non-child proofed homes

[Guest]

Do you avoid them if your children are very young? I try not to let it stop us from going to events held in homes that aren't child proofed, but sometimes the aggravation just isn't worth the effort it takes to watch my DS (16 months).

 

Case in point, my BIL and SIL invited us to their Super Bowl party. We have no interest in going because we don't follow football, but we don't want to be rude and figure we could at least stop by. The problem is, their house is probably the worst house to go to with our children. They have a wood burning stove (their sole source of heat) that has no barriers of any kind around it. My DD knows better not to go near it, but my DS doesn't. My SIL has all sorts of breakables and antiques EVERYWHERE so her putting them away for us really isn't an easy option. My BIL grows and sells hot pepper items (and by hot, I mean his customers have to sign a waiver before he'll sell them to people because they are HOT) and said foods are EVERYWHERE. He puts them out at every party and most of the time it's hot veggies. Seeing as my kids love veggies I have to make sure neither one of them grab those veggies to eat.

 

It's just such a pain to go there, but I don't want to look rude and turn down most invitations from them. WWYD? Go, but only for a short while and do nothing but watch your kids the whole time, or just tell them the truth and that it's too difficult to keep our kids safe in their home?

 

BTW, they don't have children so have no idea what it's like to deal with these issues.

 

I do feel your pain, as I was in exactly this situation with one SIL when my youngest was a toddler. Their house is/was TERRIBLE for a crawling, climbing, curious kid. I did go to a couple of parties there (it would be a very big deal if I declined unless one of us were ill), but I personally had a miserable time because I was literally nothing but a shadow to ds all night long.

 

If it were someone more casually associated, or if I could get by begging off and making up some excuse, I would. There's not a chance that I would ever say, "I'm sorry. You're house is too child-unfriendly and it stresses me out."

[kitten18]

I'm in your universe. My DD put one or two suspectnthings in her mouth, I freaked out (scared, not angry) she never did it again. End of story. Cool, this parenting thing is easy...

Not so my DS. At 31 months he is just starting to consider that perhaps he shouldn't always put every new thing he finds straight into his mouth. We've said it to him easily more than 10000 times. His sister seriously panics. She has been known to tackle him & sit on him whike screaming for me because he was heading for a bush with suspect berries. To imagine him at 15/16 months asking me ifhe could eat before he put something in his mouth :lol: Yup, alternate reality.

That describes my kids EXACTLY!:D

 

 

Wow, some of these responses are really sanctimonious. "I can't imagine why it would be a problem - I simply taught my child to have good judgment and restraint by the age of 15 months!" Jeez, why didn't the OP think of that? :001_rolleyes:

I totally agree.

 

I wouldn't go to the party.

[AdventureMoms]

Twins are a different ball game. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

It's less about the twin thing (assuming I have 2 adults to work with) and more about personalities, I think. My daughter would have been fine, even if I had 2 of her. I could redirect her, or hold her, or wear her on my back, and if all else failed I could nurse her. Or she'd play on the floor with some appropriate toy.

 

My boys are very different. You cannot distract them. No toy in the world can hold a candle to a new house to explore. They do not redirect. They cannot be held for more than a minute or two. They don't nurse, they don't like being worn. They'd climb out of a playpen so fast you wouldn't even be able to get them both in at the same time. They put everything in their mouths, they climb up on counters, they relocate the chairs so they can get to the top of the refrigerator, etc. The folks who claim that there's no need to baby proof if you "just watch the child" or "just teach the child" and so forth clearly had smarter kids or something. If I try to teach them not to do something they clearly don't comprehend and usually think mama is making a new fun game! There's no way on this earth they would ask me before eating something or be able to distinguish between "toy" and "knick-knack".

[katilac]

I really can't imagine NOT going to non-baby-proofed houses, b/c most houses aren't, and I would have missed out on so much! Heck, the world at large isn't baby-proofed, but I still went to stores and restaurants and wherever. It's not like you're talking about a month or two, y'know? The 'watch 'em every minute' stage lasts for a long, long time.

 

We just went and took turns watching whoever needed watching. It's not mom's job alone - if dad is oblivious, you simply walk up to him and say, I did first watch, it's your turn for a while! Or discuss it beforehand.

 

Things that can help: carry him in a backpack or side-carrier, bring him outside, take the laptop and let him watch a video or play with toddlerware, allow snacks you don't usually allow, and the old standby: dress him up extra-cute so other people offer to watch him for a while, lol.

[tabrizia]

I live in that alternate universe where my toddlers laugh and keep doing what they want even after being redirected and such as well.

