Catwoman Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I guess I run in different circles. But, I know people who would say: "She is a wise woman who doesn't seem to think it is necessary to have a new dress for every occassion." "She isn't materialistic." "She knows what looks great on her." "She has priorities that go beyond shopping all the time." And there's nothing wrong with that -- although your friends probably wouldn't like me, because I shop all the time... ;) Is the "wear it one time" rule kind of silly? Sure it is. It's not a materialism thing, or a lack of common sense thing, or a lack of priorities. It's just the way things are in some groups. It's not something anyone thinks much about or that has any particular meaning or significance; it's just the way it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I think we need to remember she is talking about a cocktail dress- not formal. When I think formal I think full length, gala-type event. I would never, ever- wear the dress twice. It's part of going to these events. But I also borrow jewelry from a local shop when we have these events, so I might be thinking more over the top than what most consider the norm. Seeing as how we are truly discussing a cocktail dress, then YES, she can wear it again, but not a week later. She has already stated that the money isn't the issue, so there is no reason to not get a dress. We don't wear cocktail dresses again, either. :001_smile: I don't think of cocktail length dresses as formalwear, either, but that's how the OP described her new dress, so I answered with that in mind. I think people define "formal" in different ways. It sounds like you think of formal events as I do -- people spend thousands of dollars on a gown, and wear amazing jewelry -- but I don't think this is the kind of gala the OP is talking about. And we haven't even started discussing her shoes, hair, and makeup yet...:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 We don't wear cocktail dresses again, either. :001_smile: I don't think of cocktail length dresses as formalwear, either, but that's how the OP described her new dress, so I answered with that in mind. I think people define "formal" in different ways. It sounds like you think of formal events as I do -- people spend thousands of dollars on a gown, and wear amazing jewelry -- but I don't think this is the kind of gala the OP is talking about. And we haven't even started discussing her shoes, hair, and makeup yet...:tongue_smilie: Cat I think if we got into that we'd really be in trouble..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Cat I think if we got into that we'd really be in trouble..... Come on, don't you want to finally be responsible for getting a thread closed??? ;) Let's live a little! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I guess I run in different circles. But, I know people who would say: "She is a wise woman who doesn't seem to think it is necessary to have a new dress for every occassion." "She isn't materialistic." "She knows what looks great on her." "She has priorities that go beyond shopping all the time." Exactly. Absolutely wear the same dress again if that is what is right for your family. I have few clothes, and I wear the same things regularly with pride, because we use our money for more important things than extra clothes. I have had many encouraging comments about it, but once an opinionated woman at church said something about seeing my dress again. It was great insight for me into her priorities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I have had many encouraging comments about it, but once an opinionated woman at church said something about seeing my dress again. It was great insight for me into her priorities. Actually, I think it was great insight into her manners... or rather the lack thereof. How rude!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I guess I run in different circles. But, I know people who would say: "She is a wise woman who doesn't seem to think it is necessary to have a new dress for every occassion." "She isn't materialistic." "She knows what looks great on her." "She has priorities that go beyond shopping all the time." :iagree: The people I socialize with are either male scientists who would never recognize a dress I wore before, or environmentally conscious women who would definitely notice a new dress and disapprove of the waste and materialism. I love dressing nicely, but I feel wearing a dress only once to be extremely wasteful. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Is the "wear it one time" rule kind of silly? Sure it is. It's not a materialism thing, or a lack of common sense thing, or a lack of priorities. It's just the way things are in some groups. It's not something anyone thinks much about or that has any particular meaning or significance; it's just the way it is. It is materialism, because materialism means just that: making a material item important for self-esteem. And for most people, their financial situation would also make it a lack-of-common-sense thing. Even with two good jobs, we are not in the position to buy garments to only wear them once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Never, ever twice. I have rarely ever worn any type of formalwear more than once, but if I was sure that the party guests would be completely different at two events, I wouldn't have a problem with wearing the same dress twice. But with the same people? Nope. Never. Wow.:001_huh: I am floored that anyone would spend beaucoup bucks on a fancy cocktail dress and wear it only once. Things you get stuck buying for weddings, sure. Otherwise, I am gobsmacked. I grant you that I am living below the federal poverty level, and I do not now, nor have I ever lived a life that required formal clothing routinely, but I had not realized this kind of rule applied to "real" people--I thought it was for movie stars and first ladies, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I grant you that I am living below the federal poverty level, and I do not now, nor have I ever lived a life that required formal clothing routinely, but I had not realized this