Oh, my strong-willed son!

[blondeviolin]

My son is VERY strong-willed. He has sent me multiple times reading through as many books as I can catch. I have spent a lot of time on my knees trying to learn best how to be his mother. Book-wise, here's what I've gone through:

 

The New Strong-Willed Child

Aaron's Way

Raising a Spirited Child

1-2-3 Magic

Bringing Boys

Have a New Kid by Friday

Screamfree parenting

Raising Your Spirited Child

10 Days to a Less Defiant Child

Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child

Parenting the Strong-Willed Child

How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Your Kids Will Talk

Parenting With Love and Logic

 

...and I'm sure I've missed some. The best one out of all of them? Aaron's Way for just being the sane voice of "someone is out there who knows what you're dealing with." A lot of the parenting/discipline books talk about setting a rule and applying consequences consistently, which is obviously much of what parenting is. It DOESN'T however get me through the day where I am enforcing a rule many times over to a boy who does not care that he is receiving a punishment as much as he cares that he is eliciting a response (even though the punishment is delivered in a neutral affect from me -- ie I don't scream and yell and carry on).

 

At this point, I am considering taking him to a developmental psychologist to help me understand him a bit better. He is VERY strong-willed, with a high need to play games and/or control a situation. I know he's only 3.5, and we've had spells like this before (he goes in waves, and we're hitting what I would expect is a peak at this moment). He also currently tests gifted, which does not help the situation because (a) he seems older than he is and (b) he's pretty smart at figuring things out.

 

Thoughts? Comments? Or even, "I know how you feel"s?

[Peela]

Just commiserations here. My teenage strong willed son seems to have some testosterone induced rocked fuel added to his strong will recently. Agh. And dh- who has a strong will and very rebellious childhood- looks to me for advice on how to deal with him, because he doesnt really know how. Double agh.

 

I guess we all become experts of our own child, eventually, which doesn't mean we resolve it and it becomes easy. All the books in the world don't help as much as life experience, although I found that books helped, too.

 

My son got the day off school yesterday, because he reckoned he was sick. By halfway through the day I realised I had been conned and he just wanted a day to catch up on sleep after his active social life.

 

All I know is...these kids need saintlike patience and huge extra doses of compassion and love, along with all those boundaries and consistent consequences.

[texasmama]

My off the charts strong willed child is 8 now, and he is the most wonderful little boy. I figured out when he was about three that I needed to take a step back and give him time and space to grow into his freakishly smart self. He has done just that, and he is such a joy to parent. Dont' let anyone tell you that you must "get hold of these behaviors now" or else. If you are concerned, get an evaluation or some feedback from a mama who is many years down the road from where we are now...but unless he has some sort of underlying issues driving his behavior, he is most likely similar to my son and just needs time to mature into himself. I can't stress what a joy my strong willed child is to parent now - he is creative, independent, motivated, thoughtful, interesting...I truly enjoy him.

[T'smom]

Well, I think I know how you feel! I also have a very strong-willed 3.5 yo son. Who is very, very bright. Sometimes I wonder if anyone knows how I feel or if I know how anyone else feels. He's my oldest, so he's the only child I've ever experienced.

He makes a declaration and he will make it a hill to die on. He wanted to eat a lemon one time and I told him he wouldn't like it, he said he would so I let him try it. He sat there and ate the whole thing- obviously NOT enjoying it, but at the same time loudly exclaiming about how 'it is so good, mommy, I LOVE it'.

Everything I try, he turns back on me. I try to give him choices- he'll turn around and try to give me choices. The other day, we were out and about and he said he was hungry, I said he'd have to wait until we got home. He said (very matter of factly) "You have two choices, Mommy. You can take me to McDonald's or you can take me to Chuck E. Cheese. Those are your choices." Obviously, this does not get him what he wants- but that does not seem to deter him. Another strategy I try, is telling him what to expect. I say "This is the plan. We're going to have a snack, put on our pj's, and pick out our books" He'll try this with me....."I have a plan, Mommy, we're going to watch a movie and have a snack." Looking at it from an outside perspective- it's pretty funny. He doesn't turn it around on me immediately, it's like he's internalized these patterns that I use and now he uses them himself. When I don't do what he wants screaming ensues- and it lasts forever. I put him in his room and he just. screams. Like someone is trying to kill him with a chainsaw.

My aunt recently stayed with us for a few days. She complimented me on my patience. It wasn't really a compliment though, it was more like a "why do you put up with that?" She also said she thought he was a fairly difficult child.

