Ugh. I lost it today and did something dumb

[caedmyn]

I completely disagree. Parents are allowed to make mistakes.

If you don't feel good about sending her to school, don't do it.

 

It is perfectly reasonable, perfectly adult, for you to have this conversation with her today:

 

"Yesterday, I messed up. I was upset, and I said something I didn't really mean. And today, I need to take back what I said and also apologize to you for losing my temper. Your dad and I will not be sending you to school. I believe homeschooling is the best choice, and here's why. (Fill in the blank.)"

 

"But it is true that we've been having a tough time lately. Let's talk about how we can make homeschooling work better for both you and I." (Get out a piece of paper, start brainstorming, accept all ideas, even silly ones, then focus in on some workable compromises.)

 

 

:iagree:

 

I don't know if this would work with your DD or not, but I'm having good success motivating my rather-do-anything-than-what-she's-supposed-to-be-doing 5 YO with a timer. I set the timer for a reasonable amount of time for her to finish her task, and if she beats it, she gets to tally the remaining minutes and save them toward playing with Starfall. She thinks it's great fun.

[plain jane]

I completely disagree. Parents are allowed to make mistakes.

If you don't feel good about sending her to school, don't do it.

 

It is perfectly reasonable, perfectly adult, for you to have this conversation with her today:

 

"Yesterday, I messed up. I was upset, and I said something I didn't really mean. And today, I need to take back what I said and also apologize to you for losing my temper. Your dad and I will not be sending you to school. I believe homeschooling is the best choice, and here's why. (Fill in the blank.)"

 

"But it is true that we've been having a tough time lately. Let's talk about how we can make homeschooling work better for both you and I." (Get out a piece of paper, start brainstorming, accept all ideas, even silly ones, then focus in on some workable compromises.)

 

If at all possible, I'd try to have this conversation while you're having some one-on-one time with her. Can you leave the other kids with a friend for a half hour while you and DD go out for hot chocolate? I know that may be completely unrealistic, as obviously you'll want to clarify the issue asap. But even if the first part of the conversation happens at home, it might be nice to go out this evening to a coffee shop to do some brainstorming together.

 

Yes, I plan to have a conversation like this with her this morning. I made a mistake and I can own up to it and apologize. I just need to figure how these battles will stop. They're too hard on everyone.

 

I've gone through the responses again and thought about what could work and what won't. I really like the tickets idea mentioned above. I'm going to try to implement something like that with her as I think she'll really thrive that way.

 

I got up this morning (from putting baby back to sleep) to find both girls sitting at the table, working on their writing and dd7 had written her entire story. :001_huh: She definitely can do the work. When she wants. ;)

[plain jane]

:iagree:

 

I don't know if this would work with your DD or not, but I'm having good success motivating my rather-do-anything-than-what-she's-supposed-to-be-doing 5 YO with a timer. I set the timer for a reasonable amount of time for her to finish her task, and if she beats it, she gets to tally the remaining minutes and save them toward playing with Starfall. She thinks it's great fun.

 

Oh, that's a great idea too.

[justamouse]

I haven't read the other responses.

 

I think you're totally allowed to blow it like that. :grouphug: We all screw up.

 

I kinda think that if you (universal you) truly decide to homeschool, you have to think of public school like you would divorce-it needs to come off the table completely. Because that way you don't reach for it when you're too overwhelmed.

 

Is there a ritual you can implement with her that she can work for, and she can loose if she doesn't stay on task? I don't think she's testing you in this area because she's lazy, I think she's 7 and asking you for something she doesn't have the skills to communicate. I think if you can find that piece to her puzzle, she'll calm down. But, you also need to give her less opportunity to screw up. If you need to sit there, you need to sit there. And then start with 5 minute breaks for everyone. Then, once she's humming along, leave her for 2 and see if she still works through--train her on how to go about her work while you're gone. She's only 7.

 

I think you're an awesome mom, btw. :grouphug:

[ktgrok]

Have you listened to SWB's lecture on teaching children to work independently? If not, listen NOW! It is on the peace hill press store website.

[mariposa]

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to thank you for your honesty and tell you that I've been there, too! Haven't gone so far as to actually sign them up, but I have certainly said much the same thing out of frustration.

 

Sounds like you have a lot on your hands, with the younger ones, too. I think that all the comments have had some great ideas, both about how to keep homeschooling or to give yourself permission to try ps.

 

Wish I could give you a hug!

[Meriwether]

I haven't read the other responses.

 

I think you're totally allowed to blow it like that. :grouphug: We all screw up.

 

I kinda think that if you (universal you) truly decide to homeschool, you have to think of public school like you would divorce-it needs to come off the table completely. Because that way you don't reach for it when you're too overwhelmed.

