Would this upset/offend you?

[AngelBee]

I don't know about offending me, but after learning this I would certainly be minimizing my daughter's contact with this family. From what I know of the Debi Pearl stuff, some (not all) of the followers can be cult-like in their devotion. It sounds like this mom has fallen hard for the Pearl beliefs and is not just interested in following this lifestyle herself but also influencing others, including your daughter despite already knowing you weren't a fan.

 

Personally, I wouldn't send my daughter over there at all anymore, and I would carefully monitor the conversations when their daughter visits your home.

I actually like the book, but take it as I would anything....with a grain or two of salt. ;) I found it in a really rocky place in my marriage. Now I look at it and am a bit baffled.

 

That said (my disclaimer) I agree I would limit contact of your dd wth her. She overstepped your parenting knowingly and that is dangerous.

 

:grouphug:

[Miss Sherry]

Yeah, one of the "gems of gold" that the Pearls put forth is about how a wife should "welcome her husband with open arms" when he returns from prison after molesting his own children. If that just doesn't scream BIBLICAL FAMILY VALUES!! (snark not intended toward normal xians!)

 

....that way he can now be free to molest his grandchildren. Ain't it just lovely? :mad: Those books are poison and the mother is an instigator. I thought so first when you started the thread about your son not being a good friend because he didn't call everyday, but now?! Now she has REALLY taken it too far.

 

I would be likely to say something like,"We do not condone the sexual exploitation of children in this house. The authors of that book DO. Never give such vile filth to my child ever again". But, I'm just like that.

:iagree:Oh yes, those books are VILE !!!!!!!!

I wouldn't return the book. I would destroy it. You may save some poor soul from being harmed by it. Seriously.

[BarbecueMom]

Just in case you wanted some resources to address the specifics in the book when you think your dd is ready:

http://responsivereiding.com/2008/03/01/created-to-be-his-help-meet-a-review-sort-of/

 

and a direct quote for the book for women:

"A Command Man who has gone bad is likely to be abusive. It is important to remember that much of how a Command Man reacts depends on his wife's reverence towards him. When a Command Man (lost or saved) is treated with honor and reverence, a good help meet will find that her man will be wonderfully protective and supportive. In most marriages, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects obedience, honor, and reverence, and is not getting it. Thus he reacts badly."(pg. 79)

 

 

Ah, I see. He's not cruel, you just aren't walking gently enough on those eggshells...

 

:ack2:

[Parrothead]

Especially considering that they seem to have no problem spanking and or physically punishing other peoples kids when they see fit. (Yes, I've read 'To Train Up A Child')

That right there in bold is the reason you give your dd for never ever setting foot in this woman's house again. To me if these people are advocating the Pearls then they are advocating assault with plumber's tubing. When your dd sees these kids around battered and bruised she will thank you.

[AuntieM]

To answer your initial question, I would be irritated at her action, and then highly offended by her email. That relationship would get lost in the midst of a bunch of new alternatives.

 

Many have said that you should go through the book with her and point out the errors. I don't necessarily think that's a bad idea, but I'd focus on things a bit differently.

 

If your dd has been influenced by this woman, if her ears have been perked to this subject matter, then maybe she (your dd) is really interested in studying up on being a Godly wife and mother. I would look for an excellent, truthful, Bible focused study to begin working through wih your daughter. Maybe invite another like-minded mom and daughter to join you (not the Pearl people). Anyway, get her so innoculated with the truth that she can recognize any false teaching she may encounter in the future, including the CTBHH junk.

 

I just keep thinking about what a bank manager once told me. The tellers are not trained to recognize counterfeit cash by handling lots of counterfeit bills. Instead, they are trained to know well all the intimate details of the true currency, so when a fake piece comes along, they can instinctively sense the difference.

[Cricket]

To answer your initial question, I would be irritated at her action, and then highly offended by her email. That relationship would get lost in the midst of a bunch of new alternatives.

 

Many have said that you should go through the book with her and point out the errors. I don't necessarily think that's a bad idea, but I'd focus on things a bit differently.

 

If your dd has been influenced by this woman, if her ears have been perked to this subject matter, then maybe she (your dd) is really interested in studying up on being a Godly wife and mother. I would look for an excellent, truthful, Bible focused study to begin working through wih your daughter. Maybe invite another like-minded mom and daughter to join you (not the Pearl people). Anyway, get her so innoculated with the truth that she can recognize any false teaching she may encounter in the future, including the CTBHH junk.

