Qcaller Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Our Dalmatian-hound-mix pound puppy is 12-1/2 years old and ailing. She can hardly get around any more and seems to be in a lot of pain. I made an appointment with the vet for next Tuesday to have her put to sleep. (The appointment is several days out to allow for my husband to request time off work.) We plan to take her to the family farm and bury her. We are going to have a "funeral" with the kids so they can say their goodbyes. DH thinks it would be bad for the kids to go to the vet with us and that they might freak out about shots in the future due to this experience. I'm inclined to agree that the experience might be a bit much for them at 4.5 and almost 6. However, they have been asking a ton of questions and have asked to be there. I've explained that the vet will give Bailey medicine to make her go to sleep and then stop her heart and that she will die peacefully. They are old pros at funerals as we have had 4 relatives of the grandparent generation die in the past couple years. Any BTDT advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 You should probably know - it doesn't *always* go that way. Sometimes things go wrong - the dog panics when the breathing shuts down or loses bowel/bladder control. It could be pretty traumatic for little kids to watch. I would probably not take kids as young as yours into the room when the vet puts the dog down. If they really want to go along, I would have them say goodbye and then go wait out in the lobby until it's over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 First of all - so sorry you will have to go through this! I had to do it in March and cried for days. My dog was rather large (100lb mastiff - don't know if this makes a difference) but she died very peacefully. I was able to stroke her head and talk to her until I saw her eyes close. The bladder did let go but this was no big deal to me. The vet assistants take care of it anyway. Only you know your children well enough. Is there time for the vet to give the shot and then let the children in quickly while the dog is still alive? It took a few seconds for my big girl to close her eyes forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Our Dalmatian-hound-mix pound puppy is 12-1/2 years old and ailing. She can hardly get around any more and seems to be in a lot of pain. I made an appointment with the vet for next Tuesday to have her put to sleep. (The appointment is several days out to allow for my husband to request time off work.) We plan to take her to the family farm and bury her. We are going to have a "funeral" with the kids so they can say their goodbyes. DH thinks it would be bad for the kids to go to the vet with us and that they might freak out about shots in the future due to this experience. I'm inclined to agree that the experience might be a bit much for them at 4.5 and almost 6. However, they have been asking a ton of questions and have asked to be there. I've explained that the vet will give Bailey medicine to make her go to sleep and then stop her heart and that she will die peacefully. They are old pros at funerals as we have had 4 relatives of the grandparent generation die in the past couple years. Any BTDT advice? I'm so sorry about your sweet dog. I would not want my kids present, even at their ages. But another thought--my sister just had her beloved dog put down yesterday. She arranged for a vet to come to her home to administer the shots. It's a service offered by the vet. She found that to be the best choice for her situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamaTanya Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I'm glad my children were not with me. I was able to hold and stroke my pet and I didn't have to be concerned with comforting the children, as well. We did talk with the children beforehand and they were able to say their good-byes at home. And then we held a funeral of sorts in our backyard where we cried and hugged each other and talked about what a great dog she had been. :grouphug: to you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I'm glad my children were not with me. I was able to hold and stroke my pet and I didn't have to be concerned with comforting the children, as well. We did talk with the children beforehand and they were able to say their good-byes at home. And then we held a funeral of sorts in our backyard where we cried and hugged each other and talked about what a great dog she had been. :grouphug: to you and your family. :iagree: with this, we put our 15 year old husky down about 2 weeks before dd was born. Dh and I were both a mess in the vets office and we spent our time comforting our dog.:crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer3141 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 We had to put a cat down last year and I'm so glad my kids were with us. Everyone got to pat her and say our goodbyes and she died surrounded by her family. All of us cried. Even the vet was crying. But my kids learned that it's ok to cry and it's ok to say goodbye and thanks for being our cat. We had lots of questions about death for quite a long time. And we still do but DH and I believe that's ok too. You don't get life without the death part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 We had to put a cat down last year and I'm so glad my kids were with us. Everyone got to pat her and say our goodbyes and she died surrounded by her family. All of us cried. Even the vet was crying. But my kids learned that it's ok to cry