Introversion and Forum Participation

[Maria from IN]

It is easy, however, to lump introversion and shyness together. Just because someone is introverted (like me, 87% introverted on the MBTI scale) doesn't mean they're shy. It just means that being among people wears them out and they would often rather be alone to recharge.

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/200910/introversion-vs-shyness-the-discussion-continues

 

"The two get confused because they both are related to socializing-but lack of interest in socializing is very clearly not the same as fearing it. Schmidt and Arnold H. Buss of the University of Texas wrote a chapter titled "Understanding Shyness" for the upcoming book The Development of Shyness and Social Withdrawal. There they write, "Sociability refers to the motive, strong or weak, of wanting to be with others, whereas shyness refers to behavior when with others, inhibited or uninhibited, as well as feelings of tension and discomfort." This differentiation between motivation and behavior is consistent with the ability many of us have to behave like extroverts when we choose, whereas shy people cannot turn their shyness off and on."

 

"When we look at the interaction between shyness and introversion and treat those as two unrelated dimensions, it's as though each independent measure is adding unique variants to behavior." So someone who is introverted and shy will behave differently from someone who is introverted and not shy, who will behave differently from someone who is extroverted and shy, who will behave differently from someone who is extroverted and not shy."

 

I am very much an introvert, but I spend my days not only talking to strangers and leading groups on relapse prevention and in relaxation, I'm helping them change their lives. It's tiring, but not something I have a problem with. If I was a shy person, I would probably have a lot of trouble with it.

[Denisemomof4]

 

I think the religious divide would, uh, divide IRL. :)

 

 

Rosie

 

but it shouldn't. sad.

[Denisemomof4]

Really? That is neat. I find it so difficult, very few people seem to know to relate to me, or get me, and I understand that, most people can't. Even on these forums, I do not seem to draw people wanting to respond to me, or to my posts.

 

well, due to my memory issues I can't remember a single post you've made, but don't take that personally because I don't remember most of my OWN posts. I feel really bad because I know some people have been a TREMENDOUS help to me at various times, but it's hard, sometimes impossible, to remember.

 

I do remember Jazzyfizzle, so I know I've read your posts. Here's my response to yours.

 

Will you be my friend? :D

 

Don't take a lack of a response to your post personally. I've seen people do that many, many, many times, and sometimes I wonder why I haven't gotten a response. It's not you!

[Parrothead]

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

I was shutting down the page when I caught sight of this post and I had to open up again to comment:

 

Really? While personally I agree with you 100%, the things I read on this forum sometimes would have you wonder if some people think anything is out of bounds!

 

I always wonder how SWB feels about spending her hard earned cash keeping a forum running so people can discuss "tea" or "the girls" or whatever the preferred euphemysm for the latest TMI topic is.

 

Nikki

Different people, different standards. Neither is better than the other.

 

I do try to keep in mind that (to quote Phineas and Ferb) "the internet is forever" and these are public forums.

[forty-two]

I do try to keep in mind that (to quote Phineas and Ferb) "the internet is forever" and these are public forums.

I am more open online, including TMI stuff, than I am irl - but I don't post anything that I would be upset or embarrassed if people irl found out about it.

 

Though I am on a pastor's wives list that the wife of the senior pastor of our church is also on, and I am waaaay more circumspect b/c of it than I would otherwise be - it's not just a possibility that she would see what I post, but a near certainty. It does change the dynamics - it's kind of weird how it blurs the online/real-life boundary :tongue_smilie:.

[jazzyfizzle]

Me, too. IRL, I always feel so different than the women around me - even other homeschool moms in my church.

 

 

 

True again for me! I also agree with someone else who said that introverts wait until having something new/extra before posting. I'm always willing to post on straightforward questions, but since DS is just beginning K, I don't have a lot to offer!

 

I am an introvert married to an introvert (who is slightly more socially capable than I), and DS is very much an extrovert :tongue_smilie:. We're living in a small town that is notoriously difficult to break into, for DS's sake, we keep trying. He has one good friend he sees regularly, and we hope he'll be playing soccer this fall. Several people have responded to our, "We're homeschooling," with, "But he's so social..." :001_huh:

 

In groups, I've always been more of an observer - this is true even on forums and Facebook. Yet this forum has been a breath of fresh air. I would never be able to develop this type of network for such practical support IRL.

