extendedforecast Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 (edited) What would the natural consequence be for a 13 year old girl who went through her sister's drawer, wore her sister's shirt, and lied to her about it, though she did tell me the truth when I questioned her. I just want to see if I'm being too lenient or too harsh. Thankfully this sort of thing (fighting over clothes) doesn't happen very often. Thanks! ETA: I think I'm actually looking for logical consequences, lol. Edited February 23, 2012 by extendedforecast Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I wouldn't make a big deal of it this first time. Need to talk about lying to sis though. It's amazing that we girls don't realize most of the time that our bff are growing up with us in our homes until we actually are grown. My dds are tight. Thank goodness they have more sense than I ever did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Well, just a thought... my poor mom had my aunt do this (her older sis) her WHOLE life. They were very best friends as adults :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Fess up. Say you are sorry. Keep your hands off things that don't belong to you or you will buy a new _________for sister with your own $$. That is how it works here....with brothers too. You take it without asking...you bought it with your own money.... Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I don't know, but if it were a shirt that was special to your DD then it would be more. If it was just some old t-shirt and nothing special, then it would be less. Is it a pattern of behavior or a wow that is so unlike DD? I would just adjust normal consequences for lying. I think the natural consequences is sister won't trust DD13 not to lie to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 If the 13yo snuck it and lied about it, I'm assuming she knew her sister wouldn't let her borrow it if she had asked. That's what I'd focus on the most, to be honest. What has come between these sisters that one won't lend the other her shirt? I'm not saying sister is wrong for not wanting the 13yo not to borrow her things; perhaps the 13yo is notoriously messy, destructive, etc with clothes or things. Or just maybe, sister won't let her borrow it just because. I have two sisters that are within 3 years of me; I know how these things go. :tongue_smilie: But really, I'd get to the bottom of what the real issue is, and see if there isn't a way to help them work it out. Yeah, me and my sisters had our own favorite clothes. But we never told each other 'no' if someone wanted to borrow something. Again, maybe there's a good reason for it; if so, *that* reason is what should be addressed. And if not, then being selfish is what should be addressed. JMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovin Learnin Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I can tell you what my dad did to one of my brothers when he took another brother's shirt without permission. After multiple offenses my father took the takers favorite leather coat and cut it up in front of him. I do NOT condone this, by the way, but it did correct the behavior of the offender. Personally, I think it's normal (although unacceptable) behavior and you should just continue to work on correcting it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Yep, just a perspective check up...how could an article of threads separate you from your sister? From both sides...the sister who would not want her wearing it, and the one who felt lying to gain would benefit anyone ever...a nice heart to heart...I take these moments seriously....but from a heart point of view...I take it seriously b/c I love them and want them to see how our actions could prevent future thorns! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Gosh, I don't know. When I was that age, my older sister was permitted to take and wear my clothes and shoes etc. , but I was not allowed to wear hers. If we were ever given the same clothing item as a holiday present I was always given the darker color. Apparently, because I was younger I was always viewed as the toddler who would get things dirty. I specifically remember being given grey wool mittens when I was for 14 and my mom saying she bought me grey because I would get them dirty and my sister would keep hers white. This "dirty" perception was not based in fact. Anyway, is there equal sharing of clothing items between the sisters or is there bias? Just speaking from the younger sister viewpoint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 I'd have her to her sister's laundry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I wouldn't make a big deal of it this first time. Need to talk about lying to sis though. It's amazing that we girls don't realize most of the time that our bff are growing up with us in our homes until we actually are grown. My dds are tight. Thank goodness they have more sense than I ever did. I always tell them that they are going to always have each other when they grow up. Luckily, they get along really well 95% of the time. But when one feels slighted by the other, there is a lot of drama. Well, just a thought... my poor mom had my aunt do this (her older sis) her WHOLE life. They were very best friends as adults :) Thanks, it does help to hear stories like this. Just past night DD11 told me that she liked sleeping with DD13 because it made her feel safe. I know they'll be just fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 Gosh, I don't know. When I was that age, my older sister was permitted to take and wear my clothes and shoes etc. , but I was not allowed to wear hers. If we were ever given the same clothing item as a holiday present I was always given the darker color. Apparently, because I was younger I was always viewed as the toddler who would get things dirty. I specifically remember being given grey wool mittens when I was for 14 and my mom saying she bought me grey because I would get them dirty and my sister would keep hers white. This "dirty" perception was not based in fact. Anyway, is there equal sharing of clothing items between the sisters or is there bias? Just speaking from the younger sister viewpoint. No bias here. They are allowed to share as long as they have permission from the owner of the item. Sometimes they negotiate one item for another. Regarding dressers and closets, we have a standing rule that we ask before we go digging through another's personal items. I'm going to be more aware of any other biases I may have thanks to your story. I know that when I shop, I attribute certain colors or styles to one child, and do not even consider the others. Thank you for making me more aware. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted February 23, 2012 Author Share Posted February 23, 2012 I'd have her to her sister's laundry. That's exactly what I decided. I'm having her fold and put away her sister's clothes. The laundry was just washed today, so it was perfect timing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 That's exactly what I decided. I'm having her fold and put away her sister's clothes. The laundry was just washed today, so it was perfect timing. That sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HayesW Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Yep/ A load of laundry for stealing. Perhaps a load of YOUR laundry for lying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 23, 2012 Share Posted February 23, 2012 Clothes = laundry That was my thinking too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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