What gives me worth (my part will have cc, I don't care if yours does)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've been struggling with this question lately. I know that ultimately as a Christian, my worth comes from God - not only as His creation but also as His special creation (through salvation). But I think I also derived a lot of my self worth from what I could do for my family and for society. This year has stripped me from being able to do most of what I used to do. Earlier this week a friend came over to clean my bathrooms. I appreciate so much her love but it was so humbling to realize that I couldn't take care of that basic chore in my house right now. This morning I was sharing these feelings with another friend and she was telling me that her self worth had come from being a good mommy. Her adult son has totally abandoned all he was taught and she feels like her self worth left at that point too. So what gives me worth?

[myfunnybunch]

You gave the friend who cleaned your bathrooms the opportunity to bless you, to feel a sense of accomplishment and self-worth because she was able to serve you. There is a value in allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and allowing ourselves to be served by others. Don't discount that as a source of your own worth as well. :grouphug:

 

Cat

[Onceuponatime]

Have you ever read The Five People You Meet in Heaven? I just finished it today.

 

In the end, the author suggests that we can have no idea of the impact we have had on the world while we are in it, that all lives are interconnected, and that any good that we do for others has lasting value.

 

You have worth because there are people that love you.

[Danestress]

I was having a little pity party today missing my father, who died with Alzheimer's just less than a year ago.

 

I was thinking about how none of me church or homeschooling friends knew him. I grew up in this town, so some of my old friends knew him, but none that I have met in the last seven years since we moved home. I was really feeling sad and angry that none of them ever expressed any interest in knowing my father, who lived right here - a mile away from me. I saw him almost every day, partly to help my mother, his caregiver, and partly because I treasured time with him. Even when he was speechless, immobile, and really not "there" mentally at all, I still think he was worth knowing, worth loving, worth just sitting with. He had great worth - great worth to me, but also would have had great worth to others if they had wanted to see his worth, and I don't mean just the "before Alzheimer's" Dad. The bed ridden, confused, anxious Dad also had great worth.

 

I am not sure why I am posting this, because you are, despite your illness, still vibrantly young in most ways, still an engaged parent, still posting thoughts, and have almost nothing in common with my father. But I guess the idea of "worth" has been on my mind today. But I don't have any answers. I just know that your worth exists just as surely as iron exists. Iron doesn't have to ask where it's being comes from. It just is. Your worth just is. Whether you see it clearly or not, it just is. I am sure everyone who loves you would agree to that, and would be confused about having to explain why you have great value and worth. But if they tried to explain, it wouldn't have anything to do with who scrubbed your bathroom today.

[jld]

Just being.:grouphug:

 

Just take a minute and think about all the disadvantaged people -- the poor, minorities, illegal immigrants, victims of war and oppression -- all the people who are constantly being told or treated as if they are worthless. Imagine if they were treated with the same love and kindness you've received this year. Imagine if they weren't constantly demonized. If we really saw one another as equals, if we really asked ourselves how we would like to be treated if we had been born into a different body, in a different place, in this life, imagine how different a world this would be.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I was having a little pity party today missing my father, who died with Alzheimer's just less than a year ago.

 

I was thinking about how none of me church or homeschooling friends knew him. I grew up in this town, so some of my old friends knew him, but none that I have met in the last seven years since we moved home. I was really feeling sad and angry that none of them ever expressed any interest in knowing my father, who lived right here - a mile away from me. I saw him almost every day, partly to help my mother, his caregiver, and partly because I treasured time with him. Even when he was speechless, immobile, and really not "there" mentally at all, I still think he was worth knowing, worth loving, worth just sitting with. He had great worth - great worth to me, but also would have had great worth to others if they had wanted to see his worth, and I don't mean just the "before Alzheimer's" Dad. The bed ridden, confused, anxious Dad also had great worth.

 

I am not sure why I am posting this, because you are, despite your illness, still vibrantly young in most ways, still an engaged parent, still posting thoughts, and have almost nothing in common with my father. But I guess the idea of "worth" has been on my mind today. But I don't have any answers. I just know that your worth exists just as surely as iron exists. Iron doesn't have to ask where it's being comes from. It just is. Your worth just is. Whether you see it clearly or not, it just is. I am sure everyone who loves you would agree to that, and would be confused about having to explain why you have great value and worth. But if they tried to explain, it wouldn't have anything to do with who scrubbed your bathroom today.