 

 

 

Oh yes, here too. :grouphug: Both DH and I are very introvert. Our oldest son is like Miss America. LOL

 

I know how different I am. :D I have one example similiar to what you mention. Last year our middle son played youth football. A few of the other moms would always ask me to sit with them. I really enjoyed it. They would talk (chit-chat) literally the entire time... before, during, and after the game. I would listen and nod, or add in a sentence, if I happened to have something worth adding. Many times one would look over at me and ask me, if I was ok today? (When they would realize that they had talked for an hour and I had not spoken.)

:tongue_smilie:

I could tell, the fact that I wasn't talking constantly was concerning to them. I just do not have that much to say. If I have something, I will join in, but I can never come up with talk just to be talking.

 

Now, if I feel comfortable with someone, I can open up a bit more in a small setting. Get togethers, parties, cook-outs, kids' sporting events, tend to cause me way more stress than enjoyment. I do go to them if invited, out of love and courtesy. I rarely have a good time.

:tongue_smilie:

 

 

So, I get ya lady! :grouphug:

[jazzyfizzle]

I think that introverts tend to reply to posts only when they feel they have something new or a different perspective to contribute. I do not find posting on the board to be tiring in the same way as interacting with groups of people. The noise, energy vibes, heat, and scent are all different. I do, however, find using the computer tires to my eyes.

 

 

Absolutely. :iagree:

[jazzyfizzle]

well, due to my memory issues I can't remember a single post you've made, but don't take that personally because I don't remember most of my OWN posts. I feel really bad because I know some people have been a TREMENDOUS help to me at various times, but it's hard, sometimes impossible, to remember.

 

I do remember Jazzyfizzle, so I know I've read your posts. Here's my response to yours.

 

Will you be my friend? :D

 

Don't take a lack of a response to your post personally. I've seen people do that many, many, many times, and sometimes I wonder why I haven't gotten a response. It's not you!

 

 

 

 

:grouphug: Awww thank you!! I sure will. :D :grouphug:

[RegGuheert]

...people in meat space.

:lol: I love that! I hope you don't mind if I borrow that for my own!

 

I read "me" in bits and pieces of responses here, but I don't see anyone's self-description matching mine. (I'm sure that's a relief to many here! :D) Perhaps it is because I am a different gender. :tongue_smilie:

 

I guess I feel different in that I absolutely *hate* to be alone. As in, I cannot stand it. This used to drive MomsintheGarden CRAZY, since she prefers her alone time. Perhaps the extreme conditioning with seven children has broken down her defenses. Dunno. :confused:

 

I also enjoy personal interaction in small-to-medium groups. I travel around the world and get a lot of energy from meeting with complete strangers from different cultures and building long-term business relationships with coworkers and customers. Love it!

 

At the same time, I'm not a big fan of parties. While I can and have been the life of the party, I typically do not feel the urge to do that in a big group. Likely it's just that I am married and I figure "what's the point?"

 

Online, I enjoy reading others' experiences and points-of-view and sharing my own. This forum is different in that it most of the posters here are women. It's kinda like "What Women REALLY Think," as opposed to the Hollywood movie which should properly be titled "What Men Fantasize That Women Think."

 

Great thread! (I hope I didn't just kill it! ;))

[HelenNotOfTroy]

I am an introvert and I am more likely to talk to people in person than post on a forum online.

[Rosie_0801]

Yup, though when it comes to religious matters I've had lots of practice in just saying nothing.

 

And if everyone was so polite, nothing much would be said, huh?

 

but it shouldn't. sad.

 

Is it sad? It seems pretty normal and natural to me. It didn't occur to me to think of that phenomenon in the negative. What's wrong with people being drawn to people they have a lot in common with rather than a little in common with?

 

Rosie

[Food4Thought]

I know how different I am. :D I have one example similiar to what you mention. Last year our middle son played youth football. A few of the other moms would always ask me to sit with them. I really enjoyed it. They would talk (chit-chat) literally the entire time... before, during, and after the game. I would listen and nod, or add in a sentence, if I happened to have something worth adding. Many times one would look over at me and ask me, if I was ok today? (When they would realize that they had talked for an hour and I had not spoken.)

:tongue_smilie:

I could tell, the fact that I wasn't talking constantly was concerning to them. I just do not have that much to say. If I have something, I will join in, but I can never come up with talk just to be talking.

 

I am the exact same way! Some of my friends just talk on and on, and I don't mind listening and really have nothing to say - and they will stop and ask, "Are you ok? You seem quiet." Yes, it happens at least once every time I get to together with particular people. And I'm *always* quiet!

