I LOATHE bedtime!!

[hsmom23]

Ok, so I am not even sure loathe is a strong enough term! Bedtime is like the worst time of the day around here. It is a fight every night to get my girls to go to sleep. I have tried EVERYTHING I swear to get my kids to go to sleep at night. I have tried early bedtimes, late bedtimes, staggered bedtimes (my 3 girls sleep in the same room). We have a farely standard bedtime routine, jammies, 3 bible stories and sometimes a few other books, etc. I wouldnt care so much if they went to sleep or not, but they are crabby bears if they don't. Last night I let my two olders stay up almost an hour later and play a board game with me and it still took them both the average over an hour to go to sleep. Then my youngest got woke up and was out of bed every 1/2 an hour after that until after midnight. My husband is working looong days. He works road construction and we just started the season. The thing is bedtime has ALWAYS been like this. My husband who usually is able to get the kids to listen better, can't get them to go to bed.:rant:

 

OK, so now its off my chest and I would LOVE if you have some suggestions or something to help me.

 

Disclaimer: We live in a camper through the summer, and in our home in the winter. They share rooms both places and we have the same problem both places.

[Goldilocks]

We have similar issues--four in one room and two have trouble falling asleep.

No advice, but it does get a bit better as they get older!

[ChristusG]

I could have written this post about 3 months ago. Actually, I think I *did* write a post about this 3 months ago LOL. Seriously....I LOATHED bedtime as well. Hated it. Dreaded it.

 

And I tried everything. My 6 year old (she turned 7 last month) was giving me the biggest issues. I tried reading stories, giving her 30 minutes of "down time" in bed (where she could look at books, play her iTouch, do puzzles, etc), I tried having her go to bed later, I tried putting her to bed earlier, I tried putting both girls to bed at the same time....I was about to pull my hair out. My older DD would get out of bed, try every tactic imaginable.

 

Now....it's very manageable. I have no idea what happened. I think it's a combo of us finally finding something that works for us at bedtime, and also my older DD matured just a bit. Whatever it was, it happened just in the nick of time because I was about to go off the deep end. :D

 

Now we keep the same schedule each night (well, except for Wed and Thurs nights). At 7:30 the girls begin their bedtime things. Getting jammies on, picking up toys, going to the bathroom, getting drinks of water, telling us goodnight, etc. Then at 8:00, it's into the bed. I lie in bed with both girls and read them a chapter from a book...it's currently the Boxcar Children book #2. After that, DH comes in and sits with DD7 and prays with her and she gets to tell him 3 things (this stems from the fact that she's constantly talking and will keep him there all night telling him things if we don't limit it). While DH is with DD7, I go into another bedroom with DD4 (the guest room....we have a family bedroom but I cannot put DD7 and DD4 to sleep in there at the same time. Sleep will not happen). She nursed for such a long time that she cannot fall asleep alone. I pray with her....and she tells me 3 things (to copy big sissy LOL). I lay with her till she falls asleep, which is never longer than 15 minutes.

 

We began turning out the lights. DD7 would want to fall asleep with the light on, but that just wasn't working. So no lights (we do have a nightlight). And there's a fan in each room for white noise. The rule is that once you are in bed, there's no getting out (except for bathroom or emergency, of course).

 

When I go to bed, I move DD4 into our family bedroom.

 

It is FINALLY working. FINALLY. I seriously feel your pain.

[Little Nyssa]

I really sympathize. DD goes to bed easily, but DS will lie in bed awake until 10 pm, occasionally talking to us. The only way that I have gotten him to STAY in bed is having a chart on the wall-- he gets a check mark in the morning if he stayed in bed the whole night, and at the end of the chart he gets a prize. I know, many parents will disagree with the chart approach, but it was either that or Mommy seriously loses it!

I would really like to know how to get him to GO to sleep, not just lie there!

[love2read]

:grouphug: I used to feel the same way. It does get better, but until then here's something that worked for me. Talk to the oldest privately and tell her that if she stays in bed and is quiet, in the morning she can have---a special treat that she never gets for breakfast, private time with you, or whatever else she rarely gets and wants. Talk to the other two alone, explaining the same thing. The two year old won't get it. When you tuck them in, remind them of this and tell them that you hope they will all win. This is bribery and competition, but it worked for us. The ones who don't succeed will be furious, but after watching the winner indulge a few times, they will be quiet too. The next step is to tell them the rewards will be random and that you'll pick the day(s) at the beginning of the week, but they won't know until the morning. Eventually you can do this just once a month. It does work if you are consistent.

[2squared]

My dc like to sleep in the same room, so I usually have four going to bed in the same room at the same time.

 

When we hit a crazier period and the kids aren't staying in their bed after I'm done reading, sometimes I talk quietly with whomever is having trouble falling asleep. Sometimes they seem to need a little extra mom attention. Other times I sit in the room and read or surf the net. I get my down time and they get trained to stay in bed.

 

I remember when they were all 5yo and under and dh was in Iraq. I was exhausted by dinnertime, and bedtime was so stressful. I needed them to go to sleep, and they didn't seem to have the same need. It was hard.

[nd293]

We've always had problems with bedtime, although after about 6 or 7yrs dd was somewhat better.

I have always chosen to lie with the children as they fall asleep, but when it is taking an hour, it is incredibly frustrating.

