How would you react?

[Unicorn.]

Ds, 8th grade is going to a small private school this year. He joined the basketball team. There's a whopping 8 players- 7th/8th combined.

 

Practice started last week, and my ds missed the 1st one due to scouts. He went to practice last Thurs. and Sat morning (2 hour practices every time) Ds came home on Sat and said he needed court shoes, because he was sliding all over. I say ok.

 

Our schedule is booked for the next week. Sat after his practice his sisters had volleyball games, and then a girl scout thing in the afternoon. Sunday we played catch up on laundry, and I had to take the girls somewhere. So he goes to practice Mon. and Tues. of this week. Today I pick him up from school, and he starts in on me about getting him shoes, (this has become a daily thing w/ him since Sat.)

 

As we are discussing this, he mutters something under his breath about taking somebody up on something. Turns out the coach told him if his parents couldn't afford to buy him shoes, he would take up a collection from the other players, and go buy him some. First off, we never said we couldn't afford them, Secondly, this came up[ on Sat., and I haven't had time to take him (He has practice Mon, Tues, Thurs. from 6-8, and Saturdays from 8-10. His sisters have Volleyball on fridays, and Saturdays, after lunch, Tonight we had a meeting about a school trip to D.C.), 3rd- they don't even have a game for over a month- I think I can find the time to take him long before that, but give me a break.

 

To assume that we can't afford them, embarrass him at practice, and to be pushing the kid about shoes after 3 days? :confused::cursing::banghead::mad:

 

Can you tell how it makes me feel? If you got this far, thanks for listening.

[Sophia]

Do you think your ds is embarrassed? Or do you think he just mentioned that to you (Coach's offer) because he knew it would embarrass you?

 

I ask because my ds would absolutely pull the latter on me. Except, I wouldn't get embarrassed, but roll my eyes and tell him to get in line, I've already got a mile long to-do list. That would be my immediate reaction because I don't like being pressured when I'm doing all I can do.

 

However, I would make it a point to get the shoes before the week's end.

 

If he's sliding around, then his practice is being adversely affected, and that's got to be frustrating. I would think I was setting him up to fail by not getting him the proper equipment.

[Pink Fairy]

If that's what happened, I'd be annoyed. Sounds like the coach was using the old punish-the-student-for-the-sins-of-the-parents ploy, only he jumped the gun a little. My dd had to do 50 plies if she was late for ballet class, which put the pressure on me to make sure she was on time. If that's his point, he needs to give you a reasonable amount of time to get the shoes. Sheesh.

[2squared]

Honestly? I would seperate the two issues. The first issue of the shoes I would have taken care of right away. Dh & I would have figured out a way to make a shopping trip fit into our weekend. Practicing sports without the right equipment isn't effective or fun. The shoes are just as much for practice as they are for the games.

 

The second issue is the comment from the coach, I don't know how I would take that. I guess it would rub me wrong, but it would also help me to get to the task at hand. I suppose one of the issues is that your ds doesn't know when he's getting the shoes, so he doesn't have any ammunition to ward off coach and player comments?

 

When we played sports back in the day, a shoe company came to the school to sell shoes before the season began. Wouldn't that be nice to have at your school?

[Harriet Vane]

I understand how busy you are, but think the shoes should have taken priority. Most coaches expect a player to have the proper equipment at the first practice. It's the equivalent to turning in a major assignment for an academic class several days late.

 

FWIW, I had exactly the same problem, twice. As a freshman in basketball we truly didn't have the money for shoes. I played with normal street shoes for a short time (a week) before I was so mortified at the slipperiness I was able to nag my grandmother into buying the shoes. Two years later I was still playing with those shoes, and could literally skate on the floor with them. My coach, bless his kind heart, provided me with both shoes and a gym bag. It made an enormous difference in my playing to have shoes that gripped the floor.

[danivdp]

Turns out the coach told him if his parents couldn't afford to buy him shoes, he would take up a collection from the other players, and go buy him some.

 

You sure the coach told HIM, and not the TEAM? I can see how a kid would spin that to embarrass you like the OP said....