 

Is there a ritual you can implement with her that she can work for, and she can loose if she doesn't stay on task? I don't think she's testing you in this area because she's lazy, I think she's 7 and asking you for something she doesn't have the skills to communicate. I think if you can find that piece to her puzzle, she'll calm down. But, you also need to give her less opportunity to screw up. If you need to sit there, you need to sit there. And then start with 5 minute breaks for everyone. Then, once she's humming along, leave her for 2 and see if she still works through--train her on how to go about her work while you're gone. She's only 7.

 

I think you're an awesome mom, btw. :grouphug:

:iagree:I usually blame myself when the kids are not applying themselves. When I am super organized and involved they get huge amounts of work done in a short time.

 

:grouphug: Ds7 can and will work well this year. Last year was a battle. He would sit and stare at the problem 7 + 2 for 15 minutes. The work wasn't too hard. During his lesson he would subtract 38 from 62 in his head in seconds.:glare: Even if I was right there with him, he just. sat. there. This year he is a different kid. If I'm not available to get him started on the next bit, he'll pull out his Prima Latina to work on it. Or do Classifying with Quigley on the computer. If he hasn't finished everything before the others are done, he will still sit and work so that he can play Age of Empires for a little while. This really could be a stage. I have NO advice on how to get through it, though. I would gently, lovingly work with Ds last year until I would go absolutely bonkers and start yelling, "Get this sheet done in 5 minutes or you are going to be in BIG trouble." I wouldn't recommend that approach. I had to spend a lot of time loving on him at other times during the day (I didn't mind the loving on him but I always felt terrible when I yelled at him).

[Aubrey]

Gosh, I don't know what to do. I know I over reacted. I'm just so tired of being frustrated with her. I know she'll love being in a classroom and she's such a people pleaser that her teacher will just love her to pieces & she'll do anything to please. But she's not that way for me (at least not with school stuff, other stuff, yes).

 

I totally blew it and I don't have anybody to talk to IRL. It's been a really bad day.

 

If you tell her this & apologize, you really can start fresh. :grouphug:

 

They were already non too pleased about having to take her since their grade 2 classes are really full as it is.

 

Um...I don't think she's going to get what she needs from an over-filled classroom!

 

If I didn't want my 7yo going to school, but was facing daily battles like you describe, I would consider unschooling for awhile.

 

 

:iagree: Maybe not TRUE unschooling, but more flexibility than we like as lesson-planning hs moms. I mean, 20 min of math could be the appropriate pp from her text/work book OR something from the math bin--math games, math activities, etc.

 

Is there a lot of homework in 2nd grade? This isn't snarky- it's sincere. I don't know how much to expect. :confused

 

I have no idea about now, but when I was in 2nd, they gave us homework for the sake of practicing having homework. When I finished mine in class, the teacher got mad & gave me more because the point was taking it home, doing it there, & remembering to bring it back. :glare:

 

I feel like I should follow through with what I said. I blew it but then, going back on something I've said will make me lose all credibility.

 

Nope. I mean, sometimes, yes, but "credibility" imo, comes from a combination of follow-through & honesty. Be honest w/ her about your feelings, your failures/regrets, & even circumstances--the baby not sleeping. Tell her you're not really sure what's right & you're going to think about it. I think it's comforting to kids to know parents will rethink what they say & really try to do what's best, even if they've said something in a moment of frustration.

 

I've totally ruined things. I feel so terrible. The baby has been really sick for the last week and I've been getting 3 hours of sleep per night. I know that really played in to how things went down yesterday.

 

I over reacted, I made a poor decision. I just blew it.

 

This part makes me think you really should set formal school aside for a bit & just...BE w/ your dd. Bake some cookies, read a story, hug her. Don't even try to figure out what to do about school until you've had some sleep. :grouphug:

[justamouse]

 

I've totally ruined things. I feel so terrible. The baby has been really sick for the last week and I've been getting 3 hours of sleep per night. I know that really played in to how things went down yesterday.

 

I over reacted, I made a poor decision. I just blew it.

 

I know I've posted a lot about my struggles here. Honestly, it's because I know that there are others who have BTDT. I don't post a lot of the good stuff so it looks like our lives are all negative and stress and turmoil. It's not the case.

 

But yup, this was definitely one of the bad hi-lights. :crying:

 

I'll have a talk with her today and go from there. I was up all night with my 3yo this time so I'm thinking a nice day of history crafts is in order while I try and sort through everything.

 

You will NOT loose all credibility, you'll talk to her and tell her you're sorry.

