Miss Peregrine Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 *at* church, that is. how do you deal with the criticism? Not enough hymns, too many hymns, guitar too loud, drums too loud, I don't like those songs, you don't do it like ***** did. UGH! Dh took over worship a few months ago after our friend died and it is really stressful for me! Most of the time I am thinking about what everyone else is thinking because someone always has something to complain about! I worry that people will leave because people do leave churches over petty things. You can PM me if you would rather. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Here's what I think: (I am the not-very-skilled director of a small choir) People are always going to complain about something. I would not take it seriously unless lots of people say the same thing, then it might be the Holy Spirit prompting them and you need to listen. And, I would not take seriously complaints that say "the choir/worship should be like this or that" if that person is not willing to join the team and help out. And I would specially not listen to anyone who says "people are saying you should do this or that", because who knows who those people are, or whether it is just one person, or whether one person's complaint is making it back to you through various other people who felt like they needed to pass it on? It sounds like you are in a difficult position, taking over after a beloved leader died. Probably people are grieving over that and it makes it hard for them to accept someone else. That should pass with time, though. He and you should just pray about it and be sure in your own minds that you are doing your best. Then you will be free to slough off the bothering criticisms and be humble enough to accept the good ones. ***And, never feel that you have to pass criticisms on to your husband. If there is a lot of criticism flying around, at least you can be the one person he doesn't get it from. If someone tells you something, just say, "I think you need to say that to him yourself." Chances are that may take the wind out of their sails and they may never say it. :001_smile: ETA if someone leaves over a petty issue, it is their own problem, not yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Besides something from the pulpit, perhaps offering the job to whoever is unhappy and is complaining.....:) My experience has been if you offer to let someone else lead it the way they see fit, they back right off. People want to complain and don't want responsiblity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shellydon Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Someone one will always complain, you can't please everyone. The only complaints I would try to fix are on volume. Very loud music can damage hearing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Well, yes, every one complains, but... Most of the time the guitar and drums ARE TOO LOUD! (Sorry, didn't mean to shout, but my hearing is going....). When people say this, what they mean is that they can't hear the voices over the guitar or drums or mandolin or banjo or whatever support instruments are playing. If you are getting those complaints, you need to pay attention to them. It's the difference between the mechanics of worship vs the content of the worship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kesmom Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I would agree with the volume suggestions. If you are hearing that a lot, it probably needs to come down a little. Another thought would be to find a trustworthy person or two with a music background and ask them for constructive criticism - perhaps someone who does not regularly attend your church. I think a lot of times people get used to something and resist change. They will miss your Dh when the next worship leader is there. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Well, yes, every one complains, but... Most of the time the guitar and drums ARE TOO LOUD! (Sorry, didn't mean to shout, but my hearing is going....). When people say this, what they mean is that they can't hear the voices over the guitar or drums or mandolin or banjo or whatever support instruments are playing. If you are getting those complaints, you need to pay attention to them. It's the difference between the mechanics of worship vs the content of the worship. I would agree with the volume suggestions. If you are hearing that a lot, it probably needs to come down a little. Another thought would be to find a trustworthy person or two with a music background and ask them for constructive criticism - perhaps someone who does not regularly attend your church. I think a lot of times people get used to something and resist change. They will miss your Dh when the next worship leader is there. ;) I do understand and agree with this, but sometimes it can be as simple as moving to a different side of the church. The drums are not too loud(to me, of course) but I sit on the other side of the church because DD 15 plays the piano and I like to hear more of it. When I do sit on the other side, the drums seem much louder. In my practical mind, move. Sit on the other side. But I know people are creatures of habit and they like "their" seats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Many times this issue is resolved by better communication and practice with the *sound* team, too. I think that as long as the worship leader has a mix of traditional hymns and more contemporary songs that are theologically rich and sound, as long as there isn't an aspect of performance and the worship is led from a humble spirit (we can tell! lol), and as long as the musical components work well in harmony and are *talented*, you've done all you can do, IMO. The leadership of the church, including the worship pastor, makes these decisions and it's up to everyone else to find their attitude and heart of worship no matter WHAT the songs are. I think God is there waiting for us to get over ourselves and fellowship with him. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 A few thoughts (from a pastor's wife): Are people actually complaining to *you*? Or does your dh tell you complaints that people have brought to him? Or are you/dh getting all this through the grapevine?:glare: If people are complaining to you, I'd tell them to address it w/ your dh, and walk away if they won't stop. It's not your place to be his informal complaints dept, especially as it's stressing you out :grouphug:. And for your dh wrt addressing complaints, anything people won't tell him directly isn't worth worrying about - mentally circular file it ;). For those that people bring to him personally, after discussing it, thoughtfully and humbly consider if they have a point, and change as needed. One thing dh mentioned - it's best if your dh doesn't make any big changes for a good 6mo-1yr. It's best to keep things as they are as you get a feel for the job and the people involved, since just being the new guy is a big change - don't want to overload people with change. Then, after sufficient time, start introducing change gradually. If he's already changed a bunch, it might be worth changing some of it back - people don't generally do well with lots of changes right away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I agree with not making any big changes for the first few months. That said, the volume thing is a big turn off for me.....esp. when it drowns out the words. We went to a church where my son wanted to go to the college age group. Dh and I thought we would go with the girls for the service instead of our own church. Well, it was SOOOO loud even out in the foyer that my 16dd was complaining and I was getting a headache. We weren't even in the sactuary yet. You might even see about getting a volume meter and checking it out objectively in different parts of the church. If it is too loud, tone it down. There is (at least to me) a big difference in loud singing and loud amplified music so you can't even hear the singing. Another option might be to send out a music survey to all of the members and regular attenders and let them voice their opinions so that you can get a good feel for what the people really want. It might be that 90% really do want more hymns or that only 1 or 2 are bothered by the volume. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeker of Schole Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 You already have some good suggestions. A few things to keep in mind might include: 1. What is the make up of your congregation? Older, younger or mix? Base song selections on the make up of the church. Yes, it is a lot more fun for the guitar player to play contemporary, but if 90% of your congregation is older they will not enjoy it. 2. Otherwise, just make sure you have a good mix, and track the songs you do! If you do not keep track it will be very easy to fall into a pattern where you are doing the same songs over and over again. Keep track of the last played date and make sure you are not doing them too frequently. 3. Did the position just "fall" to your husband, or was it a church board decision that he should take over? If it was a church board position then give it a few months and check in with the church board. How do they feel about the job he is doing? Do they have suggestions for improvement? If it just fell to him, then work with the Pastor and board to make sure they support him doing it. 4. Get your team's input. Have a dinner for the praise team members, get some feedback from them, and spend some time just talking / team building. 5. Of utmost importance - prayerfully seek the Lord's guidance for everything. From changes to be made to what songs you are doing each week. As for the rest of it - for some reason there will always be someone to complain in a church. Just like the others suggested, if you're hearing the same complaint from multiple people, consider it. Otherwise, work on smiling and nodding and keep praying, then rest in his assurance. Also, if you want to PM me to ask anything or bounce ideas off me feel free. My husband and I lead the praise team (scheduling and music choice), he plays guitar and sings, and I run sound and multimedia. When we were asked to take over another couple left because they felt it should have been them, so I've been there with some difficulties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary in VA Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I’ve been a worship leader at our church for about 8 years. Although our church is small-to-medium in size (200-300), we are blessed with 4 separate worship teams and 2 back-up leaders. In part, the variety from week to week minimizes criticism -- as people realize that next week’s team will be different in make-up, style, and focus. The rotation also allows time for planning, which helps. Whenever I lead, I aim to tie the music to the message so there is a unifying theme in the worship service. Because the congregation is multi-generational, I usually include 1-2 hymns in a set of 5, often add a praise chorus from the earlier days of CCM, and include a more recent song or two that ministers in particular to the youth. I seek to “arch from praise to worship†(without getting into a deep discussion of the terms here), starting with higher-energy, praise-oriented numbers and ending with more “reflective†songs, which set the tone for what follows in the service. Musically, our team brings out the vocals (remember, the words convey the meaning), holds back on the drums and electronic instruments (this is where volume can easily distract worshipers), shifts the instrumental focus from number to number (it’s not about the performer), and varies the “non-rhythm-section†instruments (from time to time adding strings, a flute, a trumpet, . . . ). I also check the music -- not only for the message, but for the theology. While hymns are usually tried and true, the newest hit from Christian radio may not be quite right. Those are some of the practical considerations that go into preparing to lead worship. They are not necessarily a prescription for avoiding criticism, as criticism often reflects the state of heart of the one