kind of rule applied to "real" people--I thought it was for movie stars and first ladies, etc. Well....Ya' never know! Maybe Catwoman IS a movie star. ;) :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) Well....Ya' never know! Maybe Catwoman IS a movie star. ;) :D :lol::lol::lol::lol: Not by a longshot, I assure you! But I don't have a blog, so I might not even be real! ;) Edited October 24, 2011 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I love dressing nicely, but I feel wearing a dress only once to be extremely wasteful. Reduce, reuse, recycle. Well, in my defense, I don't toss the dresses in the trash after I wear them. I have them cleaned and I donate them to a charity thrift shop, so someone else can buy them and wear them. I agree that it would be very wasteful to just throw them away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 It is materialism, because materialism means just that: making a material item important for self-esteem. And for most people, their financial situation would also make it a lack-of-common-sense thing. Even with two good jobs, we are not in the position to buy garments to only wear them once. My self-esteem is fine -- I'm not sure how wearing a different dress to each function shows that I'm making a material item important for my self-esteem; I do it because it is customary among the people with whom I socialize. The financial issue is entirely separate. If a person can't afford to buy something and only wear it once, obviously her money would be better spent on necessities and not on extra dresses. (And to return to the original topic, the OP specifically said that this was not a financial decision, and that she can afford to purchase another dress.) I would hate to see this thread turn into a debate over "is it excessive spending or is it just plain fun" because that's not why it was started. The OP asked if it was OK to wear the same dress twice in a row, and it seems to be turning in another direction. I didn't judge anyone based upon what they would or wouldn't have done regarding the dress, and fully admitted that I was sure that, depending on the group of people involved, the answer could differ. I was only stating what I would do in a similar situation. I apologize if I came across as being at all judgmental, because it certainly wasn't my intention, and I would hope that others aren't judging me negatively, just because I would do things differently than they would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Well, in my defense, I don't toss the dresses in the trash after I wear them. I have them cleaned and I donate them to a charity thrift shop, so someone else can buy them and wear them. I agree that it would be very wasteful to just throw them away. :iagree: Sorry I was gone, we were at cheer practice- Now that is a waste of money!! But to the subject- I have a canvas wardrobe rack in the garage filled with semi-formal to formal dresses. Nothing is older than 5 years, and a good portion get worn 1-2 a year by various people. It's REALLY nice having a few of us that wear the same size. Things that have been worn more than 2-3 times get donated. You may see it as wasteful, but when Cat and I donate these over priced dresses that were only worn a couple times (or once), someone else is getting it at an amazing price. I admit I'm a bit offended that you'd think us shallow, but not everyone lives the same way. The recession hasn't affected us, we have healthy savings, and are not in debt. Choosing to spend money on clothing isn't a bad thing. Nor should I feel guilty for it. My children are well educated, and have access to any book the want. We travel together and learn new things everyday. We also try to look good while doing it. If one day the extra money was gone I'd still be doing the same thing- but hitting the goodwill instead of the department store. There is nothing wrong with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 You may see it as wasteful, but when Cat and I donate these over priced dresses that were only worn a couple times (or once), someone else is getting it at an amazing price. I admit I'm a bit offended that you'd think us shallow, but not everyone lives the same way. The recession hasn't affected us, we have healthy savings, and are not in debt. Choosing to spend money on clothing isn't a bad thing. Nor should I feel guilty for it. My children are well educated, and have access to any book the want. We travel together and learn new things everyday. We also try to look good while doing it. If one day the extra money was gone I'd still be doing the same thing- but hitting the goodwill instead of the department store. There is nothing wrong with that. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Yes. This. Exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 It is materialism, because materialism means just that: making a material item important for self-esteem. And for most people, their financial situation would also make it a lack-of-common-sense thing. Even with two good jobs, we are not in the position to buy garments to only wear them once. Everyone has different rules for the society they live in. If I were to go out with my Dh all the time, I wouldn't wear the same dress. I just couldn't, I would be an embarrassment to him. Thankfully I get to stay home and wear jeans, but if we were to socialize within his business circle, no, I couldn't. And I'm dreading when I have to, because that day will come. It's not materialistic, it's just what's done, like Cat said. Sure, you could buck the system, but I don't care enough about the system to buck it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 You guys are so kind to help me think through this. I don't like clothes. I don't like shopping. I don't like spending money. I don't know how to accessorize. I have no idea what the party protocol is (though I do have an instinct that some people would find it tacky for me to wear the same dress again). Buying another dress will not wreck our finances, but it's not where I would choose to allocate the money. I certainly would wear a dressy dress more than once. But these two events are