Ds15 wants to homeschool again.....

[Peela]

And I am spinning. Woke up really early this morning chewing on this, anxious. I wasn't really expecting it I must admit- I didn't think he would want to come home again. But he has just spent the weekend hanging out with his old homeschool friends....and he has remembered that he can just be himself with them. They are nice to each other. Kids at school are just mean to each other habitually and its tough, even though he is a popular kid.

 

We got him over the border to the best state school in the area. If he came home, he would lose that chance.

On the other hand...he is a very, very average student and may be spending the next 2.5 years of highschool dragging along, kind of wasting his time. At home he would be able to do other things- work part time, do courses that interest him. Our system here is such that he can get into TAFE- probably our equivalent of your community colleges- and get through to university that way.

 

He still may not be much motivated at home. But neither is he at school. He is not an academic kid.

 

But do I want the stress of handling him at home again? No matter what he promises me, he is who he is. And i have other things going on in my life now- I do not have full time to sit with him- I would not be willing to give it all up to sit with him hours every day.

 

On the other hand...we all miss him. Dh and I have been talking about how little we are all together as a family nowadays. The kids are out all day, and in the evenings and weekends are often doing classes or socialising.Its hard to get even a couple of meals together in the week. Having ds home would bring him back to hanging out with us and other adults much more- which would probably be good for him.

 

Ugh. Decisions decisions.

[elegantlion]

:grouphug: I know you'll make the best of it whatever decision you make.

[ChristusG]

I would sit down and have a long talk with him. At 15, he should be able to understand what you expect of him....he'll have to be more independent at his school work. If a 15 year old boy is asking to come home, he probably needs to. Most kids at that age would rather be hanging out at school. But if I brought him home, I'd make sure that he understood what I expected AND that I wouldn't be putting him back in public school again. He'd spend the next 3 years at home because I wouldn't allow bouncing back and forth between public and homeschool.

[bettyandbob]

my first thoughts:

 

doesn't your academic year end in December. Without knowing the all the details, I'd be inclined to have him finish the academic year.

 

I don't know what post high school options look like where you are, but for us we would say "you come home, you are committing to finish at home". I would follow that with an exercise in all the pros and cons and eventual goals, because the 3 years to finish high school will be over fast and the student really needs to plan rather than only focus on hanging with friends. I'm not opposed to hanging with friends, but I also want my student to finish high school prepared to do something.

 

Good luck. You will find the right thing for your ds.

Edited July 31, 2011 by betty

[Denisemomof4]

that's got to be difficult! I can understand your predicament. I also know you'll make the right decision. You're a very wise woman!

[Anne in CA]

Well, I think it is murder to sit with an uncooperative child, but a teen who just wants to be done with school work should be different. He will only be in your home a little bit more and even though he is being difficult to say they least, I would take one more shot at being a family, since the time you have left is fleeting. But that is my free advice for what it's worth.

 

I have one child that is just not academic and was much more challenging, and I wish I had just enjoyed her more, rather than the fussing that happened over school. She is 23 and a pleasure to be with now, but she was a real pain at 15 when we had to get public school things dealt with. If only we had had time during the day just to talk about current events or do art projects, ect. But we spent our time hasseling with school about chemistry and such.

 

I hope you take him home and get him to do what you can, and I hope you don't attatch importance to what you can't.

[mom4him]

I would sit down and have a long talk with him. At 15, he should be able to understand what you expect of him....he'll have to be more independent at his school work. If a 15 year old boy is asking to come home, he probably needs to. Most kids at that age would rather be hanging out at school. But if I brought him home, I'd make sure that he understood what I expected AND that I wouldn't be putting him back in public school again. He'd spend the next 3 years at home because I wouldn't allow bouncing back and forth between public and homeschool.

:iagree:TOTALLY with this. Especially at 15 if he is asking to come home that is probably what he really does need. I agree with all of the rest though too.

