Dreaded "S" word - socializing! How do YOU (NOT your dc) find time to be "social?"

[Hoggirl]

We are finishing up our 4th year of homeschooling. Of course, when we began, I got the "socialization question a LOT!!! (Yes, I recall we have discussed differences between "socialization" and "socializing." You know what I mean...). Anyway, one of my friends made a comment along those lines, and I proceeded, inexperienced as I was, to go into my standard "defense." She quickly stopped me and said, "Oh. No. I'm not worried about ______'s socialization; I am worried about YOURS." Sometimes, during isolated moments, I feel like she was dead on! So, my question is: How do YOU find time to socialize? And with whom do you do most of your socializing? Other homeschoolers? Who? Maybe it's just because it is the nearing the end of the year, but I would just REALLY like to go out to lunch with a girlfriend, kwim? I often tell people I am like a vampire in that I can only go out at night! :lol:

 

I am in a book club that meets at NIGHT :) once a month, and dh and I also belong to a supper club that meets every other month or so. And, we are active at church where scheduling (meaning things that occur at night) allows.

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

Well, unless going to work is socializing, I imagine women who work full time have the same difficulty finding time to socialize. I'm an only at night or Sunday person too. I go to a ladies Bible study once a month at night and a cc college class once a week.

 

I try to get in as much socializing as I can during school vacation breaks. That is why I like to schedule my breaks with the ps system, then my kids and I can visit with friends during the day.

[Night Elf]

I have one friend who is a super busy gal homeschooling one child. She has so much on her plate with her business, her DH's business, household issues, and homeschooling her son, that we get together once every 3 to 4 weeks. We're both okay with that. And we always have our children around. I don't need too much without-kids-time. When I feel I need a break, I go out for an hour or so to run errands.

 

In your case, I think you should not have to be defensive about not being able to do things in the middle of the day. I remember being a part of a mom's group and the general mentality was that kids in school meant more time for moms to hang out. These ladies were putting their 2 and 3 year-olds into preschool to give them a break. I should have known then that I was different! But think about moms who work outside the home. They can't really get together with girlfriends during work hours. If you're like me, you can't leave the kids alone for too long. My youngest two are 10 and 11, but my 11 year old hates to be at home without an adult. My DH works from home sometimes so I can get out and do stuff while the kids stay home with him. If he isn't home, I either take them with me or I plan to go another time.

 

So are these feelings really yours or just doubts that your friend has placed in your head? Does your friend homeschool? Do you have many friends that homeschool? If you all feel the same way, maybe you can suggest a timeshare plan where you alternate kid care with going out. One family watches the kids while the other parents go out. I've always thought being a part of something like that would be fun, but I've never found anyone who was interested. :)

[JFSinIL]

I am an introvert, so for me socializing is not something I enjoy. I'd rather curl up with a book! These boards are as social as I get. :001_smile:

[Tea 4 Three]

A recent thing I have found since the weather is getting milder is walking with friends at 6:00am...it's a double benefit of exercise and socializing.;) I am not really a morning person or one who likes to exercise, so the social aspect 1)gets me up and going, and 2)helps us all walk a little farther.

[Danestress]

I am not someone who needs intensity in relationships, so when I was working, the relationships I had satisfied my need for "social" even though they were not really close or personal. Just daily interaction with other adults, grabbing lunch together, comparing notes on work related issues, etc, was somewhat pleasant. Of course, I had an office and usually worked with the door closed, and was perceived as "unsocial" lol, but for me, it felt good just to have women in my life who I knew and could talk to and maybe get lunch with. I liked some of them very much, though they didn't provide life sustaining friendship.

 

Now that I am not working, I have worked hard to build a circle of real friends. Again, there is not necessarily a lot of intensity. I don't really need to have long talks about my marriage. But I do have a really nice group of women from church, and we sometimes have lunch together. Tonight, we are having dinner, which is a first. I genuinely like these women. I don't socialize for the sake of socializing - I have to actually really truly feel affinity for the people. But they *have* to be low maintenance. I can't be friends with someone who needs daily phone calls. Often I just really enjoy time alone. I easily get tired of being around other people.

 

I also have nice neighborhood friends. Again, no one I would go spill my guts to, but nice women - good women who are good to my children and who are supportive of each other. We get together and have a glass of wine once in a while. Many of us have dogs, so often I will call one and see if she wants to go on a walk together.

 

Finally, I have a book club. I adore the women. There are only 7 regular members, but I really look forward to that once a month. I feel quite close to thse women, though we rarely see each other more than just that once a month. Maybe I am easily satisfied?

 

Anyway, I think friendship is important. My mother's friends have really come around her in the last few months as my father's dementia has gotten worse. Mom has always been very private and almost anti-social, but her core group of 5 or 6 friends has been there for 40 years, and I am seeing now how much she loves them and what they have meant in her life (and my father's). She has three daughters, and we are her closest friends. No question. As she says, friends really can't compete with that. But it's still good to have them - to have friends who loved you when you were 35 and a beautiful young mother, and who are still there when you are 70 and life is hard, your husband is changing and the kids are busy.

 

I can go a couple of weeks with almost no interaction with friends. I don't chat on the phone. But in the five years we have been living here, I have slowly built a circle of women I care about. Some will move away or grow apart, but I hope that some will "stick" and that as the years go by, I will watch their children grow up and we will grow old together and still love each other like my mother and her friends.

[Tammy]

I felt so guilty for 15 years .....I just couldn't leave my kids. Well....now I have wised up, LOL! I have a great group of friends.

 

I don't think I was 'ready' to have friends before. Now....I am since my kids are older!