[Dawn in OH]

I have a hypothesis. Those who are introverted do not hesitate participating on forums and cannot be distinguished from those who are extroverted. Yet, if we put a group of women from a thread into one room to talk about an issue we would see a big difference. Why? I'm thinking that those who are introverted don't always feel comfortable taking a turn in the conversation because conversations are erratic and it isn't always easy to know when to jump in. Forum posting, on the other hand, is methodical and it is easy to take a turn without taking someone else's turn. Okay, so am I way off base here or does this ring of at least a little truth?

 

Yes and no. I'm introverted and wouldn't post for a long time. I lurked until I got a feel for the group and got more comfortable here. Finally a topic came up that I felt comfortable chiming in on and I posted. It took even longer before I was comfortable starting a thread. It was the same situation with my Yahoo homeschooling group.

[justamouse]

Yup. But I don't join in on conversations in RL because I don't know where to jump in, I just sometimes don't want to expend the energy or I have nothing to say. On forums I get to pick and choose.

 

(infj)

[extendedforecast]

I'm an introvert, and I don't think I post a lot. My low post count could be due to the introversion, or it could be other factors, such as my not feeling I have anything to add to a conversation. I do love to talk, though only with people who I feel comfortable around. This applies to both online and real life interactions. I also prefer one on one conversations to group conversations. It's funny, because I'll be pretty active on the boards for a day or two, then I'll go for a couple of weeks just lurking. I seem to fill my need for conversation on my active days, then sit back and read until I feel the need to participate again. A lot of times I want to post, but I am too mentally exhausted to do so. I wish I could get past it. It is a quality I do not like in myself. I think my IRL relationships have suffered as a result.

[extendedforecast]

=... am always hesitant to post because I know I won't have the energy to follow-up with more posts. This is why I rarely start a thread because I know it will require energy to keep up with it.

 

This is true for me as well.

[EKS]

Sounds good to me.

[DarlaS]

This is so interesting! All these things aply to me and I'm an extreme extrovert. Maybe the difference is that I don't care if I sound stupid? I don't know, but I've got ADD and I usually talk before I think. When I do say the first thing off my head and it doesn't come out right (which is often), it doesn't bother me in the least and wouldn't stop me from jumping right in again and saying another dumb thing. I just can't help myself! I love to talk to anybody about anything! LOL!

 

This sounds familiar. Funny thing is that I'm an introvert and I do that too (It's quite possible that I'm also ADD :tongue_smilie:) Do you get a little voice screaming "Shut up! Shut up NOW!" in your head that you just can't seem to pay attention to? :lol:

 

 

Yeah I feel like a thread killer, too. Or maybe I just come into the conversation too late (when everyone else is done talking)

 

Someone's gotta be the thread-killer right? ;)

 

Thread killers unite! I am the last poster on nearly half of the last dozen or so threads I've posted on.

[justamouse]

A lot of times I want to post, but I am too mentally exhausted to do so. I wish I could get past it. It is a quality I do not like in myself. I think my IRL relationships have suffered as a result.

 

 

Hun, have you read your siggy line? As in, you're ready to give birth any day now? Cut yourself some slack. You've been growing a human, and saving energy to bring it into the world. You're being a wife, and a mom to your others. The forums and friends can wait. You're doing some important work over there. :grouphug:

[Jumping In Puddles]

I'm an introvert, and I don't think I post a lot. My low post count could be due to the introversion, or it could be other factors, such as my not feeling I have anything to add to a conversation.

 

:tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie: ... says the woman who started the filing thread that is currently at 40,000+ views! :D

[Dandelion]

Interesting thread!

 

I'm an extrovert but tend to share more IRL vs. post on boards. Go figure... :)

[KidsHappen]

I always score 100% on the introversion scale but as you can see I clearly don't have any trouble posting. I think that we probably have more introverts on this board than extroverts because the extroverts are out interacting with people while the introverts are at home on their computers.

 

I don't like talking to people (especially on the phone) but writing is a different thing entirely. It even engages a different part of the brain. I am better at communicate with the written word versus the spoken word.

[KS_]

 

I don't like talking to people (especially on the phone) but writing is a different thing entirely. It even engages a different part of the brain. I am better at communicate with the written word versus the spoken word.

 

I don't like talking to people on the phone (besides my parents and dh - lol) and dh thinks that's so weird. . .but he's a total extrovert, so really doesn't get it.

[DaffodilDreams]

I'm introverted and hate crowds. Being on this forum is like having all the excitement of being in a big group of people without the noise and confusion.

 

Plus, lots of times I need to think about an issue before I comment on it. My worst posts are those in which I shoot from the hip and post too quickly. In conversation, it's not possible to think about my reply for a while -- the conversation moves too quickly. Here we can always revisit topics.

 

 

:iagree: