Binalina Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Dh is upstairs sleeping... I think I'll go wake him up for a "little chat" :p He is more chatty than I am so .... this will be a fun surprise :001_wub: goodnight all :seeya: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenschooler Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 deleted by me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 What about chaTTing? That works for me! Dh is always in the mood for a chaT. :willy_nilly: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy loves Bud Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 ... May I just say that, analogous to the booKs/books topics, I think we need some way of distinguishing chatting from chatting (chatting and Chatting? chatting and *hatting? chatting and chattin*?), because I seriously (well, sorta) wondered if abbeyej was talking to friends or "talking" to friends - which struck me as VERY out of character for her - but then again, who can tell on a message board? Ya think ya know someone! On the other thread someone talked about chatting in the car (but I was thinking that poster was talking about chattin* in the car :auto::driving:, and while bike riding or something like that) and my head was spinning.... :001_huh: Carry on. (Any way you want.) :001_smile: Plus, there is chatter, idle chatter, small talk, deep conversation, heated debate, etc. How do we know? :D And don't forget about speaking in sign language! It could really get confusing! :confused::D I'm going to stop now because I really just thought of a good one and well, I'll stop now.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genie Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'm going to stop now because I really just thought of a good one and well, I'll stop now.;) You couldn't possibly be thinking of a certain pentecostal practice, now could ya?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy loves Bud Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 You couldn't possibly be thinking of a certain pentecostal practice, now could ya?? How did you guess? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 :lol::lol::lol:Oh, dear...I got it.:lol::lol::lol: How did you guess?:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genie Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 How did you guess?:lol: Cuz you were speakin' my language! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 My need to chat depends on where my hormones are at the time. :glare: Oh yeah. One week of the month I'm harassing him. We've been together long enough that he doesn't bother harassing me during the other three. He never suffered from harassment during his uni days. It's dreadful what a proper job does for one's interest in "conversation." Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nancypants Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Didn't I tell you I'd delete my comments in this thread so they weren't subject to Google searches! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melopher Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'm new here, but WOW, I think I could really grow to love this board! LOL This is exactly what I was thinking. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 YES! This is it exactly! The feeling unattractive and rejected. It's hard not to take it personally, even though I know DH doesn't mean it that way.Michelle T Not sure you saw my post below where I touched on this topic from the perspective of the one who chats less. Having reckoned with the sadness and feelings of rejection on the part of my dh, and having argued and cried, and felt completely alienated from one another over this topic, I really do understand what you guys are dealing with - just from the other side of the coin. It's not silly at all. It's quite painful, really. I can tell you that as the one less interested, I grapple with being the one "who changed", the one causing the strife. But, from my perspective, if it's just not there, it's just not there. It has *nothing* to do with my attraction to my husband, or his ability to turn me on. I know that sounds impossible (and probably you've had those same thoughts), but I can only liken it to when your mother used to cook something new that you had no interest in eating. It's not like you didn't love your mother. It's not that the dish was unattractive or bad smelling. It's not as if she never cooked food you could get excited about. It's just that on that particular day/night, you just weren't feeling hungry Okay, maybe that's a goofy example. I'm just trying to impress on you how it is possible for the quiet one to love you and be attracted to you, just as much as ever, while having no interest in conversation. But, I also completely see how you would feel as you do. Which is why I've told my dh that I wish I could change this part of me. We have come up with some tools that have helped us a little. We're not beyond our differences, but we're managing them better now. Partly, that's because our children are older, and because we finally moved to a house that has a door on the bedroom (:D). If you want me to, I'll discuss other thoughts privately. Doesn't seem like everyone here would want me to be quite so...um...outspoken here. (((Michelle and Aubrey))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Frankly, my dh would probably like to spend a month with some of you gals. Chatting is one of his favorite pastimes while I tend to be on the quiet side. Go figure. And, while I'm baring all here, I can tell you that plenty are the times when I'd like to be YOU. My only little tidbit of advice comes from the perspective of having worked with a difference in...er...loquaciousness for much of our marriage. It has caused some struggles, I will admit. So, allow me to gently suggest that you just keep the lines of communication about this open and relaxed. Try not to allow his lack of interest to leave you feeling rejected. If, for any reason, you feel that the difference is causing stress in your marriage, by all means talk honestly about that to