exactly 7 days apart, and, yes, some people will be at both events. My husband's co-workers (and their spouses) certainly will be at both, and they noticed/will notice me. Even so, I do not feel like I'm the center of attention; I know I'm not. I have no concern that anybody would say anything unkind to me, but I do have a small concern that it would reflect poorly on my husband. (It's the yearly fundraising dinner for his organization.) I think what I'm going to do is this: I'll have one single day that I could fit a shopping trip in before the dinner. If I find another on-sale, looks-great dress that day, I'll buy it. If not, I'll wear the same dress. I won't have any other choice. I'm actually out of town right now (on a work-related thing; not a shopping thing) and will only have that one afternoon to try. Thanks for helping me think through this. Whenever I have a question about anything in life, the answer is here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 And there's nothing wrong with that -- although your friends probably wouldn't like me, because I shop all the time... ;) Is the "wear it one time" rule kind of silly? Sure it is. It's not a materialism thing, or a lack of common sense thing, or a lack of priorities. It's just the way things are in some groups. It's not something anyone thinks much about or that has any particular meaning or significance; it's just the way it is. It most certainly is a materialism thing. In fact it is a PERFECT example of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 It most certainly is a materialism thing. In fact it is a PERFECT example of it. For you it is. Not for her. Big difference. She's not showing up in your circles, is she? You're really talking about two different worlds, and to put your own social rules onto her is not fair-it's apples and oranges. And, I doubt you're going to win her to your side telling her she's materialistic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 For you it is. You're really talking about two different worlds, and to put your own social rules onto her is not fair-it's apples and oranges. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 For you it is. Not for her. Big difference. She's not showing up in your circles, is she? You're really talking about two different worlds, and to put your own social rules onto her is not fair-it's apples and oranges. And, I doubt you're going to win her to your side telling her she's materialistic. No worries, I'm not trying to win anyone to my side. ;) It doesn't matter either way if she is in my circles or not...not sure where you are going with that one? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 No worries, I'm not trying to win anyone to my side. ;) It doesn't matter either way if she is in my circles or not...not sure where you are going with that one? :confused: Meaning, if she were going to work in a soup kitchen dressed in her Louboutins, then yes, she might be being materialistic. She would be embarrassing the people around her, but I think Cat is too sensitive for something like that. Being materialistic with what you own is wanting to show everyone what you have by making other people feel beneath you. She shouldn't be made to apologize because she's got money. She wasn't being rude about it, she was handing out some good advice, and then attacked for it. She then tried to nicely defend herself. This is why people with $ tend to stay away from people who are not as fortunate. They have to defend themselves constantly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fleur de Lis Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 You could just ask your husband his opinion on the matter since it's his reputation you mentioned you're worried about :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Meaning, if she were going to work in a soup kitchen dressed in her Louboutins, then yes, she might be being materialistic. She would be embarrassing the people around her, but I think Cat is too sensitive for something like that. Being materialistic with what you own is wanting to show everyone what you have by making other people feel beneath you. She shouldn't be made to apologize because she's got money. She wasn't being rude about it, she was handing out some good advice, and then attacked for it. She then tried to nicely defend herself. This is why people with $ tend to stay away from people who are not as fortunate. They have to defend themselves constantly. My sister and her husband have a lot of money. they are very well off and my sister loves to shop. She loves to clothes shop. They are 2 of the most giving people I know. My sister probably has enough clothes to not wear something more than 2 or 3 times. She is constantly buying. The thing is, all her reasons aside, I know for a fact none of her reasons are because in her social circle you don't wear things more than once. The problem I have with catwoman is she deliberately sets out not to wear things more than once. I say, problem but the reality is I don't know her from Adam, and only see her on here occasionally. I actually could not care less what she does. The funny thing is whenever I read her posts I usually nod my head in agreement. :D I just think that mentality is...distasteful. AND I have to say, I think if you have money you should be able to spend it any ding dang way you want to!! But I can and do have an opinion just like everyone else. Did I ask for an apology from her? :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 The problem I have with catwoman is she deliberately sets out not to wear things more than once. But you are taking it too far IMO. Does she wear the same formal/cocktail dress twice? NO. Does she wear a pair of jeans more than once? Yes. There is a HUGE difference between the two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Thank you, Moe and justamouse. You have done a better job of explaining my sentiments than I could have possibly done on my own, and I really appreciate it. :001_wub: momto4kids, I hope we can just agree to disagree on the definition of materialism, as I honestly don't see myself as being the way you describe, but I