Kate in VA Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 I'm in need of some advise..... comments and concerns are also welcome... Recently my dd10 has been really fighting me tooth and nail on about everything... school, chores, even as simple as taking a shower. school work has become very frustrating to both of us..... Coming this spring my husband and I will both be going back to college.... I am concerned with a number of things... being able to homeschool and study for my classes.... keeping the house decent(my hubby will be working full time so this will mainly fall all to my shoulders).... driving my dd to a couple activities... aside from daily stress & financial stress, my step dad currently lives with us and it is making my homeshooling even harder- he hasn't had a job since March and he always interrupts us.... even though I bring this to his attention he doesn't seem to get it... I truly think he still looks at me as a little kid and doesn't respect me... he does agree with our homeschooling but I don't think he really understands the responsibility or the time needed.... He is currently looking for a job but it is taking alot out of me....oh and he started smoking again (after having quit for 3 years) big NO NO in our house.... I am contemplating putting my dd in public school for a number of reasons... 1. I am worn out... the daily argument with her is really getting to me... 2. Ever since we moved here(over a year ago) my dd has really crawled into a shell.... she's not interacting with other kids the way I think she should be... side story... a couple of weeks ago at a church afterschool program she was showing another little girl a ring that my dad gave her for her B-day.... when my dd asked for it back the other girl asked my dd what she was gonna give her to give it back! my dd proceeded to give her a bracelet that a friend made for her so that she could get the ring back... It never occurred' to my dd to A. tell her she wasn't gonna give her anything to get her own ring back...or B. Talk to the teacher about it... or C. at the very least tell me when I came to pick her up.... she didn't tell me till this past Sunday night! this is just one incident:banghead: 3.Next Fall I will be taking 17 credits and only 2 of those will be online.... the other classes are only offered in the fall and only one class is offered... so my schedule will be really weird.... 4. I feel that my dd(who has never been to school) should experience PS... mainly so I never here "I never got a chance to go to school" when she gets older lol 5. I'm wanting her to "socialize" with other kids but in a good way not sure if I should put her in school mid year or wait it out till Fall .... not sure if I really want the "Socialization" that goes along with PS... My dd is even bullied by our little 5 year old neighbor... she lets her cousin (boy 13) boss her around as well .. I think she is just so concerned with having the "friend" and not about how they treat her....this concerns me greatly my husband is not really happy about this idea.... He doesn't want her to lose her innocence and being around nasty kids (however he really doesn't understand the pressure on me) but he also said he doesn't want to "put his foot down" and make me do something that I'm not happy about... I'm concerned with this even solving any issues... for all I know she could be really bullied in school and her behavior at home may get worse... She doesn't really want to go either but I think she doesn't understand just how good she has it... :glare: I might be able to stop by the school tomorrow... for all I know I could walk in there and it be so out of control that I say "heck no! no matter how much of a brat she is being she is not going there:biggrinjester:" another option is to put her in school now to give myself a bit of a break and to see how much my classes are gonna take out of me ...and then really crack down on our expectations of her (which I think we already have a bit) and homeschooling her still while we schedule around my classes...(this could get hard) Finally the last option (that I can think of) is to just suck it up and tread though this homeschooling journey... keep on keeping :confused: okay I feel a bit better just venting...:001_unsure: any thoughts? concerns? comments? just want to go off on me and bite my head cause I thinking like a crazy person... Let me have it...! thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 If she already has social problems I do NOT think that sending her to public school to fend for herself is the answer. She can't even handle one kid at church? How is she supposed to handle a class room of kids? Sounds like she needs some counseling. WHY are you BOTH going back to school full time? It really doesn't sound like that's the best idea right now. Sounds like too much upheaval already and it has affected your daughter- adding more to the mix won't magically fix things. JMHO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Debbie in OR Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 First of all, hugs to you. :) I totally agree that sending her to public school when she already has difficulty handling peer situations is not going to help her. I get how tired you are..really, really I do. (School runs through my mind several times a month :glare: ) Are there no other options besides PS? Is there a Classical Conversations group going where you are? That would at least give her some social outlet while you are there to supervise and also give you somewhat of a break. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 If she already has social problems I do NOT think that sending her to public school to fend for herself is the answer. She can't even handle one kid at church? How is she supposed to handle a class room of kids? Sounds like she needs some counseling. WHY are you BOTH going back to school full time? It really doesn't sound like that's the best idea right now. Sounds like too much upheaval already and it has affected your daughter- adding more to the mix won't magically fix things. JMHO :iagree:I have the same question. If it were me, I'd seriously reconsider the going back to school thing. It sounds to me like your daughter needs you. Of course, I don't know what's behind your decision to go back to school, but, wow, like I said, if it were me, I'd pass on going to school and just concentrate on the mom thing for now. You sound sooooooo stressed.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 I would not send her to school. It sounds like it would be disastrous for her personality, and some damage done you might not be able to undo. Why are you both going back to school at the same time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherylw Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 I feel your dilemma. Although I don't have any advice for you since we've just started with all this, I'm in a similar situation. I'm supposed to take care of the "business" side of my husband's construction business, (we're partners sort-a-speak) along with homeschooling (first year), taking care of the house and ALL that goes with that. I feel if I'm caught up on one the others have suffered. But most of the time I feel like everything is only partially done. Like today for instance I spent most of the morning cleaning because an appraiser was coming to appraise the house. Well, that left some time but then we left for Lego club (robotics program with our umbrella) at 2:00. If I have anywhere to go on a certain day that I just can't recover and get our work done. The boys are pushing me as well. Procrastating doing their work (although I'm a procrastonator too) and dragging it out way longer than it needs to be. DS 8 is the worst and he wants to go back to PS. DS 10 is fine with homeschooling but doesn't enjoy any learning. We may being doing work for 15 min. and ds 8 needs a break, or water, or go pee or whatever he can think of. I usually end up yelling at some point during the day. Right now our plan is to homeschool for 3-4 years and then go to a private school if we can afford it. Just last night DH and I had an arguement and I had a melt down! I just feel overwhelmed. What if they don't learn enough? Or I skip something they really need to know....But at the same time I still want to continue to homeschool but somedays I think maybe it's not be for me. Not to mention family members or people in general who won't directly tell you they disagree with homeschooling, but will let you know in an indirect way. Well, sorry about my rant. Maybe somebody on here can give you some direction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 I feel your dilemma. Although I don't have any advice for you since we've just started with all this, I'm in a similar situation. I'm supposed to take care of the "business" side of my husband's construction business, (we're partners sort-a-speak) along with homeschooling (first year), taking care of the house and ALL that goes with that. I feel if I'm caught up on one the others have suffered. But most of the time I feel like everything is only partially done. Like today for instance I spent most of the morning cleaning because an appraiser was coming to appraise the house. Well, that left some time but then we left for Lego club (robotics program with our umbrella) at 2:00. If I have anywhere to go on a certain day that I just can't recover and get our work done. The boys are pushing me as well. Procrastating doing their work (although I'm a procrastonator too) and dragging it out way longer than it needs to be. DS 8 is the worst and he wants to go back to PS. DS 10 is fine with homeschooling but doesn't enjoy any learning. We may being doing work for 15 min. and ds 8 needs a break, or water, or go pee or whatever he can think of. I usually end up yelling at some point during the day. Right now our plan is to homeschool for 3-4 years and then go to a private school if we can afford it. Just last night DH and I had an arguement and I had a melt down! I just feel overwhelmed. What if they don't learn enough? Or I skip something they really need to know....But at the same time I still want to continue to homeschool but somedays I think maybe it's not be for me. Not to mention family members or people in general who won't directly tell you they disagree with homeschooling, but will let you know in an indirect way. Well, sorry about my rant. Maybe somebody on here can give you some direction. Ahhh. :grouphug: Sounds like you need to be able to relax while doing the school work. Your life sounds very hectic, you have too much on your plate and your kids may be trying to get your attention by procrastinating with their work. If you could just focus on sitting with them individually for a small amount of time each day it might help. But no pushing, no fussing, no yelling allowed during that time. You need to be able to sit and enjoy being with them- at first it will suck because as soon as YOU are done and need to move on to the next thing they will fight it because they will want you to remain gently focused on them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