 

Can you just bag school for a week and sleep? I think you're putting an extraordinary amount of pressure on yourself. She's 7. The sky will not fall if mandatory naps are taken by everyone and mom gets her feet back under her. :grouphug:

[TranquilMind]

plain jane: I know she's only 7. I get it. But we have had several big talks, her and I. We talked about how she has to get an education be that at home, or at school. I've told her I'm willing to pick programs she likes (and switch ones she doesn't) and do lots of fun things- zoo trips, gymnastics classes, fencing lesson, etc, but she has to do her work. We also sat down and talked about school. I gave her the option- work at home or work at school. She chose home.

 

She's SEVEN. No one's kid works ceaselessly at age 7. If you think they are buckling down in school and getting a lot done, you would be mistaken, I think. Sounds more like you need a break, like you are stressed about something and need to back off of school for a week or so, when you can return with renewed vigor.

 

It's been nothing but a battle for over a month now. :( I don't know why it has to be so difficult. She listens and is obedient, but every time I turn my back, she stops working.

She's SEVEN. This is normal for seven.

 

Now, I know she's young, but she's at the table with an older sibling who is working. She's not "alone". I can't be there the entire time as I have 3 younger kids. :willy_nilly:

 

I get that. You might need to carve out an hour just for her, maybe when the youngers are down for nap or afternoon rest time? You really need to sit a lot with a seven year old. But you don't need to be doing hours of school a day at seven either.

 

So, after the millionth warning today, I told dd that was it. She's off to school. So I packed all the kids up, headed over to the PS, picked up the forms, came home, got the paperwork they asked from me, brought the forms back and got her all signed up. :001_huh: I have to go back tomorrow and turn in some money and fill a couple more forms and she's in. :eek:

 

Of course, dd is hysterical about this. She doesn't want to go.

 

This looks like a banishment to her. She's SEVEN years old! I know those years with young kids were really rough, in my recollection. There were many days I was literally sitting in my van waiting for my husband to drive in, at which time I would back out and leave for awhile because I HAD to get a break from kids.

 

I get this. But she is only 7!

 

 

 

I don't know how I feel. :( I don't want her to go but I don't want to battle her every day anymore. I want to enjoy her, enjoy our relationship, but we're simply not there. I don't know why. I found out later this evening that she's been telling older dd that the only subjects she likes are science and history. She's told her that she doesn't like her writing or her math. I asked little dd why she didn't just tell me that rather than insist on not doing anything. I told her I could have switched things up. Of course, I don't know if that would have fixed anything or not.

 

I think she's doing well if she likes half her subjects. You seem to be attempting to reason in an adult manner with a 7 year old, and I can only say that NOW when I am far removed from it, believe me. She's just a little kid.

 

And if you put her in school, remember you are tied to the school system, day in and day out, she must be delivered ON TIME every single morning and no one cares if you are having trouble getting all the littles ready to drive her there, and she won't be learning any more than you are probably doing now, but she will be coming home with a lot of illnesses to spread around at first. That's just the way it is, so be prepared.

 

Gosh, I don't know what to do. I know I over reacted. I'm just so tired of being frustrated with her. I know she'll love being in a classroom and she's such a people pleaser that her teacher will just love her to pieces & she'll do anything to please. But she's not that way for me (at least not with school stuff, other stuff, yes).

 

This is normal, normal, normal! All kids -of any age- attempt to please others before they attempt to please their parents, whom they know will always love them even if they aren't nice.

 

I totally blew it and I don't have anybody to talk to IRL. It's been a really bad day.

 

I'm sorry you had a bad day. Think it through rationally, and then discuss it with her, but don't make it seem like a punishment! It does right now, the way you related it.

[elfgivas]

have you looked at five in a row? it involves a lot of cuddling and reading and fun and learning.

 

i would pick one of their books, one of their activities, and do school like that for a bit. (add in math and music and a foreign language if you're doing that).

 

go for lessons that are short and sweet.

 

or get one of the theme-a-week books, or just make up your own. do hallowe'en activities for the next 10 days..... fingerplay rhymes, hallowe'en math, baking, singing, .... have a glorious time.

 

:grouphug:

ann

[dirty ethel rackham]

This is how 7 year olds are. This is how some teens are. You simply accept that many things don't get done without your direct supervision. Instead of looking at it as disobedience, look at it as a lack of maturity. As Joanne always says, you can't punish them into maturity, you have to wait it out and use strategies until they grow out of it.

 

About the subjects she likes/dislikes, let her own those feelings. It is ok for her not to like them. You can make modifications, but relying on her to tell you how to homeschool her is an unrealistic expectation. Also, chasing after a perfect, happy homeschool life is a recipe for unhappiness. She isn't going to love everything, no matter how perfect the curriculum or teaching style. Teaching more than two kids is not easy. But it can be done. You just have to change your expectations and change the way you do things. Please don't make every day a battle. Seven year olds do not need to be doing lots of independent work.

