Teenage girls, diets and health

[Plucky]

14dd tried on my wedding dress and was upset that it didn't fit. She didn't realize how small I used to be.

 

I am on a low carb, high protein diet, thyroid meds, etc. and am doing really well. She wanted to do low carb, too. I don't have a problem as I suspect she has the glucose/insulin issues I have, plus we eat a ton of fruits & veggies.

 

She says she would like to be thinner. She was always my fat baby, chubby toddler, stocky little girl. She is 5'4" and 135 lbs. She is not fat. She is healthy. Could she lose 10 lbs. and be fine? Sure, but it's by no means something she has to do.

 

I told her that I'd rather she concentrate on health and exercise, so she has switched her diet and is exercising with me and on her own. I think this is a good thing, but I don't want to set her up for an eating disorder or unhappy with her body. She is naturally modest and the weight/body image issue has always been a non-issue.

 

When I was growing up, weight was a huge issue, as was beauty. Not so much in my home. I am overweight and have been for a while, but am working on that with my dr. My 16s are getting loose and I feel great.

 

I'm thinking 14 is a pretty average age for girls in analyzing body image and body size. Have you experienced this with your dd? How did it work out? Anything I should definitely know? Thanks!

Edited July 21, 2011 by True Blue

[Night Elf]

I don't know. My dd went through this but at a younger age. A few months before she turned 12, she asked me if she could go on a diet. I took her to the doctor to ask her opinion. The doctor insisted that if my dd focused on eating healthy foods, stay away from junk food, drink lots of water, and exercise, that she would grow into her weight. And she did! Of course it took over a year, but she looks great. She is about the same height and weight as your dd. Now, her big sister is thin. She is 5' 6" and weighs 115 lbs. I've had to explain that body types are simply different, and dd13 does seem to have accepted it. I know she feels good about the way she looks right now.

 

I would be afraid to use the word diet, restriction, or limit with your dd. I like that she is now focusing on just healthy eating and exercising. I really don't know if low carb is okay. I remember dd13's doctor explaining that as young girls are going through the puberty years, their nutrient needs increase. For example, I know Calcium is recommended because their bones are growing. I am embarrassed to say I don't know enough about what nutrients come from what types of foods, so I can't say what kind of foods it is okay to give up. My dd13 eats most of what we prepare at home and the only fast food she likes is Chick-fil-a and we have that maybe once a week, if even that. She is a big salad eater though. She likes all kinds of things on her salads so I try to keep salad fixings in the refrigerator for her. I should be eating them too. :tongue_smilie:

 

But that's all I know. Sorry!

[Plucky]

I don't know. My dd went through this but at a younger age. A few months before she turned 12, she asked me if she could go on a diet. I took her to the doctor to ask her opinion. The doctor insisted that if my dd focused on eating healthy foods, stay away from junk food, drink lots of water, and exercise, that she would grow into her weight. And she did! Of course it took over a year, but she looks great. She is about the same height and weight as your dd. Now, her big sister is thin. She is 5' 6" and weighs 115 lbs. I've had to explain that body types are simply different, and dd13 does seem to have accepted it. I know she feels good about the way she looks right now.

 

I would be afraid to use the word diet, restriction, or limit with your dd. I like that she is now focusing on just healthy eating and exercising. I really don't know if low carb is okay. I remember dd13's doctor explaining that as young girls are going through the puberty years, their nutrient needs increase. For example, I know Calcium is recommended because their bones are growing. I am embarrassed to say I don't know enough about what nutrients come from what types of foods, so I can't say what kind of foods it is okay to give up. My dd13 eats most of what we prepare at home and the only fast food she likes is Chick-fil-a and we have that maybe once a week, if even that. She is a big salad eater though. She likes all kinds of things on her salads so I try to keep salad fixings in the refrigerator for her. I should be eating them too. :tongue_smilie:

 

But that's all I know. Sorry!

 

I think comparing body styles & sizes are part of it. Her younger sister is tall, thin, and long legged. They are opposites, and sister can eat a ton.

 

I am working with my dr. and have talked about 14dd, so I think that is under control. We are all taking a lot of vitamins, exercising, eating high protein and lots of fruits and veggies.

 

I really want her to be happy with her body, and I know how much pressure there is to be super skinny in teens. She has friends of all sizes. Her very best friend is fairly stout, but this girl is built in a round, Italian fashion. Another good friend is super skinny. I am glad we homeschool, because I think that has helped in body image/beauty comparisons and importance.

 

Healthy is good. I want her to feel good - I know I keep repeating that. When I was a size 2, I was unhappy with my body. What is up with that??? I probably like my body more at my size now, even though I need to lose the weight. :tongue_smilie:

[YLVD]

This is a tough one.