and it's ok to say goodbye and thanks for being our cat. :iagree: But it depends on the child. I know my son wanted to be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 You should probably know - it doesn't *always* go that way. Sometimes things go wrong - the dog panics when the breathing shuts down or loses bowel/bladder control. It could be pretty traumatic for little kids to watch. I would probably not take kids as young as yours into the room when the vet puts the dog down. If they really want to go along, I would have them say goodbye and then go wait out in the lobby until it's over. I agree - do not take the kids. I had my 19-yr-old with me when we took his cat - only 11 but she had a HUGE growth on the back (bad reaction from the rabies vaccine :-( ) that was beginning to abscess - anyway, if an animal already is being treated for something and has an i.v. in, then they can easily slip in the overdose and the pet can peacefully go to sleep (like in the film Marley and Me.) That is not what happened with Fidget - trying to wrap a rubber thing around her leg and then injecting into her vein was obviously painful and she yowled and struggled - the vet actually had to quickly take her form the room (to spare us, I think - we could still hear her cry!). A simple injection into the cat's back (like with a vaccine) would have not been as quick as the overdose was (once it was in her). Not what we expected. And this is a good, caring vet we have used for years! Maybe a larger dog a vein can be found easier and less painfully than on a seven-lb cat. Still, prepare yourself (the vet will have a box of Kleenex) and do not take the kids. My son and I agreed to never tell the other kids that Fidget had less than a peaceful death. She is now buried in the backyard under a home-made concrete tombstone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recovering Sociopath Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 We had lots of questions about death for quite a long time. And we still do but DH and I believe that's ok too. You don't get life without the death part. :iagree: My parents' dog died in the middle of the living room floor the last time we visited (horrible! he had been vomiting and excreting blood for two days and my dad refused to take him to the vet. Grrr. But that is a different story). My 6yo and 4yo were in the other room and I'm just as glad they were not there-- not because I didn't want them exposed but because they didn't know the dog that well and I was afraid their lively, detached curiosity would have been hurtful to my parents, who really grieved the dog. If it were our pet, I would give the boys to opportunity to be there if they wanted. But, as others have said, you know your own kids best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bassoonaroo Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Oh that would've been bad to witness a less-than-peaceful death. When we had our old rat put down in November only my then-9 year old wanted to go and the three older kids declined. Thankfully it was peaceful. The rat's eyes got big right when the shot went in but she (the rat) didn't fight it. Then she just got very still, closed her eyes, and stopped breathing so it was quite peaceful. Still very sad and we all cried. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Don't do it. Don't take them. I debated this with DH a couple months ago when we put one of our dogs to sleep. DH had to put his childhood dog to sleep as an adult while his parents were on vacation. I had never watched an animal go through that. I felt we should take the kids, DH was very insistent that the kids stayed home. I'm SO thankful I listened to him. It was much, much more difficult to watch than I thought. Bam-Bam struggled because he's scared of the vet, he fought the anesthesia and didn't lie down right away so he was sitting up, swaying, and eventually crashed to the floor, and he didn't close his eyes like I thought he would. A couple months later and I still see those dead, open eyes at night when I'm lying in bed. Yes, it was quick, but even so those seconds dragged out. I'm an adult and this affected me deeply. I can't imagine what it would have done to my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 At the ages of your kids, I would not take them. Death is not a permanent concept to kids this age. It may be very overwhelming to see a pet be put down. You can prepare them for what is to happen and have them participate in the burial/ceremony, as you had discussed, which is plenty of death experience and grieving for kids this age, in my opinion. With kids ages 8 or so and older (depending on emotional make up and maturity), I would give the child the option to be there, explain the process and maybe google a youtube video of a pet being put down. (There's a youtube for everything.) It is hard to make an informed decision without all the information. Also, you might consider taking a friend or relative with you, bringing the kids and leaving the kids in the waiting room during the actual procedure, then bringing them in to see the pet afterwards. Just some alternatives to consider. Ultimately, you know your kids best. Not at all the same, but today we will be burying my son's betta fish, who died last night. We always have everyone who wants to participate out to the backyard, dig a small hole (usually the person whose pet it was digs), cover it over, maybe put some flowers on the grave and then make a short statement/say a prayer of thanks for the good pet's life. We have buried two hamsters and countless betta fish this way, and it seems to provide plenty of opportunity for grief, remembering the pet and closure for the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