 

Well, as I was thinking about my own pity party about not being able to "do", I was thinking about people I know who are physically or mentally disabled. And I realized that I always think of them as being worthwhile people. But somehow I have a harder time giving myself that grace.

[Mejane]

Have you ever read The Five People You Meet in Heaven? I just finished it today.

 

In the end, the author suggests that we can have no idea of the impact we have had on the world while we are in it, that all lives are interconnected, and that any good that we do for others has lasting value.

 

You have worth because there are people that love you.

 

Yes. I was thinking of the movie It's a Wonderful Life. George Bailey thinks everyone would be better off without him until he's shown what things would be like if he'd never been born. You have inherent value as a human being, but your worth to those who know and love you is incalculable, and not because of what you do for them but because of who you are.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Yes. I was thinking of the movie It's a Wonderful Life. George Bailey thinks everyone would be better off without him until he's shown what things would be like if he'd never been born. You have inherent value as a human being, but your worth to those who know and love you is incalculable, and not because of what you do for them but because of who you are.

 

:iagree::grouphug:

[kwickimom]

Sadly I have always let other people determine my worth, its something I have been working on forever. I think they *we* need to give ourselves worth by the ALL the things we do and the love and compassion we have for others. Even though I am a walking doormat to most people, I am a great friend. Even though I have some issues with some of my DH's actions, I am a good wife. Even though I HS I am a good mother :lol: (that one was for all the HS haters in my life:tongue_smilie:)etc. etc.

I think our self worth cannot come from just one person or thing. I think it is the sum of all the things we do. If you feel less "worthy" because you cant clean your house, think of all the other wonderful things you do. To me, praying for another board member to get through her pain today, makes you super worthwhile in my book :001_smile:

Edited December 3, 2010 by kwickimom
typo

[Jean in Newcastle]

Your posts have brought the tears prickling to my eyes. I feel like I had some of the unspoken, even unrealized assumptions about myself challenged lately and needed some reminder of the importance of more substantive and eternal aspects of our humanity.

[woolybear]

Maybe not huge.....but how about all the wisdom and support you have shared here. I think this is very valuable.:grouphug:

[katemary63]

I am valuable because I am God's special creation, because He loves me, because I am his child. I am valuable, precious and loved because He says so. Apparently, I'm worth dying for. That's it. Nothing on earth can change any of these things.

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

This is something I have fought with a lot. I have allowed others to choose and control my life because I didn't think I was worthy of more. God is really showing me lately that I am not worthy because of anything I do but just because He chose Me. Isn't that wonderful to think that when He created the whole world He planned this time for you? I am worthy because He loves me.

[Jean in Newcastle]

In doing some introspection, I realize that God is addressing some pride in my life. I think there has been this pocket of pride that even though I have chronic illness, and it takes me a long time to get stuff done, I was always able to take care of my family.

 

My friend who has felt her self worth hit through her adult son's behavior, said that she had always had pride in how good a mother she was (even though her son's decisions don't mean that she wasn't a good mother).

[kalanamak]

Half of my thought is summarized in this not very lyrical poem, and the other half is what someone (Auden?) called something like "The Social Worker's Conceit"---we are here to be good to others, but what others are here for I cannot say.

 

To Be of Use

 

The people I love the best

jump into work head first

without dallying in the shallows

and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.

They seem to become natives of that element,

the black sleek heads of seals

bouncing like half-submerged balls.

 

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,

who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,

who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,

who do what has to be done, again and again.

 

I want to be with people who submerge

in the task, who go into the fields to harvest

and work in a row and pass the bags along,

who are not parlor generals and field deserters

but move in a common rhythm

when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

 

The work of the world is common as mud.

Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.

But the thing worth doing well done

has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.

Greek amphoras for wine or oil,

Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums

but you know they were made to be used.

The pitcher cries for water to carry

and a person for work that is real.

Marge Piercy

[MariannNOVA]

Thank you for this.:)

 

 

 

Half of my thought is summarized in this not very lyrical poem, and the other half is what someone (Auden?) called something like "The Social Worker's Conceit"---we are here to be good to others, but what others are here for I cannot say.

 

To Be of Use

 

The people I love the best

jump into work head first

without dallying in the shallows

and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.

They seem to become natives of that element,

the black sleek heads of seals

bouncing like half-submerged balls.

 

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,

who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,

who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,

who do what has to be done, again and again.

 

I want to be with people who submerge

in the task, who go into the fields to harvest

and work in a row and pass the bags along,

who are not parlor generals and field deserters

but move in a common rhythm

when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

 

The work of the world is common as mud.

Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.

But the thing worth doing well done

has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.

Greek amphoras for wine or oil,

Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums

but you know they were made to be used.

The pitcher cries for water to carry

and a person for work that is real.

Marge Piercy

[ereks mom]

I googled to find info for you from that seminar because it was very powerful and it has stuck with me all these years:

 

Who am I?

I am a living soul!

 

How is value determined?

 

1. Who made it.

Gen 2:7 And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. KJV

 

Confession Number One: I am a person of incredible worth because God designed and created me.

 

2. Quality of workmanship.

Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thess 5:23, NIV

 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made …. Ps 139:14, NIV

 

Image and Likeness. When found together, …make a theological statement about human nature, affirming that we bear a "likeness-image" to God. Like God we are persons, with an emotional, moral, and intellectual resemblance to our Creator. (The Teacher's Commentary)

 

The soul is also the seat of…

1. Values

2. Attitudes

3. Motivations

4. Imagination

 

Confession Number Two: I am a person of incredible worth because God designed and created me in His likeness and in His image.

 

3. Uniqueness.

… I am fearfully and wonderfully made …. Ps 139:14, NIV

 

Confession Number Three: I am a person of incredible worth because God designed and created me like no other person in history. I am an original—a one-of-a-kind.

 

4. Potential.

Jer 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. NIV

 

Confession Number Four: I am a person of incredible worth because God designed and created me with incredible potential for creativity and good.

 

5. Durability.

 

Luke 16:26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.' NIV

 

Confession Number Five: I am a person of incredible worth because God designed and created me to live forever.

 

6. Purchase price.

1 Cor 6:19…do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's. NKJV

1 Cor 7:23… You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. NKJV

2 Peter 2:1…there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even denying the Lord who bought them…NKJV

1 Peter 1: 18 knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot. NKJV

 

Confession Number Six: I am a person of incredible worth because God designed and created, then loved and redeemed me by the precious blood of His only begotten Son.

 

Conclusion

Confession Number Seven:

I am an awesome spirit-being of magnificent worth.

I am deeply loved of God;

I am fully pleasing to God;

I am totally accepted by God.

Adapted from Robert McGee’s Search for Significance

Edited December 3, 2010 by ereks mom

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thank you, EREK's mom. I will have to bookmark your post and read it over and over again.

[Saille]

I've been struggling with this question lately. I know that ultimately as a Christian, my worth comes from God - not only as His creation but also as His special creation (through salvation). But I think I also derived a lot of my self worth from what I could do for my family and for society. This year has stripped me from being able to do most of what I used to do.

 

Whether you are physically able to "do" for others right now does not change the fact that you are a person whose spirit rises to do what needs doing.

 

I agree that pride can become an issue when you are not able to accomplish what you normally would...refusing to accept help from others can inadvertently deprive them of important experiences and lessons you yourself have benefited from when you were the one doing the helping.

 

I hope that's coherent. I was half asleep when I saw this, but my heart went out to you.

[Barry Goldwater]

You were created in Almighty God's image...

 

He desires to fellowship with you for eternity SO MUCH, that He died for you...and rose again! (Hallelluiah!)

 

AND

 

though we can never comprehend it fully,

 

with every breath you draw

 

you fulfill His perfect will...

 

I'd say that's worth something :)

[Guest Katia]

I believe one's worth lies in simply being. We are Human Beings.....we are NOT Human Doings. We are simply to be who we are created to be, and to continue towards what we ultimately are becoming. All of the 'doing' is clutter and tends to sidetrack one from the more important aspect of 'being'.

 

For example: Doing kind works is very different from being kind.Doing charitable works is very different than being a charitable person. One is done for a short time in a limited way; the other is an intrinsic part of our being that is constant in all we do or say.

 

You can't 'do' forgiveness or 'do' grace; but you can be forgiving and become full of grace.

 

I have been judged very harshly by other people (who didn't know all of the circumstances) for not 'doing' what they thought was 'enough'. It used to bother me greatly, but once I stopped focusing on what I couldn't 'do' and started to focus on what I could 'be', life changed. I changed.

 

I became a Human Being....not a Human Doing. And I like myself a whole lot better.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You were created in Almighty God's image...

 

He desires to fellowship with you for eternity SO MUCH, that He died for you...and rose again! (Hallelluiah!)

 

AND

 

though we can never comprehend it fully,

 

with every breath you draw

 

you fulfill His perfect will...