 

Our situation is a bit different as my 15 yr old DD has PCOS and insulin resistance. That means that she packs weight on faster than anyone and it takes twice as long to lose it.

 

We have spent a lot of time with doctors and she's aware that it isn't like that she will ever be really thin. I've also made it clear that she does not need to be, that she should just keep her body strong and healthy. I'm 5'11 with a large frame, even when thin. I tend to be voluptuous, even at a low weight. I enjoy weight training and building muscles. I like to talk with DD about working with our bodies, the bodies we were given. I know that it doesn't compare with all of the magazines, skinny friends, etc. But, I try to show her that my body is my ideal, KWIM?

 

It was a struggle for me to keep her diet and fitness in check without wanting to give her body issues. It actually helped that the doctors framed it in terms of health, not vanity. She knows that she can't have many white carbs, that she can't eat sugar, white carbs, juice, etc as it will impact her health. It also impacts her weight, but that isn't the focus.

 

It sounds like you have the food thing down. I would not frame anything in terms of diet with her. Make it all about health. Even if you are doing it for weight loss reasons, I would emphasize the other parts that you like about it, such as more energy and balanced blood sugar. That will help her feel better.

 

One of the best things I did to help DD lose, and myself to, was sign us up at the local community center, which has a gym and pool. Luckily, it's also walking distance. I don't know if you have one near you. Kids your DDs age can work out, as long as a parent is nearby. My DD is old enough to go on her own.

 

It made it so that we did something together. I love swimming and have enjoyed sharing that with DD. Just amp up the fitness, have her eat similarly to how you eat and get more active. JMO

[Night Elf]

When I was a size 2, I was unhappy with my body. What is up with that??? I probably like my body more at my size now, even though I need to lose the weight. :tongue_smilie:

 

My dd19 is a size 1 and doesn't like it. She wants to gain weight but she just can't. But each time we go to the doctor, she is happy to hear her weight is above 115. The last time we went, it was 118. She was really happy a couple of weeks ago when she bagged up her double 0s jeans to donate to Good Will. She keeps the size 0 just in case she falls back, but she has them folded up in the back of the closet hoping she won't see them anymore. :)

[Starr]

I think at 14 a young lady needs to start thinking more about life long healthy eating habits and that usually means eating fewer carbs than the teen boys. :) I think it's great that she's exercising and watching her weight. It doesn't mean she'll go crazy.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Body image/weight/size is an issue in our home with my youngest (8 years).

 

I take her to the family care doctor and have them discuss it; it's a serious psychological issue with her.

 

The child has issues due to a family member whom she valued (not in contact anymore) doing some damage by comments, pressure and the like. That's the root of it.

 

I can talk, explain till I'm blue in the face but it does not connect, she does not HEAR me.

 

But from a third party such as her doctor, she gets every single word, understands and applies.

 

We'll probably have to do this her entire life, this type of therapy. We (as a family) have to work on this every single day. My daughter is in a very high risk group for eating disorder, and I mean very high.

 

Women and body size vs. true health as an issue..it's a hard one.

 

I'd caution that if you hear or see anything amiss with this subject, sense it in any way..go ahead and get her to the doctor and let them talk.

[twoforjoy]

I'm just going to go with my standard recommendation: get her a copy of Health at Every Size. It is life-changing. If you want to encourage truly health habits, without putting the emphasis on body size, it's the way to go.

 

We don't know much about how to change people's natural body size, except that one almost-surefire way to make people fatter than they'd naturally be is to put them on a diet. Nearly everybody (over 98%) who diets gains back what they lost within 5 years, and more than half of those people gain back everything plus at least 10% more with every diet. Weight loss dieting is, in most cases, going to push people's natural weight set point up past where it would have been otherwise, and the younger you start, the more diets you'll be on that will mess up your metabolism. So if somebody is interested in "watching their weight," then not dieting is probably the smartest thing you can do.

[Parrothead]

My dd is 5'3" and weighs 141 right now. She doesn't look fat. She doesn't look unhealthy. Her belly jiggles a bit. Surprise, surprise! When we went to the pedi a few months ago she was diagnosed as pre-diabetic with a fasting blood level of just over 100. The 141 is after losing several pounds in preparation for the second blood test two weeks after the first. The second test was 94 so she is okay, but it will now always be something to be watched.

 

So, you should consider the possibility. There isn't anyone else in our family that has diabetes or diabetic tendencies. It wasn't something I was too worried about.

 

This is the kid who doesn't have a sugar addiction, dances 3 hours a week, participated in karate for a few years (we dropped that this past February) and plays hard. Unfortunately Maine winters have caused a lack of activity.

