What advice to give daughter that is dealiing with hs questions

[aya2pin]

From her soccer teammates. There is one girl that has asked my daughter several times why she homeschools and that she would be better off in public school. It's not really asking it is more like "why do you homeschool?" "public school is so much better" " you really miss out on learning experiences at home." I am 100% sure that the girl is just repeating her parents comments. My daughter is kind of dreading soccer practice now. I am tempted to mention it to the girls mom but I don't want to make things worse. She isn't mean to my daughter just kind of pushy and makes her feel like an outcast because of the choices we have made. The girls are all about 10 or 11 years old. What would you do? Would you let your daughter deal with it on her own or say something to the parent?

[Jean in Newcastle]

"Why do you care? It works for me and my family."

[enlarsh]

I wouldn't go to the the girl's mother. Since your daughter is in a safe environment and not being bullied, I would talk with her and give her some responses. Let her practice with you. Sounds like a great opportunity for some life lessons for both girls. :)

[Anita in NC]

I would have my daughter ask her why? Why is public school better? Why are the learning opportunities better? How do you know that? What are you basing that on?

 

Many times when asked questions you will find that kids can't answer them. They haven't thought them through and often they are just repeating what their parents have told them.

[J-rap]

I remember at that age ps kids could not possibly understand that my children "worked" at home. They just thought that they must play, all day long. My kids thought it was funny. Kids that age are not really looking for an answer. Maybe the next time someone asks your children why they homeschool, your kids can just answer "because it's fun" with a big smile, and leave it at that. :)

[chiguirre]

:iagree: with Jean if your dd wants to take the high road. Or there's always, "No way. I'd hate to have to be at a desk for 7 hours a day and only be allowed to eat at a designated 20 minute time slot. I love being able to explore subjects that are interesting to me, go on fieldtrips whenever there's a new exhibit at a museum or a new animal at the zoo, and be able to move at my own pace in math and LA. I have it so good, I'd never want to go to school." :D

[cindergretta]

My 10 y/o dd is in a similar situation but with one of her best friends. She tells dd she isn't as smart because she is homeschooled. <sigh> And she makes other uncool comments. I kind of wish it were questions because I love Jean's answer! :tongue_smilie:

 

My oldest dd is so lucky! She ended up on an awesome soccer team where there were already 3 hs'd girls. One of them has since left and one has started going to PS, but dd and one other girl still homeschool and all the girls on the team are so used to it and accepting of it that it isn't an issue. :001_smile:

[aya2pin]

I did talk to my daughter about having a few positive statements about homeschooling ready for the next time it comes up. It is just frustrating that the daughter is just repeating what the parents have said. Now I know they have been talking about me behind my back which makes all of their nice remarks seem completely fake. We only have a couple more weeks of soccer season. Hopefully I can get my daughter interested in something else this summer...horseback riding at 2 in the afternoon sounds like fun. Thanks for the encouragement!

[WishboneDawn]

One more thing...This might be a good opportunity for your daughter to learn to draw some boundary lines. Instead of responding with positives which might keep the discussion going she also has the choice of saying something like, "I'm not going to talk about my homeschooling. I'm here to play soccer. Nice cleats, where did you get those?"

[katilac]

You're never too young to learn how to pass the beandip. I would not encourage her to engage in conversation about it, but rather concentrate on smoothly moving on with the conversation.

 

"Why do you homeschool?"

 

"It works for me. Let's practice."

 

"But you're missing out on so much."

 

"No, I'm not. Homeschooling works for me. Do you want some juice?"

 

Pass the beandip, play the broken record. Don't engage, don't answer questions. It works for me, period.

[Haiku]

What would you do?

 

If dd hasn't yet said, "Look, you keep bringing this up and I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm happy being homeschooled" then I would have her say that. If this kid keeps harping on it after that, I would not say something to the parent. I would say something to the kid. I would say, "I realize you have questions about homeschooling, but dd has told you she doesn't want to talk about it. If you want to discuss it, you can discuss it with me." If this kid STILL keeps after dd about it, I'd inform the coach because at that point it becomes disruption of the practice.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

Or there's always, "No way. I'd hate to have to be at a desk for 7 hours a day and only be allowed to eat at a designated 20 minute time slot. I love being able to explore subjects that are interesting to me, go on fieldtrips whenever there's a new exhibit at a museum or a new animal at the zoo, and be able to move at my own pace in math and LA. I have it so good, I'd never want to go to school." :D

 

I wouldn't recommend trying to pit homeschooling against public schooling to make homeschooling look better. That's a very good way to engender resentment amongst schooled kids. This girl is annoying the OP's daughter by saying public school is better. Doing the same to this other girl won't really solve the problem.

