INPUT request about this baby in my belly...

[PygmyShrew]

I've been asking folks here recently in attempt to satisfy my curiosity on this issue. Here's the deal: I'm pregnant (finally) with baby number 2.

My son is 4. He and the baby will be 5 years and 1 month apart in age.

We were surprised (about the gender) with our first pregnancy and we've opted to be surprised again with this one. But...I'm still curious as to how each gender of babe 2 will affect my son and babe's relationship.

Would you hope for one gender or the other and why? What may be pros and cons of each? I'm very concerned they won't play together or get along due to the age gap (I've been SOOOO eager for a baby since my son was 17 months old). My son is very social (though lonely as he's been an only child) and we just haven't met many kids here. He loves interacting with people. He initiates converations with anyone/everyone usually. He very affectionate. Cautious. (requires no sleep :glare:).

 

I thought if a girl, then she'd be more mature and he (being a boy) less mature and they'd "meet in the middle" and maybe play together better. With a boy, I'm concerned that the gap is too wide for them to play together. I really will be happy with whatever God has sent us, but I'm just curious as to some ways it might pan out. Any of you have this age gap? How does it look in action from your experience/in your family? Will they likely be good buds or bicker mostly? (Can you tell I'm not liking this age gap!?!?! ...but I'm SOOOOO thankful to be pregnant so don't get me wrong!)

 

Any predictions? Which gender would you "hope" for given this age spacing? Any input would be appreciated.

[LAmom]

I really don't think it will make much of a difference. I would say that it just depends on the personalities of each of them. Teach your little guy now to love this new sibling and get him excited for him/her. I always made sure that my kids felt that the new baby was "their baby." Mom is having a baby, YOUR baby brother/sister. Maybe have him help pick out a new toy or something special for his new sibling.

 

Really, again, I don't think it matters. I personally don't know, but I am sure the age gap will be noticeable for awhile. He just needs to be a big brother for a bit vs a playmate. He needs to love the baby and not feel replaced, etc. I would just focus on being thankful (which I know you are) for this new baby and not worry about God's natural plan for spacing that he has given you. It will work out! :001_smile:

[Goldilocks]

My first two sons are 4 years and 10 months apart, but I have a girl in the middle. I am suprised at how much my two boys play together. It didn't start until the younger one was at least 3, though. My daughter is just now starting to play with the sibling that is 5 years younger than her (and is a boy).

[JennyW]

We have one of each and they couldn't be closer. I think the personalities count for a lot more than the gender.

[Tam101]

I don't think gender will make a differance at all in how they get along and you really can't change the way it turns out anyway! Wishing for one or another because you think or feel it will better for your oldest isn't going to help and will only set you up for disapointment. I would suggest putting the whole notion aside and just love both your babies and teach them to love and respect each other.

 

btw, my kids (same dad) are 12 years apart, boy and girl and love each more then anything!

[Mallory]

My kids are

girl almost 15

boy almost 11

boy 9

boy 4

girl almost 2

 

They all play together. There are times when they prefer the company of one over another, and my 15yo and 9yo are the two that spend the most time bickering with each other.

 

I would say for really finding common ground there are things that any of the three big ones can really enjoy together (age spread of 5 1/2 years), things the middle three really enjoy together (age spread of 6 1/2 years), and things the three little really enjoy together (age spread of 7 years).

 

The only two I have about 5 years apart (ds9 and ds4) do play together and have since ds4 was quite young, but my 9yo has always loved babies.

 

Of course they all do play tag or something all together(they have this baby hide'n'seek where one big seeks and the others are paired up) but while the two oldest are usually doing it for the babies, the 9yo still really likes it.

 

The kids farther apart have strong connections too. This has been the first time I haveever had a baby or toddler who would willingly choose someone besides me when they are sad or hurt (my 2yo will leave my arms crying to go to the 15yo :001_huh:).

 

I don't think any of it has to do with gender!

Edited August 10, 2010 by Mallory

[Mom2boys]

My two sons are 4 1/4 years apart, and I think the biggest factor in their close relationship is not gender, but the fact that we homeschool. They get to spend lots of time together, and they have to learn to get along if they want someone to play with. (They do have lots of friends, but none who live in our neighborhood that they could play with every day.)

 

If we would have sent my oldest to school, he would have been gone all day by the time his little brother was old enough to be a playmate.

 

So I really wouldn't worry about the age gap, or the gender of the baby. :001_smile:

[mommy4ever]

I don't think age or gender affect how children will get along. Personalities will.

 

My kids are ds16, dd13, dd11 and dd5. Ds16 is fantastic with dd5. DD13 is great with dd6, dd11 and dd5 butt heads. dd13 and dd11 are best friends. Ds16 tolerates dd11 and dd13. They can all get along fabulously. However then can fight like cats and dogs too. Best of friends worst of enemies.