doubt I can convince you of that. I'm not getting the part where it is so important to wear a cocktail dress over and over again, or why it is a bad thing to mix up your outfits when you go places. It's not like I do the same thing when I'm at home all day or if I run out to the store for milk -- I just throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater and I'm out the door. I have to admit that it hurts my feelings that you find my mentality to be distasteful, but I really do believe that you are misinterpreting my motives, and can only assume that I haven't expressed myself clearly enough. The only thing I will reiterate is that the only reason I don't wear the same cocktail dress or formalwear more than once is because that's the way it is done by my family, friends, and acquaintances. It's what my mom did, and it's what my aunts, cousins, and grandmothers did. It truly isn't about materialism; it is simply the customary way of doing things, and I never thought twice about it until it became an issue in this thread. I hope you can understand what I mean, because I know from other threads that you are a nice person, and I would like you to think the same of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 :iagree: Sorry I was gone, we were at cheer practice- Now that is a waste of money!! . I don't get to go to many (any!) formal events, but I agree with this. My cheerleader would disagree. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I don't get to go to many (any!) formal events, but I agree with this. My cheerleader would disagree. ;) And it only gets worse. Next season we are going up in levels and that will be a few thousand more in travel expense alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Thank you, Moe and justamouse. You have done a better job of explaining my sentiments than I could have possibly done on my own, and I really appreciate it. :001_wub: momto4kids, I hope we can just agree to disagree on the definition of materialism, as I honestly don't see myself as being the way you describe, but I doubt I can convince you of that. I'm not getting the part where it is so important to wear a cocktail dress over and over again, or why it is a bad thing to mix up your outfits when you go places. It's not like I do the same thing when I'm at home all day or if I run out to the store for milk -- I just throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater and I'm out the door. I have to admit that it hurts my feelings that you find my mentality to be distasteful, but I really do believe that you are misinterpreting my motives, and can only assume that I haven't expressed myself clearly enough. The only thing I will reiterate is that the only reason I don't wear the same cocktail dress or formalwear more than once is because that's the way it is done by my family, friends, and acquaintances. It's what my mom did, and it's what my aunts, cousins, and grandmothers did. It truly isn't about materialism; it is simply the customary way of doing things, and I never thought twice about it until it became an issue in this thread. I hope you can understand what I mean, because I know from other threads that you are a nice person, and I would like you to think the same of me. That's always important to remember here. It ALWAYS comes up in baby shower etiquette threads. :D Where I am it would not be an issue to wear a dress more then once. You would not be expected to go out and buy something new for each event (not that we have a ton of formal events :D). It's a local culture and custom issue. probably something that can't really be well addressed on a message board that spans continents! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy1k Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 And it only gets worse. Next season we are going up in levels and that will be a few thousand more in travel expense alone. Yep. This is the first season for us that requires passports. We're going on four years of competitive cheerleading. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindyg Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 You could just ask your husband his opinion on the matter since it's his reputation you mentioned you're worried about :) He was shocked to hear that women even think of such things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Um, no.:leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beccad777 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I just have to say that I am appalled at the way people on this thread are reacting to what Catwoman said. She was simply answering the OP's question in an intelligent, kind, and articulate way. She has also been more than gracious to those of a differing opinion, while those people have been pretty mean spirited IMO. For the record, I am one who wears the same thing many times, because I do not have the resources to buy lots of clothes, and I tend to be very thrifty with my money even when I can buy clothes. I do not look down on those, like Cat, who choose to spend their money on clothes, as that is important to them and it's their money! She even donates those dresses to a charitable cause. How can you find fault with that? As for the OP's question, I probably would be very uncomfortable wearing the same dress a week apart in front of the same people. If it was a few months or a year, I would be fine with it, but a week is kind of close even for my thrifty soul. If I could afford it, I would definitely buy another dress. I hope you find another amazing deal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I just have to say that I am appalled at the way people on this thread are reacting to what Catwoman said. She was simply answering the OP's question in an intelligent, kind, and articulate way. She has also been more than gracious to those of a differing opinion, while those people have been pretty mean spirited IMO. Thank you -- it was very sweet of you to post! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I guess there's a reason I don't go to formal events, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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