holdoll Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 If she already has social problems I do NOT think that sending her to public school to fend for herself is the answer. She can't even handle one kid at church? How is she supposed to handle a class room of kids? Sounds like she needs some counseling. WHY are you BOTH going back to school full time? It really doesn't sound like that's the best idea right now. Sounds like too much upheaval already and it has affected your daughter- adding more to the mix won't magically fix things. JMHO :iagree: I agree. First of all, ten is a difficult age IMHO. Those hormones are raging and they are still little kids straddling the fence of spreading their wings and hanging on mom's apron strings. Talk to her and role play with her. Teach her how to deal with different situations such as standing up for herself; when is it just "tattling" or is it time to talk to an adult in charge if someone is bullying her. Is she distressed from the recent move? Our kids didn't really show it until about 6 - 9 months after our move across country. Knowing that you're both going back to school may also be weighing on her mind. Ask her. Maybe you and DH could prioritize who goes back to school first and how many credits per semester are really beneficial for ALL of you? Then have a family meeting and set out the expectations that you and DH have for her and what the rewards/ discipline will be. I hope and pray that your life grows in peace and your dd will find joy in homeschooling and actually thank you someday for NOT sending her to public school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 (edited) side story... a couple of weeks ago at a church afterschool program she was showing another little girl a ring that my dad gave her for her B-day.... when my dd asked for it back the other girl asked my dd what she was gonna give her to give it back! my dd proceeded to give her a bracelet that a friend made for her so that she could get the ring back... It never occurred' to my dd to A. tell her she wasn't gonna give her anything to get her own ring back...or B. Talk to the teacher about it... or C. at the very least tell me when I came to pick her up.... she didn't tell me till this past Sunday night! this is just one incident:banghead: I have stories like that from my childhood. I was a shy child. I had friends at school, but then my parents moved mid-year in 3rd grade. I found it VERY difficult to make new friends mid-year, so I fell in with the only group that would allow me in. They were not very nice. My one "friend" pressured me into letting her wear my watch, insisted that she take it home overnight, and the next morning when I asked for it back she said, "I never took it." Total lie. I didn't tell my mother for weeks, because I was ashamed that I didn't know how to stand up for myself. 5. I'm wanting her to "socialize" with other kids but in a good way Based on my own experiences and your description of your daughter, how in the world is she going to pull that off? She sounds like the sort of child who doesn't know how to stand up for herself. Once the kids get a whiff of that, she'll be their victim. not sure if I should put her in school mid year or wait it out till Fall .... It was an utter disaster for me. I never recovered. Once I had to move mid-year and didn't find a crowd to fit into, I never did. I was ostracized for the next 9 years of schooling. It was beyond horrible. not sure if I really want the "Socialization" that goes along with PS... My dd is even bullied by our little 5 year old neighbor... she lets her cousin (boy 13) boss her around as well .. I think she is just so concerned with having the "friend" and not about how they treat her....this concerns me greatly my husband is not really happy about this idea.... He doesn't want her to lose her innocence and being around nasty kids (however he really doesn't understand the pressure on me) but he also said he doesn't want to "put his foot down" and make me do something that I'm not happy about... He is a good man for not trying to force you, so he needs to be looking at ways to help you homeschool. Like, he needs to do at least 50% of the housework, even if he works full time. Unless a person is at home raising kids, most adults in America work full time and they do all their own chores. Didn't you when you worked? Don't single men and women? They go home from work, cook their own dinner, tidy their house and do it all over again the next day. So can he. I'm concerned with this even solving any issues... for all I know she could be really bullied in school and her behavior at home may get worse... If the 5 yo and the cousin bully her, how could you think she won't be bullied at school? You'll have to take what I say with a grain of salt. My childhood was completely ruined by being a social outcast. I am not being dramatic. I have no good memories. I happened to talk with a woman at church who does counseling and it came up somehow the pain I had from my childhood, she and I started some counseling and I finally got freed from the pain of my childhood--at age 35. From the time I was 8 until I was 35, the pain of being rejected and picked on for 9 years was deep, deep inside me. Quite literally, thank God for setting me free from that. If that woman hadn't taken the time with me and taught me how to forgive, I would still be under that weight of pain. I only say this, because sending a delicate child into a situation where you pretty much know she'll be bullied isn't something to do lightly. It can affect her entire life. Oh--and my parents never knew how bad it was. I was so shamed at school that I couldn't stand the idea of being pitied at home. I cried myself to sleep every single night for 9 years, and they never had a clue. So don't think you'll know. She didn't tell you about the bracelet incident right away, did she? And she'll get quieter and quieter the more ashamed and shamed she feels by the other kids. Edited December 2, 2010 by Garga Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 WHY are you BOTH going back to school full time? In my house, the child's needs come first no. matter. what. Someone has to be available (physically and mentally) for this girl. I wouldn't be going to school myself with her in a difficult stage. Public school is not going to help. IMHO, 5-8 grade is the worst possible time to put a kid in ps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate in VA Posted December 2, 2010 Author Share Posted December 2, 2010 thank you for all your thoughts.... Some good ideas in there.... I was thinking of classical conversations as an idea for some social time and some teaching off me a bit.... only concerned with it fitting into our plans and the cost.... it might be a good potion though...d also my husband is going back to school because he is changing fields.... his work now is stagnant and no growth option... not to mention he hates it... terrible work hours for a family and must work on weekends and holidays... the longer he stays the harder it will be to get out of the field... I quit school when I found out I was pregnant 11 years ago... I have always wanted to go back and i haven't because I have spent this time completely with our daughter... I am really looking forward to returning and we have the opportunity to go back at next to no cost... not to mention I would like my daughter to see me working towards a goal.... Why should I talk the talk but not walk the walk? I want to set a good example for her and show her how rewarding it can be.... I have also felt very low for many years about my education (or lack there of ) and have just had enough with feeling stupid.... We are taking as few credits as we can but still getting the max amount of money to cover our costs.... my husband is not going for a 4 years degree but a 2 year degree.... he and I are also taking a couple classes together and looking forward to some time together that doesn't revolve around our little monster:D thank you all! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 Don't know if this is the answer, but... you might think about going the *other* direction with her. Instead of cracking down next year or pushing along like you're doing, you might consider just saying to heck with it and letting her have an unschooling year or a project based year or something like that. You didn't really say where she is academically, so you may or may not see that as an option, but if you and your dh need to focus on getting through a tough semester and she's having a difficult time, then it might be time to back off for awhile and regroup. You might even make a contract with her about what the tradeoffs would be and talk to her about what she might want - in general, just shake things up and give your relationship time to heal and develop new dynamics instead of just butting heads. It could be done with the expectation that at the end of a certain amount of time, you'd go back to homeschooling in a more traditional way. But that might not work for every kid... or every parent. I just wanted to throw another option out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 I quit school when I found out I was pregnant 11 years ago... I have always wanted to go back and i haven't because I have spent this time completely with our daughter... I am really looking forward to returning and we have the opportunity to go back at next to no cost... not to mention I would like my daughter to see me working towards a goal.... Why should I talk the talk but not walk the walk? I want to set a good example for her and show her how rewarding it can be.... I have also felt very low for many years about my education (or lack there of ) and have just had enough with feeling stupid.... We are taking as few credits as we can but still getting the max amount of money to cover our costs.... my husband is not going for a 4 years degree but a 2 year degree.... he and I are also taking a couple classes together and looking forward to some time together that doesn't revolve around our little monster:D thank you all! It sounds like you want to do what you want to do and you are fixed on that- that's non negotiable. It sounds like you are perhaps resenting your daughter's problems and difficulties and not quite celebrating her and your time with her...and the escape to your own world seems like a welcome relief. But...then you feel guilty about neglecting your daughter. But you cant really have it both ways...and its ok to send a child to school, really. To me...what your daughter (any child) needs is stability and consistency and parents who are not so stressed out they can't deal with her natural emerging needs (which change as she grows). Homeschooling can't be a healthy option if there isn't a parent who can provide a very calm and matter of fact day to day atmosphere. And oodles of patience to deal with issues as they come up. Homeschooling is really a full time job- it can't just be fitted in between other things. I think it may be more important that, if you are set on going to college, your daughter go to school so as to have a stable, regular life that isn't chaotic and stressed. Of course school has its problems too. Of course. And if it proves that school is worse than home....you will know and you can change your mind. At least you have tried it. But the regularity of the routine of goign to school and hopefully coming home to a mum who is able to give her your 100% attention, and enjoy her and engage and deeply connect with her- because mum is also getting her own needs met- is also a very viable way to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 (edited) It sounds like you want to do what you want to do and you are fixed on that- that's non negotiable. It sounds like you are perhaps resenting your daughter's problems and difficulties and not quite celebrating her and your time with her...and the escape to your own world seems like a welcome relief. But...then you feel guilty about neglecting your daughter. But you cant really have it both ways...and its ok to send a child to school, really. To me...what