Hot Lava Mama Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 Background. Dd, now 9, is frightfully afraid of water. When she was about 3 or so, dh had her on his back in the pool, and went underwater with her (hanging on to his back...not expecting to be submerged!) and she completely freaked out. He is in the camp of "throw them in the deep end of the pool, and they will learn to swim". Uh. I'm not in that same camp. Ever since then, it's been a total nightmare with water in her face. I tried 3 years ago to put her in swim lessons, and she clung to the sides of the pool and would not even bob under the water. I made her finish the whole 2 weeks, but she made no progress. I waited a few years, then last summer, put her in swim lessons again (she was 8 then, and attended with her 5 year old brother, who had no issues at all). Same thing. She refused to put her head under, and will not even do a bob. I am wanting to put her in swim lessons again this year, but she is really resisiting. What do I do? I really feel like knowing how to swim is an important life lesson. I told her I don't expect her to enjoy swimming, but I insist that she knows how to swim underwater. So, now where do I go? I have already enrolled her two brothers in another swim program that she is not qualified for (you have to be able to free style swim a certain length), and am feeling like it is more work to try to get her into a class that will be at another location at a different time. Not to mention it will cost more money. I am leaning towards not doing anything with her this year, but I fear that I am doing the wrong thing. How do I move her past that fear so she can learn to swim? Anyone have any advice? Thanks Hot Lava Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeinMT Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 I'd say keep trying, but be patient. My dd was scared to go under water also. When she was 8 she told her swim instructor that she was not going to put her face in the water and she didn't care if she was in level one until she was 40! We told her that she had to take lessons until she could swim across the pool, far enough to reach safety. She didn't do it until she was about 10 1/2! But she can swim now and likes to play in the pool, although she prefers to be able to reach the bottom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 It sounds like she is probably going to need a very experienced one on one instructor. This is truly a safety issue. If it was riding a bike that she was afraid of I would say, "Oh well, bike riding isn't mandatory." But I believe that knowing how to swim is not an optional life skill. Do you live in an area with infant swim instructors? If so, those are some of the most experienced and knowledgable instructors that I have experienced. What she needs is to learn is the ability to save herself (swim-flip-swim). After she has the skills to breathe in any circumstance, her confidence will build and her enjoyment will follow. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) Start out in the bathtub. Let her wear a suit if she is not comfortable with you in the room with her. Just have her put her mouth in the water and blow bubbles. Then, you have some options. She can try holding her breath while lowering her face into the tub water or blow bubbles while going under up past her nose. (She can hold her nose if she wants to.) Get her to where she can get her whole head under while in the tub. She can go in face up/back down. (I think this is easiest.) She can just put her face forward. It doesn't matter. If she is super scared, start her out with a straw blowing bubbles and gradually have her put the straw further in until she has her lips on the water (still on the straw). After she is comfortable putting her face in the tub, she is ready to try it in the pool in water that she can easily stand in. In the pool, repeat the bathtub procedure. After she can put her head into the pool (should be easier if she is doing it in the tub), just have her practice going under for a while. Have her jump from the side into the pool in 3 ft.; hold her hands at first if she wants you too. She should be able to jump in and not go under fairly easily. Have her jump in and purposely go under. Again, hold her hand if she wants you to. (She should pop right back up.)Then, you can have her swim with a noodle. Have her stay in the 3 ft. She should automatically be able to put her feet up and down at will. At this point, she should be ready for swim lessons! But, if you just take her to the pool almost daily she will probably start swimming on her own by the end of the summer. Or, just ship her to me for the summer. I have some girls who would love to teach her!!! Edited April 11, 2011 by Lolly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 (edited) I would do private lessons with someone she really trusts for a month or two to get her over the initial fear. Once she starts to feel safe in the water you might be able to transition her to group lessons. In the meantime you can have her practice submerging her face in the water at home. It could be in the bathtub or even just in a bowl or bucket of water so she gets used to having her face under water. eta: And in this case, I would bribe her to do it. Set up a series of small rewards for trying (one for face in the water, one for letting go of the side at lessons, etc) and then a very large reward for swimming independently for a set distance (maybe 10 yards). I consider swimming a critical life skill and would do whatever necessary to get her to learn. Edited April 11, 2011 by Cera Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 I just wanted to encourage you. I was that girl when I was little. (I knew how to swim by age 8, but, still...) My mom put me in swimming lessons at the Y when I was about 5 years old. I clung to the side and wailed. My teacher PEELED me off of the side and said,"but, your mommy wants you to learn how to swim" to which I replied,"Well, it certainly wasn't MY idea!" My parents went to dinner that night with their good friends and the friends were telling them this story of a little girl in their daughter's swim class who said,"well, it certainly wasn't MY idea" and they figured out that it was me. :lol: A decade later I was a swimming instructor at that very same Y. I ended up on the swim team in high school. It IS possible. I will tell you, though, that I have NEVER forgotten that feeling of terror when my dad tried to get me to float on my back. I actually thought that he was trying to kill me. :scared: My oldest daughter was like that, too and we had a VERY good instructor teach her. This year my youngest two will hopefully learn. (my youngest was BORN IN WATER and still doesn't