criticizing. But it provides an approach for unifying a naturally diverse congregation in corporate worship. Above all is the importance of seeking the Lord’s guidance through prayer. I would be glad to continue offline if you or your husband is interested. Mary in VA's DH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 A few thoughts (from a pastor's wife): Are people actually complaining to *you*? Or does your dh tell you complaints that people have brought to him? Or are you/dh getting all this through the grapevine?:glare: One thing dh mentioned - it's best if your dh doesn't make any big changes for a good 6mo-1yr. It's best to keep things as they are as you get a feel for the job and the people involved, since just being the new guy is a big change - don't want to overload people with change. Then, after sufficient time, start introducing change gradually. If he's already changed a bunch, it might be worth changing some of it back - people don't generally do well with lots of changes right away. Grapevine.:glare: DH had filled in for the other leader several times over the past few years so no one was surprised by DH's style. He has gotten several compliments on it, as well. We only had one person come up to Dh directly and complain. She said she wished he was more like the other guy :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 You already have some good suggestions. A few things to keep in mind might include: 1. What is the make up of your congregation? Older, younger or mix? Base song selections on the make up of the church. Yes, it is a lot more fun for the guitar player to play contemporary, but if 90% of your congregation is older they will not enjoy it. We have a mix. And of course, the older people generally want the hymns. Dh tries to do 2 hymns per 5-song set but it doesn't always work out. 2. Otherwise, just make sure you have a good mix, and track the songs you do! If you do not keep track it will be very easy to fall into a pattern where you are doing the same songs over and over again. Keep track of the last played date and make sure you are not doing them too frequently.I did set up a spreadsheet for him a few months ago. It really helped, too because I could see that he was choosing the same songs 3. Did the position just "fall" to your husband, or was it a church board decision that he should take over? If it was a church board position then give it a few months and check in with the church board. How do they feel about the job he is doing? Do they have suggestions for improvement? If it just fell to him, then work with the Pastor and board to make sure they support him doing it. The elder board asked him to do it after our friend's passing. 4. Get your team's input. Have a dinner for the praise team members, get some feedback from them, and spend some time just talking / team building.That is an excellent idea and our pastor just suggested something like this last week. 5. Of utmost importance - prayerfully seek the Lord's guidance for everything. From changes to be made to what songs you are doing each week. As for the rest of it - for some reason there will always be someone to complain in a church. Just like the others suggested, if you're hearing the same complaint from multiple people, consider it. Otherwise, work on smiling and nodding and keep praying, then rest in his assurance. Also, if you want to PM me to ask anything or bounce ideas off me feel free. My husband and I lead the praise team (scheduling and music choice), he plays guitar and sings, and I run sound and multimedia. When we were asked to take over another couple left because they felt it should have been them, so I've been there with some difficulties. Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I agree with previous posters - you can't please everyone reg. choice of songs etc. I would suggest to find a professional sound tech to arrange your sound system though. When everything is balanced, it makes an enormous difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 I’ve been a worship leader at our church for about 8 years. Although our church is small-to-medium in size (200-300), we are blessed with 4 separate worship teams and 2 back-up leaders. In part, the variety from week to week minimizes criticism -- as people realize that next week’s team will be different in make-up, style, and focus. The rotation also allows time for planning, which helps. Whenever I lead, I aim to tie the music to the message so there is a unifying theme in the worship service. Because the congregation is multi-generational, I usually include 1-2 hymns in a set of 5, often add a praise chorus from the earlier days of CCM, and include a more recent song or two that ministers in particular to the youth. I seek to “arch from praise to worship†(without getting into a deep discussion of the terms here), starting with higher-energy, praise-oriented numbers and ending with more “reflective†songs, which set the tone for what follows in the service. Musically, our team brings out the vocals (remember, the words convey the meaning), holds back on the drums and electronic instruments (this is where volume can easily distract worshipers), shifts the instrumental focus from number to number (it’s not about the performer), and varies the “non-rhythm-section†instruments (from time to time adding strings, a flute, a trumpet, . . . ). I also check the music -- not only for the message, but for the theology. While hymns are usually tried and true, the newest hit from Christian radio may not be quite right. Those are some of the practical considerations that go into preparing to lead worship. They are not necessarily a prescription for avoiding criticism, as criticism often reflects the state of heart of the one criticizing. But it provides an approach for unifying a naturally diverse congregation in corporate worship. Above all is the importance of seeking the Lord’s guidance through prayer. I would be glad to continue offline if you or your husband is interested. Mary in VA's DH Our church doesn't seem to like when the team changes. A different supporting singer perhaps or someone new on percussion is fine, but a different leader-- they don't like it. Can't win!:lol: I really like the arch you present and that is something to think about. We always make sure that the songs, newer especially, are theologically sound. No "God is my boyfriend" songs allowed. ;) Thank you for your encouragement.