livingnlearning Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 We've always lived on farms and ranches and have had scads of animals; I've also worked in vet clinics many years. Lots of experience with the topic at hand. IMO, have them say their goodbyes before, they don't need to be there at the very end. As others have said, it's not always textbook and it can end up being more of a stress to everyone, including the pet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qcaller Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 I'm all for honesty about life experiences and understanding the circle of life but you all have convinced me that DH's plan is best. Bailey never likes going to the vet so I could see her struggling. If the kids aren't there they can always imagine that she went peacefully even if she doesn't. I know I'll be crying pretty hard so it will be good to fully experience my own grief without having to comfort the kids. Thank you all for your insight. Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 It depends on your children. Do they want to be there? We have had to put two dogs down. :( For the first one, he was very old, and although it was very, very sad, we knew he had lived a good life for a dog, and that he would no longer be suffering. My husband held him, and the children who wanted to be there (two out of the five) were there. I did not want to be there, and neither did our other three. The two children and my husband who WERE there have always been glad that they were there with him. (At the same time, I am glad that I was NOT there.) It did take longer than the vet said it would take. She said his heart was very, very strong still, and it just kept beating for a long time. This would have totally gotten to me, and I would've second-guessed our decision and probably freaked out. It didn't bother my husband. For our second dog, it was all too abrupt. None of us were ready, so none of us wanted to be there. He was a young, loving dog -- only two years old -- who had severe problems. It was heart breaking. It seems we all knew what we could handle and what we couldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qcaller Posted June 30, 2011 Author Share Posted June 30, 2011 Well, the deed is done. My sweet Bailey has entered into her eternal rest. The trip to the vet went relatively smoothly. They had a little trouble giving her the sedative and she did yelp so in the end it was very good not to have the kids there. Thankfully the rest of it went peacefully and smoothly. DH dug a grave over the weekend so it would be ready to go. We brought Bailey home and the kids gave her one last stroke and then we carried the box to the grave. We let our other dog come out and smell Bailey so he would understand in his own doggie way where she went. DH and all the kids and even the grandparents helped fill in the dirt while I just watched miserably. My mother-in-law, God bless her, brought over dinner for us all. Today I had a weepy moment when we returned home from the library and Bailey wasn't barking like she usually does when anyone comes into the house. It was very good for the kids to be a part of her burial but I'm glad they weren't with us at the vet. Thanks for all the advice and virtual hugs. Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I'm very sorry for the loss of your dog. I think you made the right decision regarding the children. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I'm too late, but I'm sorry. And I wanted to tell you to avoid the term "put to sleep". It can cause fear in children and it's misleading. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 I am sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Our Dalmatian-hound-mix pound puppy is 12-1/2 years old and ailing. She can hardly get around any more and seems to be in a lot of pain. I made an appointment with the vet for next Tuesday to have her put to sleep. (The appointment is several days out to allow for my husband to request time off work.) We plan to take her to the family farm and bury her. We are going to have a "funeral" with the kids so they can say their goodbyes. DH thinks it would be bad for the kids to go to the vet with us and that they might freak out about shots in the future due to this experience. I'm inclined to agree that the experience might be a bit much for them at 4.5 and almost 6. However, they have been asking a ton of questions and have asked to be there. I've explained that the vet will give Bailey medicine to make her go to sleep and then stop her heart and that she will die peacefully. They are old pros at funerals as we have had 4 relatives of the grandparent generation die in the past couple years. Any BTDT advice? what a sad, sad time. I *hate* this part of letting go. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I would never allow kids as young as yours to be in the room with the animal. In fact, I wouldn't let them be in the office at all. What we've done was bring our beloved pet home covered in a sheet, lift the sheet so my kids could say good-bye, then we bury them and everyone places something into the grave. The kids usually made cards, drew pictures, etc. I remember them putting a favorite toy inside, too. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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