know how to swim.) I know that this doesn't help solve the problem for you, but I just wanted to encourage you. It IS possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 I would look for swimming lessons at an indoor pool (or year round program) with instructors who are experienced. I would put her in lessons and continuously sign up until she learns. I would not make this optional. I would make it clear that she goes to lessons for as long as it takes. I wouldn't punish her. I wouldn't demand that she ''try harder" at the lessons. She will progress at her own pace. Swim lessons may get in the way of her other activities, but in my house they would take a priority over other activities. In addition to lessons I'd get the family to the pool to play regularly. I would not make her practice during the "play time". As she gets more comfortable, she will try more on her own. But being in the water helps. Having a parent in the water "playing" is important to progress. Swimming is not an optional skill for anyone in my house. One of my classmates drowned in a lake near my high school. On a Sunday afternoon, out in a small row boat with friends. No drinking. He got a cramp. His friends didn't know he was in trouble. Good swimmers are comfortable enough in the water they can deal with a cramp. My kids are good swimmers. Even if you think your dd won't seek out a water related activity, remember that teens often do stuff to go along with the group and they won't tell anyone they might not really be able to do the activity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 It sounds like she is probably going to need a very experienced one on one instructor. Yes. This is what it took for DD9 to get swimming. It was actually a 2-1 class, but the other kid dropped after the first day. DD9 never had anything traumatic in the water, but she had some problems with medical tests and claustrophobia when she was little that made it very very difficult. A good 1-1 instructor can make all the difference and it's worth paying extra to get them swimming safely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petepie2 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 If you haven't already, I would get her some good goggles....it made a huge difference for my daughter when she was learning to swim... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 My daughter was your daughter up to the age of 10. Washing hair was a nightmare and she would wash her face with more than a damp wash cloth. She even spent an entire 9 months going to swimming lessons twice a week and didn't get over it. I finally found a swim program that caters to fearful kids. Within 2 months of twice weekly lessons, she could swim elementary backstroke, backstroke, and front crawl stroke without proper breathing. We continued lessons this year and she can almost do side breathing properly. She can swim 50 yards, tread water, go underwater, and is eligible to try out for the advanced classes. Trying finding something specific for fearful kids. The program we go through uses white foam floats that get strapped around the kids' torso. They start out with two on front and two on back. It allows them to float while learning the strokes. They graduate to three on the back only, then two, then 1.5, then 1, then half a float, then none as they learn to float themselves. All the while, they are learning proper strokes without someone's hands being in the way (though the instructor is usually helping them float in the beginning to give them a sense of security and keep from rolling). In class, they go across the width of the pool (only about 12 feet) doing crawl stroke there and back a couple of times. Then elementary back stroke (when they get that, they move to regular backstroke). They are encouraged to do eyes in. They then move to diving from the side of the pool with help. They must jump off the diving board with or without help, even if that means they are lowered into the water by the parent to the waiting instructor in the pool. Then go down a tiny water slide. Finally, they "race" across the pool to toy time. Every class is exactly the same routine. I posted about it here on my blog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 If you haven't already, I would get her some good goggles....it made a huge difference for my daughter when she was learning to swim... Good idea! In case you havn't bought a lot of goggles they should suction to your face even without the band around your head. (or HER face! :lol: ) And, ftr, I have NEVER had a pair of good-fitting goggles. I swam for two years on a swim team in high school without goggles. I just opened my eyes and followed the black line in the bottom of the pool. I'm training for a triathlon in a lake (ewww) and will HAVE to find some good ones. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 If you haven't already, I would get her some good goggles....it made a huge difference for my daughter when she was learning to swim... We went through a program that caters to fearful children. They recommend AGAINST goggles while learning to swim and don't allow them in the pool during class time (only toy time). Their reasoning is that they've seen kids become dependent on them, who then "can't" swim without them. The kids will literally panic and be unable to swim without their goggles on. What will happen if these kids fall in or get pushed in when they aren't wearing their goggles out of the water? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abbeygirlsouth Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Lolly's method sounds the closest to what we did. DD took classes every summer from the age of 5-8, and would not put her face in the water. I then had her blow bubbles in the tub and this went on for a looong time. We then moved onto the pool every other day and did the same thing, then moved on to jumping into her dad's arms, and swimming with the noodles. Finally, at age 10 she was moved to the next level with her swim lessons, and by 13 she was a junior swim instructor. I know that it may seem like a long process, but knowing that I was with her (even in the bathroom) and would not leave her gave her much confidence. I also requested an instructor who worked well with children that were less confident in the water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KAR120C Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 One other thing... after years of swimming, DS developed a terror of water all of a sudden, apparently out of nowhere. (I think I know where it came from now, but at the time it seemed random.) Swimming isn't optional in our family, between nearby lakes, grandparents with boats, and the neighborhood pool... so we really didn't have