 

I'm with the if it is going to stress you out go for a short while or just send DH. I have one child that I can take anywhere, she is unlikely to get into anything and I can tell her no and she will leave it alone. My other two not so much. My level of baby proofing is very mild, we do have a gate at the stairs, and a lock on the cabinet with chemicals in it, other then that I put away anything breakable that I loved. We frequently have regular legos and other small toys on the floor where the 10 month old plays. That being said, some people's house are just truly not child friendly. Sure I follow my child everywhere, but if I stop to say hi to my MIL, I don't want to worry about baby touching the wood stove or Ming vase. Heck I keep my eyes on my kids, except to blink, and they have gotten into things that aren't safe in that time. Little kids can be fast, and get into things faster then one would think, even when taught what is appropriate to touch and not.

 

I honestly won't want the stress of going to the party. If it is going to stress me out, I am going to have to follow baby everywhere and hold them to keep them safe, and not going to have any fun, then why go? Yeah I might stop by for 30 minutes or so if it is close by to say hi, but after that I would probably make my excuses and head somewhere that I know I can keep my eye on baby, but if I have to blink they will still be generally safe.

[Annie Laurie]

If i went I'd only stay a short while, as you can't socialize and chase him at the same time. Sure, I suppose being burnt is a good lesson, but is it worth a possible scar or 3rd degree burn? Especially when they don't have a stove themselves? And if she is "teaching lessons" the whole time she won't be able to socialize anyway. Better to teach those lessons when they are old enough to understand. Or maybe my toddlers just weren't as advanced as others, lol. The idea of a 16 month old sitting on a couch in a strange house for any length of time seems a bit out of reach to me. For 30 minutes maybe, but not for hours. And never touching anything but toys? Ever? how on earth do they even know what are toys and what are not? I can't imagine.

 

:iagree:

 

I had to laugh at some of the responses. Seriously?

[Annie Laurie]

Frankly it doesn't sound like a good time to me. You don't follow football. You don't want to have to watch your kid constantly. I don't think it would be rude to bow out. It's not a holiday. It's not someone's birthday. It's just food and a stupid game (yeah I think football is stupid...:lol:).

 

Good advice. I wouldn't go myself.

[Guest]

 

And, FWIW, dh and I came up with the 'no childproofed houses' after a couple totally disastrous accepted invitations by people who swore up and down "oh, we love kids. Really, there isn't anything here a two year old could mess with." And my kids are good kids who were well behaved at two. Yeah.... like I said..glass collection...on coffee tables...cactus left at toddler level... open cans of paint in the hallway...

 

:iagree: I have been in that spot before. I remember one homeowner we built a home for who was supposedly "so laid-back." Everyone kept telling me how "laid-back" she was. I needed to take photos at the house and was concerned about bringing my kids, who were probably 5 and 3 at the time. No, no, it was fine; bring the kids, it's no trouble, I'm sure they'll be fine.

 

She was not fine. She was on pins and needles over my kids' every move. She was clearly totally concerned over the kids every minute we were there. She did not have kids of her own. She even made it a point to tell me she had delayed having children because she was, "just not a kid person." Yeah. No kidding.

[Shellydon]

Yes, it is just exhausting to follow the toddler's around. I don't get to visit anyway, so why bother going.

[EKS]

I have 5 children, and we have never childproofed our house, so no I don't expect other houses we visit to be childproofed either.

 

It has never been an issue, because we do not leave toddlers or babies unattended.

 

I had to thoroughly childproof one room (kitchen/family room combo) of our house when my older son was a toddler because it was either that or have to stand one inch away from him at all times and watch his every move. I would still be in the room with him, but with the room childproofed, I could actually cook dinner at the same time.

 

My younger son came along when the older one was almost 6. We had moved into a new house and had no childproofing. And we never had to childproof either because the younger one was so much easier to supervise.

 

So it totally depends on the kid. You must have been fortunate to have all five not require childproofing.

[Annie Laurie]

Some kids are just busy, busy.

Edited February 1, 2012 by Annie Laurie

[Excelsior! Academy]

No, we don't avoid them. We use it as an opportunity to teach boundaries to our children that are old enough to teach. For the ones that are still little, we simply are diligent parents. My BIL had a woodstove with no barrier. He has as many kids as we do and when we used to get together, there were twice as many kids in the house...not a single child has gotten burned. We are in an area where most people grow up without "childproofing". Kids play in barns, no one cushions corners of tables, etc. Mostly, it's common sense parenting. We used to take our children to a single aunt's house with all kinds of breakables, a glass and wood coffee table, and she was particular that each knick knack stay in exact place (even on the coffee table). The kids learned to walk with care and otherwise sit on the sofa. For the same reasons, we do not avoid restaurants. It's another great learning opportunity for manners and courtesy.

 

:iagree: We honestly barely child-proofed our own home. I just taught the twins not to touch things, we had a pellet stove with no gate and stairs with no gate. When they were really little I just was always with them.

 

I have 5 children, and we have never childproofed our house, so no I don't expect other houses we visit to be childproofed either.

 

It has never been an issue, because we do not leave toddlers or babies unattended.

 

If you can't supervise, maybe it would work to bring a playpen or play yard and keep them contained.

 

Well, we really weren't child proofers (had the sizzlin' coal stove in the living room un-gated) but we had a tiny house and I was always there...and they kind of followed me like the FBI follows a criminal all day. I couldn't get away!

 

But I'd never expect other folks to child proof their home if I was coming either. I would be offended if someone turned a kid loose in my house and didn't watch them and expected it to be perfectly safe.

That's unreasonable. Kids can and do get into all kinds of dangerous/foolish situations.

Believe me, I hated following my kids every move on visits to my in laws - I hardly spoke to an adult and I had to cope with things like a chain saw in the living room ( ?! ), a computer in tiny pieces on the coffee table, and my favorite - the medications kept on the end table with the remotes. In one of those S M T W Th F pop top containers....I was ready to lose my mind.

 

We all survived. :glare:

 

I'd drop in say hi and hit the road after about 45 minutes. Or when your personal level of tolerance has been reached!

 

Michele

 

:iagree: We didn't even child-proof our own home, other than to put a gate across the kitchen doorway so that I could cook without anyone tripping me up.

 

And my little dc never ate anything without asking me first (that was our rule,) so having food around wasn't a problem.

 

 

If my child touched things I would do one of three things. Put him in a safe place such as a play pen, follow him very closely, or not go to the party. If we avoided non- child proofed places we would never go anywhere.

 

While I do think leaving open paint cans and medication within a toddlers reach is unacceptable, I also do not think someone should have to change their home for my visit. I don't change mine for theirs.

Edited February 1, 2012 by Excelsior! Academy

[AdventureMoms]

It is totally true that I do not expect others to babyproof their homes for me. I don't think anyone said they would expect that, so I'm not sure where it came from... However, I do expect them to understand "we can't come because it's too hard to deal with the twins at this age in an un-babyproofed home". Even if they are family.

 

And yes, much as it drives us nuts to not be able to get out, we have a very short list of places that we go and that's about it until the twins outgrow the crazy phase. Zoo, mall playplace, friends with small children (and babyproofed houses), and my mom's (who babyproofs for us, thank heavens).

 

If other people want to see us, they can meet us at one of those places or come here.

[stacycatherine]

I have had four children under the age of five for a while now. It's safe to say we don't get out much at all because of this. I can be as disciplined as I want, and try to stay with the little ones as well as I can but at the end of the day I am terribly outnumbered and it is impossible for me to chase after all of them at the same time! Each person's situation is different, what they can handle. For me, I just stay home.

[2squared]

Some of this is just getting silly. The OP never said she was staying at home 24/7 for the next year or bowing out of all social opportunities. She asked about one specific event.

 

My answer is that yes, I absolutely would avoid an event if I didn't want to hyper-parent my toddler for hours. I don't enjoy hyper-parenting so I often choose another option.

 

We selectively take our toddlers/babies to events. My dh takes the olders to movies, sporting events, super bowl parties, etc while the youngers stay home with me. This weekend dh will be gone with his military obligations so I have a babysitter taking care of my littles while I take my boys to a wrestling tournament. *We* feel our family is best served in this way. Obviously others don't feel the same way.

[J-rap]

:iagree: When our kids were small, one of us was *constantly* with the children at others' houses. I didn't expect the homeowners do anything different, nor did we bow out of any social engagements due to non-childproofed homes. That just kind of seems like part of the deal for that season of childhood and parenting.

 

Agree.

[happyhomemaker25]

Wow, some of these responses are really sanctimonious. "I can't imagine why it would be a problem - I simply taught my child to have good judgment and restraint by the age of 15 months!" Jeez, why didn't the OP think of that? :001_rolleyes:

 

I don't think this is fair. People are just saying, this is how my family operates. It's a fact. I can take my kids anywhere. Some people can't. It's ok for us to be different.

OP, if your not comfortable there then don't go. Personally, I am the type of person that wants people to be comfortable in my home so I would want to know if you weren't. I would like the opportunity to make you more comfortable.

[mommaduck]

Wow, some of these responses are really sanctimonious. "I can't imagine why it would be a problem - I simply taught my child to have good judgment and restraint by the age of 15 months!" Jeez, why didn't the OP think of that? :001_rolleyes:

If mine was one of those, I'd like to clarify.

 

1. I did mention in a later post that each child is different and agreed that the OP may want to forgo or shorten her visit.

 

2. In my original post, I intended to put a positive spin on other people's non-child proofed home...it's a learning opportunity for the child and, yes, it requires extra diligence on the parents' part.

 

3. We will be faced with circumstances of "non child proofing" throughout life...this is one of them and many of us were raised and have raised our own without all the extra child proofing. I was a nanny in a home that was so child proofed, that it was practically sterile. But this is part of parenting...teaching our child.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

definately can relate--when kiddo was a baby dh had these friends that we would sometimes spend hours with on the weekends and the hubby was a tv fanatic (huge tv and dvds) and they had knick knacks I was afraid would get broken...so I can definately relate....