 

I am not trying to be critical nor snarky but I am wondering what is more important than your ds's well being. You said 2 1/2 yrs is what he has left. A very short time in the realm of the rest of his life or yours. I don't think you should have to give everything up but at the very best it is going to take some of you away from those other things.

 

I vote that you and your dh will make the best decision for all of you and only you can decide and know what that is.:)

[sheryl]

Wow Peela. Interesting. I don't know your specifics, BUT your thread "sings" of the joy of possibly h'schooling your ds again. You've expressed concerns and you mentioned you are busy in other areas, but boy you seem so excited to me.

 

With that said, would you h'school if he could do his work more independently from you? Could you hold him accountable with 2 subjects either in a co-op setting OR over skype? Have you checked here to find a skype buddy? I tried on this site, but it didn't work. However, it may for you.

 

Keep us posted what you decide.

[Stacy in NJ]

Is this a firmly held conviction on his part or just a vague idea that home would be better?

 

I would give him a significant amount of time to think it over (several weeks/months) and come back to it at the end of the current term/year. Let him know that you would expect a higher standard of independence and self-motivation on his side. I'd also only do it on a probationary basis. And, I would expect him to take an active part in outlining a serious course of study. I would encourage ownership.

 

Best wishes........:001_smile:

 

As my 14 yo heads off to high school this fall, I'm very nervious that he'll want to come home after I've "let go".

[katilac]

You know you're gonna do it :D

 

The teacher at school is certainly not sitting with him full-time, so I wouldn't let that sway my plans overmuch. Have him come up with a list of possible indepent projects. On your part, figure out when you CAN work with him, and let him know those are the times you will be available as "teacher", period. Make sure he is aware of what is required to take the TAFE classes, and make sure he is double aware that you won't drag him there kicking and screaming - you will help and guide, but he is at the point now of needing to take some ownership of his decisions.

[Snickerdoodle]

Maybe at his age and because of his headstrong nature, you can ask him to create a plan of what he wants to achieve over the course of the next five years. Help him to refine it a bit and then have weekly meetings where he discusses with you all the of things that he did the past week that help him along in his short and long term goals.

 

I don't know. It sounds good, but I don't have a teenager. :grouphug:

[PentecostalMom]

I agree with talking seriously with him and making sure he knows that this.is.it! He will be STAYING at home. That being said, we went through this with our ds. He got into a very elite school with a huge waiting list, and we let him go for a semester. He turned into a (trying to find nice word but there isn't one) brat, punk, disrespectful, etc....

 

We let him finish the semester, we brought him back home, and he changed in a short time. Now it wasn't the same as him requesting to come home as your ds is doing, but we all breathed a HUGE sigh of relief and got back to our business of hsing. Found out after a couple of months with ds getting back to his old self that it was a LOT of pressure. His peers were turning him into this person we didn't like. Being at home, and back to hanging with mostly friends from church and from the private Christian school where he played sports, made him a better kid. Even at the private Christian school where he played sports, it still wasn't a good situation. I wouldn't have let him go to school there.

 

Hang in there, praying for your family!

[Peela]

Oh, you guys are so wonderful.

 

We got talking this morning and he didn't end up going to school today. I was going to make him go on principle just because I didn't want him to think this was a way just get out of school for a week, then he could change his mind...but I couldn't follow through. We have talked, looked up courses, phoned universities, done career quizzes. He is now hanging out with his dad...who I know is concerned that ds is make a decision he doesn't realise the consequences of but....also excited to maybe be getting his boy back home.

 

Homeschool was my whole world for years, and now it isn't. But I would certainly give up a chunk of my time to supervise and encourage (and coerce, bribe, and whatever else will inevitably happen) ds. He really does want to do something with his life...he doesn't know what but I don't think he is silly enough to really waste his time or spend it fighting with me. I think he needed to go to school to find out what it was like so that he could stop feeling the grass might be greener. Now he knows.

 

Lol, yes, I am excited. More than I thought I would be. I agree...if a 15yo wants to come home he probably needs to....thankyou for saying that.