 

DS16 has his first girlfriend. She's a sweetheart. DD6 is included in lots of what they do. :lol: Can't ask for a better chaperon. And ds doesn't mind, but if the older 2 girls come along, it irritates him some times. Yet they can all play cards together or tag football.

 

It just depends.

[Marie in Oh]

My two sons are 4 1/4 years apart, and I think the biggest factor in their close relationship is not gender, but the fact that we homeschool. They get to spend lots of time together, and they have to learn to get along if they want someone to play with. (They do have lots of friends, but none who live in our neighborhood that they could play with every day.)

 

If we would have sent my oldest to school, he would have been gone all day by the time his little brother was old enough to be a playmate.

 

So I really wouldn't worry about the age gap, or the gender of the baby. :001_smile:

 

 

:iagree: I couldn't agree more. My boys are 10 years apart, but at 12 and 2 they do play together. It is very sweet. They play airplanes and hotwheels and Thomas the Tank Engine. He waited a long time for a little brother. However, if he was at school all day, they wouldn't have the opportunity to play together so much.

[DawnM]

I have all boys

 

12

10

6

 

They fight like brothers do, but they also get along and play together too. There is a large gap between the older two and the youngest and my older two are closer because they have more similar interests, but that is just the way it is.

 

I LOVE having all boys!

[Harriet Vane]

My kids are 4 years apart in age, and dh and his sister are also 4 years apart in age. In both cases the siblings are great friends. Dh has always been protective of his sister. My dd has always been somewhat maternal towards her brother. In both cases the kids play(ed) well with each other.

 

I think gender has less to do with it than time spent together and training on kind words and actions as they grow.

 

As a funny aside, when I was pregnant with ds, my dd informed me that I would be having a baby girl. She said it could only be a boy if he could walk and talk right from the start.:lol:

[fairytalemama]

I don't think gender will make much of a difference either. I don't have an age gap like this with my own kids, but my younger sister and I are 5 years 3 months apart. We're best friends as adults, and we have always been close.

 

Don't worry --- it will be great no matter what. :001_smile:

[BlsdMama]

From a different perspective, my brother is six years younger than I am. We get along quite well. ;) My sister is 10.5 years younger than me, but four years younger than my brother. I get along with her, but those two do NOT get along, especially now, as adults.

 

In our own home I can tell you that you can judge NOTHING by age gap. They get along according to their personalities. Our oldest (14) adores her two baby sisters - 2 & almost 4. Our son (11) plays well with our current 6yo. Our almost 4yo gets along well with EVERYONE, except the 5yo. :P

 

I am guessing, with only having two, it will probably inspire him towards protectiveness... He'll be the older brother looking out for the younger sibling. These sib relationships just never can be figured out. But they sure are neat to see in action. The only thing better than one child is two! ;)

[Aoife]

gender doesn't matter as much IMHO like PPs have mentioned.

 

I have a wide gap and various genders and really the older girls love playing with the little boys :D

 

The youngest girl is 5 years older then my oldest boy and for the most part they get along great. Actually it is the boy who generally get sick of playing with big sis and wants her to leave him alone sometimes. :lol:

[Ester Maria]

Our kids are 13 years old, 12 years old (we literally had them one after the other, they're not even a full year apart) and... a baby to be born, that came as a lovely surprise. :D All girls though.

 

We also wondered about such a huge age gap and how on Earth will kids be able to connect, but then I realized, you know what? Maybe they won't. Maybe the gap will remain, and we'll end up having two "sets", the older one and the younger one and maybe there will until adulthood be a gap in understanding, interests and life priorities.

But, as they say Italy, blood is no water. The deep fraternal connection is bound to occur in any loving family, even if they will not be each other's best immediate buddies or the first person to play with or study with. I believe they'll still mean a lot to each other, even if they won't be "equals" life experience wise until decades later when even 10+ years differences will seem like not a big deal. And even if our third daughter's nieces or nephews one day might happen to be like younger siblings to her due to such a huge age difference between her and her sisters :D, even that is going to be completely normal, natural, nothing unheard of in the world.

 

I view it this way: each child will have her own path in life, and sometime, somewhere, on some level, they'll surely meet each other. So I wouldn't worry the least - neither about the age gap, neither about the gender gap - and I'd focus on a loving atmosphere and emphasizing hor this is OUR new baby that we all love. :D

 

ETA: Though I have to admit that DH and I have now seriously considered to go for a fourth one soon, for the sake of the baby to "grow up with somebody", since she'll be still one-digit age when the big ones flee away from home.

Edited August 10, 2010 by Ester Maria

[Ann@thebeach]

My 3rd (boy) is 4 yrs and 9mos older than my youngest (girl). Their play so far (the youngest is 1) consists of the older one "showing" her lots of things like various toys and what to do with them. She likes to watch him and his "presentations."

