If you knew of a scholarship that was available, and you knew two people....

[Tap]

who would both be interested, would you tell them both? What if you had a very small amount of influence on the decision, and you already knew who you would pick? What if you thought one person, would surely get the scholarship, over the other person....would you still tell them both?

 

I have called one friend and told her about a financial scholarship available to a program she is involved with. She is going to apply, and I am fairly certain that she will win it. She is a picture perfect fit for what they want academically and demographically.

 

I know a second person who would also be interested, but I really feel the first person would get the scholarship over this person. This person isn't as good of a fit, but does qualify for the minimum requirements. Should I still tell them, let them get excited, and then likely not win it anyways (just to be fair to them)?

 

I was specifically asked to recommend someone(s) for the scholarship. The other candidates who have applied so far aren't what this organization is looking for to represent them. They are looking in at least a 2 year investment in this person, a $30,000 investment. If I recommend just one, I feel that my recommendation will carry more weight. If I recommend two, I don't think it will have the same effect.

 

I worry both about the second person's feelings of disappointment of loosing the opportunity if they do apply. This scholarship is rare and this person could really, really use it. I also worry about their feelings if they find out I knew and didn't tell them. It is a program both people are involved with already, this is from an outside investor. Due to my relationship with the investor, the second person will figure out that I knew about it.

 

They need to be recommended for this scholarship. Due to my relationship with the investor, and since I am telling them about it, I am certain the second person will ask me to recommend them.

WWYD?

Edited September 9, 2011 by Tap, tap, tap

[dangermom]

I think you should tell them both. I'd rather have a shot at it and not get it than never even get the chance at all because someone withheld information from me.

[bairnmama]

I think you should tell them both. I'd rather have a shot at it and not get it than never even get the chance at all because someone withheld information from me.

 

:iagree:

[Aquinas Academy]

I think you should tell them both. I'd rather have a shot at it and not get it than never even get the chance at all because someone withheld information from me.

:iagree:

[FrogMom5]

Tell them both. Let whoever is sponsoring the scholarship decide who will get it. Being disappointed that I didn't get the scholarship would hurt a lot less than a friend withholding the info.

 

Also, if both of your friends are quality people, recommending both of them should not carry less weight. I would tell them both so you don't end up hurting one.

Denise

[Tap]

I think you should tell them both. I'd rather have a shot at it and not get it than never even get the chance at all because someone withheld information from me.

 

:iagree:

 

:iagree:

 

Tell them both. Let whoever is sponsoring the scholarship decide who will get it. Being disappointed that I didn't get the scholarship would hurt a lot less than a friend withholding the info.

 

Also, if both of your friends are quality people, recommending both of them should not carry less weight. I would tell them both so you don't end up hurting one.

Denise

 

Would you say anything to the second person to let them know that a stronger candidate has already applied? I am privy to what they are looking for privately, not just what the minimum qualifications are. The second person fits the minimum, it is the private information that I know about the investor's 'wants', that makes me feel so strongly about the first choice.

[Aggie]

 

 

I was specifically asked to recommend someone(s) for the scholarship.

 

If I recommend just one, I feel that my recommendation will carry more weight. If I recommend two, I don't think it will have the same effect.

 

 

 

If you were asked to recommend more than one person, then it's ok with the sponsor that you recommend both people. :001_smile:

 

Unless I had a vested interest in who received the scholarship (a family member, for example,) I wouldn't worry a bit about my recommendation carrying any weight at all. Are you on the committee that chooses the recipient?

 

Tell them both. Let whoever is sponsoring the scholarship decide who will get it. Being disappointed that I didn't get the scholarship would hurt a lot less than a friend withholding the info.

 

Also, if both of your friends are quality people, recommending both of them should not carry less weight. I would tell them both so you don't end up hurting one.

Denise

 

Yes, let the sponsor decide. :001_smile:

[Aggie]

Would you say anything to the second person to let them know that a stronger candidate has already applied? I am privy to what they are looking for privately, not just what the minimum qualifications are. The second person fits the minimum, it is the private information that I know about the investor's 'wants', that makes me feel so strongly about the first choice.

 

But do you know *without a doubt* the first applicant will get it?

 

ETA: is the application process long and arduous? Would it take the second person a lot of time and trouble to apply?

