I hate the modern-day inability to commit to plans!

[Parrothead]

I, agree, it's rude, but I also think it's because people are just exhausted. It's not like once a month on the weekend we (would) have an obligation-it's every weekend. people are just tapped out.

Too exhausted to pick up the phone and say, "no, I/we won't be attending."

 

It isn't something limited to homeschoolers either. Actually, it isn't so much the homeschoolers in my area. Usually if it is a homeschool event at least half of the 30 families will show. Everywhere else, though, I find that I can't get so much as an acknowledge of the invitation much less an RSVP.

[Parrothead]

 

I really think it is the way society has evolved that basic respect and responsibility no longer matter and everyone is just waiting for the 1 better.

I think it is a side effect of the casualness that is so popular in society today. And on top of the casualness there is the explosion in extra curricular activities. Parents are over scheduled. Kids are over scheduled. There are some families that actually have to schedule in family time.:glare:

[Parrothead]

But then, I don't accept an invitation unless "maybe" is an option. Otherwise, I just say no, because I really can't be sure I'll make it.

At least you are up front with your maybe and nos. Your are RSVPing. I'd much rather have someone turn down an invitation. I wouldn't even mind a "maybe."

[kiana]

Many times I respond 'maybe' with the caveat that 'I know something that I have to do will be scheduled about that time, but it's not scheduled yet. As soon as they have it scheduled I'll call and confirm.'

 

Then I do. If I cancel it's something like 'car won't start this morning, sorry'

[Aggie]

When we send out invitations now, I put, "Please call to RSVP and for directions." This way, if parents don't RSVP, I'm pretty sure they're not coming.

 

I had one mother wait until the DAY BEFORE a Nutcracker Tea to tell me she and her dd would be there. Then she asks what we're serving because her dd has severe food allergies. I could have accommodated her dd earlier, but not the day before.

[Murphy101]

I try to plan. It's just that I have too many people that rely on me. I know, it sounds like a lame excuse, but neither of my parents can drive at this point. That alone causes at least one surprise necessary trip every other day. I know I could tell them to blow off, but they're my parents, they're both sick and I simply refuse to do that to them. Beyond that, there's my husband (who comes up with some of the most random requests at the worst times possible), and my church (normally they just need me to clean something :p ).

 

I don't LIKE to fly by the seat of pants, but planning only works if you can get the whole gang in on it. In my case, I have too many people that have too many things come up.

 

:001_huh:I just don't get it. Planning works by respecting each others time.:confused:

No one can make me do something if I say NO and no one can make me drop everything on a regular basis if I say, "NO, not right now. I can do it ___. "

 

 

Even if something truely "necessary" comes up with your parents as often as every other day, it is certainly possible to either plan that Monday, Wednesday, and fridays or, as I just told me ailing father, his fragile health needs have reached a frequency that we need to insist on different living situation for everyone's sake. It isn't a choice between blowing him off or not. But it is a choice in doing what is best for everyone, not just him. It's about finding a way to better meet his needs.

 

My dh might ask something of me and I'm happy to do what I can, but he respects that I might have already made plans for my day. In fact, we sync our iPhone calendars frequently so he knows what's going on and I expect him to plan ahead when he can too. Sure stuff comes up occasionally where he needs me to do something he can't get to and I do the same to him, but it's not a regular kink in either of our plans normally.

 

And seriously church cleaning? :confused: Who does what isn't planned ahead? It's not an option to say, "I've already made plans, so I've got to run this time.". I'm trying to picture the church calling me in to clean something at the last minute or suddenly pulling me aside and my not being able to say Not this time. If I don't have plans, great no problem. But I'm trying to picture why anyone at church would think they can ask me to clean all the time without notice.

 

:( I've said both at different times, and meant them. Sometimes I just have to draw a line and say, "Look, I have things that absolutely must be done. I'm sorry you got the bad end of the deal, I really am, but I cannot put (whatever) off any longer."

 

But then, I don't accept an invitation unless "maybe" is an option. Otherwise, I just say no, because I really can't be sure I'll make it.

 

:confused: I just don't get it. I can see a maybe if changing health or work schedule permits, but maybe if I feel my house is clean enough that day? :confused: I stand by my opinion that if I heard that, I'd hear a "no" and not invite again. I don't know that I would be mad or even hurt, but it would be obvious to me they were too busy to make outside commitments or cultivate a friendship at that time. Maybe sometime in the future things will settle down for them and we will get together then.

[lionfamily1999]

At least you are up front with your maybe and nos. Your are RSVPing. I'd much rather have someone turn down an invitation. I wouldn't even mind a "maybe."

Thanks.

I don't know that I would be mad or even hurt, but it would be obvious to me they were too busy to make outside commitments or cultivate a friendship at that time. Maybe sometime in the future things will settle down for them and we will get together then.

That's pretty much it.

[simka2]

But then, I don't accept an invitation unless "maybe" is an option. Otherwise, I just say no, because I really can't be sure I'll make it.

 

:iagree:One of the reasons is that how my kids behave factor into what they are allowed to do. If they decided to not get their stuff done, or have misbehaved, then they are not going to go to a special event. :glare:

[Peela]

When it comes to things like that....dd16 is so used to people being "flaky" as we call it, since she is chairman of her Venturer unit and its hard to get anyone to respond to anything...she just knows to contact everyone individually if it is important to know numbers. For her 16th b'day party, she waited till just before the RSVP was due, then contacted those who hadn't contacted her. We needed to know specific numbers because it included a sit down dinner party. It turned out almost everyone was coming, they just had forgotten to say so.

 

I agree it is partly because we tend to be overloaded. It doesn't mean we couldn't handle it better...I have been guilty of forgetting to RSVP myself...but sometimes when we have so many committments, its too easy to forget the human faces behind them. I tihnk it pays to phone them if they havent phoned you. People really do get so busy.

[lionfamily1999]

:iagree:One of the reasons is that how my kids behave factor into what they are allowed to do. If they decided to not get their stuff done, or have misbehaved, then they are not going to go to a special event. :glare:

I forgot all about that. Yep, btdt too.

[Hannah]

It's not just America. I deal with the same thing here in England. And yes, it's VERY frustrating.

 

My sister in Ireland was complaining about this very thing this morning. She has a ladies tea every year for her birthday. She doesn't do it at home any more because of people not RSVP'ing and cancelling at the last minute. She let the restaurant know that the numbers were variable. Luckily it is for mid-afternoon and they won't be busy, so are accommodating.

 

Don't want to stir up a hornet's nest here, but I think that the lack of rsvp-ing or saying yes and not showing up is bad manners and inconsiderate.

 

:iagree:

 

I'm lucky that in our area most people still RSVP and stick to their word when they do.

[joannqn]

I agree with everyone that this is a huge problem. When appropriate (ie. field trips), I require prepayment and a firm pay by date. There are no refunds and no late RSVP's. If someone wants to sign up late, my response is "I'm sorry you didn't RSVP on time, maybe you can go on the next field trip."

 

It's harder with personal parties because there is nothing helping the person commit, other than their word.

[secular_mom]

Free trips are the worst! It's embarrassing to be the organizer and have the host ask if we are ready to start and I wonder where half the people are!

I learned a long time ago that if I was going to organize a free trip, that I need to charge a fee- $5 for a 'small' family and $10 for a 'large' family. People are more likely to show up if they have invested money into the trip. Then I am compensated for my time and the stress of organizing such a trip with flaky people. They must pay in advance too. The first time I did this I had one person tell me they couldn't make it and they wanted a refund. So I learned then to state very clearly that there would be no refunds. I mean, I'm planning the event whether they actually show up or not, KWIM?

[PiCO]

And I've found that this has been a challenge as my daughters made the transition from mom making plans for them to inviting people themselves. Daughters talk to their friends who can't quite rsvp for themselves without checking with parents first....the girls forget, or they say yes then their parents have other plans, or they say yes and forget to tell the parents who then aren't available when their dd says, "Time to take me to so-and-so's party!", or the parents say they'll check the calendar when they get home and everyone forgets....

 

I found that about the age that all of my dd's friends had their own cell phones, planning and RSVPing got way easier again!

 

I have found this as well. Younger dd is just entering this stage- 12 yrs old, friends all have cell phones and they want to make their own plans, but they can't get anywhere by themselves so they can't really commit. Sometimes they don't ask parents, and just assume mom can drive them where ever when ever they want.

 

With older dd, it started to get better at around 15, because the kids had figured out they needed to coordinate with their families if they really wanted to do anything. After 16, it's not a problem because many kids have transportation, and they have figured out (for the most part) that they have to coordinate with family and work. Welcome to the real world, kid!

[Impish]

This is exactly why I commit to nothing unless Wolf will be available to take the kids, or its right in our complex that Diva can walk on her own to.

 

I've told SpecialMama to call me before she gets ready to leave...how I feel at 3 might not hold til 8 pm. Sometimes I'm already up a creek and can say absolutely no. It sucks, but its our reality.