How much is too much... household chores?

[Mynyel]

This has been discussed many times on this board. I know because I have read them... and still need advice! :001_smile:

 

I waffle on how much is too much when it comes to household chores for the kids.

 

My ds3.5 (for the moment:D) loves to help and will help at every available moment.

 

Dd14 and ds9... not so much.

 

I usually have them do dishes, fold laundry and clean the bathroom, between the two of them. There is a ton of other stuff that needs to be done. I don't need to list it, you all know what needs to be done in a house! :001_smile:

 

I get complaints when I ask them to do anything. If I ask them to fold and put away laundry then they wanted to load the dishwasher. If I ask them to load then they wanted to fold. It is a never ending battle.

 

We didn't have this problem when I was growing up. My dad had a big colored chart on the wall. Each of us kids had a color and we did the chore for where our color was. I tried that here, it didn't work.

 

I would like something that requires them to take some responsibility for themselves. Now I know ds9 will need more help, but dd14 should be able to do pretty much everything herself.

 

So is expecting dd to cook a meal once a week to much? Have ds9 help me with dinner once a week.

 

I was looking at that motivated moms site (thanks to whoever posted that thread! :tongue_smilie: and would love to implement it. It looks wonderful. However I can't do it alone!

 

So what says the hive? What do you have your kids do?

[Susan in TN]

My general "rule" is that each kid has one morning and one afternoon "household" chore (not including tidying their own rooms). I found that the only way to get them to consistently do their chores was to anchor it to a meal :D. However, the 3 olders are additionally responsible for laundry one day a week (for themselves and their younger roommate sibling) and also do other various things through the day like clearing and setting the table for meals, helping make meals, giving the chickens fresh water, etc.

 

If any my kids have a tendency to be picky or complaining about what they do, then they have no choice. I keep daily chores as consistent as possible - oldest empties/fills dishwasher, 13yo cleans bathroom, 9yo tidies living room, etc. But if they're generally OK and do a good job, then sometimes I'll give a choice or ask if they want to trade chores with someone else - maybe once a year or so - particularly if another child has gotten old enough to try a new chore. In our house, we function much better if we're on a consistant schedule.

 

I love to hear what has worked for others, because it seems to be a neverending process!!

[Tarreymere]

I'm a big meanie or so I have been told, when it comes to chores, but my adult kids have thanked me for the on-the-job training and experience in running a household that they had when they moved out on their own.

 

-Everyone makes his or her own bed everyday. Everyone picks up and cleans his or her own room everyday. I do check, and if it isn't done you go right back and do it on your break instead of having a break. Everyone is responsible for picking up his or her stuff in the common areas everyday and when asked to during general cleaning times twice a day (like right before DH is due home, and usually right after breakfast). I tell the younger ones to 'use your mommy eyes or use your daddy eyes' to look for things that need to be picked up or put away. I teach what a straightened up living room looks like and tell them to work as a team to make that happen twice a day. It takes them about five or ten minutes if they work together.

 

-Everyone is responsible for their own laundry. The four year old brings his dirty clothes out to the washer when asked. He helps to swap from the washer to the dryer, and he takes his clothes out from the dryer to the table, and puts them away when they are folded. The older kids, including the eight year old do their own laundry from A to Z. I do remind them to bring out the clothes and get a load started, ect. They also help with common laundry items like bath towels, ect.

 

-The oldest child is responsible for cleaning the kid's bathroom and keeping it clean. The oldest child is responsible for teaching the younger kids how to do this (and was taught by either me or a grown and moved out child) and to help and supervise them while they do it. I check it every couple of days. If it isn't clean then all of the kids have to go and clean it before they can go outside and play or before they get to play on the wii during their free time.

 

-I teach what a cleaned up kitchen looks like, and then I put the oldest in charge of making that happen and I supervise and instruct as needed. They decide who does what, and divide up the tasks (I have a checklist for them) needed to accomplish the objective. This happens once daily. I clean up by myself after breakfast and lunch, and they do it as a team after dinner. No one is done until everyone is done. Crybabies get to stand in the corner while the work is getting done and then get to go to bed early (no electronics in the bedrooms, no dessert if there is any).

 

-Bigger jobs and things like spring cleaning are done as a team (mom and all the kids together) and I teach as I go. I decide when these kinds of cleaning jobs will happen, and I let the kids know usually a day or so in advance. Crybabies don't get treats when the job is done, only workers. No sitting down or taking time out until the whole team is done.