 

My 11yod doesn't like to do math. I could be chasing curriculum after curriculum. But I know that this one works. But, she needs me next to her so she will do her math. I may have my checkbook and bills with me, but she is so much more effective if I am right there. I let go of the expectation of independent work on this subject and we are both so much happier.

[BatmansWife]

You've already gotten some great advice. I don't know how long you've been homeschooling, the ages of your other children, what curriculum you are using, etc. You may already be doing this...but don't try to do each and every subject every day. This was a lightbulb moment for me early in our homeschooling life.

I really liked the suggestions of the timer and the tickets. I think I'm going to incorporate those with my 8 year old. The other thing I was thinking of suggesting...and this is if you decide to keep her home...is for you to take her to a store, like Walmart even, and let her pick out a cute planner. You don't have to go into detail on the planner....but something simple like:

Monday:

Math

Spelling

Phonics

Science

Piano

Gym class

Tuesday:

Math

Spelling

Phonics

History

Spanish

Fencing class

...or whatever. You just need to figure out a simple schedule like this daily (the same schedule every Monday, the same schedule every Tuesday, maybe Wednesday is the same schedule as Monday, etc). Fill in her planner each week. She can kind of take ownership of her planner....it's HER planner (she will probably like that ;) ). Keep it with the school books so it doesn't get lost. She can have it at the table daily and check off each thing she gets accomplished. Use the timer for each assignment/subject in the planner. Say...."Oh, I see in your planner that phonics is next....lets see if you can finish these 2 pages in 25 minutes. I'll set the timer......ready?...." Or, perhaps you need to actually sit and teach that particular lesson....and then use the timer for the independent worksheet that goes with the lesson, or whatever. Do as the other poster suggested...if she does it in 20 minutes she gets 5 minutes banked for something fun. She can then check off phonics in the planner. Guess what....give her a ticket. Banked tickets for each item checked off can mean an ice cream or something....maybe after a week, or a certain number of tickets. See how I'm incorporating my planner idea and the ideas of the timer and the tickets? :lol: Hey, any bit of "bribery" helps. This might actually become fun for your dd.

[Homeschooling6]

We use tickets her at Homeschooling6 and it is a real motivater. I started this because last year my kiddos were not getting all their work done and they were leaving school books laying around. I was being lazy about checking their work, so I'm disciplining myself to do this daily. By handing out tickets I have to check:D

 

This year for each subject they earn 1 ticket but they not only have to complete their assignment, they also have to put any books, papers or dvds away as well. The assignment can't be a rushed job;).

 

They can save their tickets 100=a shake, book from Half Price Books etc. or they can save 500 tickets and earn legos or a $25.00 gift certificate to CBD or Amazon.

 

We don't purchase the children anything through the year (only b-days and CHRISTmas) so it's a fun way for them to earn something they would like.

 

:grouphug:

Linda<><

[Kertie]

I think it is safe to say we all have our "yellow school bus" days. Ya know, the days where we pray to God that a bright, shining yellow school bus will magically show up, whisk our kids away, and all of our problems will miraculously be solved. I am totally speaking from experience, because I have a hormonal 11yo girl, a flighty 8yo boy, and a divalicious 4yo girl.

 

Look, you just cannot be a perfect parent. Perfect parents don't exist. Homeschooling is hard. Sometimes it is downright maddening. You had a bad day and reacted. Welcome to the Human Club. We have alcohol and chocolate in here;).

 

Search your heart. Ask yourself why you are homeschooling. Have an honest discussion with yourself and your dh about what this particular child needs. Maybe she does need to be in public school. Maybe you just need to gut it out and weather this storm. Whatever you decide, it will be ok. You know your kid. You sound like a fabulous mom, one who is connected with her kids. You are not the first mom who has freaked out, and you certainly will NOT be the last. Parenting is not for sissies. Neither is homeschooling.

 

Take a break. It's ok.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Mommy22alyns]

First, :grouphug:.

 

Second, I understand that it's hard to do, but a 7 yo will stop working if you're not right there. My 8.5 yo will stop working if I'm not. right. there. :glare: It's annoying, it's maddening, but it's developmental.

 

I agree with the other ladies that you can definitely apologize to your DD and keep her home. And you're right that even if you send her TO school, you'll still have to battle over homework. To me, that's not worth it! :)

[Night Elf]

The decision for school isn't written in stone. It can't hurt to try. My youngest dd was in and out of school and I really didn't care what the school thought. We put her in when she wanted/needed to go and pulled her out when I had had enough of the issues with the school.

 

I put my son in school when he was 9 years old and he lasted 11 days. They looked at me like I was crazy when I pulled him out but there was no way he was going to do well in the school environment, especially with the teacher he had. Oh well!