 

Me, I'm a meanie and I'd make my kid wait longer for the shoes if he was complaining :D

[Sherry in OH]

The school or the coach should have given you a list of required equipment when you signed your son up for basketball. Street shoes, including regular sneakers, are not safe on a basketball court. The coach is not trying to embarrass you or your son. He is concerned about his safety and that of the other players. In many schools, your son would not be permitted on the court without proper shoes. The coach is trying to be kind, some coaches would have cut your son from the team. Get him proper shoes ASAP.

[NanceXToo]

It would probably rub me wrong too, the coach saying that- but then again like others have said, the proper equipment for a sport is expected from the very first practice on, for safety reasons and for effectiveness etc. If your son showed up at several practices without the right equipment, and couldn't even tell the coach "we're getting them on such and such a date," I'm sure the coach didn't know what to think.

 

I, too, would have made getting them a priority at some point over the weekend. Throw the laundry in the washing machine, run to the shoe store.

[Ferdie]

However, I would make it a point to get the shoes before the week's end.

 

If he's sliding around, then his practice is being adversely affected, and that's got to be frustrating. I would think I was setting him up to fail by not getting him the proper equipment.

 

:iagree: I played basketball in college, and the sport requires constant starting and stopping motion. It is so difficult to play in shoes that don't have traction. His coach probably got tired of watching him slide all over the floor.

[Cera]

Honestly, I would assume that the way it was presented by the kid wasn't how it was presented by the coach and be thankful the coach cares enough about his players to want to help them get the right equipment (I can see my kid presenting it that way to try to goad me into doing what she wants).

 

I would definitely get the shoes before the next practice because the right equipment really is integral to performance then casually mention to the coach that I had been very busy and hadn't understood how important they were.

 

In our house if I get stuck with a last minute errand for a kid (because of them, though I wouldn't consider this one the kids fault) that kid has to make up my time somewhere (helping out with my chores when we get home generally).

[Impish]

The way I'm viewing it is a coach wanting his player to have the right equipment, and realizing not all families can afford to provide it.

 

I see nothing wrong with this, quite the opposite. I think the coach has a huge heart and cares about the kids on his team.

 

I realize your pride is smarting b/c you can afford and intend to get him his shoes...but imagine a parent thats barely covering rent and food. The coach's offer would be a blessing from Heaven.

[In The Great White North]

The school or the coach should have given you a list of required equipment when you signed your son up for basketball. Street shoes, including regular sneakers, are not safe on a basketball court. The coach is not trying to embarrass you or your son. He is concerned about his safety and that of the other players. In many schools, your son would not be permitted on the court without proper shoes. The coach is trying to be kind, some coaches would have cut your son from the team. Get him proper shoes ASAP.

 

:iagree: I'm the swim coach and we are not allowed to let kids swim without a suit (ie. in shorts). Most schools are at least as protective of their courts as they are of their pools.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

The way I'm viewing it is a coach wanting his player to have the right equipment, and realizing not all families can afford to provide it.

 

I see nothing wrong with this, quite the opposite. I think the coach has a huge heart and cares about the kids on his team.

 

I realize your pride is smarting b/c you can afford and intend to get him his shoes...but imagine a parent thats barely covering rent and food. The coach's offer would be a blessing from Heaven.

 

This is exactly how I read it, too.

 

I can understand being offended that someone didn't recognize that you were middle class....if it had happened in the 1980's.

 

Things are different in 2010. The coach is kind. Your attitude should be, "Thank you, we can provide his shoes, I'm sorry he didn't have them yet."

[LauraGB]

I'd be a little annoyed.

 

I think the coach should have sent something home outlining what the players needed. While an 8th grader *should* be able to relay accurate information, they don't always get it right. I have one child who would say, "I need the right shoes by next practice or I can't play because the coach is afraid I'll slip and crack my head open." But I have another one who would say something more vague, such as, "I'm going to need some new shoes to play basketball." While both statements are accurate, one actually conveys the urgency. I think if you, the parent, need to buy the child some equipment, the communication should be directed to you.

 

The other thing that would annoy me is discussing finances with my kid. That's putting him in an awkward position, I think. I'm not sure if he announced the "raising money" bit in front of the whole team or just to your ds, but if he did, that's doubly out of line, imo.