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 It's the difference between the mechanics of worship vs the content of the worship. That is a very good point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 You have to listen to the criticism, but let it all roll into one big compartment of your brain that doesn't take these things personally. Every church has a corpus, a body of music that is well-known and enjoyed by 90% of it's people. It's wise to stick to that corpus during transitions (especially sad transitions). Gradually - gradually!!! - grow that corpus of music. Introduce a new song 3-5 times before including it in a worship set. It can be a special music, an instrumental prelude/offertory/etc..but it should feel familiar before singing it as a congregation. If you don't know the corpus, that is job#1. Grab the songbooks and make copies of the table of contents and start highlighting. It takes a long time sometimes for a new "normal" to ...normalize. Let time do some healing, and focus on peace-making in the meantime. If you (general "you") don't take this time to heal together and grow together, you run the risk of creating dissension in an already transitional time. There are often people who are waiting in the wings for a transitional time in order to dive in like a vulture to enact their agenda...fend off the vultures. Guard the sheep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 (edited) *at* church, that is. how do you deal with the criticism? Not enough hymns, too many hymns, guitar too loud, drums too loud, I don't like those songs, you don't do it like ***** did. UGH! Dh took over worship a few months ago after our friend died and it is really stressful for me! Most of the time I am thinking about what everyone else is thinking because someone always has something to complain about! I worry that people will leave because people do leave churches over petty things. You can PM me if you would rather. :grouphug: my husband is a worship pastor. i sympathize. the church we were at previously was amazing on so many levels, but it was frustrating that music could be an issue. it was an established contemporary church with "loud" band music from day 1, and it was 5 years old when we arrived....yet older members in the congregation continually complained to the point that they almost disliked my husband and the senior pastor at times. we were there for 5 years, and honestly, the main reason we left was over this. we are now at a multi campus site church and music style is simply no longer an issue. it is such a relief. i would be happy to support you & be a listening "ear" anytime, i so understand what it is to be in your shoes:grouphug: Edited October 10, 2011 by mytwomonkeys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I am just going to speak to you as the wife. All of this is out of your control. Your dh could do everything people want and still they would leave. Do not carry that! In fact, often giving complainers what they want drives them away. (This is very different than honest communication, I am one who is triggered by loud noises like drums. Just moving to another side of the church did nothing as it was all through a wonderful sound system. I actually spent worship in the lobby.) Love the people, walk with humility, but do not take responsibility for things you have no control over. The pursuit of perfection in the attempt to "keep" people is an exhausting task master. Also, I would try to find some safe people you can vent to "outside" your church. That may be here, with family members, or other friends who live in different cities. Work to develop a support system that will remain intact regardless of what happens at church. I cannot stress how important this is. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little Nyssa Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 "Your dh could do everything people want and still they would leave. Do not carry that! In fact, often giving complainers what they want drives them away. Love the people, walk with humility, but do not take responsibility for things you have no control over. The pursuit of perfection in the attempt to "keep" people is an exhausting task master." Words of wisdom, Simka!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EppieJ Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 I hear ya. As a member of our praise band and a "staff wife", I have been privy to comments made to my husband and the rest of the staff. Fortunately, with all the transitions and resulting growth (long story) that has occurred in and among our congregation, complaints have been greatly minimized. Yes, some transitions have resulted in a few leaving, but very few, and God is working wonders as He leads our group forward in His plan for us. FWIW, some of those who left, have since returned to worship with us again. I'm attaching a quote from our website that I hope will be beneficial. I agree with a previous poster that perhaps a study needs to be made on what exactly, worship is. It's not about our preferences; it is about our God. "The ... approach to musical worship begins with the idea that the renewal of the mind and heart (Romans 12:1-2) is an act of worship that transcends the musical song-service on a Sunday morning. We gather on a weekend to refocus our spirits, reconnect with our Christian family, and encounter again the Creator God Who makes all things and who loves us intimately, passionately, and faithfully. We hope our shared experience in musical worship moves us toward each of these renewals, and that when we leave we are not talking about how great the music was, but how great is our God. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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