How much/what kind of work do you expect from a young 6-year-old?

[melissel]

And what if they refuse to do any of it?

 

My youngest will be 6 in just a few weeks. She is a bundle of energy (often negative, unfortunately, but we're working on that). She WANTS to learn, wants to read, is excited about making progress toward reading and asks me to help her. But when I do anything to try to help her, she rejects me and gets very frustrated. Same with math--she begs me to do RightStart A with her, but when we sit down to do it, she won't actually DO anything I ask of her, and when I ask her questions or try to discuss verbally, she rolls her eyes at me and starts making silly jokes or comments or starts talking about other things.

 

I've tried making learning a game, and that works sometimes, but if it's not something she initiated, she often refuses. If there's anything I require her to do, she gets defiant and refuses. She does, however, thrive in outside classes, and will listen to just about anything an outside teacher will tell her to do, with cheerful compliance :glare:

 

If she'd gone to school here, she'd be starting first grade in two weeks, and she's definitely not doing anything on a first-grade level, in spite of how smart she is. I've not been pushing, but I'm concerned about setting a precedent for letting work slide as we start to ramp up into the years where work DOES need to get done.

 

Anyway, how would you approach this? Is she still too young to worry about this? Would you insist on a certain amount of work in some form each day, whether she liked it or not? Something else?

 

TIA!

[Raising Little Shoots]

hello there

 

I have a wee girl who is 6 in two weeks time.I also have an older daughter. in spring I began to do more 'formal' work with my 5 yo & she was very much like you are describing your own daughter. I just explained to her that she had her work to do & her time was not her own until she had done it. I just work on the principle that if she was in school, she would be required to do a lot more seat work etc.

 

Now she sails through her work. Oh, sometimes she will say she doesnt like something, but she knows she has to do it & then her time is free.

I suppose it depends upon your own educational philosophy - for example, some dont start more academics until 7. I have just switched us over to classical, & this is the way forward for us as a family.

 

I try to get as much movement into her learning as possible - she marches, claps, jumps through memory work. We have a jar with little paper strips that she choses from after she has done some table time (one example of the strips - walk like a bear - that sort of thing) She also gets breaks from her work, as I work one on one with her older sister.

 

I tend to keep our 'timetable' the same each day so she knows what is required (except fridays - we have school 'lite' on fridays!)

 

hth!

[Dmmetler]

My DD did about 1 1/2-2 hours a day in the mornings last year, plus readalouds later in the day, at 5 1/2-6. We did almost everything orally, because almost anything requiring writing led to tears and frustration.

 

This year, she's doing about 3 hours a day (with readalouds and piano practice at other times) and it's MUCH easier than 1 1/2 hours a day was last year. She's doing MUCH more of her work independently without problems with the writing.

 

So I suspect that maturity and growing up will take care of it and that a year's time will make a major difference. For now, just relax, have fun, and read/listen to a lot of good books :).

[Food4Thought]

My DD sounds a lot like yours. My DD won't be 6 until December, so she's technically in K. She is a very kinesthetic/hands-on learner. If I try to teach her something by telling it to her, she gets frustrated. I don't really push her. This week for school, she did some handwriting and lots of play. She read a book to me last night. If I had asked her to do it as part of school, it would not have happened, but it was a nice little game invented by her brother so she did it happily.

 

Here are the some of the things I do with her. I haven't lowered my expectations, I have only changed them. For math, we use manipulatives. I don't try to "teach" her anything. I might put foam numbers in an equation, or put two weights on her math balance, but I do it for fun and not to expect her to give me the right answer (she's doing basic arithmetic perfectly, and writes equations for fun now). For reading, I've actually found that the Elephant & Piggie books by Mo Willems are brilliant. We act them out. She plays one part, I play another. She has to decipher words to read them, at least until she has the book memorized. And she *loves* them, so she thinks it's a game. For handwriting, I have practice sheets that have little pictures to color. She will do the writing so she can color the picture, and since she's so artistic I tend to compliment her on how cute or beautiful the letters are, which drives her to do better. She writes us notes all the time, so we write notes back and forth to practice writing. Again, it's a game, but I know she's learning.

 

For me, I had to rethink what my priorities are. Is it to "get the work done" or is it to facilitate learning? I would recommend you spend at least 15 minutes a day just playing with her on her terms. You'll earn her respect, and she might be a little more willing to do what you ask of her later. But for now, she's only 5! I wouldn't demand that she sit down and work. I'd figure out where her talents are (especially if she is more of a hands-on learner) and teach her within those. Spoken from experience. I'd prefer another logic-based visual learner like my DS, who is just like me. DD has been a challenge, but I think we're doing well.

[Karen in CO]

When my 6yo was a young 6, we did either phonics or math everyday. Somedays the math was a simple worksheet; other days it was a game like war; other days it was a lesson from Miquon or a game of store with her stuffed animals. She'd do art which was either drawing, painting, oragami, clay, or creating with misc. craft supplies. We'd read a story, work on a poem that she's memorizing, sing some songs, and take a nature walk. More than once a week, we'd cook together. She also tagged along with her sister's science labs. That was our work. The rest of her day was for play.