Anyway, maybe I can relate! I can certainly send :grouphug:! Good luck!

[TheReader]

Just commiseration from me. My strong willed boy is 6 now, and things *are* getting better. We took a counter-intuitive approach, partly due to other things going on, and instead of making lots and lots of rules, I made fewer rules, but enforced those like crazy. Ie, the whole choose your battles thing and say no only when you can't say yes thing, but kind of on steroids, LOL.

 

There was a probably 3 month period when the only thing he truly got consequences for was hitting his brothers, as a way to train him to sit in time-out. 'Course, we'd just moved internationally at the time, and he was speech delayed/mostly non-verbal at the time, and, well, there was a LOT going on poor thing. But still. (he was 2.5 to 3 at the time).

 

We do a lot of redirection, too. Anyway, no real advice because every one of these kids is different, but yep, I do know what you're going through. I remember reading The New Strong Willed Child book and wanting to throw it across the room, because the example given of an extreme extreme extreme strong-willed tot (the kid touching the glass candy bowl, and getting his hand popped several times) made me literally say, out loud, "It only took nine times?!?!" I sobbed in frustration at that point. So, yep, I totally hear you.

 

Hang in there, and keep reminding yourself that YOU know your son best. Period. Forget the books and do what feels right/seems right to you. And know that he won't be 3.5 forever. :)

[gingersmom]

At age 3 I threatened to send my son to military school. And me to the psychiatric ward.

 

By age 6 things had settled down considerably and now that he is about to turn 12 it is a distant memory. He is such an amazing boy that people don't believe me when I tell them what he was like.

 

I like to say I have amnesia about that time of his life.

 

 

:grouphug:

[romeacademy]

Just commiseration here. My strong-willed boy is now 13 and also has an occasional injection of that "testosterone induced rocket fuel :). I remember the days when he'd rather take the consequence of losing something he wanted rather than giving in. I honestly don't remember a lot about how we got through it. Maybe I have selective amnesia too. I do remember deciding that I had to carefully pick the hills I was willing to die on.

 

He has developed into a respectful, well-mannered young man with a very long fuse. But when he hits the end of it, look out! There's still a stubborn streak a mile wide lying beneath the surface. Now when he gets in one of his stubborn, defiant moods the best remedy is lots of hard, physical work. Yesterday I sent him out to work on clearing more buckthorn from the back of our lot. He came in a new kid.

[craftyerin]

At age 3 I threatened to send my son to military school. And me to the psychiatric ward.

 

By age 6 things had settled down considerably and now that he is about to turn 12 it is a distant memory. He is such an amazing boy that people don't believe me when I tell them what he was like.

 

I like to say I have amnesia about that time of his life.

 

 

:grouphug:

 

Praying this is true for us, because yeah, I can relate. Mine is a bright, ACTIVE, strong willed nearly-4yo boy. Good. NESS. That boy makes his mama nutso.

[bry's-gal]

I have a daughter like that!!! Some days I can't believe she is still alive!!

 

I have noticed that she goes in cycles- lately it seems to be around the 6 month mark for her- some sort of growth spurt and leap to the next developmental level- at those times she pushes, pushes and pushes some more until I think I can't take it any more! It's like she is having to retest everything she knows and make sure that we still mean what we say. After the testing period, things calm down again and she is a joy to be around. I have found during those testing periods that she is normally ready for additional responsibilities and a change in how things operate- she is mentally/emotionally ready to go to the next level (I hope that made sense!)

 

When she was 3 - 4 was the worst! I think it was one L-O-N-G year of battles! I have no real advice- you learn your child- but I can commiserate with you!

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I'm sorry to not have a more positive BTDT for you. My strong willed little man is still going strong at 6.5!

 

As for your books- 123 magic was a joke here. I don't really remember the rest of them, but I've read a LOT of them.

 

You could try:

 

Honey, I wrecked the kids. This one basically explains how to let natural consequences happen. I try to follow this the most.

 

Functional Behavior Assessment for People with Autism. It is a short book and will give you a really good idea of narrowing down the real "why" behind behaviors. Once you know why, you can go from there. The most important thing I learned from this book is that trying to directly change the behavior doesn't work well. You have to change the antecedent (or what typically occurs right before the behavior) and the consequence (which is ANYTHING that happens just after the behavior).

