If your kids believed in Santa-

[Binalina]

How did you break the news to them? DD10 still believes in Santa, in fact she wrote him a letter the other day that erased any doubt I had that she still fully believed. I have always had some reservations about "lying" to the kids that Santa existed but went along with what my husband and the rest of the family said was "right". Now I am getting this sinking feeling that this will be the year she finds out and will know that I have "lied" to her all this time. Some friends have already started poking holes in the Santa fantasy but so far she has just thought they were misinformed or just being disrespectful to Santa.

 

How did you all handle the transition with your kids? I just want to be prepared when it happens. Part of me just wants to tell her and get it over with. BTW - we are Christians and do put most of the emphasis on CHRIST but Santa has always been part of our Christmas tradition.

[OrganicAnn]

We've always said that a long time ago there was a man who wanted kids to remember the day Jesus was born, so he gave kids one gift. And giving gifts to celebrate Christ birth continues. And that person was Santa Claus/St Nicholas etc. So as our DD gets older she can believe if she needs to, but it also her to understand it is just a tradition. Eventually she'll realized that 'a long time ago' is hundreds of years.

 

We also have a book that talks about mythical animals and when reading it we would often talk about how there are somethings that are just good stories.

[SonshineLearner]

Maybe emphasize Saint Nicholas? Read some stories of different takes... leave out info to gently bring her around... and perhaps she can "help" with the littles? I too have a problem with teaching a child about Santa to that point.. I mean.. if Santa isn't real... but you said he is... what about Jesus? Is he still real?? Perhaps just honestly coming to her...

 

??

 

:(

[redsquirrel]

My 10 year old son still believes. I think at this point it is his choice. I let him. I just love him and let him. He's a smart kid and he will figure it out on his own.

 

This is the same kid who totally 100% believes that he is getting his Hogwarts letter on his next birthday. Now with that I am expecting some major tears. I don't think I could disuade him even if I tried. He just wants to believe in something magical so badly. Who am I to take that away from him.

 

Isn't parenting so bittersweet sometimes?

[RoughCollie]

I told my kids that Santa only comes to people who believe in him.

 

Last year, I finally got sick and tired of these kids who are too old for toys still pretending to believe in Santa. So I outed him.

 

My kids loved believing in Santa (when they actually did) and did not feel betrayed when they realized on their own that DH and I were Santa. They never confused Santa with God either.

 

I'm looking forward to having grandchildren, so we can do Santa again.

Edited October 27, 2010 by RoughCollie

[IsabelC]

Disclaimer: I have no experience as we don't do Santa and my kids are younger than yours anyway.

 

Just a quick thought: have you conveyed - either directly or otherwise - that it's OK to stop believing? Because from what I've heard, most kids naturally outgrow their belief in Santa. But sometimes they pretend to still believe, either to play along for younger siblings, or because they worry they won't get their presents if they don't, or because they actually think their parents will be upset if they stop believing.

[Starr]

Those rumors come every year about no Santa. :( I did have my children help me be Santa's helpers since he has so much to do. That way we could do some of the Santa shopping. One of the things that happened at our house by home schooling was we carried on our fantasy lives a little longer. I would just let her enjoy Christmas to its fullest.

[EJCMom]

I had my parents convinced that I still believed in Santa up until I was 12 years old, even though I'd found out the truth when I was 5. I just couldn't break their hearts and tell them that I knew the truth. So I continued to play along convincingly.

[JoyfulMama]

I just had the Santa conversation with my dd10 on Sunday. I knew that it would be coming up in conversations with friends, and I was right, that it had just 3 days before. My kids know the story of St Nicholas, and I have always talked about how people in different countries celebrate/remember St Nicholas, and talked about the spirit of Christmas/Santa, but yet dd doesn't want to believe that Santa isn't "real", along with the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Leprechauns. So she is working through it. She wants to write a letter that I don't get to touch. And I have promised to try to find the letters she has written to Santa over the years - with moving a couple times I'm not sure where they ALL are. I hid them. :tongue_smilie:

[Forget-Me-Not]

My 7 yo called me out on it this year and quickly made the connection with the tooth fairy as well :D I really thought we had at least another year or two out of him, but I think one of his friends spilled the beans. We've had some talks along the lines of, "Yes, Mommy and Daddy are Santa, but not everyone knows that, so if you have siblings or friends who still believe, don't tell them!"

 

But Santa has always been pretty downplayed at our house, and we've really emphasized that the origin of gift-giving was the wise men bringing gifts to the baby Jesus.

[Margo out of lurking]

At 10, my dd also made the connection after asking about the tooth fairy. She was sad, and she was adamant that she would never fool her own kids with this.

 

When ds was 10, we finally told him. He was so eager to believe, and our circle of friends did not even do Santa for the most part. We told him so he would not make himself look silly in front of his friends. He was very upset, screaming at us, "You're not Santa Claus--you're Santa FRAUDS!"

 

That made me feel better, as I knew he was certainly old enough, lol.

 

I wish we'd NEVER pushed Santa. We went to great lengths to further the myth, hiding special wrapping paper, disguising our handwriting, etc. For several years, I'd been wanting to out him but dh didn't agree. It took away from Jesus.

[Ginevra]

I wish we'd NEVER pushed Santa. We went to great lengths to further the myth, hiding special wrapping paper, disguising our handwriting, etc.

 

Awww. That's a sad story. Although what clever wording on your son's part, I must say.

 

I always thought I would not go to great lengths to further the myth. I left "clues" in plain sight, so any kid old enough to make a connection to my handwriting or the wrapping paper, etc., would start to realize it.

 

When my oldest was a baby/toddler, I didn't want to do Santa at all. I didn't tell her stories or emphasize, "Santa is coming!" However, she still absorbed the story from culture, so she adopted the Santa story anyway. It seems to me that unless you intentionally tell them from the beginning that it's a story and you're willing to counter all the aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. that will talk Santa, they are bound to believe in Santa. It's such a big part of the culture.

[stephanier.1765]

I let them go until they figure it out. They finally reach an age where their skills of logic figure out that all the pieces to Santa don't quite add up.

[IsabelC]

It seems to me that unless you intentionally tell them from the beginning that it's a story and you're willing to counter all the aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. that will talk Santa, they are bound to believe in Santa. It's such a big part of the culture.

We haven't had any problems with this. We told the kids from age 2-3 that this character Santa is a game that many people like to play during the Advent season. That he's a made up character that symbolizes the spirit of giving. Then once they 'got' that, and grew a little older, we added that some kids think he's literally true, and therefore it's not a good idea to argue about it with people outside the family in case people's feelings get hurt. My kids laughed, told me we could never have got them to believe in anything so silly, and started to detail the reasons why they thought the Santa myth is irrational :lol: But they agreed that it would be unkind to tell kids who want to believe in Santa that he isn't real. We also agreed that when a grown up asks "What did Santa bring you", that is just a code for "what present did you receive" and they can answer without referring to Santa.

[JFSinIL]

I wait until they break the news to me that he does not exist. Then I congratulate them on figuring it out, note how much fun it has been to BE Santa for them and how much they enjoyed it, discuss how much fun they will have being Santa someday for their kids...and encourage them to be "in" on the secret for any younger siblings.

 

So far all has gone well. The first kid was 11 when he asked me to meet him in the bathroom for a private talk ;-) His fraternal twin, 19 now, may finally have figured it out but he hasn't said anything yet. He has autism and has always been really into Santa, Easter Bunny....Jack Skellington. ;)

[EarleneW]

I will never admit it- ever! Our kids know what Christmas is really about, but we also love the magical feelings of Christmas as well. Santa only brings 3 gifts- and "if you don't believe you don't receive" here. My 13 year old knows I am sure, but he would never say anything.

[Mom0012]

My son just turned 11 and he recently confronted me about the tooth fairy. He was so serious about it, telling me he had to know if the tooth fairy was real or not once and for all and that I had to tell him because it wasn't nice to fool people. So, I told him.

 

At first, I almost regretted that because he seemed a little disappointed. He has been kind of challenging me for a couple of years though about the tooth fairy & Santa. So, I suspect he'll definitely be over Santa this year as well. I asked him not to say anything to his sister. We've had fun with these fantasies and I don't see any harm in them.

 

He is a kid that I thought would probably be believing until he was 15 and I was a little worried about that. He has a lot of friends though and I think they started telling him there was no tooth fairy/Santa or he never would have come to that conclusion so early. I am actually relieved that he finally realized these characters are not real.

 

I think I would start to gently make comments to your daughter to get her to start questioning her belief. I thought that's what I was going to have to do with my son. I don't think it's a good idea to let her go on believing much past 12 because then I think it's likely she'll wind up ridiculed or hurt.

 

Lisa

 

ETA: Okay, as always I misread the post and thought your daughter was 12. I bet she'll figure it out very soon and if her friends all discuss it and start challenging it together, I think that's a very natural way to find out.

Edited October 27, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[Sherry in OH]

If she likes Little House books, In the Land of the Big Red Apple (one of the Rose books) has a nice discussion about Santa and the Christmas spirit.

[Mama2Many4]

Some may think I had to "talk" a little too early, but my DH and I told our kids last year around Easter time. We were sitting around watching a movie about Christ rising on Easter and all they could talk about was the Easter bunny. They said nothing about Jesus even though that is the point of all these holidays to us. So we explained to them about the Easter bunny and Santa being make-believe. But that Santa existed long ago. They were 6 and 4 at the time and actually took the news quite well. I told them that from now on for Christmas we would have a birthday party for Jesus on Christmas Eve, complete with cake and ice cream and that we would still get presents and remember them for Jesus. Everything about our traditions remain the same, but the focus has shifted onto what the holiday means.

 

They really do take it quite well, and I explained that we hadn't lied, but that we told them a nice story to believe in while they were little. For our youngest though, we aren't telling her about Santa at all.

[Annie]

I had my parents convinced that I still believed in Santa up until I was 12 years old, even though I'd found out the truth when I was 5. I just couldn't break their hearts and tell them that I knew the truth. So I continued to play along convincingly.

 

I did the same thing. I knew my mom would be sad, so I didn't tell her. I've told her about it a couple of times over the last few years, but she doesn't believe that I knew. She just thinks I'm embarrassed for believing so long. I must have been a good actress. :001_smile:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I figured out there was no Santa when I was 10, but my mom never admitted it to me. In fact, 31 years later, she still won't admit there's no Santa. Was I upset about her "lying" to me all those years? Heck no! I got presents out of it! That's all that mattered to me as a kid. It was tons of fun to wake up in the morning to a stack of colorfully wrapped presents. Why would I be upset that my parents had been doing it all along instead of a weird guy in a red suit who came down the chimney?

[smrtmama]

I gently broke the news to my oldest last Christmas, when he had just turned 9, because I overheard him praying to Santa. That sort of creeped me out.

[misscometa]

Wow! I have the same situation going on this year with DS. All these comments are helping me out as well :)

Edited October 27, 2010 by kduprat

[secular_mom]

My oldest asked me if Santa is real when she was 4 years old. I refused to lie to her when she was asking a direct question, so I told her that he's not real but it's fun to pretend he is sometimes. Then she asked me if DH and I were the ones who got her Christmas presents and I said yes- she was very happy to know where the gifts came from and was glad to be able to say 'thank you mommy and daddy' when she opened them.

My younger children ask me sometimes, and now I say "What do you think?". One says no, the other says not really but maybe, the youngest says yes.