Affection from son

[mom31257]

My 8 year old son is very affectionate with me. He has always loved to touch my neck because he says it's always warm. If we're sitting down to watch something or have devotion, he wants to snuggle up and touch my neck or hug me. He does not do this in public, though, if there's any chance of a friend being around.

 

I'm grateful that he is loving, but is there an age that I should discourage it? I really didn't expect him to be this way to this age. I know that if he needs touch, it's better he gets it through family.

 

I will say that I'm not fond of being touched all the time, so sometimes I have to say that it's been enough for me. I don't want to push him away totally, but sometimes it's very annoying.

 

My dd wasn't this way. I just don't want to scar him for life.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My son is very snuggly. He is 14. He is normal and loving. And yes, sometimes it drives me crazy. At those times I just tell him that we can have a quick hug or snuggle and then I need some space.

[Little Nyssa]

My 5 yr old is like this-- I've recently had to set some limits-- such as no swarming all over Mommy at mealtimes!

[tntgoodwin]

Hmmm.

 

In private like you are describing, I see no issues with him being affectionate. I imagine he will out grow it in the next few years.

[myfunnybunch]

Some kiddos are more physically affectionate than others. It sounds perfectly normal, and there's no reason to discourage it at a certain age.

 

And you are entitled to your own need for space. If it is more than your personal boundaries can stand, it's ok to let him know you need some space once in a while.

 

There might be ways for you both to meet your needs, too...maybe he can stretch out with his feet in your lap, or snuggle for ten minutes then you get your space. My ds likes to read on the couch with me, one at each end facing on another with our legs stretched side by side. We're close, and our legs are touching, but he's not in my face. (Now that I think of it, I remember reading on the couch like this with my mom when I was a teen. :) )

 

Cat

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

My ds's are the same way. Especially my 6 1/2 year old. My 5 year old is in the morning and at night, other than that he would rather I was the target in his on going war (and yes, EVERYTHING is a gun in our house :lol: :001_huh:)

[kalanamak]

 

I'm grateful that he is loving, but is there an age that I should discourage it? I really didn't expect him to be this way to this age. .

 

This is completely uncharted territory for me, but I am grateful my father was snuggly as long as I wanted it (I think I gave it up about age 10). I would have been very sorry and hurt to been rejected because I'd reached a "certain age". How I loved him singing Swanee River to me in the dark, or telling me story to send me off to sleep.

 

I recall, after baby was born, in an uncharacteristic moment of personalness, my ex asked me what it was like to hold and nurse my baby. I said, without thinking, "It is like having a lover without the sex". In some un-talked about way, I still feel this way. And as he snuggles himself in towards me, his head on my arm, so that we are spooning and I am holding a book before our faces, and we read to each other, I think he is learning a habit of affection that will serve him well in marriage. Heaven knows most wives need more cuddling than they get.

[Saujana]

Probably his wife is going to thank you for that someday? ;)

[twoforjoy]

My DS is exactly the same way. He's 7, and he seems to have more of a need for snuggling and physical affection than his one-year-old sister.

 

In the last year or so, he's decided that he doesn't want to be hugged/kissed in public, because it's embarrassing. But, in private, he still wants lots of physical affection.

 

For my own sanity, I do need to put some limits on it. I can't handle being touched all day long, especially when it's really hot and I'm really pregnant. But, I do try to make sure he gets as much physical closeness as I can deal with. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and for him, I think it's a really important way of connecting with me, showing he loves me, and feeling loved.

[Mom in High Heels]

Indy will be 9 this month and he's incredibly affectionate. Even when we're in public, he'll hold my hand, lean against me, put his arm around me or kiss me. I am certainly not going to ever discourage that. One day out on the playground in our quad, I was walking to the post office and told Indy I'd be right back (another friend of mine was available if he needed her). He was standing on a piece of equipment that put him about even with me in height and leaned over and kissed me and hugged me. I didn't think anything of it. When I got back, another mom that I barely know came up to me and told me I shouldn't let him hug and kiss me in public because the other kids would tease him about it and that he was really too old for that. She said she would never let her son act like that in public (he's 6). I was stunned. I told her that I would never discourage affection from my son and that I felt sorry for her that she felt her son couldn't be affectionate with her and walked away (before I told her to mind her own dam(n) business).

That being said, there are times inside when I have to tell him I need some personal space. I'll give him a quick kiss or hug or cuddle, but let him know that he can't be on me all the time. I let him know that I need space sometimes. I see nothing wrong with you telling your son that you need some space, but I wouldn't discourage him from showing his affection. It will probably fade over time and think how much you'll miss it.

[Mama2Many4]

My son will be 8 in a few months and he's the same way. I love it. He's very affectionate with me and is a big "Mama's boy". I would say let him as long as you're tolerating it. For as long as you can. I had a very cuddly relationship with my mother and I cherish that to this day.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

One of our neighbors when I was a teenager had 3 boys. The middle boy was very affectionate to everybody. I babysat them frequently, and he would always climb into my lap and snuggle me up. As I got older and went off to college, he would still snuggle me when I came home for visits. As a teen himself, he would still hug and kiss me and keep his arm around me if we were talking. He did this with his parents, his other family, other friends, not just me. He's now in his late 20's, engaged to be married to a cute girl and has been in the Navy since he was 18. He STILL hugs and kisses and is very affectionate to me whenever I see him! I love that kid! I think some people are just very affectionate by nature. My boys will still snuggle when I ask them, but they don't often initiate the snuggling anymore.

[Sasharowan]

Dd11, ds12, and ds5 still fight over my lap. Ds15 would probably be in there too, except is larger than me and usually ends up with whoever lost the battle in his lap. Especially if we are all trying to see something on my laptop.

[dirty ethel rackham]

. And as he snuggles himself in towards me, his head on my arm, so that we are spooning and I am holding a book before our faces, and we read to each other, I think he is learning a habit of affection that will serve him well in marriage. Heaven knows most wives need more cuddling than they get.

 

I have to quibble with the bolded part. I would love nothing more than to cuddle my sons and I certainly tried to "instill the habit"! But, physical affecition is NOT their love language like it is mine and they reached an age where they didn't want it anymore. They both respond more to words of affirmation and quality time. Dd is a physical affection kind of gal, like me. It is part of her nature, just like it is not part of my boy's natures (nor my husband's for that matter.) While you can learn to show it, you can't make them enjoy it.

 

I am totally jealous of OP. I crave physical contact with my children and I have to settle for play sparring or sneaking it in to get any from them.