curlylocks Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 If you are pregnant, would you go up to your friend and say, "Hey, Suzy, please buy some clothes for my baby?" This is why friends and (less traditionally) family give showers: it puts space between the gifter and the giftee. Throwing your own shower and offering mints in exchange for gifts hardly makes it acceptable to ask your friends for gifts. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 (edited) I think we had this discussion awhile back and if I remember correctly it is considered rude in certain parts of the country. Personally, I don't get it. I was thrown showers for all my babies, so it truly baffels me. I think all babies should be celebrated!!! If they can be. :iagree: Everyone around here throws showers for ALL the babies. It doesn't matter if it is the 10th baby. It is a celebration. I'm all for celebrating a baby's arrival. I appreciate genuine good manners as much as the next person but I don't get hung up on what Miss Manners thinks everyone else should be doing. Edited September 2, 2011 by Daisy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My3Monkeys Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 (however, if someone wouldn't mind telling me...a friend just finalized the adoption of a sibling group. They are having a party in a month. Do people generally bring gifts for those? For the kids? for the parents?) I would, either clothes or toys for the kiddos or maybe something to commemorate their adoption - something personalized with their new full name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in VA Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Because showers are not given by family members, that's why. ( Says who???? I find this baffling to me. So she's not allowed to throw herself a shower and her family can't throw her a shower. So she has to hope that busy friends (and since she's young it's likely they aren't flowing with funds ) will step up and throw one for her and if not - well her baby doesn't deserve to be celebrated? Seems like the desire to follow some stuffy rule book is overshadowing the joy of a new baby. Heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 :iagree: Everyone around here throws showers for ALL the babies. It doesn't matter if it is the 10th baby. It is a celebration. I'm all for celebrating a baby's arrival. I appreciate genuine good manners as much as the next person but I don't get hung up on what Miss Manners thinks everyone else should be doing. :iagree: Although I DO think that if Miss Manners were to advise one what to do after getting a bit miffed because a friend is throwing her own shower it would go something like this, "If this is a person you care for, overlook the lack of proper etiquette on this. Go enjoy the party, share this time with your friend and celebrate the new baby." Generally those who practice the best etiquette also seem to be the most forgiving of others when they breach it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Generally those who practice the best etiquette also seem to be the most forgiving of others when they breach it. :iagree: No, it doesn't follow Emily Post. Get over it & celebrate the baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SW in IL Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 I didn't have a baby shower for any of my kids. My relatives attitude was that a friend should throw me one. My friends felt it was up to relatives. I even begged a couple of people (friends and relatives) to throw one for my baby. Maybe it's a similar situation for her? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 She ought to call it a "Baby's 0th Birthday Party." That would bring gift-bearing friends to her home and avoid the faux pas of hosting a baby shower for herself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
love2read Posted September 2, 2011 Author Share Posted September 2, 2011 Original poster here and I've enjoyed reading your replies. OK, here's the rub. A few years ago another mother and I were planning a bridal shower for a friend during coffee hour and this soon to be new mother happened to be in the room while we were making up the list. She said "Invite Mrs. Hatch, she's always good for a gift." When I first posted, I hadn't realized that it was this comment that is making me believe that I was added to her list for that very same reason. I guess I just don't want to be taken advantage of in that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 You don't have to buy anything expensive! A package of diapers doesn't cost much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Original poster here and I've enjoyed reading your replies.OK, here's the rub. A few years ago another mother and I were planning a bridal shower for a friend during coffee hour and this soon to be new mother happened to be in the room while we were making up the list. She said "Invite Mrs. Hatch, she's always good for a gift." When I first posted, I hadn't realized that it was this comment that is making me believe that I was added to her list for that very same reason. I guess I just don't want to be taken advantage of in that way. No one can take advantage of what you freely give ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 No one can take advantage of what you freely give ;) :iagree: Wonderful point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted September 3, 2011 Share Posted September 3, 2011 No one can take advantage of what you freely give ;) :thumbup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH_Homeschooler Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Says who???? I find this baffling to me. So she's not allowed to throw herself a shower and her family can't throw her a shower. So she has to hope that busy friends (and since she's young it's likely they aren't flowing with funds ) will step up and throw one for her and if not - well her baby doesn't deserve to be celebrated? Seems like the desire to follow some stuffy rule book is overshadowing the joy of a new baby. Heather I agree with this. Plus, if she's the first among her group of friends to have a baby they are not even thinking about a shower, I bet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I'd go. I think it's a shame that none of her friends or family are throwing the shower for her. That's exactly what I was thinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcatmom Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 That's the way we found out my step-daughter was even pregnant. We received an invitation to her shower that she was throwing for herself. We didn't even have the option to participate or do it for her because we received the news by mail. I think she was just really afraid to tell people and this was easier for her. She was 19. We do "support" her but not financially. She is doing well and we have a great relationship with my grandson. Honestly, I just don't think there was anyway that she was going to have a face to face with her Dad about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I'd go. I think it's a shame that none of her friends or family are throwing the shower for her. :iagree:It is bad manners, but who cares. I take any excuse to celebrate babies and buy cute baby stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyh Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I see no problem with it. You can throw yourself a birthday party or your kid's bday party... why not a shower? It is a baby and should be celebrated. Personally, I think every baby should have a shower - whether 1st or 7th. :) There could be many reasons she threw it for herself. Family/friends may not have offered- maybe they planned to and never mentioned it officially to her, maybe their finances were too tight, maybe they are too absorbed in their own lives right now to think of her. Whatever reason, it doesn't matter to me- she's having a baby and the baby should be showered with gifts!! :) The diaper thing is pretty common nowadays - encouraged in books, online, etc. If that was her wording - I think it was a bit tacky, but not a big deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 It sounds like a [gift] fishing endeavor to me. She probably would have received presents for the baby from friends and family anyway, without need of a formal party. Go if you want to; don't go if you don't want to. If you know the young woman sufficiently, or if you just want to support a fellow member of your church community, offer a baby gift when you feel the timing is right. As many have said, a baby always is a person to celebrate! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 No one can take advantage of what you freely give ;) Another :thumbup: When I was younger, I was invited to someone's shower for her third or fourth baby. I complained at the time about her having an obvious gift grab kind of shower yet again and inviting me. One of her close friends confirmed that it was indeed just fishing for gifts and she was inviting anyone she vaguely knew and thought would give a nice gift. She never attended any showers of mine (not begrudging that; she wasn't invited because we only met a few times and weren't friends) and never acknowledged the wedding gift I had sent to her (we were invited so I sent a gift), so I complained and said I wasn't going to be taken advantage of. Looking back I would have a different attitude about the whole thing now. Not that my opinion has changed about inviting people only because you hope to get something out of them, but my opinion about my response to it has. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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