Lonely?

[eternal_hope]

Anyone else out there ever feel alone? I'm new to homeschooling, and most of my friends would never consider homeschooling. Until a few months ago, I was a fifth-grade teacher in our local public schools, but after sending my kids to daycare and seeing how that and my stress level were affecting our family, I finally decided to be a stay-at-home mom. Since then (and knowing a little too much inside information about our public schools) I have decided to homeschool my son, who will be starting kindergarten. Lately, with the combination of leaving my job to stay home and choosing to homeschool, I have felt very isolated and lonely. I have a family member who homeschools, and she has been wonderfully helpful, but the only other person I know in my area who homeschools seems to have it all together and is not really someone I can vent to. My husband is very supportive; I just wish I had some more womanly support! Anyone understand??

 

~Bethany

[....]

Yeah, it really takes some getting used to. :glare: I've been home with my kids for 9 years. It takes its toll. :tongue_smilie:

 

:grouphug: You can always chat on the forums!

[lionfamily1999]

It does take a lot of getting used to, I know work isn't supposed to be fun, but there's a lot of grown-up interaction there that is MISSED once it's gone.

 

:grouphug:

 

It DOES get better. You learn to chat up the librarian... and lady at the post office... and cashier... :lol:

 

Really, it gets better.

[JudoMom]

First, :grouphug: Second, let me tell you that the woman who seems to have it all together doesn't. Third, it will get better. This is a great place to get support!

[*~Tina~*]

Anyone else out there ever feel alone? I'm new to homeschooling, and most of my friends would never consider homeschooling. Until a few months ago, I was a fifth-grade teacher in our local public schools, but after sending my kids to daycare and seeing how that and my stress level were affecting our family, I finally decided to be a stay-at-home mom. Since then (and knowing a little too much inside information about our public schools) I have decided to homeschool my son, who will be starting kindergarten. Lately, with the combination of leaving my job to stay home and choosing to homeschool, I have felt very isolated and lonely. I have a family member who homeschools, and she has been wonderfully helpful, but the only other person I know in my area who homeschools seems to have it all together and is not really someone I can vent to. My husband is very supportive; I just wish I had some more womanly support! Anyone understand??

 

~Bethany

 

Hey Bethany :grouphug:

 

First congratulations on your decision to homeschool! I want to encourage you to give yourself time to adjust. You have made some major changes to your life and even though those changes are positive, it is still a big adjustment for you and your family.

 

With time, you'll likely make some new connections with other homeschooling families in your community. In the meantime, and even thereafter, you'll find this board is full of wonderfully supportive women!

 

Welcome to the Hive! :001_smile:

[Ohdanigirl]

First, :grouphug: Second, let me tell you that the woman who seems to have it all together doesn't. Third, it will get better. This is a great place to get support!

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Welcome to the boards.

 

Danielle

[Jeanne in MN]

I felt that when I first became a sahm with our firstborn when she was a baby. It was so hard. I have a Phys. Ed. teaching degree and we lived across the street from the local elementary school. I would watch the PE teachers take the kids outside for PE and I just wanted to run over and be a part of it. Something just seemed really sad and wrong when the highlight of my day was a trip to the grocery store and getting to see people.

 

When the twins were born and I had three toddlers, I craved our weekly outing at the local community ed. where we had Early Childhood Family Education classes with play time, cradt time, circle time and parent time while the kids had snack and more play time. That was a life saver for me! It seemed sad to be so desperate for adult contact and mental stimulation.

 

When the kids were 7,7, and 9, we moved out to an acreage 15 min. from town. Depression hit an all time low. Oh my gosh, the isolation was horrible! About four years later we sold the acreage and moved back to town. (There were a number of other reasons we moved, but the isolation was the number one reason for me) We are happy to just see cars go by and people walking by-to feel apart of the world again.

 

My kids are now 12, 12, and 13. I have a great deal more freedom, however, so much of my time is still at home, homeschooling. If I weren't so passionate about education and teaching my own kids, I'd be working in a heartbeat. I have certainly learned to adjust and to cope with the loneliness, but I also know that being at home has taken a huge toll on my emotional well being.

 

I wouldn't want to have left my kids in anyone else's hands, and I believe too strongly in what I do now, but I also know that the good Lord did not give me a spirit of being a housewife and staying at home. I love working with other people and feeling a part of something bigger. I'm alone with my mind and thoughts too much. I'm bored too often. I still appreciate the outing to the grocery store or library to have some kind of contact with people and that feels pathetic. I am involved in things through church, our hs group, the library board, etc., but it's not quite the same.

 

I don't want to be a Debby Downer. I think the alternative would be just as difficult in it's own ways. I know I'd probably be a rabid parent at school board meetings upset and fighting for change. So this may be best. I know I will never regret this time I've had with my kids. I never want to look back and wish I could've done more with them and I won't have to. So I count my blessings and thank God for the strength he's given me to make it through.

 

It will get better, you will find a new routine, but there is a loss as well and it's ok to mourn it. Look for the golden lining as much as you can.