 

She's starting school next month. She reads, writes, adds and subtracts, can tell a story, sing a song, and make an oragami frog that hops. She also loves school.

[Farrar]

I don't think it sets a bad precedent to not push her or to not do a ton of school at that age. As kids get older, you can add more and ramp up expectations. Meet her where she is and be happy with her energy and spirit. I do think it can set a bad precedent that if you sit down to do school, it's acceptable for her to act out or not listen.

 

For me, if I was in that situation, I would want to maybe set aside a non-negotiable school time every day, but make it very short and simple. Maybe half an hour of phonics and math in the morning and a half hour of read alouds later on, or maybe two separate half hours or something. If she asked to do school other times, I might be willing to try, but if she didn't participate once we started, I would pack everything away immediately a refuse to do it the next couple of times. To me, that's a logical consequence.

[Julie Smith]

My DD won't be 6 until December, so she's technically in K.

 

It's funny how a month can make such a different in schooling. My nephew was born in November. When he moved across the province he went from being a old kid in JK to a young on in SK, just because of different age cut-offs.

[Sahamamama]

I don't think it sets a bad precedent to not push her or to not do a ton of school at that age. As kids get older, you can add more and ramp up expectations. Meet her where she is and be happy with her energy and spirit. I do think it can set a bad precedent that if you sit down to do school, it's acceptable for her to act out or not listen.

 

For me, if I was in that situation, I would want to maybe set aside a non-negotiable school time every day, but make it very short and simple. Maybe half an hour of phonics and math in the morning and a half hour of read alouds later on, or maybe two separate half hours or something. If she asked to do school other times, I might be willing to try, but if she didn't participate once we started, I would pack everything away immediately a refuse to do it the next couple of times. To me, that's a logical consequence.

 

:iagree:IMO, this is good advice. I haven't had to do this often (with my oldest), but there have been a few times when the bad attitude/lack of focus just meant that we were done for the day. Of course, this could backfire on you, and you'll get a child who will act out in order to get school time to end sooner. But that was never something my daughter tried to do.

 

FWIW, IMO, if there's WAY too much struggle to get a young child to "do school," then either he is too young, too immature, the material is too easy, the material is too hard, the teacher is too impatient or harsh, or the child is simply hungry, tired, or distracted by something else in the setting.

 

IOW, if the lessons are short and the teacher is warm, most little children love to learn. So the struggle reveals that something is amiss (to me, at least). Even now, with the 6.5 year old, most of her day is spent in playing. The longer I do this, the more convinced I am that extensive play time is a good thing. HTH.

[Anne]

I would err on the side of keeping things light and fun for her for the time being. I would definitely avoid making this a battleground right now. With the behavior you describe, I'd focus on pre-reading skills & games, and pre-math skills and games.

 

How is her obedience & cooperation in other areas of your life? Maybe focusing on these areas will help in the long run.

 

FWIW, I spent my first year of homeschooling teaching my first child that *I* was teaching and *SHE* was learning.... It took the whole year and we had to have remedial lessons every year thereafter until she was 8 or 9....

 

Today, she's teaching in a public school, which cracks me up!!! :lol::lol:

 

Anne

[EmilyGF]

How is her obedience & cooperation in other areas of your life? Maybe focusing on these areas will help in the long run.

 

Focus on habit and child training, and not just during school time.

 

Emily

[AngelBee]

I would work on habit training and discipline issues.

 

The others will go MUCH smoother once you have some breathing room.

 

:grouphug: I am having some similar issues with my ds6.

[Raising Little Shoots]

:iagree:

 

i would also add that my dd doesnt do much actual writing - apart from her penmanship - i write all her narrations & sometimes her maths!

[MerryAtHope]

Many kids just turning 6 at this time of year would actually be going into K rather than 1st. Depending on the child and the grade I was considering the child, I might handle things in a couple of ways.

 

For one of my kids, I would simply close up the book and walk away, saying we'd try another time instead. If she's asking & begging to do it but then won't cooperate, then put it away. If she asks why, let her know that if she wants to do it and really means it, you'll be happy to help her--but if she wants to argue or not do everything you suggest, then you know she's not ready.

 

For another child, I might nudge through it.

 

I agree that for some kids it might be an obedience/training issue, and would look at how she responds to your instruction in other areas. Rolling eyes is never tolerated here.

 

I would also look at your teaching method/her learning style. Some kids would rather dig in and get practice doing it before they're ready to listen. Other kids want to know everything up front so they can be sure to do it right. Maybe you're talking too much up front & she just wants to do things? Or maybe she's just not ready for formal lessons & only wants to play with manipulatives? I'd look at her readiness and her learning style and see if you can adapt your teaching methods to her if this is possibly the issue.

 

(Sort-of related: One of my kids at this age would only obey if I gave an instruction and walked away--staying seemed like a challenge & the child would always meet it head on! The other needed the company, needed me there for focus, or the task/chore wouldn't get done--I couldn't leave! I always remember those scenarios when I start thinking about the different ways that kids learn and process! I have one discovery oriented learner, and one who wants visuals and examples up front--what are the rules? LOL, learning is sure and adventure--often for us moms!)