the option to quit. What I did was sit down with him and make a list of all the specific things that he was scared of or nervous of regarding swimming -- could he sit on the side? could he get his face wet? could he wear goggles? could he jump in? float? swim on his back? on his front? on his side? etc. Everything we could think of. It wasn't a particularly logical list, but phobias don't need to be logical..... Then we ranked them. There were things he could probably do, things he didn't really want to do but might try, things that made him nervous, and things that he absolutely positively couldn't do at all and didn't want to even think about. We printed out the lists on a card, laminated it, and gave it to his instructor. That alone made a huge difference. The instructor knew (from the list) how he felt about each thing, and I think just having had his say made him much less anxious, and she could use the list to say "how about we try one thing from your nervous list but only for three seconds and then we'll stop and do something else." The whole episode lasted about three months and all that was left in the end was a reluctance to use goggles. It still didn't make any logical sense, but at least he could swim without panicking... and a couple years later he started using goggles again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petepie2 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 We went through a program that caters to fearful children. They recommend AGAINST goggles while learning to swim and don't allow them in the pool during class time (only toy time). Their reasoning is that they've seen kids become dependent on them, who then "can't" swim without them. The kids will literally panic and be unable to swim without their goggles on. What will happen if these kids fall in or get pushed in when they aren't wearing their goggles out of the water? Well, at some point, they would need to be taught to handle themselves in the water without them. I don't think that's impossible to do. My dd had to start somewhere with the resources we had. It was clear that for her it was either learn to swim with goggles or don't learn to swim at all. And now that's she comfortable in the water, she doesn't mind getting her face wet. Baby steps..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I am like this. I would get a diving mask...not goggles, but a mask that covers her nose too. Let her play with it in the tub too. It will help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rafiki Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I don't know if she has used them for lessons before, but my DS would not put his face in the water after 2 years of lessons - hated water in his face. The place we went didn't allow goggles for beginners. We switched places, they allowed goggles, by the end of the session he was kicking with his face in the water. Got lots better from there, I guess - now he's on swim team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakimberly Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I am all about the goggles. I have contacts and use them for that reason, but we have a backyard pool and swim daily and my kids would freak if I didn't let them have their beloved goggles! My younger daughter went through a few rounds of tubes and some ear pain issues and HATED water near her ears due to that when she was age 4 and under. We were in TX for the summer when she was almost 5 and we basically forced the issue- she had the all-clear the from the ENT and it wasn't a pain issue anymore, it was just a fear issue. We started slowly- me holding her high up while going around a lazy river at a water park with just part of her in the water... then more of her, then more of her, then slowly putting PART of her face in... then a little MORE of her face in.... etc... Water parks are good because they have so much interactive stuff that the kids want to do that they are just dying inside to NOT be on the water slides and such that require you to be able to swim to get out at the end. She had one-on-one swim lessons that fall in China with an American teenager and has been fine since then. One on one was good for her because she got extra encouragement when she needed it. (Well, that, and the lessons were in English, but that's kind of a non-issue in America!) But I distinctly recall that initial fear she had about putting her head in and how we had to convince her that she'd be okay. Our other daughter didn't have any ear problems and had never had pain so she was like a shark from day 1. I hope your girl has success this summer!! Swimming is such a joy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 :iagree: Start out in the bathtub. Let her wear a suit if she is not comfortable with you in the room with her. Just have her put her mouth in the water and blow bubbles. Then, you have some options. She can try holding her breath while lowering her face into the tub water or blow bubbles while going under up past her nose. (She can hold her nose if she wants to.) Get her to where she can get her whole head under while in the tub. She can go in face up/back down. (I think this is easiest.) She can just put her face forward. It doesn't matter. If she is super scared, start her out with a straw blowing bubbles and gradually have her put the straw further in until she has her lips on the water (still on the straw). After she is comfortable putting her face in the tub, she is ready to try it in the pool in water that she can easily stand in. In the pool, repeat the bathtub procedure. After she can put her head into the pool (should be easier if she is doing it in the tub), just have her practice going under for a while. Have her jump from the side into the pool in 3 ft.; hold her hands at first if she wants you too. She should be able to jump in and not go under fairly easily. Have her jump in and purposely go under. Again, hold her hand if she wants you to. (She should pop right back up.)Then, you can have her swim with a noodle. Have her stay in the 3 ft. She should automatically be able to put her feet up and down at will. At this point, she should be ready for swim lessons! But, if you just take her to the pool almost daily she will probably start swimming on her own by the end of the summer. Or, just ship her to me for the summer. I have some girls who would love to teach her!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 If you haven't already, I would get her some good goggles....it made a huge difference for my daughter when she was learning to swim... :iagree: Actually my son needed a mask, that covered his nose so water wouldn't get in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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