 

Now that we are aware, we are all involved. We are running (as soon as it cools back down) 5K 4-5 times a week, doing tai chi, and now dieting since we can all stand to lose 20-40 pounds depending on who it is. We have a goal as a family to run a marathon in a few years.

 

All this to say, just keep an eye out. Concentrate on the health aspects of her way of eating.

[Rhonda in TX]

Healthy is good. I want her to feel good - I know I keep repeating that. When I was a size 2, I was unhappy with my body. What is up with that??? I probably like my body more at my size now, even though I need to lose the weight. :tongue_smilie:

 

I know! When I was in high school, I was very, very small. A size 2 or 3. I remember walking up the stairs in school behind a very skinny girl and feeling fat. ?????

[Plucky]

This is a tough one.

 

Our situation is a bit different as my 15 yr old DD has PCOS and insulin resistance. That means that she packs weight on faster than anyone and it takes twice as long to lose it.

 

We have spent a lot of time with doctors and she's aware that it isn't like that she will ever be really thin. I've also made it clear that she does not need to be, that she should just keep her body strong and healthy. I'm 5'11 with a large frame, even when thin. I tend to be voluptuous, even at a low weight. I enjoy weight training and building muscles. I like to talk with DD about working with our bodies, the bodies we were given. I know that it doesn't compare with all of the magazines, skinny friends, etc. But, I try to show her that my body is my ideal, KWIM?

 

It was a struggle for me to keep her diet and fitness in check without wanting to give her body issues. It actually helped that the doctors framed it in terms of health, not vanity. She knows that she can't have many white carbs, that she can't eat sugar, white carbs, juice, etc as it will impact her health. It also impacts her weight, but that isn't the focus.

 

It sounds like you have the food thing down. I would not frame anything in terms of diet with her. Make it all about health. Even if you are doing it for weight loss reasons, I would emphasize the other parts that you like about it, such as more energy and balanced blood sugar. That will help her feel better.

 

One of the best things I did to help DD lose, and myself to, was sign us up at the local community center, which has a gym and pool. Luckily, it's also walking distance. I don't know if you have one near you. Kids your DDs age can work out, as long as a parent is nearby. My DD is old enough to go on her own.

 

It made it so that we did something together. I love swimming and have enjoyed sharing that with DD. Just amp up the fitness, have her eat similarly to how you eat and get more active. JMO

 

This is good advice. We are pretty much doing that. As I start exercising more and more I want to include her in it. The plan is to eventually lift some weights, too.

[Plucky]

My dd is 5'3" and weighs 141 right now. She doesn't look fat. She doesn't look unhealthy. Her belly jiggles a bit. Surprise, surprise! When we went to the pedi a few months ago she was diagnosed as pre-diabetic with a fasting blood level of just over 100. The 141 is after losing several pounds in preparation for the second blood test two weeks after the first. The second test was 94 so she is okay, but it will now always be something to be watched.

 

So, you should consider the possibility. There isn't anyone else in our family that has diabetes or diabetic tendencies. It wasn't something I was too worried about.

 

This is the kid who doesn't have a sugar addiction, dances 3 hours a week, participated in karate for a few years (we dropped that this past February) and plays hard. Unfortunately Maine winters have caused a lack of activity.

 

Now that we are aware, we are all involved. We are running (as soon as it cools back down) 5K 4-5 times a week, doing tai chi, and now dieting since we can all stand to lose 20-40 pounds depending on who it is. We have a goal as a family to run a marathon in a few years.

 

All this to say, just keep an eye out. Concentrate on the health aspects of her way of eating.

 

Yes, that's what we are doing. We suspect she also has the glucose/insulin issue because she craves and eats carbs like I did.

[Plucky]

I know! When I was in high school, I was very, very small. A size 2 or 3. I remember walking up the stairs in school behind a very skinny girl and feeling fat. ?????

 

Ugh, being a teenager is awful. I much prefer being in my imperfect body at 40, to the uncertainty of being a teen.

[Plucky]

I'm just going to go with my standard recommendation: get her a copy of Health at Every Size. It is life-changing. If you want to encourage truly health habits, without putting the emphasis on body size, it's the way to go.

 

We don't know much about how to change people's natural body size, except that one almost-surefire way to make people fatter than they'd naturally be is to put them on a diet. Nearly everybody (over 98%) who diets gains back what they lost within 5 years, and more than half of those people gain back everything plus at least 10% more with every diet. Weight loss dieting is, in most cases, going to push people's natural weight set point up past where it would have been otherwise, and the younger you start, the more diets you'll be on that will mess up your metabolism. So if somebody is interested in "watching their weight," then not dieting is probably the smartest thing you can do.