him and possibly even seek some reading material or counseling to help you both. You didn't really ask for advice, did you? Please forgive me if I've stuck my foot in my mouth here.:blushing: Hugs to you! Doran. You are one of my favorite people on this board! Excellent advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I can see that yesterday was the WRONG day to be too busy to read the boards! :lol: By some freak luck of nature God gave both my dh and I about the same level of desire for conversation. On any given week one or the other might be more chatty than the other, but overall we are both quite comfortable with the level of discussion going on. I think my dh just has a lower level of testosterone than most men. (This is not a medical diagnosis, just anecdotal) He doesn't like to watch sports (although he plays soccer). Sometimes we laugh that I have more testosterone than he does. I love watching football and hockey. I agree with others who have said that you can't take it personally. It doesn't mean that you aren't attractive to him because he is not like the stereotype of guys who would do anything for a little chaTTing! It just means he is wired a bit differently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jami Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 We chat. We chat the heck outta each other. I was not a chatter in my first marriage. What a difference love and respect can make in a marriage! Sometimes I have to chat to myself! :w00t: (Oh, please, you knew I'd go there...) So...you'd say you're a pretty "ChaTTy Cathy" then? :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'd be pleased to chaT several times a day. :D i don't suspect most guys could keep up w/ that on a daily basis tho ;) so yeah, i'll take what i can get and not take it personally when i gotta wait. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Not sure you saw my post below where I touched on this topic from the perspective of the one who chats less. Having reckoned with the sadness and feelings of rejection on the part of my dh, and having argued and cried, and felt completely alienated from one another over this topic, I really do understand what you guys are dealing with - just from the other side of the coin. Doran, I think there's a difference when it's the other way around. Not to say that it's easier one way or the other, but when it's dh who's less interested, there are several cultural stereotypes that come into play. Women who are more interested are seen...or portrayed...as...um... illicit? Whereas women who are less interested are portrayed as the norm. Combined w/ particular religious backgrounds, there's the idea that it's very not okay for women to want to, er, chat. And esp not more than their dhs. A diagnosis of an actual problem to explain this helps...some. As I'm typing, though, I'm trying to imagine the other way around. That doesn't sound easy at all, either. At all. I guess I just wanted to mention that it's different, fwiw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 As I'm typing, though, I'm trying to imagine the other way around. That doesn't sound easy at all, either. At all. I guess I just wanted to mention that it's different, fwiw. Yeah, I think it's tough either way. I have friends who sit on both sides of that fence and it's just never easy. Either way you look at it you have one partner who can't get no satisfaction (or as much as they'd like) and another partner who feels like . (More or less, individual mileage may vary.) :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Is there anything we don't discuss here?? Apparently not, and since I do think there's such a thing as Too Much Information, I'll be sure to avoid further discussions about chatTing. :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SusanG Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I'd be pleased to chaT several times a day. :D i don't suspect most guys could keep up w/ that on a daily basis tho ;) so yeah, i'll take what i can get and not take it personally when i gotta wait. I was blessed with a dh who CAN keep up with that on a daily basis. And fortunately I can keep up with HIM, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saved1112 Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 May I suggest themarriagebed.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 ... May I just say that, analogous to the booKs/books topics, I think we need some way of distinguishing chatting from chatting (chatting and Chatting? chatting and *hatting? chatting and chattin*?), because I seriously (well, sorta) wondered if abbeyej was talking to friends or "talking" to friends - which struck me as VERY out of character for her - but then again, who can tell on a message board? Ya think ya know someone! On the other thread someone talked about chatting in the car (but I was thinking that poster was talking about chattin* in the car :auto::driving:, and while bike riding or something like that) and my head was spinning.... :001_huh: Carry on. (Any way you want.) :001_smile: LOLOL. You know, my head is spinning now, Grace! Yes, carry on. Tally-ho! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Geez, all this chat about chaTting while my hubby is away. So uncool. :glare: Soon I'm going to have to resort to chaTting on the phone. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 You guys are very funny. Dh and I have had fluctuating conversation levels over the years....sometimes he is more chatty, sometimes me. I certainly know what it's like to be the one wanting....it can cut right to the heart of any self worth issues! I think the only way through that is communication, and as much as possible, keeping a sense of humour and not taking it too personally. Thats the hardest part....feeling like it is because of yourself...when it is more likely that it is not at all. He is just content! But, it does appear to be common for many men to have low levels of chattiness, and I for one am glad mine does nowadays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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