 

They do a lot of "side by side" play at the water table or with blocks or on the play structure.

 

There is a far amount "don't do that!" from the older but it's about not knocking over blocks he built or putting something in her mouth.

 

The only thing I have to really watch for is that he likes to pick her and up and drag her around and she hates that and yells. ;)

 

No matter the age range, kids always develop some type of relationship that works for them. It'll all work out!

[mhg]

Enjoy the pregnancy and try not to think too much:-)

[EKS]

My boys are 5 years 7 months apart. They didn't really play much together until the younger one was 3 or 4, but now (at ages 14 and 8) they do things together all the time. They argue sometimes, but not as much as they could. It think the difference in age has helped avoid some of the sibling rivalry issues that kids more close in age sometimes have.

[ereks mom]

...he was about 16 & she was about 12. I remember crying because I thought they hated each other! They squabbled constantly! Now, however, they are VERY close. Of course, now he is 20 & she is 15...

[LindaOz]

We have a 13 week old baby girl and there is about 5 years and 10 months between her and her next sibling up. I know this won't help you in knowing how they will ultimately get along since our baby is still little. But, ds 6 was convinced he wanted a brother (he has all sisters), and I did wonder how he would handle things if we had a girl.

 

Fast forward to now. Big brother is besotted with little sister. There is no more talk of having a 'boy baby' or wishing for a brother. He totally loves his little sister - age gap and all. I believe they will be great mates. Also, I don't thing gender is really an issue in them getting along. Ds6 also has five older sisters and he gets along with all of them. They laugh and joke and play together. And he cares for them when they are hurt.

 

Your baby's gender and the age gap will work for your family in its own unique way.

 

All the best.

[Hedgehogs4]

My boy and girl are nearly 4 years apart, and they are inseparable. we call dd5 "matty's shadow," When she was a tiny baby, one day he was sitting and admiring her, and looked up and said, "mommy, she's our little butterfly." another day when she was just a toddler, someone came to the door. i introduced him, and not her. he got very protective of her and presented her and said to the visitor, "and this is our daughter, molly." as if HE were her dad!

 

he is so good to her--cares for and protects her, plays with her even when he doesn't really feel like it. it's amazing...but it has taken careful fostering of this relationship on our part. if they want to be together, i allow it. if they don't, i help them set boundaries with each other. they sleep in the same bed (their choice), keep each other company in the weirdest places (you guessed it--the bathroom) and talk to each other all the time about everything.

 

don't worry--everything will be fine.

[athena1277]

My two sons are 4 1/4 years apart, and I think the biggest factor in their close relationship is not gender, but the fact that we homeschool. They get to spend lots of time together, and they have to learn to get along if they want someone to play with. (They do have lots of friends, but none who live in our neighborhood that they could play with every day.)

 

If we would have sent my oldest to school, he would have been gone all day by the time his little brother was old enough to be a playmate.

 

So I really wouldn't worry about the age gap, or the gender of the baby. :001_smile:

 

:iagree: My kids are 4.5 years apart in age. I don't think they would get along so well if dd was in ps. Since we have always hs'ed, she has spent lots of time with him. They play well together (most of the time:tongue_smilie:).

[PygmyShrew]

My boy and girl are nearly 4 years apart, and they are inseparable. we call dd5 "matty's shadow," When she was a tiny baby, one day he was sitting and admiring her, and looked up and said, "mommy, she's our little butterfly." another day when she was just a toddler, someone came to the door. i introduced him, and not her. he got very protective of her and presented her and said to the visitor, "and this is our daughter, molly." as if HE were her dad!

 

he is so good to her--cares for and protects her, plays with her even when he doesn't really feel like it. it's amazing...but it has taken careful fostering of this relationship on our part. if they want to be together, i allow it. if they don't, i help them set boundaries with each other. they sleep in the same bed (their choice), keep each other company in the weirdest places (you guessed it--the bathroom) and talk to each other all the time about everything.

 

don't worry--everything will be fine.

 

Can you say more examples and elaborate on your comment : "but it has taken careful fostering of this relationship on our part"?

 

Also, I want to be CLEAR to ALL that I TRULY have NO preference for one gender or the other. We didn't (using Shettles Method, etc.) try for one gender or the other.... in fact, I purposely remained ignorant of my egg so that I wouldn't EVER feel I had ANYTHING to do with the gender outcome......I know that God's choice will be the perfect one for our family, I'm just curious as to what it may look like.

 

Thanks to all of you. Your input has been very reassuring and helpful.

[kpnick in nc]

DH and SIL are 6y 4m apart (no other sibs). From the stories I've heard from entire family, DH was VERY happy to have a sibling and doted on her as a baby/toddler. Their only rough patch seems to have been when DH was in middle school and SIL in elem. Now, they could not be any closer!