 

At one stage we gave up completely and just had everyone go to bed together - total dark and silence in the house did help.

 

You could opt to take that time as your "quiet time" - perhaps lie with them and listen to an audio book?

 

You could let them lie and listen to stories or music for however long it takes for them to fall asleep - this is what we do with dd who still occasionally struggles to go to sleep. This works better with older children - your kids might be too young.

 

Good luck finding a solution that works for you!

[love2read]

Other times I sit in the room and read or surf the net.

 

lie with them and listen to an audio book?

Great ideas and so much better than that of a friend who years ago used to stand outside her kid's bedrooms with a hairbrush. Yah, I won't go there. Visible love is so much more effective in the long run.

[2squared]

I had one last thought this morning....you can't force someone to sleep. So, my goal is to get them into bed rather than to get them to actually fall asleep. I can't control the sleeping, but I can keep them quiet in a location of my choosing. To that end, often my dc play their own version of 21 questions or chat or whatever. I'm OK with that. They are building their own memories and strengthing their relationships.

[twoforjoy]

Looking at your kids ages, I'm not surprised!

 

My DD (14 months) has been a naturally good sleeper since she's been born, so she's just no trouble. And I cannot credit anything DH and I did, because we treated her pretty similarly to our DS, who was a horrible, horrible sleeper until he was about 5 or 6. Bedtime with DD is so easy. We get her in PJs, give her some milk, read a short book, sing a short song, and lay her down. She's out within 10 minutes most nights, and on the nights she isn't she generally just plays with the stuffed bear in her crib pretty quietly until she's ready to sleep.

 

DS--he is a whole different story. He was probably almost 3 before he'd consistently sleep through the night. It's just been the last few months (he turned 7 in May) that he'll consistently sleep through the night in his own bed. We used to have to spend HOURS getting him to sleep, because if we left his room before he was asleep, he'd get completely and totally hysterical (to the point where he'd just wake himself up more) but he'd fight sleep so much. It was rough. When he learned to read that made it a bit better, because he was willing to lay quietly in bed reading a book until he was sleepy. But that was really the only thing that helped.

 

Now we generally have a routine that DS can come into the big bed with me and we read together from about 8-9 (it's his "Mommy-Thomas snuggle time," and he doesn't like to miss it), and then at 9 he goes into his bed and goes to sleep. I'd say that, at this point, he'll stay in his own bed about 90% of the time, and the other nights he'll wake up between 4 and 6 and climb in with DH and I. I don't really mind.

[Crissy]

 

You could let them lie and listen to stories or music

 

This is what always worked for my boys. They were to be still and quiet, and listen to a story. At 12 and 17, they still listen to audio books or music as they fall asleep.

We check out books on CD from the library.

[Paige]

I felt the same way for a long time. I still have days like this. It gets better as the children get older. I remember a time when DH was working 16hrs a day, never home for bedtime, and I was putting an infant, 2 3yr olds, and a 6yr old to bed by myself every night. It was nightmare inducing. This too will pass and you will miss the squishy littles who don't want to sleep and just want to play and cuddle with you.

[Shellydon]

At our house, you are allowed to get out of bed once. After that, you will have a consequence. Consequences can be spanking, earlier bedtime the next night or loss of a privilege. I find that spanking works best with the 2-5 yo set and earlier bedtime or loss of privileges works well for the older kids. For *me* staying in bed needs to be an act of obedience. I can't make you sleep, but you darn well better obey and stay in bed and be quiet when I tell you too.

[myfunnybunch]

My boys share a room. At that age, I sat with them while they fell asleep. I read them stories, then played the guitar and sang quietly or read aloud from my own book. At one point, I was reading a book about the Reformation, and boy, that zonked them out pretty quick! I think the combination of my quiet voice and language that was still way over their heads was enough to lull them to sleep.

 

Bedtime went from kind of a hassle to one of my favorite times of day. :)

 

Cat

[suppleasthewind]

My friend's husband has a twin brother and when they were growing up they went to school everyday with black circles under their eyes because they spent all night talking. He said, "It was like having a slumber party every night."

 

That sentence keeps reverberating in my head. No wonder I am so tired. I have been hosting a slumber party every night for the last eight years!

[AngelBee]

:lurk5:

[stripe]

I find it's easier for kids to sleep if they've gotten lots of exercise (they're tired!). Also too much napping made them nightowls.

 

The other thing was a dark curtain in summer. Hard to go to bed when it's still light out!

 

I prefer to make my kids find their bedroom interesting instead of creating problems by trying to discipline them.

 

It's also helped to be really boring. Then they don't feel they're missing out on anything, if all I'm doing is dishes.

[gardening momma]

At our house, you are allowed to get out of bed once. After that, you will have a consequence. ..... For *me* staying in bed needs to be an act of obedience. I can't make you sleep, but you darn well better obey and stay in bed and be quiet when I tell you too.

 

The other thing was a dark curtain in summer. Hard to go to bed when it's still light out!

These, and consistency. Don't keep changing it up.

 

I let dd7 read in bed with a flashlight as long as she wants. She and dd5 share a room--dd7 is on the top bunk, dd5 is on the bottom bunk. As long as dd7 doesn't shine the light all over, and she doesn't, then dd5's area stays dark. They also have blackout shades on the window in their room.