[fhjmom]

I don't mean to offend but I would think it is kind of a no-brainer that a kid on a middle school basketball team needs basketball shoes. I don't think it is some specialized equipment that a coach would need to notify parents of. As a coach, I would honestly think parents would realize that. I also think that 8th grade is an age when the coach should be able to discuss things with a player and not have to take every little detail to the parents.

 

Proper equipment is just as important for practice as it is in games. It is not only a performance issue but also a safety issue. You don't say what type of shoes he is wearing, but to give an example, running shoes are a huge no for playing sports with lateral movement like basketball. They do not provide appropriate lateral support and because of the way the heel is on most running shoes, there is an increased potential for ankle injury. I cannot tell you how many high school basketball players' ankles I treated as an athletic trainer because they forgot their BB shoes (or didn't feel like changing) and were practicing in their running shoes. :tongue_smilie:

 

I would be thankful for a coach that cared about his players enough to find a way to get them the proper equipment. He probably made the offer of taking up a collection from other players because many school leagues have rules expressly prohibiting the school or coaches giving gifts or other items of value to players. I know at our private school there were parents in almost every program that had the means to help provide for kids that had needs and let the coach know so that those needs could be met discretely . As long as the coach had the conversation with your DS in private as a genuine concern and was not trying to embarrass him in front of the other players, I would not have a problem with his offer. I would just make getting his shoes a priority.

[simka2]

:grouphug::grouphug: You've gotten a lot of good responses, so I won't rehash them.

 

What I would do, is get ds out of school early the next day, take him to get the shoes...and then it is DONE!!!!

[Unicorn.]

The kid spent 2 weeks at basketball camp w/ this coach this summer. Not one word mentioned about a problem w/ the shoes. In fact, I asked if his shoes would be a problem on this court (it's linoleum, not a real court- this is a church school). I was told they were fine. Second, I didn't even know when practices were going to start until I picked him up from school, and he said, oh we have practice tonight. Same thing happened during football; nothing sent home ahead of time. And fwiw, I played when I was in school, and I used street shoes, but that is beside the point. The coach imho, is using bullying/peer pressure tactics w/ my son. He embarrassed him, which caused my son to come home and be rude and disrespectful towards me. If I had the time to take him before this weekend, I would have. Every single day, afternoon and evening has been booked. I can't go get them w/out him trying them on, and I'm not going to pull him out of school, to go get shoes. And I don't have time to drive to San Antonio and back before practice.

 

I guess I'm just a bad mom because I don't change everyone's schedule and drop everything to go get him a pair of shoes.

[CAMom]

As a basketball player how would I react?

 

I would say, "Sorry, kid, I didn't realize how time sensitive this requirement was. Court shoe shopping goes to the top of the priority list.":)

 

Most courts I've seen actually have a sign posted in the gym that says, "No street shoes allowed." Street shoes are not safe for the player and they aren't good for the court.

 

I'd chalk it up to experience that I blew it and rectify it as soon as possible. :)

[CAMom]

The kid spent 2 weeks at basketball camp w/ this coach this summer. Not one word mentioned about a problem w/ the shoes. In fact, I asked if his shoes would be a problem on this court (it's linoleum, not a real court- this is a church school). I was told they were fine. Second, I didn't even know when practices were going to start until I picked him up from school, and he said, oh we have practice tonight. Same thing happened during football; nothing sent home ahead of time. And fwiw, I played when I was in school, and I used street shoes, but that is beside the point. The coach imho, is using bullying/peer pressure tactics w/ my son. He embarrassed him, which caused my son to come home and be rude and disrespectful towards me. If I had the time to take him before this weekend, I would have. Every single day, afternoon and evening has been booked. I can't go get them w/out him trying them on, and I'm not going to pull him out of school, to go get shoes. And I don't have time to drive to San Antonio and back before practice.

 

I guess I'm just a bad mom because I don't change everyone's schedule and drop everything to go get him a pair of shoes.

 

We were cross posting.:)

 

If things are really that busy at your house, one more activity added to the schedule sounds like a burden. Is it time to re-evaluate some of the extra curriculars?:grouphug: