Stillwood Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 My dd and her bf (boyfriend) want to set a wedding date before he leaves for boot camp. The venue they want requires a serious deposit. BF is leaving for boot camp in 19 days, then technical school then stationed... somewhere... His recruiter told him to go ahead an select a date and ask for leave when stationed. I'm not feeling all that secure about it. I want them to wait until after technical school then ask for permission and leave. Is the recruiter correct? Because, I'm not feeling comfortable with this plan. My checkbook is sweating bullets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leav97 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 My husband did that with the marine corp (first marriage). He ended up with 24 hours of leave to fly home, get married, and return. His CO was NOT happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiberia Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I wouldn't schedule it. Basic Training doesn't always go according to schedule. He could be recycled for many reasons (setting his graduation schedule back) Tech schools may not let him out, and his first duty station may not want to be obligated to what his recruiter promised. I was not allowed to go to my brother's wedding during my first 6 months at my first duty station (but that was decades ago). Recruiters tend to promise anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SJ. Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Ask for leave when stationed where? Tech school? Probably not a good idea, there is no guarantee that leave will be granted. Usually there is a chance to have leave after Tech/MOS school prior to arriving at the first duty station. I wouldn't schedule anything until there is a time you know for sure when leave will be granted. Sometimes Tech/MOS school lasts longer than anticipated if the students arrive when a class is not finished, so wait until he gets there and you know for sure. Good luck with what you decide! SJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anneofalamo Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 The recruiter is not being truthful. He has no guarantees of leave. I would wait til he completes basic and his training and gets to his duty station. He can then talk to his supervisor in his chain of command about time he is allowed to take. The mission comes first. prior military (and did a stint as a recruiter) The only other sure fire way, is tell the recruiter he wants to delay his enlistment til he gets married. That will fire the recruiter up, but it is legal and can be done. Don't be intimidated by the recruiter, go up his chain of command! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Pay first and ask permission later? No. I would not be comfortable with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 If they are unwilling to wait :D, you might suggest a very small private ceremony and then schedule a formal-type, fancy wedding reception for after he is stationed and can request leave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 My dd and her bf (boyfriend) want to set a wedding date before he leaves for boot camp. The venue they want requires a serious deposit. BF is leaving for boot camp in 19 days, then technical school then stationed... somewhere... His recruiter told him to go ahead an select a date and ask for leave when stationed. I'm not feeling all that secure about it. I want them to wait until after technical school then ask for permission and leave. Is the recruiter correct? Because, I'm not feeling comfortable with this plan. My checkbook is sweating bullets. I would be hesitant. This happened to my BF's daughter this past summer and she had to cancel her wedding because her husband to be could not get there. This was the Army, but I wouldn't believe the recruiter unless it is in writing. Of course he is going to tell him he can get off, he even might believe it, but the only thing for certain in the military is that things change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I'd say don't do it, but if anyone can get away with it the air force can. Lots of people I knew in the military had two weddings. The first was the top secret courthouse one. This got the soldier squared away with benefits and housing so he could bring his wife out to live with him after the big church/family/reception wedding. Otherwise, they get married THEN wait for paperwork to live together. I wouldn't put down a deposit based on what a recruiter said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Recruiters tend to promise anything. :iagree: Not even on a dare would I schedule and pay for something based on what a recruiter says. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liza Lee Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 If they are unwilling to wait :D, you might suggest a very small private ceremony and then schedule a formal-type, fancy wedding reception for after he is stationed and can request leave. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delighted3 Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Just reiterating what others have said. We just went through this last spring. While in boot camp in December, my son's instructor told him to schedule the wedding over a 4 day weekend like Easter and he would be able to fly home and get married for sure. That's what we did and we weren't sure until 2 weeks before the wedding that he was going to be able to get here. There are so many changes in command between enlistment and duty station that I don't think anyone can really guarantee anything. JMO, Joy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valkett Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Unless you can plan and have the wedding BEFORE he leaves in 19 days, I would not commit to any date. My son is in AF Basic Training right now. They have already had a couple guys in their flight or their brother flight get washed back a week or two for various reasons. Stuff happens (illness, injury, mistakes) and the dates can fluctuate. There is no time in between basic and technical school usually. We are hoping (but not counting) on our son getting to participate in the RAP (Recruiter Assistance Program). They are supposed to get the information on that during technical school and if they get it, they get to come home for 10-12 days after technical school. During that time, they spend 5 days in the recruiter's office helping out, visiting schools, etc.. and the rest of the time is theirs. After that, he will be shipping out to wherever his duty station is. So, nice small wedding with family and close friends... doable within the 19 days. Otherwise, they really should wait until he's settled in his first assignment. Best of luck! Valerie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MindyD Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 Yep, recruiters lie. It's a big risk. I second (or 3rd) the suggestion to have a small ceremony or even go to the courthouse before he leaves, then the big wedding after he's done with tech school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 I'd say don't do it, but if anyone can get away with it the air force can. Lots of people I knew in the military had two weddings. The first was the top secret courthouse one. This got the soldier squared away with benefits and housing so he could bring his wife out to live with him after the big church/family/reception wedding. Otherwise, they get married THEN wait for paperwork to live together. ALSO note: A couple in our church had planned to get married 2 weeks before he left for Air Force boot camp in early Nov. Big wedding, all planned, etc. Then the groom learns that the "marriage paperwork" takes 6-8 weeks to process. So they end up with a quick wedding in the church (with parents, no friends) at the 8 week mark. Then had the big wedding 2 weeks before he left. Everyone knew they were already married at the big wedding. I would just consider scaling down the wedding and doing it NOW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 My dh and I got married, he went away to school for six months. We had a wedding when he was finished with his schools, just before he went to his first duty station. That is what loads of military couples do. But, dates are *never* guaranteed in the military, not *ever*. I don't think the recruiter is so much lying as being optimistic. His scenario is probably typical. He isn't thinking of all those dates that have been messed up for him, because the active duty person seems to block it all out. Example: a couple of years ago I wanted to have a Halloween party for my birthday (my birthday is 1 November). We planned it all out. Then, dh decided to go on a trip that was sort of optional. He would get back on the 30th. I canceled the party. He acted like I was throwing a tantrum about it because he would be back in plenty of time. Nope, he got home on 2 November. He actually believes things will go as planned every time. It's crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyWifeandMommy Posted December 13, 2011 Share Posted December 13, 2011 (edited) My dd and her bf (boyfriend) want to set a wedding date before he leaves for boot camp. The venue they want requires a serious deposit. BF is leaving for boot camp in 19 days, then technical school then stationed... somewhere... His recruiter told him to go ahead an select a date and ask for leave when stationed. I'm not feeling all that secure about it. I want them to wait until after technical school then ask for permission and leave. Is the recruiter correct? Because, I'm not feeling comfortable with this plan. My checkbook is sweating bullets. I would go for a quick private marriage now and celebrate big later. welcome to the military life of what is said/promised isn't going to happen 90% of the time. My husband and I had 48hrs for our wedding :) Drove nonstop to my hometown (1300 miles away), got married with a quick potluck lunch and off to pack our unopen gifts to drive back. plus if you marry before they can go on the housing list. in some places it's best to go housing first and then move out if you want. there are other perks to be married prior to going too. Edited December 13, 2011 by NavyWifeandMommy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stillwood Posted December 29, 2011 Author Share Posted December 29, 2011 Is this safe? He'll have plenty of time to discuss the date where he'll be stationed. Then venue will allow a change, but it may have to be on a Thursday or Friday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 Tech school can be anywhere from 6 weeks to a year. They do not want soldiers to leave, but if it is one of the longer ones I would expect they do get some time off. After the first month or so, they do usually get the weekends off. It is possible that if the wedding is planned, say, four months after he graduates basic, he will at least be able to take a weekend off to fly out and get married. However, those in charge hate it when soldiers come in and have wedding dates planned during training. He needs to be prepared to receive some grief about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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