[Tarreymere]

That is the reason I am on this forum. We live in a semi-rural area, I have no transportation other than a bicycle, my former co-workers and friends think homeschooling is crazy (and that the local public schools are just terrible, go figure) and I have no family other than the ones I gave birth to. If it weren't for my DH I would probably go weeks without speaking to another adult. No homeschool groups nearby, either, and no means to travel to the groups that do exist. I know that I am doing the right thing for my kids, but it isn't all that easy.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:

 

This is a big adjustment, but spring is a great time to put yourself and ds out there to find new friends and support.

 

Visit the library, try activities with your son, go walk at the mall. You'll likely run into moms with children your ds's age. Smile and say hello.

 

Welcome to the board. This board has been my support for years:grouphug:.

[Peela]

This forum is great for that connection with others- others who understand the difficulties of what you are going through as a homeschooler- also people to share those joys with that hardly anyone else understands.

 

I connected up with some homeschool groups and although it took a while, I eventually found a group of several women to connect with, vent with, and hang out with while our kids played. Are there any homeschool activities in your area ?

 

I found my friendships with my other women friends who dont homeschool, were much harder to maintain once I homeschooled- but I did maintain them to some extent- we are still friends. An occasional coffee or phone call can do wonders, even if you cant talk about homeschooling to other people.

[TXMomof4]

First, :grouphug: Second, let me tell you that the woman who seems to have it all together doesn't. Third, it will get better. This is a great place to get support!

 

First - it will get better. YOu've had a huge change in your life. It takes time to adjust and change your dynamics.

 

I'm sure there are other homeschoolers out there - if it's important for you to go out there and meet them, by all means, go ahead. Of course, if you don't want to there is absolutely nothing wrong with soaking in being at home for a while. There is a lot of value in keeping your little one with you and marinating in each other for a little bit. It takes some getting used to, but now I treasure the time we can all be at home together because it is so scarce once they get older.

 

As far as the woman who "has it all together" - she doesn't.

 

Sunday at church someone told me I looked good and proceeded to talk about how I am always put together and so organized. You could have literally knocked me over with a feather.

 

I did have my hair brushed and a little makeup on, but that was done quickly in the car on the way to church because I'd overslept and let the kids sleep too. We didn't have anything in the house for breakfast so we were scrambling to feed the kids something while digging through the summer box to find something they wouldn't melt in on the first warm Sunday of the year and trying not to scream too much on a day of worship. And that was just the start of the day. Appearances can be so deceiving. ;)

[Chris in VA]

I get depressed and lonely, too, although I have some dear, dear friends. Structure seems to help.

 

Are you a "self-scheduler," or are you like me, needing some sort of outside structure? I find I need a little something to organize my time and day. If left to my own devices, I just sit there feeling overwhelmed sometimes. Some things that might be helpful--

 

Can you get someone to call you every morning or get on FB with every morning for a chat? Even just a "what's your plan for the day?" motivating thing.

 

Can you set yourself some tasks and make a daily routine--at least for part of the day? Having large swatches of "free time" is difficult for me--It's not really "free," b/c G knows there's ALWAYS something that needs to be done. But, again, since it's not organized for me, it's easy for depression to claim that time and for me to slack on doing what needs doing.

 

So, do you need some structure?

[kwickimom]

Yep! I was lonely. I have very few friends and HS supporters. I had no one when I began last year and now.....I have a lovely little HS group in my little town with 5 moms that meet once a month and I love these ladies. We dont do much together with the kids, but we meet and chat about HSing and whatever else.

 

I hung out here and searched out people that live near me. I met with a board member here that is a little ways away, but it was nice to see how they lived. I prayed about it and stuck it out and now it is better.

 

I urge you to search everywhere...forums, yahoo groups, put up a sign in your library and find people with stuff in common. I was down about it, and now its great. I searched and I found :) I hung out at the library and my librarians were wonderful and helped set up the HS group and now they are also my friends. There is a ps teacher there who doesnt have a teaching job right now who is awesome and lends us all her educational stuff and supports us even though she doesnt HS. She has become a good friend.

 

I put my kids in a bunch of community activites and they are happy as clams. Hang in there, it takes awhile to get used to but it will work out.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Trust me, even someone who looks like she has it all together probably has plenty of areas where she thinks she is falling apart. I know for me, the longer I homeschool, the more convinced I am that I do not know it all. (I was much more sure of myself when we started.)

 

In making a transition like this, you're not only deciding to homeschool, but changing whole sections of how you defined yourself. People who were friends or at least colleagues may not have time for you anymore. You're learning a whole new field, with its own in jokes and vocabulary. The pacing of your day and year are changing.

 

One thing that helped me a lot when I left the military was getting to know women who were a lot older than I. For a while I hosted a book group with a dozen ladies from church. I was 15 years younger than the next older woman and there were a couple women in their 70s. But they were not only whip smart, but wise with experience. But they were the sort of people that I'd gotten in the habit of dismissing because they were "just wives and moms". But they were really so much more than that.

