in 1st grade, they begin small groups, so there ends up with 2-3 levels of leadership that the child can go to if there is a problem or a wrong fit somewhere. I also like the fact that starting in K, the students go through the entire Bible in 3 years, then start the process all over again at a deeper level...exactly like a trivium program :) It helps that there are about 1,000 kids nursery through 6th grade every sunday and 3x that amount 7th-college. Plenty of opportunity for friends :) :) Sorry for going on and on...it's one of the biggest reasons I love my church :blush: Thankyou Wendy! I appreciate all the detail because it really tells me "how" a church can become effective in its chilren's ministry. I should add that dh and I think the church is very sound in its biblical teaching and the sunday school curriculum is also very good. It is really just the issue of pastoral care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susankenny Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 Thankyou Wendy! I appreciate all the detail because it really tells me "how" a church can become effective in its chilren's ministry. I should add that dh and I think the church is very sound in its biblical teaching and the sunday school curriculum is also very good. It is really just the issue of pastoral care. When you say "pastoral care", do you mean literal pastors on staff? Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaneP Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 When you say "pastoral care", do you mean literal pastors on staff? Susan No, not necessarily. But I think having a paid children's minister would be fantastic; our Sunday school coordinator is great but she works full time outside the church as a teacher. I think it is really hard that my dc each have four different teachers each year. That really doesn't allow relationships to develop. My dd being in a difficult class is probably a separate, but somewhat related, issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.