your daughter (any child) needs is stability and consistency and parents who are not so stressed out they can't deal with her natural emerging needs (which change as she grows). Homeschooling can't be a healthy option if there isn't a parent who can provide a very calm and matter of fact day to day atmosphere. And oodles of patience to deal with issues as they come up. Homeschooling is really a full time job- it can't just be fitted in between other things. :iagree: I personally disagree with your reasons for going back to school, but that is your business. You have your own priorities. People are all different, of course. Showing your daughter that education is important is not as important as being there to mother her when she needs you IMO. I am 47. I've got 56 college credits taken through out the years, some before kids, some after. I have not finished because I had to put my kids and family's needs first, so I know what I am talking about. I LOVE school. I WANT a degree so bad. I had a 4.0. But I choose to sacrifice. When DH and I decided to go for our last baby, (she was intentional) I was just about to re-register. I thought it over hard. For me, it was either degree OR baby. I made my choice and while now there I times I still feel slightly embarrassed about not finishing school, I am much more often overwhelmed with pride and gratitude too, for the years I have devoted to my children's and family's well being. Being there emotionally, mentally AND physically for your child is so important. It is the highest calling, much more important then your education. I know there are some who are so energetic and grounded that they can pull off doing both without sacrificing a calm, loving homelife, and more power too them, but I recognized my limitations and knew that I could not. So, last dd is now 9 and I have given 9 years of my life to her and it has been the best 9 years imaginable. At this point I could never give up our precious time together. There is so little time left! She'll be done soon and I'll have my time. Besides, she still NEEDS me, and she's having none of the problems you describe with yours (meaning yours needs you even more). I still plan to finish my degree. Maybe she and I will graduate together!? But I'm a mother first and my childrens physical, spiritual and emotional wellbeing would NEVER be sacrificed to fullfill my own desires. If you think ahead to many years down the road, I think you'll see that much more regret can come to you over the choices you make as a mother then about when or if you finish college. I am not at all saying that putting a child in school is wrong. Not at all. I am not at all saying that going back to school when you've got kids is wrong. Not at all. I am saying that the very specific situation you describe seems to me to present to you a choice - you're daughter's best interests or your own. It's your choice. This is not meant to be harsh. It's just my story and POV. If it helps, fine. If it doesn't...sorry and good luck and God bless you. Edited December 2, 2010 by katemary63 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 :iagree: I personally disagree with your reasons for going back to school, but that is your business. You have your own priorities. People are all different, of course. Showing your daughter that education is important is not as important as being there to mother her when she needs you IMO. I am 47. I've got 56 college credits taken through out the years, some before kids, some after. I have not finished because I had to put my kids and family's needs first, so I know what I am talking about. I LOVE school. I WANT a degree so bad. I had a 4.0. But I choose to sacrifice. When DH and I decided to go for our last baby, (she was intentional) I was just about to re-register. I thought it over hard. For me, it was either degree OR baby. I made my choice and while now there I times I still feel slightly embarrassed about not finishing school, I am much more often overwhelmed with pride and gratitude too, for the years I have devoted to my children's and family's well being. Being there emotionally, mentally AND physically for your child is so important. It is the highest calling, much more important then your education. I know there are some who are so energetic and grounded that they can pull off doing both without sacrificing a calm, loving homelife, and more power too them, but I recognized my limitations and knew that I could not. So, last dd is now 9 and I have given 9 years of my life to her and it has been the best 9 years imaginable. At this point I could never give up our precious time together. There is so little time left! She'll be done soon and I'll have my time. Besides, she still NEEDS me, and she's having none of the problems you describe with yours (meaning yours needs you even more). I still plan to finish my degree. Maybe she and I will graduate together!? But I'm a mother first and my childrens physical, spiritual and emotional wellbeing would NEVER be sacrificed to fullfill my own desires. If you think ahead to many years down the road, I think you'll see that much more regret can come to you over the choices you make as a mother then about when or if you finish college. I am not at all saying that putting a child in school is wrong. Not at all. I am not at all saying that going back to school when you've got kids is wrong. Not at all. I am saying that the very specific situation you describe seems to me to present to you a choice - you're daughter's best interests or your own. It's your choice. This is not meant to be harsh. It's just my story and POV. If it helps, fine. If it doesn't...sorry and good luck and God bless you. :iagree: Thanks for saying very articulately what I could not find words for. I read a little story once about a woman who always wanted to write a book but her mothering and housekeeping duties kept her from it. At the end of her life she realized that her children's lives were her "book" and she found that to be enough. I often gently warn my children when they want to buy something that buying one thing necessarily means they will not be able to buy many other things. Choosing one thing automatically eliminates all other options. That's ok, they just need to realize that once the money's spent, it's spent. This is true about a lot of decisions, including the decision to have children. You are dealing with someone's life here - a life you brought into the world. From the way you've described your daughter here, I don't think now is the time to switch gears and start pursuing your own interests. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 Sending your child to PS is only going to increase your stress. Doing an outside class or group might help. When my oldest was at the stage, for some reason it clicked with him when his teacher often pointed out the same things I did, so maybe old Mom isn't so bad after all. And as wonderful as school sounds for you, I'd be careful. I'm a community college professor, so I see it all and have to take classes periodically myself. The bottom line is that the kids are going to suffer when the homeschooling parent takes an outside class, period. Whether that suffering is a reasonable sacrifice for your family or not, only you know. My kids are not happy campers when I take a class. They feel slighted and neglected on many fronts, and I find that they get snippy and neglect their work accordingly. The behavior you're seeing now may get much, much worse if you overload your own studies. I do it because I have to in order to keep current, but there is no way that I'd undertake a degree program anytime soon. I try to time my studies for summer or late spring, but it is still NOT a happy time around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 My ds was in private school for prek and K. When we looked at the tuition for first grade we had to make some choices. 1. I go to work to support private school. 2. I stay home and homeschool. 3. public school. I knew that if I went back to work, SAHM since ds was born, my family life would suffer. We'd give the best of ourselves to someone else every day. Then we get the exhausted time with each other. My going to work would not decrease our stress, it would make it worse. Public school wasn't an option for several reasons, one being I had a similar experience as Garga (Thank for your sharing that, btw :grouphug:). I stood in the mirror at almost age 40 and realized voices from elementary school, age 9, were still rattling around in my head. They were telling me I wasn't good enough, and all the other spiteful things those kids had said over the years. Like her I never told my parents because they would have laughed it off. 30 years is a long time to question your own self-worth because of words spoken at age 9 and 10. 10 is a hard age and I agree with what everyone else has suggested. I know going to school for free sounds wonderful and setting an example for your child is wonderful, but how much of that is she going to see you setting? IMO, I would set my schooling on the back burner while dh went for his two year degree. Continue to homeschool and lavish your dd in love, acceptance, and teach her some skills to increase her assertiveness. After your dh has received his degree, reevaluate your desire and how school will fit in your life. When she reaches high school, which really isn't that far away, she may be more independent and you pursuing college could be a better example then. I am the last person I ever thought would be giving advice about how to be happy at home. I have one child and he's a blessing, but dh and I were unsure about children at all when we got married. I have goals I want to pursue and right now I fit them in around schooling and life. But he is my priority. As his parents we've chosen homeschooling as our process of education, because it is what is best for our child. These days will go by very quickly and I'll be nearly 50 when I'm done schooling, but I'll still be 50 regardless. My goals will still be there, his childhood will not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 I also agree with the previous posters. It sounds like your daughter really really needs you right now. I have found with my own children that when they are acting out it means they need me more than usual. It's a sign to me that things are out of whack somehow. As much as I want to escape during those times I have learned that it is better to dig in and find out what is going on and work on it. There has been a lot of wisdom spoken here. I hope that you will take it into serious consideration before you make any decisions. God Bless, Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 I sure don't want to kick you when you are down, so to speak, but wanted to chime in that if I were in your shoes, I would postpone going back to school. I have a 10 yo ds and it is a tough age. Lots of drama and resistance and push and pull. Life will be difficult enough with your dh going full time and working full time. Since he is only getting a 2 year degree why not wait until he is finished before you start back. That will give you 2 more years of focusing on your dd...really concentrating on the issues you've described. Trust me I feel for ya. I just got married a month ago and my new husband lost his job after ONE week of marriage! We are struggling with what to do (he is doing work, just not in his field)....or maybe *I* am struggling...because I'd like to help financially but there is NO WAY I can work and homeschool this boy of mine. But I feel this is the WORST time (5th grade) to put him in public school. So I am trying to relax about the job situation and remember that my Most Important Job is taking care of my son. If you are set on going back to school, I think I would lean more toward letting her coast for a year if she is in a position to do that academically. That is if you have child care in place for her....I don't think she needs to be left alone for long periods of time. It isn't good for her emotionally even if it is safe physically. JMO. YMMV. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 I also agree with the previous posters. It sounds like your daughter really really needs you right now. I have found with my own children that when they are acting out it means they need me more than usual. It's a sign to me that things are out of whack somehow. As much as I want to escape during those times I have learned that it is better to dig in and find out what is going on and work on it. There has been a lot of wisdom spoken here. I hope that you will take it into serious consideration before you make any decisions. God Bless, Elise in NC :iagree: with the previous posters, and the bolded statement is the truth. You can probably go to school later, but you can never get back these years of your daughter's life. And if you never are able to go back to school, but your dd survives her childhood with her well being and emotional health in one piece, if she grows into an adult who is whole and at peace, isn't that worth far more than any degree you can earn? Your daughter needs you :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 Can you take fewer hours? I think that you and dh simultaneously going back to school full time is going to be unbelievably difficult, no matter what schooling choice you make for your dd. Okay, I just read that you are taking the fewest hours possible to get the maximum amount of money, but does that mean you absolutely can't take fewer hours? I am not a "homeschooling at all costs" person. I think it's a great choice for many people, but public or private school is a great choice for other people. But your dd seems to be struggling in a lot of ways, she doesn't have the skills to defend herself, and the middle grades? Ugh. There was a recent thread about people who home school the middle grades only, partially because it tends to be such a horrific time for peer pressure and bullying. In most cases, I would say that if you and dh are determined to juggle parenting, one full time job, and two full time school schedules, then that kid needs to be in school. But if your dd already has ongoing problems with bullying while in a homeschool situation, I just can't imagine that she is going to fare well in school. Is unschooling for a year, as another poster mentioned, an option for you? Could you pay another homeschool mom to take on part of the schooling? Is there a co-op? Online classes? Also, please consider that your frustration with dd and hs'ing is certainly magnified by the other stressors in your life, the ones that have nothing to do with her. The situation with your stepdad jumps right out at me, for instance. You need to be loud and clear about your expectations; if he doesn't 'get it,' then you simply have to lay down the law and say "You may not enter the kitchen/study/school area from the hours of 9 to 12, period." I understand that you probably feel like you need to help him, and good on you, but it's not fair to help him at the expense of your dd, kwim? Nothing you say about dd's behavior strikes me as all that exceptional, particularly when you consider that she is also feeling the stress of everything that's going on with your family right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 I think that you and dh simultaneously going back to school full time is going to be unbelievably difficult, no matter what schooling choice you make for your dd. . :iagree: Also, please consider that your frustration with dd and hs'ing is certainly magnified by the other stressors in your life, the ones that have nothing to do with her. The situation with your stepdad jumps right out at me, for instance. You need to be loud and clear about your expectations; if he doesn't 'get it,' then you simply have to lay down the law and say "You may not enter the kitchen/study/school area from the hours of 9 to 12, period." I understand that you probably feel like you need to help him, and good on you, but it's not fair to help him at the expense of your dd, kwim? Nothing you say about dd's behavior strikes me as all that exceptional, particularly when you consider that she is also feeling the stress of everything that's going on with your family right now. Yes. This. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 I haven't read all the threads yet. Putting your dd in public school will not solve your parenting/discipline problems. Just because she learns that she can't talk back to the teacher, doesn't mean she will learn she can't talk back to you. Your kid is already crying out for you. She has no good friends, her grandfather has started to stink up the house and put his life in danger right before her eyes, a move within the last year and now you and your dh are going back to college. No wonder she is acting out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristavws Posted December 2, 2010 Share Posted December 2, 2010 You can probably go to school later, but you can never get back these years of your daughter's life. And if you never are able to go back to school, but your dd survives her childhood with her well being and emotional health in one piece, if she grows into an adult who is whole and at peace, isn't that worth far more than any degree you can earn? Your daughter needs you :grouphug:. I really think this is the key. Krista Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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