 

Keep your ears and eyes and heart open. You may find great mom friends and great homeschooling friends and great fellow believers. Once in a while they might even be the same person.

 

:grouphug:

[Mejane]

All of my good friends came about through my kids' activities: homeschooling, theater, ballet and Boy Scouts. Sometimes I think I need to make my own friends, but for now my life is my kids'. :)

[eternal_hope]

Thanks so much for the encouragement, ladies. In my head, I know I'm not alone and that there are plenty of other people in the same position I am. But sometimes my heart doesn't match up with my head! I definitely think I'll be spending some more time on this forum, if nothing more than to chat and see what others are doing.

 

Several of you stated that the other lady I know who homeschools doesn't really have it all together, and I know that. It's just hard to talk to her because she doesn't ever want to take advice or try anything new. So I feel like I never have anything to contribute to the conversation. Just frustrating.

 

I'm working on finding other homeschoolers, but it's still sad to me that my relationships with my non-homeschooling friends might change. I hope that they don't, but I can already tell that things are different simply because of this one decision (granted, it's a big one!).

 

Again, thanks for the encouragement!

 

~Bethany

[eternal_hope]

In making a transition like this, you're not only deciding to homeschool, but changing whole sections of how you defined yourself. People who were friends or at least colleagues may not have time for you anymore. You're learning a whole new field, with its own in jokes and vocabulary. The pacing of your day and year are changing.

 

:iagree: So true. Some days I'm not even sure how to define myself anymore! I know being a mom and a wife are the most important roles I can fill right now, but it's hard, especially having given up a career that was very important to me. Some days are just harder than others!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

:iagree: So true. Some days I'm not even sure how to define myself anymore! I know being a mom and a wife are the most important roles I can fill right now, but it's hard, especially having given up a career that was very important to me. Some days are just harder than others!

 

Honestly I still struggle with this. My classmates are on command tours or have completed command and moved on to post command staff work. Those who got out have law degrees or started businesses or have big corporate positions. My prowess in middle school math and science curriculum selection sounds pretty dreary next to accomplishments with titles and commendations.

 

I was reading my alumni mag last week. There is a section with snippets of news for grads from each decade. Things like so-and-so just took command of the Blue Angels or such-and-such just earned their PhD or this-other-one was named Young African American Engineer of the Year.

 

I've yet to see a mention of Mrs (former LCDR) Stay-at-home successfully entertained thirty international officers in her home, serving a lovely buffet despite three different religious dietary restrictions and two severe food allergies among her guests. Or Mrs (former Capt) Mom-of-four has graduated her second child from homeschool, while also mentoring dozens of other spouses in her role of Commanding Officer's Wife.

 

These roles don't have spiffy titles or periodic awards ceremonies (man I miss those awards ceremonies and annual fitness reports). It's hard to let go of that positive feedback.

 

It took me a very long time to move from defining myself in terms of what I used to do (former military officer, academy grad, former SWO, etc). I still lapse occasionally. I am still looking for the areas in which I can excell that don't rely on defining myself as a homeschooler. Because, I know that my goal is to work myself out of that job too. Maybe I'll be a master naturalist or a Friends of the Library coordinator or a curriculum author or a hobby knitter. Maybe I'll just be the friend that people can rely on (there's a shortage of those in the world).

 

All of which is to say that the feelings of loss and uncertainty are totally normal. They may not go away for a long time. You might still look back with fondness on when you knew just what your place in the world was. (It helps that the bad memories fade with time.) You just have to keep carving out other things you enjoy and other places where you belong.

 

Love ya.

[Julpost]

First, :grouphug: Second, let me tell you that the woman who seems to have it all together doesn't. Third, it will get better. This is a great place to get support!

 

Uh, yep, this is true. I had a friend, years ago, confess that she thought I was one of these people who always had their act together. She was so relieved to discover that often even though my outfits looked perfect, it was usually only because it was the last thing that was clean. That I had ROOMS of disorganized chaos, it's only the public areas that look decent. She just had never popped in unannounced, or she would have discovered the truth even about these rooms. The only time I have ANYTHING together is if I've planned and organized it the night before. Otherwise, I'm actually one of the most disorganized people I know. I just put on a good show I guess.

 

But it DOES get better. And I had some lonely years too when this forum was actually my favorite place to socialize. My best friend thought that was crazy but I was happy.... :)

[NanceXToo]

I suggest you go on meetup.com and see if there's a homeschool group in your area that you can join. If there's not, you might want to consider starting one!

 

You might also see if there are places in your community that have homeschool programs. For example, by me, the YMCA has a "homeschool P.E." program. The bowling alley has a "homeschool bowling league." Some libraries sometimes have homeschool programs. Many museums and other recreational places or historical places often have "homeschool day programs." These are all places where you might be able to meet other homeschooling families in the area, and see if you can get to know some of them, or find out what they do for support/socializing.

 

Also, you might find a yahoo email list or something for your state/area, and you might be able to meet people that way, too, or find out about groups in your area.

 

Good luck!