 

Tammy

[WTMindy]

1. I teach 2 days a week (at our district's homeschool co-op)and our staff is so much fun and I love our lunchtime!!

 

2. I sing on worship team so I go to practice every week.

 

3. We spend a lot of time with extended family, which I love.

 

4. I go out with my best girlfriends every few months.

 

5. I exercise early in the morning with one girlfriend.

[Sue G in PA]

I go out once a month for dinner w/ friends from my old church. AND, it's been 6 wks now since our last dinner b/c so many of us are just so busy (one friend is moving, I'm having a baby, 2 others are busy w/ their new church's children's ministry, etc.). I haven't been out in over a month...not anywhere. I'm an extrovert and being around people energizes me...why do you all think I"m on the board 24/7? :D I see my neighbor a couple times a day, but that's not really socialization.

 

Really? I've surrendered to the life I've chosen. The life of a homeschooling mom is simply NOT the same as one who puts her children in school all day. It can't be. I'm lonely, frequently. But, it is what it is. If I can get out once a month...so be it. I'm thankful. I get grumpy if I don't have at least *some* socialization w/ good friends. Dh understands this and he does what he can to make it happen. I wish I had some good advice for you, but I'm sort of in a "socialization rut" right now myself!

[Alenee]

I am VERY social and so are my kids so we attend all sorts of activities that are beneficial to all of us.

 

Good News Club, kids do club, moms drink tea and chat in a separate room.

 

Dates with girlfriends.

 

Once/month homeschool moms group.

 

Church.

 

Dates with my hubby!!!!!

[Jean in Newcastle]

1. e-mails with friends.

 

2. WTM board.

 

3. calls to friends and family.

 

All of the above are not face-to-face but give me that level of short interaction with adult people that you would get in a work situation.

 

4. Every few months I invite someone from our church or a girl friend over for a luncheon tea. My dc know that they are welcome to interact during the initial greeting and the luncheon but then afterward they make themselves scarce! Actually I don't really have to tell them to - it's just that we are having adult "girl talk" and they would be bored to tears. They understand that they have their play-dates and this is Mom's version!

 

5. I participate in a family ministry at an assisted living apartment building. My dc have their own agenda at the meetings (ds10 tapes the meetings and runs the sound equipment - dd6 visits with her favorite friends). I'm busy setting up, choosing music, sometimes leading worship, talking and praying with residents etc.

 

6. Very rarely I go out at night for my own business (meetings, appointments). I actually don't enjoy it much. I'm tired and would rather spend time at home! And neither of my children will actually fall asleep without me home so that is always in the back of my mind.

[Closeacademy]

I come here.

 

No, really, we do this all day Friday thing where we have an enrichment club where I read books to the kids and the other moms do crafts or games. Then we go to the park for 2 hours and let the kids play. While the kids are playing the moms get to sit on the picnic tables and talk. Since, I've been doing this I haven't felt the need to go to mom's meetings this year because a lot of my social needs are being met on Fridays.

 

I also talk to my neighbor and family. And I have one friend who I talk to quite a bit every day. She homeschools too and we often talk ourselves through the days. Sometimes we have good days, sometimes her day is bad and sometimes mine is. It's been great.

:001_smile:

[Sandy in Indy]

We have a monthly Mother's Meeting for our support group. It's a thinkly disguised "get out of the house and have fun" night. (We do discuss some business, but mostly we chat and eat.) I also meet once a month with a group of ladies I taught with 20 years ago in the PS system. Other than that, it's a few church activities and friends. It's enough for me...I'm really a homebody.

[mcconnellboys]

Well, I socialize a ton with other hs moms, who are mainly all I know here. Whenever we're doing any sort of class or activity that others are leading, I have time then to speak with other moms. Also, some of them regularly drag me out to eat, scrapbook, go to convention, or something like that and we talk then, too.

[Crissy]

You really must make a point of finding time to nurture relationships with your friends.

I have a wonderful sister-in-law with whom I share a great friendship, and a couple of great girl friends. I see my SIL a couple of times a month, and my friends a bit less often.

I also love to visit with other homeschoolers, and I am grateful for those who reach out and make time for me.

Needleroozer and WTMCassandra have done just that for me this week, and I have been reminded how great it is to have friendships with the women in my life.

It is a wonderful thing to be a wife and mother. In fact, I don't know that there is anything better.

Still, being a good friend and having good friends sure makes me a better woman.

[Peela]

It's never been an issue really, but I am naturally quite self contained.

 

1. I am in a band, we meet and practice once a week and have a performance every couple of months or so...it makes me feel like I have a life, even though the amount of drama that can occur between 5 people in a band is really quite astounding and sometimes it doesn't feel worth it...it has been worth it.

 

2. My dh has people around a lot with his work, so I have incidental type socialising frequently.

 

3.My part time job involves cooking for about 15 people twice a week, so I get to be with other humans for part of that time.

 

4. I socialise with the parents of my childrens' homeschooling friends. I make a big effort to connect with people that I like, for my kids' sake. I foster those connections I feel to, and don't make much effort for the others. I see other mums in a friendly social way for several hours once a week while the kids do classes. Its enough to fill that need for conversation about homeschooling and kids etc, which my other avenues of socialising don't necessarily fullfil. (apart from here, of course).

 

5. I have a spiritual community, who I don't see regularly, but usually several times a year we will see each other for several weeks at a time, and those bonds are quite deep.

 

6. Once a year I usually do some sort of spiritual retreat, usually a silent one, but its amazing how close you can get to people in silence.

 

So, socialising for me is more of a problem when it gets too much...I love to be alone a lot.