 

I just keep thinking about what a bank manager once told me. The tellers are not trained to recognize counterfeit cash by handling lots of counterfeit bills. Instead, they are trained to know well all the intimate details of the true currency, so when a fake piece comes along, they can instinctively sense the difference.

 

Very good advice! I like your example. We just read John 10 in our family devotions yesterday, about the Good Shepherd. The sheep know the shepherd's voice and will not follow a stranger. The sheep recognize a stranger's voice because they are so familiar with the shepherd. This is so good to remember!

[CAMom]

I read through this thread yesterday but didn't get a chance to respond.:)

 

Yes, I would be upset at this situation. First, because the friend is undermining your authority. That's just not acceptable at all.

 

Second, because of the material she's peddling. Like the others, I have the same practical problems with the Pearls' parenting and marriage philosophy. But, on a much deeper level, I believe that their teachings are detrimental to the gospel message.

 

I've read where Michael Pearl has said that he believes one can reach perfect sanctification here on earth. I know I've read that he believes that he has gone certain time periods without sinning. That simply flies in the face of the gospel. I don't want my kids influenced by that at all.

 

I would be having a talk with this mother and if she cannot respect your desires for your daughter, that would be it.

[LostSurprise]

I like what Auntie M had to say.

 

Contrary to what many have said, I liked your first response. As a peacemaker sometimes we cycle back to the positive in a conversation. Unfortunately some people do not hear what you are saying. It's only the last thing that they focus on. When talking to people like that (usually very wrapped up in their own point of view) you have to be very straightforward, not ending on a positive statement. It is conceivable that she thought you were giving her tacit approval for her point of view.

 

Because of this it was important that you were calm but blunt with her about what she did, pointing out what you said before and showing how her actions undermined you as a parent (very unbiblical).

 

Once she reacted with anger you are correct to pull away from the friendship for as long as you think necessary.

 

Whether or not I allowed my child to continue the friendship would depend a lot on age. Under the age of 10--no. It's difficult for them to understand the whole issue. I would consider allowing a child 10 or older, after significant discussion about the issue, to continue the friendship in a minor, controlled way. We would also talk about appropriate and inappropriate adult conversations and influence and what to do in the future.

 

I think you reacted with a lot of grace. Now to work on loving and teaching your daughter so that she can see that you have her best interests at heart. I am sure that same sense of grace will show her how honest you are and how you have her best interests at heart.

[Sue G in PA]

Well, I just wanted to thank you all again and update you on the situation. Unfortunately the situation has turned ugly. Her response to my email was beyond judgemental and it only got worse from there. She deleted me from her FB (which is fine with me) and so I had to tell my dd to delete the woman from her FB as well. I can't have her contacting my dd over FB w/out my ability to supervise, kwim? Dd was upset but she will get over it. The woman told me, among other things, that I was divisive, let my kids run the neighborhood, that I do not have the presence of God in my home or in my life (how she can tell that I do not know, lol), that I should listen to Godly counsel (meaning HER Godly counsel), criticized the CHRISTIAN music that we listen to (my kids like some of the more rock-type Christian bands like Toby Mac, Skillet, Building 429, etc.) and said they do not allow that in their home, that her daughter isn't allowed here b/c my boys fight with each other and use weapons like knives (:confused::confused:), etc. It got uglier than that so I had to end it before I said something I would regret. Now, I am left to pray that God opens her eyes to the dangerous people the Pearls are and that her children are spared the indoctrination. It is all very sad. But, I am sort of relieved. I never felt great about dd spending time at their house. Thanks again for all your replies. As you can see, I have done as the Bible instructs in Matthew 18. She was not open to reconciliation. I tried.

[Nakia]

Well, I just wanted to thank you all again and update you on the situation. Unfortunately the situation has turned ugly. Her response to my email was beyond judgemental and it only got worse from there. She deleted me from her FB (which is fine with me) and so I had to tell my dd to delete the woman from her FB as well. I can't have her contacting my dd over FB w/out my ability to supervise, kwim? Dd was upset but she will get over it. The woman told me, among other things, that I was divisive, let my kids run the neighborhood, that I do not have the presence of God in my home or in my life (how she can tell that I do not know, lol), that I should listen to Godly counsel (meaning HER Godly counsel), criticized the CHRISTIAN music that we listen to (my kids like some of the more rock-type Christian bands like Toby Mac, Skillet, Building 429, etc.) and said they do not allow that in their home, that her daughter isn't allowed here b/c my boys fight with each other and use weapons like knives (:confused::confused:), etc. It got uglier than that so I had to end it before I said something I would regret. Now, I am left to pray that God opens her eyes to the dangerous people the Pearls are and that her children are spared the indoctrination. It is all very sad. But, I am sort of relieved. I never felt great about dd spending time at their house. Thanks again for all your replies. As you can see, I have done as the Bible instructs in Matthew 18. She was not open to reconciliation. I tried.

