Mommamia Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 We just started going to a new church. Yesterday, I met a woman who occasionally will teach my boys in their Sunday School. So, she came up to me and said that she knew all about my boys. She said that they told her all about themselves....that they are homeschooled etc. She said that they also told her that they were afraid of going to school. She shared that she explained that school was just like sunday school(not!) and she went on and on. She then put her hand on my back and said "I know mom, it's hard letting our kids go". I thought..."huh?". It sounded like she was implying that I was overprotective(maybe I am, I don't care) and that she was trying to convince my boys to go to "regular" school. What would you have said to this person? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 "Thank you for your opinion." And walk away. I dislike unwanted advice. A talk with the pastor or children's ministry leader might be in order if she persists. This has nothing to do with what they should be learning in Sunday School. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 "Thank you for your opinion." And walk away. I dislike unwanted advice. :iagree: A talk with the pastor or children's ministry leader might be in order if she persists. This has nothing to do with what they should be learning in Sunday School. Well, I sort of agree, but as a Sunday school teacher myself, I have often had conversations with my children that had nothing to do with the lesson, and I'm not convinced that's inappropriate. In this case, I'm thinking that a good eyeball-to-eyeball talk about why homeschooling is the best option and that encouraging the dc to go to public school is not ok might be in order, before going to the children's ministry leader or pastor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 :iagree: Well, I sort of agree, but as a Sunday school teacher myself, I have often had conversations with my children that had nothing to do with the lesson, and I'm not convinced that's inappropriate. In this case, I'm thinking that a good eyeball-to-eyeball talk about why homeschooling is the best option and that encouraging the dc to go to public school is not ok might be in order, before going to the children's ministry leader or pastor. I don't think it is wrong for a Sunday School teacher to talk about things other than church stuff. However, I would not be happy if she started saying things to my children to influence them in a direction that I would not approve of or made them feel uncomfortable about who they are and how we school. I just don't think a face-to-face confrontation is effective with these types. However, a directive from someone "above" them usually is. I don't think she should do it right now. But if it comes up continually then next steps are in order. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I would not have said anything. What can I say that would get my point across in 2 sentences? She just has no clue what homeschooling is about. I agree. I had a similar situation all year with my ds10. He told an aide at his vision therapy clinic that he didn't want to goto public school because he was afraid the other kids would tease him and he woldn't be able to make friends. Unless this came from something he saw in a movie or TV, I have no idea why he said it. He had certainly never voiced it ot me when we discussed the possibility. IRL ds is kind of like the pied piper and makes friends very easily so his comment caught me off guard. However, the rest of the year this aide felt the need to encourage him to attend public school and help him over come this 'unnatural fear' I just let her know that for now ps was not an option although I was open to it later when he was caught up academically and he wanted to go. I also taught my on to give more positive reasons for staying home (likes spending time with family, more time to travel with relatives, work at his own pace and level, etc) I know she often talked about all the fun her kids were having and all that but I just blew it off. If it comes up again, I would just let this person know the same thing -while ps has advantages for some kids, right now your family feels best about homeschooling. And then give your child some other answer for the next time someone asks them why they are not going to public school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I would take her aside and let her know in a firm way that you do not send you children to Sunday School class so that she can voice her personal opinion of your parenting choices. It might also be time to let your children know that it isn't wise to share very much personal information with strangers and mere acquaintances. Just say, "We are homeschooled" and do not proffer any additional information. Let them know that they can always say, "You'll need to speak to my mom about that." I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo sick of everyone in the world having an opinion about homeschooling but getting defensive if a homeschooler expresses an opinion of the opposite parenting choice. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I would definitely have educated her a bit about home schooling, but my first reaction would not have been a good one. She would need to know that it's not okay for her to ever again bring the subject up with my children, and if there's any questions of that nature again, she should be asking me and not them. If it happened again, I'd be talking with the pastor and home schooling religion. Actually, we home school religion because of the content discussed in classes. Almost all the children are public schooled and used to a very wide range of subjects being "acceptable". Now I don't have to wonder what they're discussing. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I have taught Sunday School occasionally and the strange fact is that kids DO tell the SS teachers things that their parents would never expect them to and be horrified if they knew the kids were discussing. (My favorite was when a little boy whose family I knew fairly well told me that his father beat his teen sister for going out in public naked. I mentioned it to my friend and she told me the dd had gone out in the yard in pajamas and the father chided her and bopped her on the head gently with a nearby pool noodle float.) I would take the teacher you mentioned aside next Sunday and tell her that you talked with your ds about what she had said and that you were dealing with his fears. Then I would politely but firmly tell her that you have chosen the best educational option for him, which has nothing to do with you being able to let him go, and that you were concerned that she had jumped to that conclusion. Let her know that you are on top of things and while she can come to you with concerns which you will take seriously, you do not welcome any antihomeschooling bias, under any circumstances. Note the date you spoke with her and the main topics. Then, if you do have to go to church leadership later, you can give them