Help with working memory issues in DH and DD?

[i.love.lucy]

I am just at the very beginning stages of seeing some issues, or I should say being able to label the issues I have always seen.

 

DH is an artist. He's a Creative Director for a local firm. I would say successful, but does have some personal struggles that do somewhat inhibit his work. He has anxiety issues, which we medicate with Paxil, and this has helped him SO much. SO that's under control. But one thing that has come up recently at his work is his memory issues. This wasn't an issue in the workplace for many, many years because he was freelance and didn't have people all over him like he does now. He has poor working memory. He has struggles when say, 4 people are in his office and all are randomly telling him things they need on a project. He does keep copious notes, but things get missed. He doesn't have good recall of conversations. He can't find his way out of a paper bag, so being given driving directions ("go to the third light, make a left, then a right at the second street, we're the 4th house on left" He's COMPLETLEY lost unless he wrote that down and even then would have to slowly go step by step). OTOH, he has fantastic long term memory and even pretty good short term memory, like remembering facts from a car repair or something. So I think I have nailed down that this is a working memory issue.

 

Can anyone help me with some resources I can use to help him? Supplements, vitamins, memory work-outs? I can google, but I thought the Hive might have more helpful, practical advice. He's also what I think of as an introvert, so I have the book "The Introvert Advantage" on hold at the library because it was mentioned in another thread.

 

I am also having some lightbulb moments regarding DD10 possibly having inherited this slightly. She's also an introvert. She also seems to have working memory deficits. And she has speech disfluencies, which I would have never connected had it not been for this thread I dredged up from last fall. She is now in group speech therapy, group because her disfluencies are what they call mild. She was off the charts (in a good way) for language processing, so they don't see any concerns there. But that thread helped me see that there is a possible connection to working memory and the speech disfluencies she has. I'm going to discuss this with her therapist in a couple of weeks, they are off for Spring Break now (we go to a University based program). I have recently changed her math program to one that doesn't require so much higher level conceptual thinking because trying to do "math in her head" just seemed so frustrating and impossible). Her grammar program works on repetition, repetition, repetition, so that has been hugely successful for us this year. It's actually been another piece in the puzzle that helped me see the issues.

 

So I am curious about what a layperson/Mom/Wife can do? I will read, I will change their diet, I will give them supplements. DD is in Classical Conversations and we do a lot of memory work, so I feel like we are working on that "muscle". Maybe DH needs to work on it too. He is really overloaded at work, so he's instituting a new policy where people have to submit their projects to him in writing, and hopefully that will help him be able to make sure that he doesn't miss things. I am even thinking I might buy him one of those little pocket recorders so if there are really important project meetings he can record them to play back later to make sure no detail is missed. But I wondered if there are dietary changes I can help with? He's already on fish oil for cholesterol.

 

Your advice is appreciated!!

[just Jenny]

Hi Amy. Prayer. Ask God for help and direction, and ask over and over again. :001_smile: He answers.

Edited March 12, 2011 by just Jenny

[Parrothead]

Well, the first place to start would be the doctor's office. Have checks done for any vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Then I'd check their diet. My dh is in his late 30s. We are just now figuring out that the vast majority of his "problems" are stemming from allergies to food. So far dairy and aspartame. He has probably been allergic to dairy his entire life. It is going to take a couple of years to get him to where he needs to be.

 

Aspartame is a big one for mental issues. It is so bad I wouldn't lace the drinking water of the Westboro Baptist Church with it.

 

So correcting any nutritional deficiencies would be my first step. Eliminating processed and food additives would be my second step. Then I'd see about a journal/planner for both people. Your dh writing things down is a good first step in trying to remember. Unfortunately if he is not writing things down in a central location he will forget his little slips of paper. For instances at work where 4 people are talking to him at once, get him a mini recorder. He can go over each conversation if he forgets things. If one is busy writing down what Person A says, one will miss what Persons B, C, and D are saying.

 

There are exercises you can do to improve memory. Those you can Google. Also check your local book store.

[i.love.lucy]

Hi Amy. Prayer. Ask God for help and direction, and ask over and over again. :001_smile: He answers.

:grouphug:Thanks for the reminder. That's def part of the plan!

 

Well, the first place to start would be the doctor's office. Have checks done for any vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Then I'd check their diet. My dh is in his late 30s. We are just now figuring out that the vast majority of his "problems" are stemming from allergies to food. So far dairy and aspartame. He has probably been allergic to dairy his entire life. It is going to take a couple of years to get him to where he needs to be.