 

Wow, that book received a lot of good reviews.

[Lizzie in Ma]

I think comparing body styles & sizes are part of it. Her younger sister is tall, thin, and long legged. They are opposites, and sister can eat a ton.

I am working with my dr. and have talked about 14dd, so I think that is under control. We are all taking a lot of vitamins, exercising, eating high protein and lots of fruits and veggies.

I really want her to be happy with her body, and I know how much pressure there is to be super skinny in teens. She has friends of all sizes. Her very best friend is fairly stout, but this girl is built in a round, Italian fashion. Another good friend is super skinny. I am glad we homeschool, because I think that has helped in body image/beauty comparisons and importance.

Healthy is good. I want her to feel good - I know I keep repeating that. When I was a size 2, I was unhappy with my body. What is up with that??? I probably like my body more at my size now, even though I need to lose the weight. :tongue_smilie:

 

No advice, just understanding and a hug. :grouphug:

Eldest is 5'7" and a 32G on top. Makes it a huge struggle to keep a good self image. She was sick for a long time too and got a little, I guess, soft is the word. We are trying to eat healthy and do fun exercise like Just Dance.

Her sister is the polar opposite, stick thin, tall, nothing on top yet at 10.

I too am thankful we home school, allowing her to form her own style was huge and having the luxury to do it was a blessing.

[Cindy in C-ville]

Agree with others - focus on healthy, fit, and strong. Encourage her to ditch the comparison trap. And, of course set a good example.

 

With five girls in the house, dh and work really hard on this. We do not want the world's ideas of beauty to impact their identity. I struggled with these issues even into my adult years. Even when I'm trying to lose a few pounds, I'm careful to say that I'm re-focusing on eating healthily, being fit, and being strong enough to work hard and play hard.

[butterflymommy]

It always makes me a bit uneasy when I see people quick to assume that XYorZ will either cause an eating disorder or is a symptom of an eating disorder. Wanting to exercise and not be overweight-- even if it is on the low end of the healthy BMI range-- are very healthy desires to have! We live in such an overweight society that even a "normal" thin woman can start having people whispering about how she must be anorexic or must starve herself. Look at film footage from 30+ years ago and you will be amazed by how thin everyone looks.

 

I think as mothers we will be able to pick up if things have tipped onto the unhealthy side of wanting to lose weight/ be too thin in our daughters. I always tell my kids it's unhealthy to be either too thin or too fat, that they should aim for "normal." And I have said that if any of them gets overweight, that I'm restricting the food I cook and bring into the house to healthy stuff. As it stands we usually have some kind of dessert available most days-- my kids are all skin and bones so I am very laid back about what they eat and don't really restrict anything (except outright candy).

 

When my daughters were in school, my then first grader had a morbidly obese teacher. Suddenly my DD started coming home talking about dieting and being fat, and obsessing about whether she was fat. She would weigh herself a dozen times a day and constantly ask if she was fat or if eating a particular food would make her fat. She would race to weigh herself after a meal to see if she had gained any weight. Apparently her teacher was unloading about her weight and dieting issues to her six year old audience :blink:. I hid the scale and kept to my "neither too thin nor too fat" mantra (I should have complained to the principal but didn't want to get involved in any drama). It wasn't until DD was out of that classroom, and then out of school altogether, that the obsessive concerns about weight began to fade. One nice thing about HSing is that the peer pressure and gossip about weight between girls is not really an issue.

 

Obviously what my daughter was doing was not normal and I am concerned that she might be prone to an ED since she seized upon her teacher's banter so obsessively-- but this DD is very high strung in general and just moved on to obsessing about other things once she was out of that environment.

[Peela]

Its such a touchy issue and I think you, the OP, handled it well.

 

I think we did such a good job with our dd with never talking about dieting etc that a few months ago when she started stacking on weight...she didn't notice, and she actually denied it until she got on the scales- she was 16/almost 17, an age most girls would be much more self conscious and would notice a slight weight gain. And she is beautiful and the guys hadnt stopped giving her attention- yet she stacked on quite a bit in a short time.

So then we had to deal with that...gently talk to her about her food choices (she is at college and eating much more junk food and sugar than ever before, because she has daily access and thats what all the other kids do), and gently suggest she get more exercise, which she is now doing happily- the kid who used to hate exercise. She really doesn't seem to have much of a psychological issue- she did recognise it once she weighed herself, but commented to me several times...mum, I still look good! (Well, she does, but we weren't being ridiculous and petty...she was putting on a lot in a short time and we noticed- and felt to talk to her about it).

I dont tihnk there is any fixed way to deal with this issue- its so sensitive- each kid is different- some kids can handle bluntness and others need such a fine hand.