 

Wow. What a sad sad woman. I hope God does open her eyes to what she is doing. I am soooooooo glad you got your daughter out of that situation. She would have caused nothing but trouble and grief in your family.

[Mary in VA]

:grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry you had to go through this. How is your dd doing?

 

Mary

[roxanne23]

.

Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23

[Trish]

Egads! Time to build a mental "plumbing supply line fence" and keep them at bay if and until she returns to her senses.

[Forget-Me-Not]

:grouphug: Sorry mama. I know the whole situation is painful, but it sounds like you guys dodged a bullet. Hopefully your DD will come to understand in time.

[gracesteacher]

please watch your daughter go and block this woman from adding her back to fb and make it so that your dd act can not accept msgs from people that are not her friends. Find any crack that this person can slithering thru

Then honestly I would keep an eye on your daughters friend list.

[Annabel Lee]

that her daughter isn't allowed here b/c my boys fight with each other and use weapons like knives (:confused::confused:), etc.

 

Heap the coals of kindness, after some time has passed & she's cooled off a bit. I'm so sorry for your dd b/c of her friend and for you b/c this woman lives nearby. :grouphug: Just an ironic tidbit: Michael Pearl advocates boys (is it just boys or is it all kids?) know how to use knives, and has knife-throwing (as in target-practicing) tutorial videos.

[mommaduck]

Well, I just wanted to thank you all again and update you on the situation. Unfortunately the situation has turned ugly. Her response to my email was beyond judgemental and it only got worse from there. She deleted me from her FB (which is fine with me) and so I had to tell my dd to delete the woman from her FB as well. I can't have her contacting my dd over FB w/out my ability to supervise, kwim? Dd was upset but she will get over it. The woman told me, among other things, that I was divisive, let my kids run the neighborhood, that I do not have the presence of God in my home or in my life (how she can tell that I do not know, lol), that I should listen to Godly counsel (meaning HER Godly counsel), criticized the CHRISTIAN music that we listen to (my kids like some of the more rock-type Christian bands like Toby Mac, Skillet, Building 429, etc.) and said they do not allow that in their home, that her daughter isn't allowed here b/c my boys fight with each other and use weapons like knives (:confused::confused:), etc. It got uglier than that so I had to end it before I said something I would regret. Now, I am left to pray that God opens her eyes to the dangerous people the Pearls are and that her children are spared the indoctrination. It is all very sad. But, I am sort of relieved. I never felt great about dd spending time at their house. Thanks again for all your replies. As you can see, I have done as the Bible instructs in Matthew 18. She was not open to reconciliation. I tried.

 

Be thankful in another way...this situation caused her to reveal everything she was thinking about you and your family. Now you know where you REALLY stood with her, rather than her subversively trying to "re-educate" your children (particularly your daughter who is probably most vulnerable right now).

 

Just an ironic tidbit: Michael Pearl advocates boys (is it just boys or is it all kids?) know how to use knives, and has knife-throwing (as in target-practicing) tutorial videos.

 

Very ironic, but not surprising.

[mommaduck]

please watch your daughter go and block this woman from adding her back to fb and make it so that your dd act can not accept msgs from people that are not her friends. Find any crack that this person can slithering thru

Then honestly I would keep an eye on your daughters friend list.

 

Block, not just defriend. If they are blocked, then they can't send messages.

[gracesteacher]

I would even have your dd block the other girl because that mom may come in thru her acct and may even make up a name and send your dd msgs that way which i why with kids i am an advocate unless they are a friend they cant send messages (there is a way to stop that) and then monitor my childs friend list.

[Princess Peach]

Be thankful in another way...this situation caused her to reveal everything she was thinking about you and your family. Now you know where you REALLY stood with her, rather than her subversively trying to "re-educate" your children (particularly your daughter who is probably most vulnerable right now).

 

:iagree: and {{shudder}} that's actually quite scary that someone would do that.