 

Aspartame is a big one for mental issues. It is so bad I wouldn't lace the drinking water of the Westboro Baptist Church with it. -->:lol::001_huh:

 

So correcting any nutritional deficiencies would be my first step. Eliminating processed and food additives would be my second step. Then I'd see about a journal/planner for both people. Your dh writing things down is a good first step in trying to remember. Unfortunately if he is not writing things down in a central location he will forget his little slips of paper. For instances at work where 4 people are talking to him at once, get him a mini recorder. He can go over each conversation if he forgets things. If one is busy writing down what Person A says, one will miss what Persons B, C, and D are saying.

 

There are exercises you can do to improve memory. Those you can Google. Also check your local book store.

Interesting...he is lactose intolerant. Maybe I should eliminate dairy for a while entirely. It won't really be too hard, he doesn't eat or like cheese, and only drinks lactose free milk. But I could easily switch him to soy or almond milk. He has other allergy issues, but mostly just seasonal pollen. And we have already been working on making our diet about whole foods and eliminating HFCS, aspartame, and processed foods. But they are probably not eliminated completely. Good reason for a check into the pantry again.

 

And I did suggest the little recorder. I think he likes that idea. We remember doing that in college, why not now?! When important things have to be remembered, do what you have to do to remember them!

 

Thanks for the advice!

[elfgivas]

there may be different pieces of the puzzle here. and there are some things that he can do that will help.

 

one thing is reflective listening. he can practice on you. you can practice on him. it helps all communication, not just work or working memory. so you say to him, "can you pick up milk, bread and cheese on the way home?" and he answers back "you'd like me to pick up milk, bread and cheese on the way home from work tonight. sure i can do that". it is a communication check, and after a few days, becomes almost automatic. he could use it at work, too. another version of this would be to also write a summarizing email after meetings where lots of suggestions were made, and ask if anyone has anything to add. then it comes back in the email, which he can turn into a "to do" list.

 

this does two things: it gives him practice remembering the things, but it also gives folks a chance to fill in any gaps, and then the gaps that aren't corrected become shared responsibility.

 

there are also some neuro-linguistic programming things that he could try, such as touching his pointer finger for "milk", the next finger when he says "bread", and the ring finger for when he says "cheese". then, when he's standing in the grocery store, he can touch the first finger while he says to himself what he said to you "you'd like me to bring home.... and the act of retouching the finger gives him some kinesthetic memory of the word that was associated with it.

 

there are more things out there, but he may want to work on multiple fronts - improving the odds of him remembering and putting some checks and balances in place for when he doesn't.

 

hth,

ann

[Parrothead]

 

Interesting...he is lactose intolerant.

No, I had hopes that it was lactose intolerance. In that case I could have provided Lactaid with a slice of pizza. The longer his elimination goes on it seems that it is an actual allergy.

[Ottakee]

Have you considered ADD?

[i.love.lucy]

Have you considered ADD?

I don't think either of them display the classic symptoms - inattention, hyperactivity, impulsivity. I don't think either of them are daydreamers, or spacey. They don't seem to lack focus. And they are not impulsive. They just both (my dh to a larger extent) have trouble working with multiple facts at a time, especially if there is a lot going on or multiple distractors. But I don't think I'd call it inattention or lack of focus per se. Where did I read, probably here in an older thread...it's like 4 dancers on a stage. If a 5th joins in, one of the original 4 dances off stage. That piece that should have been held on to is now gone. There can only be so much at a time. For my dh, I think his slight hearing loss from a shotgun blast as a teen has contributed to his inability to hear what is said and the extra time it takes to process it. So I guess in a way that's like APD, right? But caused from an injury. It's like how my MIL is with her old age hearing loss...she misses about 50% of what is said and has to either guess, ask "what?" or just let it go. I wonder if this mild hearing loss also affects dh in the same way.

 

DD doesn't have any kind of hearing loss and she was evaluated for language processing for her speech eval. She did great. She understands and processes language really well, is excellent at reading comprehension and overall does well with written and spoken language processing. It's math she struggles with. Again, with her it's mild. But I wonder about that connection with her stuttering. If her inability to recall her words or thoughts fast enough to articulate them has contributed. If so, I can get help from the SLP to work on that.

 

I guess I am just wondering if you all have tried dietary changes and/or supplements that have helped. I mentioned dh is already on fish oil. I have even thought about SAM-E or something similar (I think that's what it was) to ease dd's anxiety. But she's only anxious in new situations or when she feels overwhelmed and underprepared, so I don't know if that's something to try to fix or just work on as a personality trait with her that she needs good strategies for.