[FrogMom5]

Do these two people know each other? If so, I really wouldn't say anything. After thinking about it for a few minutes, I don't think you should say anything regardless of whether they know each other or not. It would only serve to discourage the one friend.

 

You might let her know that there may be several people applying, which is probably true, and that it's a very competitive scholarship. That way your friend can make sure to put forth a good effort and be prepared to not receive it. Sometimes a rejection is easier to take if you know you've done your best but it was a very competitive field.

 

I hope that helps. And I hope both of your friends find the scholarships they need and want.

 

You're a good friend to consider all of this on their behalf. They should know how fortunate they are to call you friend.

Denise

[Tap]

If you were asked to recommend more than one person, then it's ok with the sponsor that you recommend both people. :001_smile:

The sponsor will ask for a letter of recommendation from me, to the board. Since I have experience in what they want, my letter will have some weight, but I am not the person making the final decision.

 

Would you try to be equal in both letters, I can spin it to look equal, or write a true recommendation for both. It will look very different from one to the other.

Unless I had a vested interest in who received the scholarship (a family member, for example,) I wouldn't worry a bit about my recommendation carrying any weight at all. Are you on the committee that chooses the recipient?

 

 

 

Yes, let the sponsor decide. :001_smile:

 

I am very good friends with the first, more qualified person.

 

I am casual friends with the second.

 

But with friends, who knows in one year who I will be closer to. I wouldn't say I have a vested interest, per se.

[Tap]

But do you know *without a doubt* the first applicant will get it?

I am making up an example because I don't want to give too much information on the net. Lets say it was a teaching position. The written requirement is that the candidate needed 2 years of experience and a degree. Privately, I know the position is going to require at least one year at an inner city school where 1/2 the students spoke are ESL. Candidate 1 has over 2 years experience in a successful inner city school and speaks/writes 3 languages fluently (plus other great qualifications). The second person is a new teacher with only 2 years of experience in an upscale private school (primarily white) and only speaks English.

 

I really feel that the personality of the first is more what they are looking for also.

 

ETA: is the application process long and arduous? Would it take the second person a lot of time and trouble to apply?

 

Resume, letter, at least one interview.

[Aggie]

Resume, letter, at least one interview.

 

Ok, with this information (which doesn't appear in the quote!), I would tell second person about the grant but, like a pp, tell her/him it's very competitive.

 

Second person may choose not to apply, and their resumes will give all the information the board needs.

 

I wouldn't spin it so the candidates seem equal.....just tell the very honest truth as you know/see it. Your letters should be confidential so the candidates won't see them, right?! Your letter can tell the truth and still make second person seem a perfect fit for *another* grant.:001_smile:

 

 

 

Of course, this could all be seen as wasting both the second friend's time and the board's time. Members of the board may wonder why you recommended someone they clearly wouldn't consider. Which is what you asked in the first post, right?

 

I think *I* would still tell the second person, but somehow, kindly, discourage the application process, if possible. Perhaps even tell second person you've already recommended person A. Would that work?

 

 

Yikes, I'm no help here at all! This people-pleasing can make life tough sometimes.:grouphug:

[Rosie_0801]

If friend #2 brought the topic up, I'd say I didn't mention it earlier because I knew they wanted more than had actually stated as a minimum and there were already other applicants with those extra qualifications.

 

I'm sure everyone understands that sometimes the insider info can work for us, but sometimes it doesn't. You could frame it in a way that might leave her considering updating her qualifications in those ways to be more competitive for next time.

 

Rosie

[Scuff]

My original thought is to tell them both, so that both have the opportunity to apply (you never know what could happen, at least give her the chance), but only give an honest recommendation for the one you think is best (they're asking for a recommendation, not a list of your qualified friends). But I also like what Rosie wrote.

 

 

If friend #2 brought the topic up, I'd say I didn't mention it earlier because I knew they wanted more than had actually stated as a minimum and there were already other applicants with those extra qualifications.

 

I'm sure everyone understands that sometimes the insider info can work for us, but sometimes it doesn't. You could frame it in a way that might leave her considering updating her qualifications in those ways to be more competitive for next time.

 

Rosie

[Cera]

If friend #2 brought the topic up, I'd say I didn't mention it earlier because I knew they wanted more than had actually stated as a minimum and there were already other applicants with those extra qualifications.

 

I'm sure everyone understands that sometimes the insider info can work for us, but sometimes it doesn't. You could frame it in a way that might leave her considering updating her qualifications in those ways to be more competitive for next time.

 

Rosie

 

:iagree:

[NanceXToo]

If I thought the one person was perfect for it, I would tell that one person. I would not mention it to the other if I knew or strongly suspected it would just get their hopes up for no reason.

[Mimm]

If friend #2 brought the topic up, I'd say I didn't mention it earlier because I knew they wanted more than had actually stated as a minimum and there were already other applicants with those extra qualifications.

 

I'm sure everyone understands that sometimes the insider info can work for us, but sometimes it doesn't. You could frame it in a way that might leave her considering updating her qualifications in those ways to be more competitive for next time.

 

Rosie

 

:iagree: This is what I would do. I think this is a perfectly acceptable explanation and I wouldn't be hurt that a friend chose not to waste my time on something she knew I wouldn't get.

[gardenmom5]

I would tell them both. I would recuse myself from deciding if either of them made the final consideration or not.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

who would both be interested, would you tell them both? What if you had a very small amount of influence on the decision, and you already knew who you would pick? What if you thought one person, would surely get the scholarship, over the other person....would you still tell them both?

 

I have called one friend and told her about a financial scholarship available to a program she is involved with. She is going to apply, and I am fairly certain that she will win it. She is a picture perfect fit for what they want academically and demographically.

 

I know a second person who would also be interested, but I really feel the first person would get the scholarship over this person. This person isn't as good of a fit, but does qualify for the minimum requirements. Should I still tell them, let them get excited, and then likely not win it anyways (just to be fair to them)?

 

I was specifically asked to recommend someone(s) for the scholarship. The other candidates who have applied so far aren't what this organization is looking for to represent them. They are looking in at least a 2 year investment in this person, a $30,000 investment. If I recommend just one, I feel that my recommendation will carry more weight. If I recommend two, I don't think it will have the same effect.

 

I worry both about the second person's feelings of disappointment of loosing the opportunity if they do apply. This scholarship is rare and this person could really, really use it. I also worry about their feelings if they find out I knew and didn't tell them. It is a program both people are involved with already, this is from an outside investor. Due to my relationship with the investor, the second person will figure out that I knew about it.

 

They need to be recommended for this scholarship. Due to my relationship with the investor, and since I am telling them about it, I am certain the second person will ask me to recommend them.

WWYD?

 

I would tell both families/people about the scholarship.

 

IF you are asked to provide a recommendation for both, then write a fair recommendation for each, describing what you see as the positive aspects of each application. But provide the recommendation directly to the scholarship committee, not to the applicant. Many letters of recommendation are not given to the person under discussion in order to provide a more honest discussion.

[Rebecca VA]

What if the first candidate TURNS DOWN the offer? Then the program would have to offer the scholarship to another candidate, and perhaps your second friend would have a chance to win.

 

I'd tell them both.

[Tap]

What if the first candidate TURNS DOWN the offer? Then the program would have to offer the scholarship to another candidate, and perhaps your second friend would have a chance to win.

 

I'd tell them both.

 

Good point!

[Tap]

If friend #2 brought the topic up, I'd say I didn't mention it earlier because I knew they wanted more than had actually stated as a minimum and there were already other applicants with those extra qualifications.

 

I'm sure everyone understands that sometimes the insider info can work for us, but sometimes it doesn't. You could frame it in a way that might leave her considering updating her qualifications in those ways to be more competitive for next time.

 

Rosie

 

 

:iagree:

[Tap]

Thanks for helping me think this through, I was feeling so wishy washy before and now feel I know the right thing to do.

 

I will tell #1 that I am recommending them both, due to them both having the minimum requirements, but also tell her that I am individualizing the recommendations to highlight her strengths. Part that I didn't mention, is that I don't want #1 to think that I see them as equals when they are very much not (based on actual experiences).

 

 

I will tell #2 about the scholarship, but mention that I know there are other very strong candidates who have more diverse experience that the investor is looking for. I will let her know, that if she decides to apply, I will recommend her and write a letter detailing her strengths. I will let her know that I have written similar letters for another candidate.

 

 

 

Thank you all for helping me decide!

 

~~Tap