 

Merry :-)

[sewingmama]

My DD does the same thing although she only just turned 5. We use lots of sticker reward charts for motivation.

 

I often pull out something to do with my DD and she starts complaining, won't do it, refuses to answer questions or says silly things or complains that it is booorrrriiiingg.

 

Then half an hour later I find her with the same things I was trying to teach her and doing it on her own :glare: Well trying to anyway.

 

My DD just hates to be told what to do and likes to do it all herself. The only time she becomes teachable is when she figures out herself that she can't and needs me to help her -that is when she because compliant.

 

Her teachers at public Prek told me she is a very "independent and self-motivated learner" and I can see what they meant. :glare:

 

What works for my DD is putting up some sort of reward chart for motivation and if when I try to teach her and she won't participate then I close the books and say "Well it looks like you won't be getting your sticker today" and just walk away. Usually a little while later I see my DD trying to do the lesson on her own to earn her sticker and when she can't she then comes to me for help and is much more compliant with participation. ;)

 

One of my kids at this age would only obey if I gave an instruction and walked away--staying seemed like a challenge & the child would always meet it head on!

 

Great idea - I am going to try this with my DD - I expect it will appeal to her independent nature that she can "do it all on her own" ;)

Edited August 19, 2011 by sewingmama

[Mommy22alyns]

Would you insist on a certain amount of work in some form each day, whether she liked it or not?

 

 

Yes, I would, honestly. I had pretty high expectations of Rebecca at 6 and Sylvia doesn't get away with refusal or attitude either.

 

ETA: Eye-rolling would be a MAJOR offense here too.

Edited August 19, 2011 by Mommy22alyns

[Sahamamama]

Many kids just turning 6 at this time of year would actually be going into K rather than 1st. Depending on the child and the grade I was considering the child, I might handle things in a couple of ways.

 

For one of my kids, I would simply close up the book and walk away, saying we'd try another time instead. If she's asking & begging to do it but then won't cooperate, then put it away. If she asks why, let her know that if she wants to do it and really means it, you'll be happy to help her--but if she wants to argue or not do everything you suggest, then you know she's not ready.

 

For another child, I might nudge through it.

 

I agree that for some kids it might be an obedience/training issue, and would look at how she responds to your instruction in other areas. Rolling eyes is never tolerated here.

 

I would also look at your teaching method/her learning style. Some kids would rather dig in and get practice doing it before they're ready to listen. Other kids want to know everything up front so they can be sure to do it right. Maybe you're talking too much up front & she just wants to do things? Or maybe she's just not ready for formal lessons & only wants to play with manipulatives? I'd look at her readiness and her learning style and see if you can adapt your teaching methods to her if this is possibly the issue.

 

(Sort-of related: One of my kids at this age would only obey if I gave an instruction and walked away--staying seemed like a challenge & the child would always meet it head on! The other needed the company, needed me there for focus, or the task/chore wouldn't get done--I couldn't leave! I always remember those scenarios when I start thinking about the different ways that kids learn and process! I have one discovery oriented learner, and one who wants visuals and examples up front--what are the rules? LOL, learning is sure and adventure--often for us moms!)

 

Merry :-)

 

This is such a good post, I'm going to frame it. :D Seriously, Merry, thanks for posting this. Even my so-called "identical" twins are like night and day in their interests and learning styles. So much for the "one right way." :lol:

[WIS0320]

First, I should say that I've been homeschooling "officially" for a seriously short amount of time (and at times on this board I've seen that it is deemed unseemly to burst in with "advice" if you haven't logged a lot of time, so I thought it prudent to state my lack of experience!).

 

With that said I am also schooling a young 6 year old girl who turned 6 in the beginning of July. We've just completed our 6th week of school for 2011. The first 4 weeks were not so smooth and she was distracted, fooled around and complained. I stuck to my guns and the last two weeks have been wonderful.

 

I believe the key for us has been consistency. I am a parent who believes that little kids like consistency, routine and knowing what is coming next. I have ordered our homeschooling days in a predictable way. Our routine is probably not going to set the world on fire for excitement but she always knows what is coming next and she seems to be transitioning very smoothly now that she knows our routine. I do L/A first and I structure activities to last no longer than 15 minutes. We do jumping jacks to get the wiggles out when necessary. We have a 30 minute "recess" after L/A and math are completed. Handwriting is first for the day because it is her least favorite and then we move down the list from uninspired to subjects to those that she looks forward to.

 

We do move around and school in various places in our house and have even held school while visiting family and my mother taught her for a week when she was visiting. But having that solid school routine in place seems to have made schooling more successful no matter what environment we were holding school in.

 

JMO!

Edited August 20, 2011 by drexel

[LisaKinVA]

You've gotten some really good information.

 

Sometimes, a "beat the clock" type of game is appropriate.

Sometimes, the curriculum isn't a good fit.

Sometimes, they think they already KNOW what they are supposed to do, and don't want you tell them.

Sometimes, they tire easilly and even though the lesson isn't over, they are just "done."

Sometimes, no matter how fun you want to make it, the child just won't see it that way.