 

-I teach cooking generally one on one and one meal time at a time starting with breakfast (lunch usually isn't a cooked meal around here). Right now the eight year old has learned how to make biscuits, scrambled eggs, and to make tea and coffee. She almost has homemade bread down (we make two loaves daily, sometimes more). By the age of twelve I expect a child, boy or girl, to be able to put a full hot meal on the table by themselves either for breakfast or for dinner at least once a week, and to be able to be given directions like 'go make bread, or go fix some biscuits, or get some potatoes going' to help me out when I am doing the cooking.

 

-If I need something done or see something that needs to be done and you are my child, you better do it when you are asked without making a fuss or complaining that it isn't your job or you will end up really, really bored sitting in the corner (and will lose your electronics/outside play/whatever else occurs to me privileges) and if I am especially peeved with you I will make brownies and you will not get any. If you cry I will make no-bakes too and let your siblings eat them all up so you don't get any.

[Mommyof4ks]

We don't have assigned chores, but everyday there are things that need to be done. We spend 15 minutes twice a day doing chores (obviously I do things at other times, but with the kids this works). Each child is told to clean something or pick up something and for 15 minutes we do as much as we can. When they finish one chore, then they are to come to me for another until time runs out. They don't argue when they know in 15 minutes they can play again lol.

 

Asking the kids to cook once a week is a great idea! I will need to try that!

[anneofalamo]

We (or my kids) do a lot of chores.:scared:

They do their own laundry, from washing/hanging on line, to putting away.

Each has a set chore in the am(4 kids)

kitchen-counters, dishes, floors, and sweep (mop as needed)

living room- declutter, sweep/swift wood floors, vacumn as needed, dust and straighten.

bathrooms-fly lady swish and wipe daily

and outdoors and animals-scoop, clean, water, and feed animals

Summer time-the lawns are done together

Then they are responsible for cooking once a week (each child)

They are beginning to do grocery shopping little by little and will eventually go together and get the groceries.

I do NOT do dishes. :D

Once a week we take 1 hour from school, and tear the house apart for a deep clean in each main room. I help, but now they can do it all. We move furniture, mop floors and wipe down walls, and cabinets! Loud music and laughter!

My house stays clean and that keeps me from going insane. That is the key, I twitch when my house is funky. So school runs quick and efficient, and they like it when I don't twitch!:gnorsi:

 

all that sounds like so much when written down, but they work as a team. We have stressed that from the get go.

My oldest boy just got a job as an electricians helper this week, and the contractors are arguing who gets to have him next. My kids are workers, and I can pound fractions into their heads, teach them about ancient civilizations, and the periodic table, but I want them to be responsible and hard working adults too!

My fear? When they grow up and move out, :seeya:I will have to do it again! :lol: Hoping they will have grand jobs and hire a maid for dear ol' ma!:001_wub:

[anneofalamo]

I also find inspecting right before a meal is helpful. We eat leftovers for lunch. Want the good ones? Get your chores done! :D

 

you are brilliant!!

[Mimm]

My kids are supposed to keep their own room clean, empty the dishwasher, clear off the dining table and pick up after themselves in the family room. I say "supposed to" because this doesn't really happen like it should. :p I wash their laundry but they are supposed to fold and put it away (only their own). Oh, they also feed and water the dogs, and they help with dinner but this is usually considered a treat and they argue over who got to help last time. :)

[Rosie_0801]

I think the more they can do the better. My problem with having too many chores as a kid came from me being the oldest, so not only was more expected from me due to age (reasonable) but I was the one who'd be in trouble if Mum asked for a volunteer and I didn't move. My siblings always moved just after I did so they wouldn't get into trouble for not moving, but they wouldn't have to do the chore either because I was. And Mum knew they did that. :glare:

 

As long as you keep it equal, I think it's ok. No first born 9 year olds being old enough to wash all the dishes and subsequent 9 year olds being too little.

 

Rosie

[kiana]

As long as you keep it equal, I think it's ok. No first born 9 year olds being old enough to wash all the dishes and subsequent 9 year olds being too little.

 

Rosie

 

YES.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I'm a stickler for dc helping with the household.

 

Daily:

 

Dd14 -

* Completes 1-2 loads of laundry until all 8-9 loads are completed for the week. (she distributes to each persons bed and then they have to put their own away...she puts away household laundry)

* Wipes down bathroom counters\sinks every other day.

* Makes sure table gets cleared after breakfast, lunch and dinner.

 

Dd12 -

* Empties dishwasher in the morning. Loads dw after meals and as needed during the day.

* Wipes counters and table after meals\puts away food.

* Makes sure younger siblings tidy rooms before bed.

 

Dd8 -

* Responsible for tidying her room.

* Makes sure garage is cleaned up before bed (half our garage is playroom\craft room)

* Sets table for meals.

* Helps with meal prep 3-4 times a week. (per her request)

 

Ds5 -

* Responsible for tidying his room.

* Makes sure living room is cleaned up before bed

* Makes sure everyone cleans their stuff off of the stairs before bed (everyone puts stuff to go upstairs on the steps all day:glare:)

* Helps set and clear table as needed.

 

 

Weekly:

 

Dd14 -

* Thoroughly cleans all bathrooms.

* Thoroughly cleans her bedroom.

* Strips, washes and remakes 2 beds. (I help her remake the beds.)

 

Dd12 -

* Dusts and vacuums all upstairs bedrooms and hallway. (Includes baseboards and blinds.)

* Thoroughly cleans her bedroom.

* Wipes down washer and dryer and sweeps utility room floor.

 

Dd8 -

* Makes sure her room is tidy and ready for dd12 to vacuum and dust.

* Dusts and vacuums living room.

* Wipes down dining room table and chairs.

* Straightens book shelves.

 

Ds5 -

* Makes sure his room is tidy and ready for dd12 to vacuum and dust.

* Vacuums stairs with hand vac.

* Windex coffee table and back door window.

* Help mom with various tasks.

 

We've been doing chores like this for a long, long time so they are just used to it. I don't usually get any complaints but when I do I remind them of all the privileges they could loose and that usually does the trick. The weekly chores usually don't take more than 30 - 20 minutes for the younger two and a little over an hour for the older two. The daily chores are spread out throughout the day so they aren't that bad either.

 

We don't alternate chores...it just led to confusion and irritation that someone got to do an easier job on such and such days. It also led to inconsistency in how the chores were done. They have on occasion swapped up chores (by their choice without involving me in the decision) but they always decide to go back to the ones they normally do as they are used to them and can do them efficiently.

[StephanieZ]

No, that's not too much at all.

 

I think the exact right answer depends a lot on the dynamics of each family. I think it comes down to everyone carrying a fair share of the work of the family. In a larger family, or one with fewer resources (hired help, etc), or a more complicated household (pets, land, etc), or more complicated cooking/meal preparation, everyone has to pitch in more. In a small family, with few possessions, easy-to-care-for home, and a simple eating lifestyle, you'd need less help.

 

In our home, I think 20-30 min per day on average is a reasonable expectation -- for household chores, not including tidying their own rooms, which they also (are supposed to) do daily.

 

FWIW, my kids load/unload dishwasher, wipe tables and counters, and have "zones" of the house that they are responsible for tidying daily. They have to be reminded, but they do these willingly on a routine basis. They also help with pre-party cleaning/vacuuming/etc and laundry processing on a routine basis whenever asked.

 

If my kids don't comply with my chore expectations, they rapidly get "bonus chores" to improve their attitudes. This habit seems to keep the attitudes in check.

 

But, if I didn't have a 2x/wk housekeeper and a husband who helps a good bit, I'd expect and need more help from the kids to maintain a healthy lifestyle for *all* of us. I want my kids to grow up expecting to pitch in and work hard, just like their dad and I do.

[eternalknot]

No, that's not too much at all.

 

I think the exact right answer depends a lot on the dynamics of each family. I think it comes down to everyone carrying a fair share of the work of the family. In a larger family, or one with fewer resources (hired help, etc), or a more complicated household (pets, land, etc), or more complicated cooking/meal preparation, everyone has to pitch in more. In a small family, with few possessions, easy-to-care-for home, and a simple eating lifestyle, you'd need less help.

 

 

:iagree: Great post.

 

I want my kids to grow up expecting to pitch in and work hard, just like their dad and I do.

 

This is important to me, as well. When I lived in the dorm there were people of the "not mine, not my problem" mindset ... which, I understand but just wasn't easy to live with. In my childhood home the deal was: you see it, you own it. If it needed to be done, we did it - even if it wasn't our mess or responsibility. I always thought that philosophy served me well as an adult.

 

A number of my adult friends had early struggles in their marriages along these lines. He left his socks out, and she'd get upset. She'd leave her dishes in the sink, and it'd annoy him. Those little things that neither did intentionally to cause problems, it was just they grew up with the mindset of "your mess, your problem" instead of just pitching in when something needed to be done. Their family cultures combined with the right mix of personality quirks made for some challenges to deal with the resentment. That and not having had to work hard as kids to keep the family home flowing :blush:

[Melissa in Australia]

as we live on a rural property with a sort of semi -self sufficient life, we have lots of outdoor chores to be done as well.

