s/o Annoying things non-homeschoolers say

[linguistmama]

Wait, hold on.

 

Someone (or several someones) have come to the boards asking questions about homeschooling and they are getting razzed because of "newbie" questions?

 

I ask because this is the OP (bolded mine):

 

 

And there is 29 pages of this?

 

Holy crap! I'm glad I had all my newbie questions answered kindly years ago.

 

I had understood that these were things that newbie's family or friends said to them in a rude way, not that they were questions from the newbies. IRL I have no issue with answering questions when the person is not being over the top rude.

 

My brother asked over and over again in a combative way if we homeschooled because we didn't want our children to learn about evolution. After responding politely several times that it didn't enter into our decision and telling him why we do he wouldn't let it go. It was therapeutic for me to put that on a vent thread.

Edited August 21, 2011 by linguistmama

[Bang!Zoom!]

Janie, each time I read one of this my brain scatters because of the voices that do NOT appear.

 

I don't know if it's a fair representation of a complete collective experience.

[kalanamak]

I'm almost never asked about it. Those who do ask are generally polite, and I am polite and a bit enthused. The typical question I get is "How long are you going to homeschool", to which I honestly reply as long as it works. That I am not so wedded to the philosophy, nor so blind to my son, that I would keep doing it if it wasn't working. This makes most people happy.

 

More often I get "my DIL is homeschooling" in a happy voice, or "I hs my son the year I got a divorce and moved three times, and it was so wonderful", or "I wish I'd done that", or "that's GREAT".

 

The few times I've gotten a polite query about the S word, I've pointed out that my son is not all in one spot with one age of kid, but loves to field pingpong balls at the senior center as well as make cutey faces at babies in the park, and that we do not spend out life in a room with 30 people our own age. This has made polite lightbulbs go on over polite heads.

 

Rude people are rude people. Doesn't matter the topic. I think that people who come out swinging about it either have a kooky relative or neighbor (burned), are afraid of anything out of lockstep (conformist), or take anyone doing anything differently than themselves as a criticism (insecure). Usually the latter.

 

One of my favorite parts of the day are the educated women I bump into (psychologists, psychiatrists, occupational therapists, nurses, and social workers) here and there who get their kid fix asking "and what are you doing in school now". I can tell by how they light up when they see me they are thrilled. I get to hear their grandbaby stories, too. I'm often asked for ideas for books and educational games.

 

ETA: I have had a few fairly aggressive younger men question me on how my son will get used to "difficult people" (I'm betting they wouldn't ask if I had a daughter) i.e. learn to deal with bullies. I say with a rueful laugh "clearly you don't know my husband", and that ends the conversation. They turn tail and run for fear of a bold woman gone amuck with male-bashing. :)

Edited August 21, 2011 by kalanamak

[Parrothead]

I had understood that these were things that newbie's family or friends said to them in a rude way, not that they were questions from the newbies. IRL I have no issue with answering questions when the person is not being over the top rude.

 

My brother asked over and over again in a combative way if we homeschooled because we didn't want our children to learn about evolution. After responding politely several times that it didn't enter into our decision and telling him why we do he wouldn't let it go. It was therapeutic for me to put that on a vent thread.

Well the reference to "today's boards" and the telling newbies to just go with their gut seems like a lot of making fun and brushing off to me. It seems like "don't bother to ask here, just go with what you think is best" was the theme of the thread from the first post.

 

I'll be the first to admit I misunderstood if that turns out to be the case.

[Parker Martin]

I would never be rude to anyone genuinely curious about homeschooling.

 

The annoyance comes from people saying "You're crazy!" in the the form of a question or comment. When someone says, "I couldn't never do that!" with a a disgusted look and tone, that person is not communicating that she could never homeschool, she's communicating that she thinks you're nuts.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Okay, completely sexist question coming....you may call me a jerk for framing it this way..but I'm curious anyway.

 

Do males get this kind of aggressive questioning or dissing of home school/family choices in public or from family?

 

Something tells me they don't. Then I question myself to step out of what I think I know at gut level and ask to check my perception.

 

I hate assuming things.

 

Is it different for the men? Do they run across this as often as the mothers or female caretakers?

[mrs.m]

I don't think it is just homeschoolers who are guilty of this though. I think most people make small talk and a handful of people are regularly annoyed by it.

 

Right. I don't think it's right to bash people for trying to make conversation and trying to be friendly. Some of the posts here complaining about what the non-hs said seem to be that it could be the person really wasn't trying to be snarky towards homeschooling but just fuddle their words while trying to make polite conversation.

Edited August 21, 2011 by jannylynn

[mrs.m]

Okay, completely sexist question coming....you may call me a jerk for framing it this way..but I'm curious anyway.

 

Do males get this kind of aggressive questioning or dissing of home school/family choices in public or from family?

 

Something tells me they don't. Then I question myself to step out of what I think I know at gut level and ask to check my perception.

....

 

Yes all the time for DH. But he doesn't take it as aggressive questioning. But he says that men will express their opinion of homeschooling pretty early on in the conversation if they have one so there is no doubt if they are being judgemental about it from the beginning.

[mom2scouts]

While some of the questions can be annoying, I think most people really want to know about homeschooling. I always try to answer the questions with truthful replies and enthusiasm. The last time someone told me they "couldn't do it" or "didn't have the patience", I explain that I believed the same thing at one time. I tell them that it's a lot of work, but that it can require much less patience than trying to help with homework!

 

Just recently, I ran into an older woman that I've known for many years. She asked what was new and I told her I was homeschooling. She said, "Oh, well do you at least let him have summer vacation?" I laughed and said, "Yes, I'm not that mean." It wasn't until much later that I remembered she's a big supporter of our local schools and realized that she had asked the question in a very rude manner. It's good that I'm happy with my decision and was clueless about how hostile she was about it.:tongue_smilie:

[Scarlett]

Had a yard sale on Saturday. I had more than one person ask me, 'Do you homeschooling using books or the computer?' I am seriously puzzled by the question....I guess I have been a homeschooler long enough that I do not understand what they are REALLY asking.

 

I mean...sure we use the computer. Doesn't nearly everyone use the computer? But sure we also use books. So I just lamely answered 'both'....but I feel like I missed the meat of the question.

[Parrothead]

Had a yard sale on Saturday. I had more than one person ask me, 'Do you homeschooling using books or the computer?' I am seriously puzzled by the question....I guess I have been a homeschooler long enough that I do not understand what they are REALLY asking.

 

I mean...sure we use the computer. Doesn't nearly everyone use the computer? But sure we also use books. So I just lamely answered 'both'....but I feel like I missed the meat of the question.

That one may have been a legit question. There are a number of computer/internet based curricula. From the entire school being done on the computer to just a class or two. So maybe she was asking if you use one of the computer based umbrellas. IDK, just a guess.

[regentrude]

I asked DH: he gets questions as well when he mentions we homeschool (he said the topic just does not come up that often). However, none of us ever got aggressive ones - just a lot of curious ones from people who do not homeschool, particularly back home where homeschooling is illegal. DH gets asked the same stuff I get asked. Many people can just not fathom how this works, so they ask all the predictable questions (testing, materials, socialization etc). We had lively discussions with people who can not imagine that homeschooling works, but it always remains factual and courteous.

I NEVER had anyone diss, belittle or criticize my homeschooling - nor did I ever had anybody doubt my ability to homeschool. (I guess it helps that we are both university professors, so people assume we know what we are doing :001_smile:)

 

I think men are not as often in situations where education and children are discussed as women are. But IF the topic comes up, sure they get teh same questions.

 

Do males get this kind of aggressive questioning or dissing of home school/family choices in public or from family?

 

Something tells me they don't. Then I question myself to step out of what I think I know at gut level and ask to check my perception.

 

I hate assuming things.

 

Is it different for the men? Do they run across this as often as the mothers or female caretakers?

[Scarlett]

That one may have been a legit question. There are a number of computer/internet based curricula. From the entire school being done on the computer to just a class or two. So maybe she was asking if you use one of the computer based umbrellas. IDK, just a guess.

 

Oh I do believe it was a legit question. I wasn't annoyed by it. Well, I annoyed myself by not really feeling like I answered it properly.

 

K-12 is often called an 'on line school.' But we still use LOTS of books. So I don't guess I even understand how one could totally school from a computer.

[sparrow]

Had a yard sale on Saturday. I had more than one person ask me, 'Do you homeschooling using books or the computer?' I am seriously puzzled by the question....I guess I have been a homeschooler long enough that I do not understand what they are REALLY asking.

 

I mean...sure we use the computer. Doesn't nearly everyone use the computer? But sure we also use books. So I just lamely answered 'both'....but I feel like I missed the meat of the question.

 

 

I think that is a legitimate question. They were asking if you used an online curriculum.

 

 

That one may have been a legit question. There are a number of computer/internet based curricula. From the entire school being done on the computer to just a class or two. So maybe she was asking if you use one of the computer based umbrellas. IDK, just a guess.

 

:iagree: I just passed on K12 curriculum information to a grandparent that may be put into the position to homeschool her 15 yo grandson due to his moving in with her. The other option is an alternative school. This grandmother was overwhelmed by all of the homeschooling options and whether she would even be able to do it, since he'll be a sophomore in high school. She was thrilled to learn about K12's online based curricula.

[sparrow]

Oh I do believe it was a legit question. I wasn't annoyed by it. Well, I annoyed myself by not really feeling like I answered it properly.

 

K-12 is often called an 'on line school.' But we still use LOTS of books. So I don't guess I even understand how one could totally school from a computer.

 

:lol: Guess we were typing at the same time.

[Scarlett]

:lol: Guess we were typing at the same time.

 

:D Yep.

 

As far as this thread goes, I too am not usually annoyed by comments people make. I don't like it when people quiz us as to why we aren't in school....I need to take a page from these board and smile and say, 'we are in school.'

[Tarreymere]

Okay, completely sexist question coming....you may call me a jerk for framing it this way..but I'm curious anyway.

 

Do males get this kind of aggressive questioning or dissing of home school/family choices in public or from family?

 

Something tells me they don't. Then I question myself to step out of what I think I know at gut level and ask to check my perception.

 

I hate assuming things.

 

Is it different for the men? Do they run across this as often as the mothers or female caretakers?

 

DH works with our local version of CPS, so he does get questioned at times very closely by a number of female CPS workers that he knows professionally. They all are very aware that homeschooling is legal but every person who took it upon themselves to question DH was of the opinion that it was a disservice to the child. Some are polite and interested in his responses, even if they disagree, but a good number are NOT.

 

DH's family is not enthusiastic but none of them question our decision.

[swellmomma]

I think from what I am seeing on here how you handle the responses to the comments/questions people ask depends on what you are usually faced with. If the vast majority of those who ask you questions are truly interested you tend to see most if not all comments/questions in this light. The same is true for the other way. In my small town we are the only homeschooling family. PLUS we are from outside of the community in that we jsut moved here last year. Because so much of the community life is through the school (sports coaches have the teachers pass on changes to schedule etc to students, they never contact families so when we did community sports we never knew of schedule changes etc, even after explaining to the coaches we did not attend the school). Out of all I have spoken to in this town about homeschooling, 3 people have been genuinely interested. A few were a little curious. The rest were very hostile about it, and in fact along with the hostile attitude towards it deliberately shun us quite a bit (and have told their kids in front my me and mine they are only allowed to play with kids who go to their school). So when I get questioned on things usually it is with a hostile tone, snark or with a manner that shows that they are not really interested, they are just looking for ammunition or a way to toss their own opinion/insults in. It has gotten to where it does jade me and does make me get my hackles up as soon as anyone asks a question about hsing even if it was meant to be innocent. Like I mentioned above when I sense they are really interested/curious I answer all their questions. There is a lot about hsing in Alberta that most don't know, because you have to register but there is 3 ways and depending on which way you register that determines how/what you teach. Most nonhomeschoolers do not understand how it works and get confused, because they might know someone who is registered in a certain way, but it could be the complete opposite of how I am registered and it confuses them as to what is legal etc. Those kinds of questions I will answer/explain, but like I said in this town those trying to actually understand are few and far between. It was different in teh big city. There was a very big hsing community and nearly everyone knew someone who hsed etc. So the questions/comments came from a genuine place of interest. Back then I responded in kind and chit chatted, answered questions etc very openly about it.

 

When you have such an open friendly community to discuss hsing with others you don't feel the need to laugh about a comment/question made. Or may never have had a snarky response come to mind. But when negativity is the main reaction towards hsing, having a place to vent, and laugh and say what we wish we could have said in person definitely is almost therapeutic. It is a good way to get it off our chest and move on.

[kitten18]

Wait, hold on.

 

Someone (or several someones) have come to the boards asking questions about homeschooling and they are getting razzed because of "newbie" questions?

 

I ask because this is the OP (bolded mine):

 

 

And there is 29 pages of this?

 

Holy crap! I'm glad I had all my newbie questions answered kindly years ago.

That is not the way I read that OP AT ALL! I read it as, these were the kinds of question/comments that were being asked of/made to newbies, not the newbies asking the questions.

 

I was definitely laughing at some of the posts in that thread. I was laughing at the ones that were shockingly rude, not innocent questions.

 

IRL, I find it pretty easy to tell the difference between an innocent question and an insult.

[lovemyboys]

I didn't read that thread past the first few dozen posts (it got pretty big), and I know these things can get really snarky sometimes, which isn't so nice. But I also think there's a way in which the ignorant (in the literal, non-judgmental sense of the word) things people say, while totally innocent and not rude, begin to wear on one after awhile and it's just nice to vent a little. I have twins and when they were babies, somewhere around the 500th time someone said sweetly to me, "Oh, are they twins?" I think I nearly snapped. Not because it was a rude question or because I thought they were an idiot (I mean, it was pretty obvious they were twins, but there's nothing wrong with not wanting to make assumptions) but because after awhile, you just get sick of it. And it's the same thing with the things people say to me about homeschooling. After awhile, I don't think the people themselves are annoying or bad, but I myself am annoyed, so it's nice to blow off a little steam and laugh about it with other people who get it. One of the conversations I'm genuinely tired of having is the "I could never do it!" conversation. I don't think people who say that are wrong, just that I'm tired of responding.

 

That was my thought also.

 

Some days it has nothing to do with how genuine or interested the person is about homeschooling, it's merely the fact that I've been asked that question so. many. times. before. Family friends, older folks, various and sundry. It's only occasionally from someone who is really exploring the whole homeschooling idea. The superficial chat involves the same 1/2 doz. questions and sometimes that does get old.

 

I admire you, I could never do that.

A. Oh you'd be surprised, especially when you start in kindergarten.

Depending on the day, it might sound (to me) like: Ick, why would you spend your time like that when you don't have to?

 

Do you get out much? Do you see other people?

A. Yes, you'd be surprised. There are so many options, we actually have to be careful we're not out too much.

Might sound like: Don't you get bored with it?

 

Well what about tests? Do you have to tell the state what you're doing?

A. Yes.

Might sound like: How can you tell you're not screwing them up?

 

 

But I usually go with the superficial polite chat, because that's all they're really asking.

 

Have to say that more and more, when I reply that we're homeschooling, the person asking responds with comments about people and things they know about homeschooling. : )