 

I don't think I have a lot of foods containing aspartame around here, but I am going to eliminate that for sure! I appreciate the heads up on that so I can do more research.

[zaichiki]

My dh and oldest ds also have weaknesses with working memory. I only know that b/c oldest ds had IQ testing done when he was younger. I used to think dh was forgetting things *on purpose* just to drive me batty! (Oh, they also have a bit of anxiety...)

 

I like a few of the coping mechanisms other posters have mentioned (finger touching and repeating what you just said to them). Those things don't work well enough around here, though. Dh and ds often say they *heard* but didn't remember what was said to them. Same issues with several different inputs at once and directions with more than one step.

 

Whatcha gonna do? Sigh! Some people are just made differently. It's SO exasperating to me, but I have gotten used to dealing with the two of them. :lol: I LOVE them, but they can drive me absolutely CRAZY! :D

 

We've tried more sleep, multivitamins, Omega 3, etc. I usually get right in front of them or touch their arm before I speak to them. I frequently repeat myself. A lot. I write things down. I have a sibling repeat what was just said. Sometimes 2 siblings. If all else fails I run screaming from the room. :blushing:

 

The only thing that helps around here is upgrading my patience. Seriously. I have to adapt the environment to fit them.

Directions? Whoever is giving them needs to give them to ME and not dh. When he's alone he's absolutely dependent on his GPS.

 

Like kids with LDs at school -- accomodation is the name of the game.

[J-rap]

***

Edited February 19, 2023 by J-rap

[PeterPan]

Did you read Yllek's other posts on the things her SLP does with her ds to work on working memory? She had some posts detailing it extensively. You can do things to remove the ROADBLOCKS to working memory, but to get it to improve, I think you have to actively work it (with digit spans, with...). Yllek's SLP seems to take this to the next level, bringing in not only distractions but other kids of activity. You'll notice she has the dc playing with toys while they do the digit spans and other activities. Yllek detailed quite a bit that I think you could do yourself. I know we've been trying. Not as consistently as I'd like, but we've been trying. Wasn't hard to figure out what she meant.

[Rosie_0801]

Try researching dopamine deficiency for your dh.

 

Rosie

[PeterPan]

Have you googled Paxil and memory loss?

Edited March 14, 2011 by OhElizabeth

[i.love.lucy]

Did you read Yllek's other posts on the things her SLP does with her ds to work on working memory? She had some posts detailing it extensively. You can do things to remove the ROADBLOCKS to working memory, but to get it to improve, I think you have to actively work it (with digit spans, with...). Yllek's SLP seems to take this to the next level, bringing in not only distractions but other kids of activity. You'll notice she has the dc playing with toys while they do the digit spans and other activities. Yllek detailed quite a bit that I think you could do yourself. I know we've been trying. Not as consistently as I'd like, but we've been trying. Wasn't hard to figure out what she meant.

Off to search for these posts. I must have run across at least one thread she posted in because I recall her posts about this making some real "AHA!" moments for me. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

I think I will still search for dietary/sensory/allergy issues too. Just to make sure I am covering all the bases. Tricky thing about this is that I might never know if it's some miniscule amount of a pesticide or something. We can't really afford to go all 100% organic. And dh is on Lipitor and Paxil (Paxil has reported memory side effects) but he can't go off of those. It might be a case of "it is what it is" and we just have to find strategies to help him best within the confines of it.

 

DD, OTOH, is not on any meds we can blame, and I have an opportunity as she is my captive during the day! :tongue_smilie: I will work with both of them in encouraging brain exercising. Shoot, I'm sure I could use this too!

 

Thanks for the advice everyone!!

[PeterPan]

Your dh could have both working memory issues *and* and medication side effect.

[Trish]

I wouldn't put it all on him. If he's the boss, have the co-workers write out what they need on certain projects! A lot of work meetings can be huge time-wasters anyway. Have them communicate important ideas by email so he's got it written down. Have a sign in the office: Put It In Writing!

[peacefully]

.

[Rosie_0801]

This isn't a man thing? ;) I know, I know, terrible of me to say so, but all of the men/boys in my life are like this.

 

From my reading, they all have dopamine deficiencies, just like we all have seratonin deficiencies. Dunno about the rest of you, but "ah, dopamine deficiency" seems a lot better than "ARGH! Men!"

 

Rosie