 

For example; My ds would nearly attack my dd multiple times per day. He was soooo out of control I didn't know what to do with him. When I started looking at the behavior, it became very obvious that MY reactions were not part of the equation. DD's reactions, however, were quite funny (NOT to me, but apparently to ds which is what the FBA pointed out). In order to reduce the frequency, intensity, and duration of his attacking behaviors, I had to intervene as the antecedent. In other words, I spent months watching over his every move and jumping in the moment before he went to attack her. I had to stop him (by redirecting) from going after her in order to prevent the consequence of dd's overreacting, and ds enjoying it. By punishing him afterward, I was losing the chance to change it. He loved dd's reactions way more than he hated any punishment I could come up with.

 

Most of his other behaviors are escape/avoid (escape and avoid tasks, situations, or people) which is really hard to work with. Next is sensory, meaning he has lingering targeted behaviors because I can't change the entire environment he is exposed to, but knowing means I can plan ahead. Medical is 3rd; when his asthma is just near a flare, he is horrid. 4th for my ds (which is normally the #1 motivator in kids) is attention and/or tangible. Kids act out because they want something or someone's attention, even if that attention is negative. This is the normal walmart kid meltdown- mom says no, kid has a fit, mom eventually gives in which tells the kid that if they continue to tantrum just a little longer, they will always get what they want (I realize this is a HUGE generalization, but it's my best example).

 

The Out of Sync Child. All about Sensory processing disorder. I believe ALL parents would greatly benefit from this book. Even those with perfectly typical children.

 

The Out of Sync Child has Fun. Activities to help kids calm down, or stay alert.

 

I've also read a bunch of positive parenting books. My two could care less about punishments. I have to plan 10 steps ahead of them, especially the 6y/o.

[twoforjoy]

My very strong-willed son just turned 7. He's still a challenge, but much less so than when he was 3-4. I used to call my best friend, who is a psychologist, several times a week in tears, telling her how I'd obviously managed to ruin my child when he was barely even potty-trained. I was convinced I was the worst mother in the entire world, which didn't help the situation at all. Suddenly I had all of this ego tied up in his behavior, and everything was so emotional, and it just made it worse.

 

1-2-3 Magic actually was really helpful for me, mainly because it got me to stop talking so much and stop reacting so emotionally. Those were definitely fueling his behavior.

 

Having my DD was a huge help, because she is such an easy-going little one, and that made me realize that maybe DS's behavior wasn't entirely because I was the worst mother in the entire universe and should never have had kids in the first place. When I can stop tying so much of my self-image up in his behavior--and worrying so much about what other people must think of me based on his behavior, and trying to control his behavior so that I can control what other people think of us--things go much better for us.

 

Anyway, I can relate, and I do think it slowly gets better. My DS still exasperates me, but it is nothing like when he was younger.

[twoforjoy]

My off the charts strong willed child is 8 now, and he is the most wonderful little boy. I figured out when he was about three that I needed to take a step back and give him time and space to grow into his freakishly smart self. He has done just that, and he is such a joy to parent. Dont' let anyone tell you that you must "get hold of these behaviors now" or else. If you are concerned, get an evaluation or some feedback from a mama who is many years down the road from where we are now...but unless he has some sort of underlying issues driving his behavior, he is most likely similar to my son and just needs time to mature into himself. I can't stress what a joy my strong willed child is to parent now - he is creative, independent, motivated, thoughtful, interesting...I truly enjoy him.

 

This is great. I so wish that somebody had said this to me when my son was 3 and 4 and 5. I was so caught up in thinking that the way he was acting as a small child was the way he was going to act his entire life, unless I somehow got him under control. For some reason the very basic fact that our behavior at 3 and 4 does not, for any of us, define our lifelong behavior did not occur to me. The idea that I could step back a bit and give him some space to be the wild, rambunctious kid he was, instead of needing to be constantly monitoring and trying to control his behavior (and so constantly criticizing, chastising, reprimanding, warning...), would have been so freeing and probably much better for both of us.

[Anita in NC]

My youngest son was strong willed. I tell people he was a horrible 2, 3, 4 and 5 year old. Then he finally started making improvements. He is now 7 and is a great kid.

 

I had to be firm and consistent but it was a long hard road.

 

I remember one time I sent him to the corner and told him the time didn't begin until he stopped screaming and kicking the wall. He was there for 2 1/2 hours before he finally decided to play by the rules. :glare:

 

He also did my version of boot camp twice - which is where everything is taken away and he got to sleep on the floor in the office with a pillow and a blanket for a week at a time. Yeah, he thought that was fun. :glare: So another week long punishment was no computers, tv, Wii, or DS - that actually worked. You have to figure out what their currency is, what's important to them.

 

He was one tough nut to crack.

[blondeviolin]

Thank you ladies so much! It helps to know I'm not the only one! Like I said, we have been hitting a peak with his will. But also add in my VERY busy 22-month-old and that I am due with another baby in a week-and-a-half and sometimes I sit down at night and feel like I'm going to either snap or cry. LOL

 

I guess we all become experts of our own child, eventually, which doesn't mean we resolve it and it becomes easy. All the books in the world don't help as much as life experience, although I found that books helped, too.

 

All I know is...these kids need saintlike patience and huge extra doses of compassion and love, along with all those boundaries and consistent consequences.

 

 

The books help, mostly because I am a researcher by nature. They don't give me any new parenting advice, but I have a need to research and understand. Sometimes I can't understand, but I feel better if I've tried. :lol:

 

And what you said about patience and compassion is SO TRUE.

 

My off the charts strong willed child is 8 now, and he is the most wonderful little boy. I figured out when he was about three that I needed to take a step back and give him time and space to grow into his freakishly smart self. He has done just that, and he is such a joy to parent. Dont' let anyone tell you that you must "get hold of these behaviors now" or else. If you are concerned, get an evaluation or some feedback from a mama who is many years down the road from where we are now...but unless he has some sort of underlying issues driving his behavior, he is most likely similar to my son and just needs time to mature into himself. I can't stress what a joy my strong willed child is to parent now - he is creative, independent, motivated, thoughtful, interesting...I truly enjoy him.

 

I appreciate this advice! Luckily for the most part I don't care about getting a hold of his behavior. There are a few rules that are absolutes that we enforce. It just gets lame battling enforcing them repetitively. And then I have acquaintances who say, "Once I was consistent with XYZ it only took 3 or 4 tries before my son never tried it again." It's at those times where I remind myself that not everyone has a kid with a will of iron. :glare:

 

Just commiseration from me. My strong willed boy is 6 now, and things *are* getting better. We took a counter-intuitive approach, partly due to other things going on, and instead of making lots and lots of rules, I made fewer rules, but enforced those like crazy. Ie, the whole choose your battles thing and say no only when you can't say yes thing, but kind of on steroids, LOL.

 

There was a probably 3 month period when the only thing he truly got consequences for was hitting his brothers, as a way to train him to sit in time-out. 'Course, we'd just moved internationally at the time, and he was speech delayed/mostly non-verbal at the time, and, well, there was a LOT going on poor thing. But still. (he was 2.5 to 3 at the time).

 

 

Yes! I understand picking your battles well! Now if I could get my (strong-willed) husband to understand it better! :tongue_smilie:

 

I have a daughter like that!!! Some days I can't believe she is still alive!!

 

I have noticed that she goes in cycles- lately it seems to be around the 6 month mark for her- some sort of growth spurt and leap to the next developmental level- at those times she pushes' date=' pushes and pushes some more until I think I can't take it any more! It's like she is having to retest everything she knows and make sure that we still mean what we say. After the testing period, things calm down again and she is a joy to be around. I have found during those testing periods that she is normally ready for additional responsibilities and a change in how things operate- she is mentally/emotionally ready to go to the next level (I hope that made sense!)

 

When she was 3 - 4 was the worst! I think it was one L-O-N-G year of battles! I have no real advice- you learn your child- but I can commiserate with you![/quote']

 

What you wrote about 6-month testing periods is so right on with my son! I have NO CLUE what goes on developmentally that sparks it, but I feel like sometimes I'm just riding a wave until we work it out!

 

I'm sorry to not have a more positive BTDT for you. My strong willed little man is still going strong at 6.5!

 

As for your books- 123 magic was a joke here. I don't really remember the rest of them, but I've read a LOT of them.

 

You could try:

 

Honey, I wrecked the kids. This one basically explains how to let natural consequences happen. I try to follow this the most.

 

Functional Behavior Assessment for People with Autism. It is a short book and will give you a really good idea of narrowing down the real "why" behind behaviors. Once you know why, you can go from there. The most important thing I learned from this book is that trying to directly change the behavior doesn't work well. You have to change the antecedent (or what typically occurs right before the behavior) and the consequence (which is ANYTHING that happens just after the behavior).

 

For example; My ds would nearly attack my dd multiple times per day. He was soooo out of control I didn't know what to do with him. When I started looking at the behavior, it became very obvious that MY reactions were not part of the equation. DD's reactions, however, were quite funny (NOT to me, but apparently to ds which is what the FBA pointed out). In order to reduce the frequency, intensity, and duration of his attacking behaviors, I had to intervene as the antecedent. In other words, I spent months watching over his every move and jumping in the moment before he went to attack her. I had to stop him (by redirecting) from going after her in order to prevent the consequence of dd's overreacting, and ds enjoying it. By punishing him afterward, I was losing the chance to change it. He loved dd's reactions way more than he hated any punishment I could come up with.

 

Most of his other behaviors are escape/avoid (escape and avoid tasks, situations, or people) which is really hard to work with. Next is sensory, meaning he has lingering targeted behaviors because I can't change the entire environment he is exposed to, but knowing means I can plan ahead. Medical is 3rd; when his asthma is just near a flare, he is horrid. 4th for my ds (which is normally the #1 motivator in kids) is attention and/or tangible. Kids act out because they want something or someone's attention, even if that attention is negative. This is the normal walmart kid meltdown- mom says no, kid has a fit, mom eventually gives in which tells the kid that if they continue to tantrum just a little longer, they will always get what they want (I realize this is a HUGE generalization, but it's my best example).

 

The Out of Sync Child. All about Sensory processing disorder. I believe ALL parents would greatly benefit from this book. Even those with perfectly typical children.

 

The Out of Sync Child has Fun. Activities to help kids calm down, or stay alert.

 

I've also read a bunch of positive parenting books. My two could care less about punishments. I have to plan 10 steps ahead of them, especially the 6y/o.

 

Thanks! I'll check and see if my library has these! :D

 

My very strong-willed son just turned 7. He's still a challenge, but much less so than when he was 3-4. I used to call my best friend, who is a psychologist, several times a week in tears, telling her how I'd obviously managed to ruin my child when he was barely even potty-trained. I was convinced I was the worst mother in the entire world, which didn't help the situation at all. Suddenly I had all of this ego tied up in his behavior, and everything was so emotional, and it just made it worse.

 

1-2-3 Magic actually was really helpful for me, mainly because it got me to stop talking so much and stop reacting so emotionally. Those were definitely fueling his behavior.

 

Having my DD was a huge help, because she is such an easy-going little one, and that made me realize that maybe DS's behavior wasn't entirely because I was the worst mother in the entire universe and should never have had kids in the first place. When I can stop tying so much of my self-image up in his behavior--and worrying so much about what other people must think of me based on his behavior, and trying to control his behavior so that I can control what other people think of us--things go much better for us.

 

Anyway, I can relate, and I do think it slowly gets better. My DS still exasperates me, but it is nothing like when he was younger.

 

I call my mom. Hehe. She had a son who was JUST LIKE Emmett in some ways. In fact, my parents chuckle about how I got the Joey (my brother) of the family. They just commiserate and laugh when they can. My dad affectionately calls him "The Punk".

 

Having other kids helps because I realize that my parenting is NOT sub-par... I also think having a strong-willed sibling benefits THEM because I have learned to be patient and consistent with behavior and discipline.

[texasmama]

This is great. I so wish that somebody had said this to me when my son was 3 and 4 and 5. I was so caught up in thinking that the way he was acting as a small child was the way he was going to act his entire life, unless I somehow got him under control. For some reason the very basic fact that our behavior at 3 and 4 does not, for any of us, define our lifelong behavior did not occur to me. The idea that I could step back a bit and give him some space to be the wild, rambunctious kid he was, instead of needing to be constantly monitoring and trying to control his behavior (and so constantly criticizing, chastising, reprimanding, warning...), would have been so freeing and probably much better for both of us.

 

:grouphug: My freakishly strong willed child was my third born, which did help me a lot in realizing that a) it wasn't my "fault" and b) kids change and mature as they grow. I made some mistakes when he was a toddler but I am glad that I realized that it was best to just give him some time/space. He is still somewhat stubborn (we call it perseverence;)), but he has developed some patience and maturity. Every year from age 4 on, I thought to myself, "This is the year he becomes a reasonable person!" In truth, he well into being 6 years old before it happened. Now, I wouldn't trade him for anything...or even the years it took us to get here. He is a remarkable little boy and will be a remarkable man someday. He is also very sensitive, which is a deadly combo. (Honestly, he's a mini-me.:tongue_smilie:)

 

To all of you who are in the thick of it - hang in there.:grouphug:

[cat]

I have a strong willed son....now 10. It has gotten better, but it has been a process of learning for me.

 

I give him choices between two things, so he can feel he made the decision. That has helped a whole bunch.

 

I have had to step back and let him show me new ways to accomplish things. If I tell him how to do something, he will automatically find his own way to do it..... it has been very hard for me! Sometimes his way fails, and I tell him that next time he will need to do it my way......AND sometimes his way succeeds!!! AND I learn a new way to do something!!!! I have learned to pick my battles, let him explore, let him learn from both failure and success! I feel the experience has been more about me learning to let it go.

[Denise in Florida]

You have received some great advice.

 

First, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: for you.

 

I totally agree with texasmomma about stepping back (forgot how to quote, sorry)

 

I have a strong willed dd. The best advice I received came from my mom. I called her one day in near tears over the Great I Won't Sleep There Incident, first, she laughed (thanks mom) and said "She's just like you" (ouch, thanks again). Then she said "do you really want a weak willed child?"

[texasmama]

Then she said "do you really want a weak willed child?"

 

This is a great response. I have one who lacks confidence and strength of will. That is the one I am concerned about long-term. The rest seem more like their mother, and I will testify that having a strong-will has (mostly) been a very good thing for me.;)

[twoforjoy]

 

I have a strong willed dd. The best advice I received came from my mom. I called her one day in near tears over the Great I Won't Sleep There Incident, first, she laughed (thanks mom) and said "She's just like you" (ouch, thanks again). Then she said "do you really want a weak willed child?"

 

I think this gets to what helps me, which is remembering to focus on the kind of adult I want my children to be, and not on having the easiest children possible.

 

I'm a people-pleaser. It made me a very, very easy child, but I don't think that trait served me well as an older child, teen, or especially as an adult.

 

I see people-pleaser tendencies in my DD. Unlike my DS, if you just look at her sternly and say no, she bursts into tears and stops doing what she was doing. It makes for a very easy little girl, but I can totally see her being the kind of person who obeys not because it's the right thing to do or because she really wants to obey, but simply because she wants to avoid having people be upset with her. And then you end up not just doing the right thing because you don't want people upset with you, but also sometimes doing the wrong thing because you don't want people upset with you, and that can lead to all kinds of trouble.

 

I don't worry about that happening with my DS. I can't see him ever making a decision based on fear of somebody else's reaction, and that's a good thing.

[Cinder]

My strong-willed child is my first-born. It was tough because he was compliant with others, so I got no sympathy for how hard it was to parent him. Others thought he was so easy-going.

 

I was blessed to have an older and wiser friend whose dd was the same way. One bit of advice that helped a lot to avoid meltdowns was to give warnings before activities changed. It was too hard on him to have sudden transitions. So we had to learn to say, We'll be leaving in 10 minutes, instead of, "Time to go!"

 

This ds is very rules oriented but also has a strong sense of right and wrong and high integrity, which was evident even when he was a toddler. Agree with others who said consistency has been the biggest help. Also, punishments didn't work--even as a toddler he had to be reasoned with. If our rules didn't make sense, he didn't see why he should follow them.

 

It's been a challenge, but we saw major growth in his ability to handle his emotions and responses when he was around 14yo. He's 16.5 yo now and it's neat to see how that strong will has made him into someone who is less peer dependent and more comfortable with who he is as a person.

[mom2att]

I think that 3.5 is a difficult age anyway, but I wouldn't re-live years 3, 4, or 5 with my middle child for an-y-thing. Hang in there, mama, and give him a chance to grow into and get a handle on his strong emotions. And if you haven't read it yet, I recommend The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene. It helped me understand my son better and not make mountains out of molehills.

 

BTW, mine's a charming 10-year-old now. Still kinda quirky, but when he was 3 and 4, I truly feared what he would be like at 10 if I didn't "tame" him as a preschooler. The biggest remedy turned out to be time (and loads of love and prayer, of course!).

[ktgrok]

Well, strong willed is better than weak willed, right?

 

Seriously though the developmental ped is a great idea. My son was like that, and we finally learned it is aspergers and adhd without hyperactivity. Having a diagnoses helped me understand him better and has really helped me tailor my parenting to him. He doesn't get cause and effect easily, so punishment doesn't work. I have to explain and teach things that other kids just intuitively know. Stuff like that. Do seek help, if you are reading that many books it is time to seek outside help.