 

list of chores by age of child

ds17- rotating roster for evening dishes, feed all birds in Avery and cages, chop wood and fill wood box, shift tethered calves, cook once a week, keep own bedroom clean including make own bed and vacuum.

 

ds 16- let dogs off in the morning and tie them up in the evening, look after geese, shift tethered calves in the morning, mow when needed, rotating roster for evening dishes, keep own room clean cook with ds14 one night a week

 

ds 14- feed pigs, feed cows hay every day, keep own room clean, empty scrap bucket, rotating roster for evening dishes, cook one evening week with ds16, mow when needed.

 

dd 11- empty dishwasher in the morning, empty kitchen rubbish bin every evening, bucked feed calf, (meant to) keep room clean, rotating roster for evening dishes, help with cooking one meal a week ~ she volunteers to help out on backing day as she loves cooking.

 

ds 8- feed dogs and ducks, helps DH feed chooks, wipe kitchen bench. As ds17 will be leaving home to go to uni at the end of Feb, he will be then on roster for evening dishes.

 

 

As my children only have limited computer time, if they want more computer time they can do extra jobs to earn time things like chopping wood, washing windows, extra mowing , etc, are all desirable as far as earning time.

Edited December 31, 2011 by melissaL

[lluv]

-If I need something done or see something that needs to be done and you are my child, you better do it when you are asked without making a fuss or complaining that it isn't your job or you will end up really, really bored sitting in the corner (and will lose your electronics/outside play/whatever else occurs to me privileges) and if I am especially peeved with you I will make brownies and you will not get any. If you cry I will make no-bakes too and let your siblings eat them all up so you don't get any.

 

This is so funny! :lol:

 

I have a 5 year old and 18 month old, so they're a bit young to take on big chores. However, the 5 year old knows he has to pick up all toys (his AND his brother's), clean up after himself, and clean up his bedroom/playroom, and take small items to the trash bin. He doesn't complain, but does get distracted often :glare:. He's been begging to help with the dishes, so this week I started letting him help unload the dishwasher. Can't wait until he can take over that chore completely :D!

 

He loses the privilege of playing the xbox and/or watching TV for the afternoon/whole next day if he doesn't do his "chores" or has a bad attitude, so a simple reminder of this will usually get him moving.

[Caribbean Queen]

I waffle on how much is too much when it comes to household chores for the kids.

 

I get complaints when I ask them to do anything.

 

The problem is your children's complaining. The problem is not that you give them too many chores. Be firm with them, and make them do their chores without complaining.

[LaxMom]

My kids schlep laundry -hampers down, baskets up- make their beds, haul wood, move dishes into/out of the dishwasher, tidy their rooms (allegedly) and the living room, sweep , vacuum, and fight over who "gets" to clean the bathrooms.

 

The 10 yo makes breakfast/lunch pretty regularly.

 

I have felt guilty before, about asking them to do "too much". I got over it. And, frankly, the more they have on their lists, the less they balk. There's apparently some line where the inconvenient interruption in their day is replaced by regular activities of the day, you know?

[DawnM]

I struggle with this too.

 

DH is a firm believer that the perpetrator should fix/clean it, but it isn't always clear WHO did it.

 

My oldest is often in a bad mood and will gripe or otherwise whine when asked to do a chore. It is getting VERY old, VERY fast.

 

We tie chores to electronic time, so oldest sometimes has to forgo his electronics or wait a long time to do them.

 

Middle son will do the work but is a putser. If a job takes 20 minutes, he will make it take 40, which is SO not in his best interest, but he can't seem to grasp that.

 

Youngest loves to help.

 

I need a better chore chart/method. I know that, I just can't seem to pull it together, so we do the "just do what Mom asks when she asks" method because some things just simply need to be done and aren't a regular chore.

 

So far, the "regular" chores are:

 

1. Fold your own clothing and put away.

2. Rotate dish duty

3. Rotate counter duty

4. Rotate dog feeding duty/hamster duty

5. Rotate trash duty

 

Other times/jobs I simply set the timer for 30 min. and tell them that we need to clean the living room (or whatever room) and if they can work diligently by obeying what I tell them needs done, without whining, I will give them a break or a treat afterwards.

 

Then we ALL go into said room and start cleaning as I instruct them on what to do next.

 

Dawn