specifics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5LittleMonkeys Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 The next time I see her I would tell her that her comment had you wondering and could she please clarify what she meant by 'it's hard to let go'. I'm assuming she meant that since you homeschool and your dc told her that they are afraid of ps that it was hard for you and a huge step for your dc to go to Sunday school. If that is the case I would tell her that you don't feel Sunday school is anything like ps and that if it were, you would indeed not be allowing them to participate. I would then tell her that you are all very happy homeschooling and just wanted to make sure that she wasn't trying to convince your dc that ps would be great for them because it is in direct opposition to your beliefs. If she argues or offers any further words other than telling you that she will honor your wishes I would take it up with someone of authority. I wouldn't let this go because she might be the type who thinks that because your dc said they were afraid of ps she needs to take every opportunity to 'educate' them otherwise. I can not abide having people tell my kids their opinions on all that they are missing out on by not attending ps. I also get very irritated when people assume I homeschool just because I want my kids raised in a bubble. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetbasil Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 (edited) "Maybe the reason it's 'so hard' is because God never intended us to send our children off to be raised by strangers at age 5!" Well, I wouldn't have said that, but I would have thought it! I'm not sure what I'd do. I'd want to defend homeschooling but I know it would be pointless. I would talk to my child quite a bit and trust that he'll be his own homeschooling advocate in time. :) But if she said anything disparaging about HSing I would *definitely* talk to her in person about undermining my parental authority. Edited August 30, 2010 by sweetbasil Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 (edited) Hold on a second...I really do not have a problem with what she said, because it was based on what your kids said. Not on some false conclusion on her part. We just started going to a new church. Yesterday, I met a woman who occasionally will teach my boys in their Sunday School. So, she came up to me and said that she knew all about my boys. She said that they told her all about themselves(She may have been trying to be friendly and break the ice here)....that they are homeschooled etc. She said that they also told her that they were afraid of going to school(I wonder why your boys would say they are afraid of ps. This would be a huge issue too me, and I would be grateful that she brought it to my attention! I look for things my kids are afraid of so we can attempt to conquer them. This doesn't mean putting them in ps, but I might take them to one so they had a good working knowledge of the ups and downs.) She shared that she explained that school was just like sunday school(not!) and she went on and on. She then put her hand on my back and said "I know mom, it's hard letting our kids go". I thought..."huh?". It sounded like she was implying that I was overprotective(maybe I am, I don't care) and that she was trying to convince my boys to go to "regular" school. I wasn't there so I cannot say if she was trying to convince them of anything. Educating them on what ps is like maybe, but it's a pretty big leap to trying to convince them to go to ps. :confused: I don't quite get the statement...do your boys have a choice? Is fear of ps the only thing that keeps them homeschooled? You have every right to be a protective momma!!! I'm not at all saying that, but I cringe a bit at the thought that the only reason someone homeschool is out of fear. Unless of course you live in a horrible neighborhood where walking down the street is dangerous :D. What would you have said to this person? I would have said something like..."Really? They said that? Thanks for letting me know! I will be sure to talk with them about their fears, but that's not our primary reason for homeschooling." Edited August 30, 2010 by simka2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 I would have laughed and said "I won't believe all that they tell me about you if you don't believe all that they tell you." If she pushed it, I would tell her that our educational choices are based on a number of factors and that fear isn't one of them. And then I would walk off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 Oh, Thanks for explaining that to them; I wouldn't want them to be afraid of anything. I don't think that they made what we're doing clear, though. We're homeschooling until they go to college, or at least highschool. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 It's too late to say anything now without it being weird and awkward. You'll just know in the future that this sort of thing might come up again with this lady, and you'll be better prepared to answer graciously, but firmly, that homeschooling is the best option for your kids at this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gooblink Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 Hold on a second...I really do not have a problem with what she said, because it was based on what your kids said. Not on some false conclusion on her part. I would have said something like..."Really? They said that? Thanks for letting me know! I will be sure to talk with them about their fears, but that's not our primary reason for homeschooling." It's too late to say anything now without it being weird and awkward. You'll just know in the future that this sort of thing might come up again with this lady, and you'll be better prepared to answer graciously, but firmly, that homeschooling is the best option for your kids at this time. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 She then put her hand on my back and said "I know mom, it's hard letting our kids go" That statement would have led me to give her MY opinion right back at her.:D I'd ask her to just stick to Jesus and stay off the school topic - even if my kids bring it up. I think that if I were in that woman's shoes, I wouldn't have said anything to you about what your kids said. It just sounds like she wanted to point it out to you and it sounded condescending. I do understand that some people just don't accept or understand the idea of homeschooling, and I can respect that, but I would not appreciate an adult woman giving her spin on things to my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narnian Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 We just started going to a new church. Yesterday, I met a woman who occasionally will teach my boys in their Sunday School. So, she came up to me and said that she knew all about my boys. She said that they told her all about themselves....that they are homeschooled etc. She said that they also told her that they were afraid of going to school. She shared that she explained that school was just like sunday school(not!) and she went on and on. She then put her hand on my back and said "I know mom, it's hard letting our kids go". I thought..."huh?". It sounded like she was implying that I was overprotective(maybe I am, I don't care) and that she was trying to convince my boys to go to "regular" school. What would you have said to this person? I probably would have chuckled at (the kids' comment) and let her know that her concern is appreciated but unfounded, explaining that the reasons we homeschool are far more complex than that, but (briefly) that we believe homeschooling to be the best choice for our family; educating our children is just part of our God-given responsibility as parents, and we choose not to delegate this task to other adults. Obviously, your boys are confident and chatty enough to tell her all of this in casual conversation at Sunday School, so their lack of a public education must not be doing too much harm. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommamia Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 (edited) FEAR is not what keeps us homeschooling. We chose to homeschool for various reasons. Fear has nothing to do with our homeschooling. I guess (as is common with the internet) I did not explain the situation correctly. We are new to the church...a very small church. I think that she is somewhat curious about us and asked my dc some questions. My dc did not volunteer the info. They were asked specific questions and answered. She said that she asked them if they wanted to go to ps and they said that they were "afraid to go". They have never been to ps, they are 8 yrs old, and a bit shy (I was shy as a child too). They have voiced to me that they were afraid of ps as well(to which I had a full conversation with them about ps) The point that they said they were afraid did not bother me( I understand what my dc meant by that)....what bothered me was that she seemed to think that we homeschool because I am overprotective and my boys are afraid of school. The reason she thinks I am overprotective is because when I dropped them off at VBS, I stayed in the building. As I said, we are new to this church...I would never just drop my children off anywhere that I did not know the adults involved. At one point, I was walking to the bathroom, she stoppped me and said "don't worry momma , they are doing great". I wasn't asking and I wasn't worried. I don't think she was being malicious with any of her comments, she seemed like a very sweet woman. I was looking for feedback as to various ways I could have responded. I chose to just move the conversation forward. Edited August 30, 2010 by mom2littleboys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 FEAR is not what keeps us homeschooling. We chose to homeschool for various reasons. Fear has nothing to do with our homeschooling. I guess (as is common with the internet) I did not explain the situation correctly. We are new to the church...a very small church. I think that she is somewhat curious about us and asked my dc some questions. My dc did not volunteer the info. They were asked specific questions and answered. She said that she asked them if they wanted to go to ps and they said that they were "afraid to go". They have never been to ps, they are 8 yrs old, and a bit shy (I was shy as a child too). They have voiced to me that they were afraid of ps as well(to which I had a full conversation with them about ps) The point that they said they were afraid did not bother me( I understand what my dc meant by that)....what bothered me was that she seemed to think that we homeschool because I am overprotective and my boys are afraid of school. The reason she thinks I am overprotective is because when I dropped them off at VBS, I stayed in the building. As I said, we are new to this church...I would never just drop my children off anywhere that I did not know the adults involved. At one point, I was walking to the bathroom, she stoppped me and said "don't worry momma , they are doing great". I wasn't asking and I wasn't worried. I don't think she was being malicious with any of her comments, she seemed like a very sweet woman. I was looking for feedback as to various ways I could have responded. I chose to just move the conversation forward. I'd have to pull her aside and have a little conversation nicely. I would tell her that my worry is not about my boys doing 'great' in a new situation, my worry is about the people that I don't know being responsible for them. I've met women exactly like her - they just see things completely differently and the concept of homeschooling comes with a lot of uninformed judgements. Is she older? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted August 30, 2010 Share Posted August 30, 2010 FEAR is not what keeps us homeschooling. We chose to homeschool for various reasons. Fear has nothing to do with our homeschooling. I guess (as is common with the internet) I did not explain the situation correctly. We are new to the church...a very small church. I think that she is somewhat curious about us and asked my dc some questions. My dc did not volunteer the info. They were asked specific questions and answered. She said that she asked them if they wanted to go to ps and they said that they were "afraid to go". They have never been to ps, they are 8 yrs old, and a bit shy (I was shy as a child too). They have voiced to me that they were afraid of ps as well(to which I had a full conversation with them about ps) The point that they said they were afraid did not bother me( I understand what my dc meant by that)....what bothered me was that she seemed to think that we homeschool because I am overprotective and my boys are afraid of school. The reason she thinks I am overprotective is because when I dropped them off at VBS, I stayed in the building. As I said, we are new to this church...I would never just drop my children off anywhere that I did not know the adults involved. At one point, I was walking to the bathroom, she stoppped me and said "don't worry momma , they are doing great". I wasn't asking and I wasn't worried. I don't think she was being malicious with any of her comments, she seemed like a very sweet woman. I was looking for feedback as to various ways I could have responded. I chose to just move the conversation forward. Thank you, this clarfies a lot :001_smile:. Based on your OP I couldn't tell...if they were picking up on your fear, or if they were just being kiddos. Plus, I didn't know their ages. The extra info helps a bit. Like others have said, I probly would have thanked her for her concern, and said, we have many reasons to homeschool. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommamia Posted August 30, 2010 Author Share Posted August 30, 2010 I'd have to pull her aside and have a little conversation nicely. I would tell her that my worry is not about my boys doing 'great' in a new situation, my worry is about the people that I don't know being responsible for them. I've met women exactly like her - they just see things completely differently and the concept of homeschooling comes with a lot of uninformed judgements. Is she older? You are so wise!! Hard to say if she's older. I think she might be younger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.