 

Now I know they have been talking about me behind my back which makes all of their nice remarks seem completely fake.

 

I'm not sure I'd take it that way. People are entitled to their opinion about homeschooling, just as I am entitled to my opinion about schooling. (I have a dd in public school, btw.) When we discuss schooling, I state my feelings on the matter. If my kids hear and repeat those, well ... so be it. Discussing my feelings about schooling is not the same as talking behind my schooling friends' backs. If my kids come away with the opinion that homeschooling is better ... well, I think it is! If they harangue schooled kids about being in school I would put a stop to that but I'm not worried if they pick up my opinion that homeschooling is a better choice. Also, one of my best friends is a high school teacher. She is fairly anti-homeschooling. If she discusses that with people (which she does) and makes her opinion known (which she does), I don't think she's talking behind my back. I know where she stands. She knows where I stand. The world has room for lots of opinions, no?

 

Tara

Edited May 6, 2011 by TaraTheLiberator

[Tammyla]

You could also encourage her to turn the questions back on the inquisitor...Why do you go to public school???Your missing out on so much fun by not homeschooling???

 

My kids both just blame me...They're standard answer is..."Ask my mom."

[laurad1125]

You're never too young to learn how to pass the beandip. I would not encourage her to engage in conversation about it, but rather concentrate on smoothly moving on with the conversation.

 

"Why do you homeschool?"

 

"It works for me. Let's practice."

 

"But you're missing out on so much."

 

"No, I'm not. Homeschooling works for me. Do you want some juice?"

 

Pass the beandip, play the broken record. Don't engage, don't answer questions. It works for me, period.

 

:iagree:

 

I would love to have learned this skill as a child! As it is, I'm still not very good at it.

[DesertDweller]

I would let your dd try to learn to handle it. It's bound to come up quite often. My children found that even adults would make comments at times, and it was good for them to learn how to politely address it without being uncomfortable. Unless it comes down to bullying or real meaness, then I might feel the need to step in a bit.

 

My dd would just tell people how much she liked being homeschooled. She would tell what she liked about it. Things like long lunches, watching tv at lunch time (which I allow), doing school in her jammies, park days, all day field trips, taking special days off, etc. Most kids would tell her how lucky she was and that they wished they could be homeschooled too.

 

And I agree with passing the bean dip! What a great life skill. Help her work on some things to say so that she can deal with what might be said.

[tristangrace]

I'd definitely coach my daughter in how to deal with it (rather than stepping in myself). Discuss the various strategies (some of which have been mentioned here) and ask HER which SHE wants to try. (If part of your beef is that the friend is just channeling her parents' words, then you'll want to avoid the same problem!) Find out how your daughter wants to respond, help her think through the options, and coach her in how to express herself.

[twoforjoy]

I like the idea of encouraging redirection. I wouldn't recommend turning around and being equally confrontational about this girl's schooling choices.

 

Honestly, I think this kind of thing happens all the time. I can remember, when i was in high school, private school students asking public schooled kids how they could stand being in public school, and vice versa. So I don't think it's exclusive to homeschoolers.

 

I'd just encourage saying something like "It works for us; public school works for you. Let's play soccer," and moving on. If she brought it up again, I'd help your DD come up with a polite but firm way to make it clear that this was not a topic she wanted to discuss. If this other girl continued to bring it up after that, I'd talk about it with the coach (or have your DD do so), not because it was questioning about homeschooling in particular, but because continually pestering somebody about a topic they've made it clear they don't want to discuss is very rude and disrespectful.

[Sahamamama]

I would have my daughter ask her why? Why is public school better? Why are the learning opportunities better? How do you know that? What are you basing that on?

 

Many times when asked questions you will find that kids can't answer them. They haven't thought them through and often they are just repeating what their parents have told them.

 

 

:iagree:Great advice.