 

I'd say that's worth something :)

 

Thank you, Barry.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I believe one's worth lies in simply being. We are Human Beings.....we are NOT Human Doings. We are simply to be who we are created to be, and to continue towards what we ultimately are becoming. All of the 'doing' is clutter and tends to sidetrack one from the more important aspect of 'being'.

 

For example: Doing kind works is very different from being kind.Doing charitable works is very different than being a charitable person. One is done for a short time in a limited way; the other is an intrinsic part of our being that is constant in all we do or say.

 

You can't 'do' forgiveness or 'do' grace; but you can be forgiving and become full of grace.

 

I have been judged very harshly by other people (who didn't know all of the circumstances) for not 'doing' what they thought was 'enough'. It used to bother me greatly, but once I stopped focusing on what I couldn't 'do' and started to focus on what I could 'be', life changed. I changed.

 

I became a Human Being....not a Human Doing. And I like myself a whole lot better.

 

I'll have to ponder this, Katia. I think I'm the one judging myself for not "doing enough".

[specialmama]

I did a great study on worth many, many moons ago. 2 things I recall and I believe them:

1) measure your worth by the amount of faith God has given you (this is backed up by Scripture, but I don't recall the ref.)

2) one can only feel truly fulfilled when they are in the centre of His will, utilizing the unique gifts He has given each.

 

I believe it to be true. I find my worth in being in the centre of His will, when I am using my gifts, and when I accurately and soberly assess the faith He has given me. When that happens, I'm at the top of my game, perfectly in line and in tune with everything. It's a daily thing though, sometimes a minute-by-minute thing.

[Peela]

I think we are all inherently worthy and there is nothing whatsoever we can do to make ourselves more worthy than we naturally are already.

The sun shines on absolutely everyone, no discrimination. We don't have to earn it (through being good, through being saved, through being a good mum, through working hard) . The tiniest baby doesn't have to earn it. The worst criminal doesn't have to earn it. All are equal...and all are uniquely different. The Sun is just the same as the Love that is always shining on everyone from within their own heart. Everyone has that potential.

The difference is..some people know it, are in touch with it, and some arent...they still think they have to earn it or behave in a particular way to deserve it. It is always there, though.

[Laura Corin]

I try to think of myself as having valuable qualities, whether or not I can express them or be admired for them. A Ming vase is the same Ming vase, whether it's in the attic or fetching millions at an auction.

 

Laura

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thank you, everyone. I haven't had the energy to respond to every single post but every single post has been appreciated and mulled over. :):):)

[Hedgehog]

I've been struggling with this question lately. I know that ultimately as a Christian, my worth comes from God - not only as His creation but also as His special creation (through salvation). But I think I also derived a lot of my self worth from what I could do for my family and for society. This year has stripped me from being able to do most of what I used to do. Earlier this week a friend came over to clean my bathrooms. I appreciate so much her love but it was so humbling to realize that I couldn't take care of that basic chore in my house right now. This morning I was sharing these feelings with another friend and she was telling me that her self worth had come from being a good mommy. Her adult son has totally abandoned all he was taught and she feels like her self worth left at that point too. So what gives me worth?

 

Just as a comment on your friend(s) coming over to help.. around 3yrs ago, I was diagnosed with Sarcoid. It manifested itself as a terrible arthritis type inflammation pain in my joints, particularly my ankles. I couldn't even put my feet down off the bed without excruciating pain. Brothers and sisters from the church came and helped out so much - I felt massively in debt to them, and I mentioned this to one sister who had been particularly brilliant - she came nearly every day for 3 weeks, when it was at it's worst. She said to me, "if you don't allow people to help you, then you are not allowing them to 'be' Christ to you." It's true. When you help someone, you are trying to do what Jesus would have done and following his teachings - that cup of cold water, so appreciated in a hot country - the parable of the sheep and goats, where the sheep served others but because it was so much part of the way they were, they hadn't realised the importance of what they were doing; compared to the goats who hadn't even noticed the needs of others in the first place.

 

Jean, you probably have no idea how much you help people. Your kind and wise words, and prayers, are given generously here, so I am sure that you are doing the same IRL. People will definitely value you - I do, and I've only been reading and latterly posting here for 6 months!

 

The fact that you have people helping you means that you have allowed them into your life, and you have gifted them with the privilege of serving you as unto the Lord. It's not necessarily something you can see, but it's a gift just the same. One day you'll be able to turn it back round and "do" things for others again.